Sat Dec 13 8pm ABC
It's the fifth and FINAL Bucked Up La Bowl hosted by Gronk features the Mountain West Champions Boise State Broncos 9-4 (6-2)in their final season in the conference before heading to the Pac next season. Everything is ending! What's the point anymore!! Why even bother? We continue to strive forward because the gol derned Washington Huskies went 8-4 (5-4) in the stupid bloated Big Ten and some supplement company for douche bags called Bucked Up paid for it. Their website has tons of asterisk next to every claim for their products which mean they are good because stars are good. Washington is favored by 10.
Tuesday Dec 16 9:00 ESPN
It's the 12th IS4S Salute to Veterans Bowl! Formerly the Camellia Bowl which didn't give a shit about Stewart and his service. It's the Southern Based Runner Up Conferences Bowl as the Sun Belt's Troy Trojans 8-5 (6-2) battle Conference USA Jacksonville State Gamecocks 8-5 (7-1). IS4S is a company that sells military grade tech to anybody with the money but don't worry, their slogan is Ethics Over Profit. It gives off the vibes of somebody saying there is nothing to worry about so now that makes you worry, because why are they saying that shit. Troy are -2.5 favorites.
Wednesday Dec 17 5:00 PM ESPN
It's the 11th Staff DNA Cure Bowl! The South Florida Bulls 9-3 (6-2, 4th American) battle the Old Dominion Monarchs 9-3 (6-2, 2nd Sun Belt West) Staff DNA is a company that helps other companies hire medical professionals, so keep this in mind Jason, for your in home nursing needs after your third pork based coronary. So let's watch the Cure Bowl and stomp out cancer and gamble. Two things I'm passionate about. Cancer bad, betting good. South Florida is a -3.5 favorite and next year's head coach, Canton's own Brian Hartline will probably be shown at least one time.
Wednesday Dec 17 8:30 ESPN
It's the 27th 68 Ventures Bowl, the Delaware Fightin' Blue Hens are in their first bowl game ever after being granted bowl eligibility their first year because there were not enough 6-6 teams, after a 4-4 7th place finish in Conference USA. They will battle 6-6 (5-3, 3rd Sun Belt West) Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns whoa are 3 point favorites. I've 68 problems but the 68 Ventures Bowl ain't one. 68 Ventures appears to be an investment company of some kind but they invest in your Gulf of Mexico coast area business not the other way around. Their website makes them feel like they would be a shadowy company that was playing God in some weird 2007 Tom Cruise movie. Go ahead google it.
Thursday December 18 9:00 ESPN2
It's the first ever Xbox Bowl! That's history my friends. Tell your kids that got to see the Arkansas State Red Wolves (6-6, 5-3 4th in the Sun Belt West) are favored by 1.5 over the Missouri State Bears (7-5, 5-3 4th in Conference USA) It's also the first bowl game for Missouri State. More first times than a prom night! I personally have never owned an Xbox, heck I think I've only played one a handful of times. I've been a PlayStation guy. It's played in the Dallas Cowboys practice field so I can't wait to see the crowd shots of a row of bleachers.
Friday December 19th 11:00 AM ESPN
It's the 6th Myrtle Beach Bowl powered by Engine! The Kennesaw State Owls who were runners up in Conference USA 10-3 (7-1) will battle the MAC champion Western Michigan Broncos 9-4 (7-1) on the blue turf. This game has it all, blue turf, MACtion, a conference champion, a company that reimagines corporate travel, and Sidney Applebaum! The Broncos are a 3.5 favorite.
Friday December 19th 2:30 ESPN
It's the 17th Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl, the longest running pirate based bowl in the Western Florida area! The Memphis Tigers finished 6th in the American conference 8-4 (4-4) will battle the North Carolina State Wolfpack 7-5 (4-4). NC State is favored by 4.5 for this ancient rivalry between cats and dogs. Gaspiralla is a mythical pirate of the Gulf of Mexico and not a very real burro pirate of South of Canton like Big E.
Don't care about this game, it's not even named anything. It's an SEC battle between a team somehow ranked #8 in the country while finishing 6th in their conference, the Oklahoma Sooners 10-3 (6-2) will host the #9 Alabama Crimson Tide who went 10-2 (7-1). Alabama is a -1.5 favorite.
Then on Saturday at noon on ABC it's the Miami Hurricanes (10-2) giving 3 points at the Texas AM Aggies
James Madison Dukes have to overcome a 21 point spread when they travel to the Oregon Ducks.
Honestly who cares about any of this.
Monday December 22nd 2:00 ESPN
It's the 29th Famous Idaho Potato Bowl! Finally enough of those stupid playoff games. This is what we want, a battle of 6-6 Washington State Cougars who won the Pac-12 by winning the only game the league has over Oregon State against the third best team in Utah, the Utah State Aggies 6-6 (4-4) who finished 6th in the Mountain West before jumping to the PAC-12 next season. Got all that? Well this game is played on blue turf usually in snow and whipping winds. Utah State is favorite by 1.5 points. What's your favorite baked potato topping? Probably going to have to go with butter slightly over sour cream.
Tuesday December 23rd 2:00 ESPN
It's the 12th Boca Raton Bowl but the first "of Beans" edition! We've got the Toledo Rockets 8-4 (6-2) good for 4th place in the MAC going head to head with the Louisville Cardinals 8-4 (4-4) 7th in the ACC. I have never made baked beans myself, I have always used canned, but I think I might for this game, I'm off this day and what better way to enjoy a game on the campus of Florida Atlantic. Louisville are -6.5 favorites.
Tuesday December 23rd 5:30 ESPN
It's the 25th New Orleans Bowl! We are going to have a super time in the New Orleans Super Dome. The Western Kentucky Hilltoppers are favored by -2.5, 8-4 (6-2) good for third in Conference USA will face the Southern Miss Golden Miss 7-5 (5-3) #2 in the Sun Belt West. Maybe we can get some beads because despite having lots of member of BBB having breasts, it's all dudes.
Tuesday December 23rd 9:00 ESPN
It's the 8th Frisco Bowl! The University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels went 10-3 (6-2) were 2nd in the Mountain West are -6.5 favorites battle the Ohio Bobcats 8-4 (6-2) 3rd place in MAC. Ohio just fired their coach, Brian Smith, for being drunk at team functions and having a bit of the in out in out with a student. Luckily interim coach John Hauser, the Frisco Bowl is sponsored by Scooter's Coffee and not Scooter's Bourbon and student banging. Enjoy the only bowl game ever won by Kent State!
Wednesday Dec 24 8:00 ESPN
It's the 22nd Sheraton Hawaii Bowl! The Christmas tradition of putting the game on while trying to assemble a toy on Christmas Eve or being disappointed in what a lazy turd lives in your basement continues. Max knows what I'm taking about. You can stay at the Honolulu Sheraton for as little as $311 on Christmas Eve if you want a viewless room with a queen bed. And who needs a view when your eyes will be glued to the TV. This year features the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors 8-4 (5-3) 6th in the Mountain West taking on the California Golden Bears 7-5 (4-4) 10th in the ACC. So put the gifts under the tree and grab an adult beverage and enjoy the show. Can Hawaii cover the -1.5 spread? Will you be just as surprised as the kids when the gifts are opened?
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