We are welcomed to Velocity by Josh Matthews and ...... Michael Cole. Cole is filling in for The Cat who couldn't get a flight to the show because of a power outage along the
East Coast.
Match #1
Nunzio vs Funaki
The cruiserweights naturally start out with a test of strength. Funaki gives Nunzio a few arm drags. Nunzio leapfrogs Funaki and then takes a back body drop. Funaki tries a springboard but is caught in the air by a drop kick. Nunzio takes over and lays in some punches and kicks. Nunzio cuts short a hope spot with a short arm clothesline. They both trade missing moves until Funaki uses a backslide for a two count. Nunzio hits a backdrop, lowers his knee pad for knee drop, and hits some chops in the corner. Nunzio misses a top rope drop kick. Funaki follows up with a enziguri kick to the back of Nunzio's head for a near fall. Funaki goes for an arm bar but Nunzio reverses it and grabs the tights on a roll up for the win in 4:59 (**1/4).
Match #2
Sean O'Haire vs Ken Anderson
It's the future Ken Kennedy being billed as Ken Anderson despite his trunks having the double K logo on them already. Maybe this whole time it's not a K and a reversed K, but has some other meaning all together. Maybe it a signal to future alien overlords or and ancient dark order. No time to think about it because O'Haire starts the match by digging deep into his bag of tricks and starts the match with a headlock. Cole tells us that Anderson has tremendous martial arts background including stick fighting and 6 years in the armed forces. Anderson uses all of that training to get chucked across the ring and then mounted and choked. O'Haire hits some knees to the ribs while unleashing deep unsettling grunt sounds. O'Haire goes to the deadly, headlock, kick to the back, headlock, kick to the back, headlock a third time combo. Anderson gets a foot under the bottom rope to stay alive after a pin attempt. Anderson hits a drop kick but is quickly cut down with a clothesline. O'Haire nails a military press into a widowmaker to get the win in 3:54 (*).
Match #3
Slater Vain and Steve Fender vs Chuck Palumbo and Johnny the Bull Stamboli
As we return from break, Cole and Matthews are hyping St. Anger by Metallica as the theme for SummerSlam. Josh, "I love Metallica." Cole, in a screeching yell cry combo, "Metallica Rules!" It was unsettling.
Stamboli and Slater begin and the Bull locks in a headlock and tags in Chuck so he can lock in his own headlock. Vital opening sequence right there. Shoulder block, punch, chucked into the corner. Tag to Stamboli and FBI unloads some New Day Unicorn stomps in the corner. Palumbo decapitates Slater Vain with a kick. Stamboli locks in another headlock. The referee misses a tag to Fender, and while he complains, the FBI double teams. Fender escapes and gets a warm tag. It was awkward as Fender slowly walks to the corner with hands on his knees. Then he raises his arm high to tag and waits for the crowd pop that never comes. Vain hits some quick dropkicks, but gets creamed by a Palumbo kick and Stamboli covers for the win in 4:37 (*1/2)
Match #4
Matt Hardy with Shannon Moore vs Orlando Jordan
Matt Facts
Matt sleeps on his side.
Matt's fortune cookies always predict success.
Jordan starts the match with an armbar to headlock. Hardy backs him into the corner and yells V1 and does the hand gesture to Jordan's face. Jordan just decks him to drop Hardy. Orlando hits a shoulder block while Cole tells us that he wrestling at Boise State and was trained by Rocky Johnson which means he definitely got money stolen out of his bag. Hardy gets momentum and throws Jordan out of the ring where Moore gets a few kicks in. Back in the ring a cross body by Hardy into a side effect for a near fall. Orlando powers out of a headlock and hits a desperation clothesline. Then some boxing punches which Cole says is shades of his trainer Rocky Johnson. Orlando with a up and over reversal of the Hardy charge and hits a twisting powerslam. Hardy takes control again and has his Twist of Fate reversed and Jordan hits a crossbody. An impressive delayed vertical suplex by Orlando. Then Jordan gets some air off the top rope for a cross body for 2. It was good near fall as both the crowd and yours truly bit on it. Moore grabs Orlando's leg as he heads to the top again. The delay gives Hardy time to roll out of the way. Immediately transitioning into the twist of fate which Jordan sells with a huge bounce off the mat. Jordan's athleticism was really put on display here. Hardy picks up the win in 5:29. (**)
We are now greeted by Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow for the weekly dose of Heat.
