It is that time of year when people all over the world will gather together with loved ones to think back on the previous year, share fellowship and food, exchange gifts, and enjoy the holidays. But please remember the reason for the season. Meaningless college football bowl games in nearly empty stadiums in shameless attempt to make money for every person involved except the players!
Now many people don't care about any games outside of the four team College Football Playoff. A few may care about the other top ranked teams in the New Year's Day games. Those people are doing it wrong. You don't know true sport happiness unless you are enjoying midweek afternoon games between a mid-major school you weren't aware played FBS football and a mediocre team from a power conference. These are the true great games. These are the best part of December, so in your face Santa Claus. I am here to show you how to really each and every bowl game this year. So just follow along and you'll reach full sports Nirvana.
The best cure for a two day drought without any bowl games is...
It's a battle of Group of Five Conference Champions. The(10-3) Conference USA Champion University of Alabama Birmingham Blazers battle the (8-5) Northern Illinois Huskies, the champions of Mid American Conference.
How to watch: Tuesday, December 18th at 7:00 on ESPN.
Where: Florida Atlantic University Stadium, Boca Raton, Florida.
Gambling Info: UAB -2.5 o/u 43.5
Why you should watch:
Bill Clark has turned a dormant program and in three years, they are champions of their conference. If you are a fan of power 5 team with a shaky head coach, watch this game because Bill Clark could be the next coach of your team. This is one of only 3 bowl games this season that feature two conference champions going head to head and you are getting that on December 18th, my friends. It's a week before Christmas miracle!
After taking a day to calm down from some champ on champ action, it's time to fire back up with the DXL Frisco Bowl...
Who is playing: The (8-4) Ohio Bobcats who finished 3rd the Eastern Division of the MAC will face off with 4th place team in the Western Division of the Mountain West, (7-5) San Diego State Aztecs.
Where: Toyota Stadium, Frisco Texas, not San Francisco, as I had assumed. So did you. Don't lie.
Gambling Info: Ohio -3 o/u 54
Why to watch:
One hashtag, plain and simple #MACtion. The Ohio Bobcats lead the high scoring MAC in offense, while the Aztecs have one of the better ranked defenses in the nation. Plus this game is played in a MLS stadium instead of a large stadium. This will be one early bowl game that will not appear to have very few people in the stands. It will have very few people in the stands, but it won't APPEAR that way.
You don't need to mow the lawn in December but here comes the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.
Who is playing: The (7-5) South Florida Bulls who finished fourth in the American East Division travel across the street to meet the (8-4) #2 Conference USA East, Marshall Thundering Herd.
How to watch: Thursday, December 20th, 8:00 ESPN 2.
Where: Raymond James Stadium, Tampa Bay, Florida, home of the NFL's Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the NCAA's SOUTH FLORIDA BULLS. Congratulations are becoming bowl eligible Bulls. You're reward? An all expenses paid trip to freaking nowhere. Stay in your dorm, you ain't going nowhere.
Gambling info: Marshall +2.5 o/u 55
Why to watch: This game is named after a fictional pirate! Can the Rose Bowl say that? I don't think so. After a few years playing the Gasparilla Bowl in dumpster known as Tropicana Field, the game has been moved to Raymond James. That is why you should watch this South Florida University home game between to mediocre group of five teams. This game named after a pirate is being played in a stadium that has a freaking pirate ship with a working cannon in the stadium itself.
Who wants a Caribbean vacation? It's time for the Makers Wanted Bahamas Bowl.
Who is playing: The Toledo Rockets finished the season third in the MAC West with a 7-5 record. They will take on the (8-4) Florida International Panthers. Who may be legally required to play in the Bahamas Bowl because it is the only International bowl location. I will have to get the legal department to clarify that and I'll get back with you.
How to watch: Friday, December 21, 12:30 ESPN
Where: Thomas Robinson Stadium, Nassau, Bahamas.
Gambling info: Toledo -5, o/u 68.5
Why you should watch: You will get to see lots of beautiful picturesque beach scenes, while you stuck in your frozen house. The most interesting aspect of this bowl game is the sponsor. My first instinct was that the Makers Wanted Bahamas Bowl was sponsored by Maker's Mark Whiskey. You know enjoying an adult beverage during a scenic vacation getaway. Makes sense. That is not the case however. Maker's Wanted is the tagline from sponsor, Elk Grove Village, Illinois. This village outside of Chicago apparently has created a lot of infrastructure to support industry. They would like your factory or tech company to move there. So the good people of Elk Grove Village spend $400,000 of taxpayer money in order to advertise to all of the entrepreneurs out there running cutting edge companies who maybe interested in relocating. They are also spending this money to advertise to this small group of individuals at 12:30 on a workday. I can't wait to see how they attempt to do this.
Has all of this bowl fun and games through the week gotten you hungry? Our last stop sounds tasty. It's Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.
Who is playing: It's our second straight dose of #MACtion. The (7-5) Western Michigan Broncos who finished 4th in West Division of the MAC will go up against the (6-6) Brigham Young Cougars who operate as in independent in football.
How to watch: Friday, December 21, 4:00, ESPN
Where: Albertsons Stadium, Boise, Idaho.
Gambling info: BYU -12.5 o/u 49.5
Why you should watch: Have you never heard of potatoes? Know you have? Thanks for informing us of the existence of potatoes. Thank you, Idaho Potato Commision, you real thing that exists. Quick poll question: Do you think that the logo with the football made to look like a potato is dressed with sour cream or is the baked potato really fluffy and opened? Thanks for wasting ten seconds pondering that. Learn about everyone's favorite starchy side dish while watching the disappointing BYU Cougars who are still an overwhelming favorite over the Western Michigan Broncos. It's the largest spread of any of the cynics call "meaningless" bowl games. This game could get ugly and that means it is time for time killing banter between announcers. Have you ever wondered if Phil Philpott and Tom Ramsey enjoy each other's company and can make charming conversation with one another? You may find out during the fourth quarter of the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.
Stay tuned for the next Bowl breakdown.
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