Match #1
Maven vs Steve Fender
I was waiting for a spot to put a Fender bender joke but Al gets one in as soon as the bell rings so I won't plagiarize. I'm not Carlos Mencia. Maven hits a hip toss and drop kick which I think Maven is legally required to start all of his matches with a drop kick. Fender comes back with a neck breaker and then a missed top rope leg drop. Maven hits a spin kick and then misses his own top rope drop kick. Fender goes for a boot in the corner but Maven leaps off the turnbuckle for something Coach and Snow calls a "flying reverse DDT" but it sure looked like a "botched bulldog" to pick up the win in 3:46 (*).
Match #2 Tommy Dreamer vs Stevie Richards
Stevie Richards with "Flower" which is Victoria in a shower cap and pink bathrobe, find "Al Stone" in catering earlier today. Stevie shoves a mic into Snow hand and says, "So you want an exclusive interview with Stevie Night Heat?" Tommy Dreamer is at the table with Snow and continues to eat. Stevie says that the show is Must See Stevie. Tommy smiles at this referecne with causes Stevie to start in on the innovator of violence. Stevie rips on him for eating too much and being fat. He asks him where all of his extreme friends are? Al says, "I'm right here" Richards starts in again, "Hey Tommy, are you going to eat your way to stardom? He should be like Foley. He was fat and wrote a book. Dreamer should try to write a book. Dreamer dumps his food into Stevie's hat and says, "Have a nice day."
In the ring, Richards jumps Dreamer as he comes through the ropes, but gets caught on a cross body and Dreamer tosses him with a fall away slam. Dreamer chases Victoria outside of the ring, now sans shower camp and bathrobe. Coach says this interaction makes him want to say, "Boinga Boinga" whatever is going on in Coach's head. Dreamer tosses Richards into the barricade. Dreamer gets jumped for the second time in a couple of minutes coming through the ropes.
Stevie gives Tommy a body slam, and then Victoria or Flower, I've lost the point, hits a leg drop on Dreamer. Stevie mocks Dreamer's arm extended yell before missing an elbow drop. Tommy hits a sit out powerbomb and then death valley driver to Stevie but Victoria distracts the ref so the count can't be made. Dreamer grabs Victoria and forces a kiss upon her in a sexual assault attack. Dreamer turns around to eat a Stevie Kick for the 1-2-3 at 3:17. (**)
Match #3
Special Referee Jacqueline
Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade vs Slater Vain and Ken Anderson
Vain gets a few shoves in and unleashes some maniacal laughs. Cade starts laying in chops to silence Vain, and tags in Jindrak but Jindrak gets sneak attacked by Ken Anderson. Jindrak hits one of his sky high drop kicks. He gets sneak attacked again and then Anderson gets in some choking. Vain tags back in and gets a rope choke and a back suplex. The local competitors get even more offense in with a snap mare and a headlock. Cade breaks free and gets the hot tag to Jindrak. Jindrak cleans house and hits an impressive spring board reverse clothesline. Anderson eats the dropkick from Jindrak while Cade lifts him in an always feat of athleticism by Jindrak to pick up the victory in 5:07 (** 1/2) Jacquline had no role outside of a regular referee. Seemed just an excuse to get her on television.
Match #4
They trade arm bars to start. Test hits a slam and mocks Val with some jumping jacks. Val appears behind him and lays him out with a clothesline. Test powers back and lays some boots into Venis. The each clothesline each other to get a standing ten count from the referee. Test pulls the ref in and thumbs Val in the eyes. Test tries to hit the pump handle slam, but Venis wriggles out and nails a spinning powerbomb. He heads up top for a money shot attempt, but Test uses his foot to push the ref into the ropes causing Val to fall and straddle the ropes an hurt his Venis. Test goes up to suplex Val off the top but Val fights him off. He tries Money Shot #2 but Test gets the knees up. Test misses the big boot and Val goes hits a Jinder Mahal style Khallas for a near fall. Val comes off the ropes to continue on the offensive but gets caught with a boot to the mush for the victory in 5:50 (**1/2)
Coach and Al ask us to tune in tomorrow night to RAW to see Test vs Steiner with Stacy on the line and a hair match between Kevin and Nash and Christ Jericho.
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