In Your House Final Four vs Super Brawl 7: A Build Breakdown

The Monday Night Wars between the WWF and WCW were the most watched era in professional wrestling history.  It has been romanticized by fans as being an amazing era.  Well….. It was not as great as one would remember.  I have been watching all of the Raws and Nitros in order and have been comparing the builds to each month’s pay per view card.  Often times there were tons of story lines and matches that were confusing, boring, and made no sense.  Before fans continue to clamor for a return to this style of professional wrestling maybe they should read these breakdowns for the Pay Per View builds.

On February 16th 1997, the WWF brought to customers a hour pay per view event called In Your House: Final Four. 

 This show was headlined by a four way match between Bret Hart, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Vader, and the Undertaker.  In January at the Royal Rumble, Bret Hart eliminated Steve Austin but the referees missed it because they were dealing with a brawl between Mankind and Terry Funk on the outside.  Austin returned to the ring and eliminated Undertaker, Vader, and Bret Hart.   WWF President Gorilla Monsoon said that although he can't overturn Austin's win but he will not allow Austin to main event WrestleMania.  So Monsoon put Austin, Vader, Undertaker, and Bret Hart into the Final Four Match to determine the number 1 contender for the WWF Title at WrestleMania 13.  Before Gorilla announced this match, Bret Hart opened up Raw by quitting the WWF because he was tired of getting screwed.  Austin repeatedly cut promos about how he was being screwed out of his title shot but he was going to kick the ass of everyone in the match any way.  Vader informed us that he was a Mastodon and there wasn't anything anyone could do to stop him.  Undertaker said that he was tired of taking a backseat and being distracted by other people to keep him from being champion.  Undertaker has not been champion since November 1992 and that was for less than a week.  The four men repeatedly got into brawls and interfered into each other's matches.  They was a lot of chaos leading into this match.  The RAW before the show was preempted by a dog show, so RAW was moved to Thursday and called Thursday RAW Thursday.  I have no idea why they repeated the Thursday.  On this show Shawn Michaels forfieted the WWF title rather than defend it against Sycho Sid claiming that he had a probably career ending knee injury.  He also didn't like who wrestling had changed him and that he had, "Lost his smile."  This entire time, Vince McMahon was in the ring interviewing him and seemingly trying to kiss Michaels and sob uncontrollably.  This changed the Final Four match from being a number one contender match to a match for the vacant WWF title and the winner would defend against Sid the following Monday on Raw.

The British Bulldog and Owen Hart defend the Tag Team Titles against Doug Furnas and Phillip Lafon

The Bulldog and Owen were doing a lot of bickering during their matches.  This stemmed from Owen accidentally on purpose eliminating the Bulldog during the Royal Rumble.  This also made Bulldog annoyed by cheating despite the fact that he had been cheating for a few years now.  Apparently when the Bulldog fell out of the ring at the rumble, he hit his head and it affected that part of his brain that handles determining the difference between right and wrong.  Now Bulldog really hates when Owen hits people with Slammy's and gets counted out on purpose while faking an injury to retain the titles.  These teams would meet in a variety of different ways with Bulldog getting upset with the cheating that Owen continued to do.  You don't marry an alcoholic and ask them to stop drinking and you don't tag up with the King of Hearts and ask him not to be smarmy and not cheat.  You knew what you were getting into when you entered this tag team Bulldog.  Accept Owen for who he is!!

Hunter Hearst Helmsley defends the Intercontinental Championship against Ahmed Johnson.  

On Thursday Raw Thursday, Hunter was defending the title against young blue chipper Rocky Maivia.  Goldust and Marlena appeared and distracted Hunter so he put in extra show boating before hitting the pedigree.  Rocky took advantage of this and rolled Helmsely up to become the new champion.  Rocky then gave a terrible, I love everybody and work hard promo.  

So now Rocky Maivia defends against Hunter Hearst Helmsley.  To recap in match between Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Rocky Maivia which featured interference from Goldust and Marlena, Ahmed Johnson lost his title shot and pay per view paycheck.  I would be really pissed if I was Ahmed.  He probably tried to raise these concerns with Vince McMahon but Vince couldn't understand him because Vince doesn't speak fat tongued gibberish.  

Also on this card that weren't announced and had no build.  

Marc Mero vs Leif Cassidy      

The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, Crush, and Savio Vega) vs Goldust, Flash Funk, and Bart Gunn

At a house show at Madison Square Garden, Savio Vega turned on Ahmed Johnson and joined the Nation, because he didn't like the way Ahmed was treating him during that match.  So instead of just letting it go and discussing it in the back with your partner or just never teaming with Ahmed again, Savio decides that the only way to handle this is so attack Ahmed, change all of his values and morals, and join a street gang.  Adds up.  I don't even want to get caught with Savio Vega in traffic.  Dude tends to over react.


On February 23rd, 1997 WCW presented Super Brawl 7.

Hollywood Hulk Hogan defends the WCW titles against Roddy Rowdy Piper

The WCW Championship committee has required that Hogan defend the title against Piper.  Piper however does not want the title shot.  He said two months ago that he just wanted one more match against Hogan, just to prove a point but it is time for him to go home and be a father.  Piper has his 8ish year old son with him.  Hogan and Bischoff come out to tease Piper for being a wimp and they even make fun of his son.  The kid looks legit scared.  Piper says that Hogan is the true icon and to just let him leave and go home.  Piper walks his son out of the ring and takes off his belt and beats the every loving snot out of Hogan with it.  Piper has been talked into accepting the title shot by Hogan's own arrogance and dickishness.  Hogan would spend the next month pretending that he beat Piper In December and that he would do it again.  Since Super Brawl 7 is in San Fran, Piper locks himself in a cell at Alcatraz a week ahead of the match.  Piper believes that no food, water, or real exercise will better prepare him for his match against Hogan because it might make him crazier.  I suggest that Piper intakes nutrients and trains and maybe just skips his meds on Sunday before the match.  But what do I know, I am not a trainer, doctor, or psychiatrist.  

The Outsiders defend the WCW tag team titles against Lex Luger and the Giant.

The night after Souled Out and the Giant getting screwed out of the WCW title.  Luger came out and said that he would stand beside him.  This earned them a shot against the Outsiders.  The next week, Luger randomly shows up with cast on his hand.  He broke his hand and Bischoff says that without a doctor to release him that he can't let Luger wrestle.  He needs the doctor's release by the end of the end of the show or his title match is gone.  Bischoff says this is because he is leaving the country and needs to time to promote and schedule the matches.  We will ignore all of the matches that are put on the card next week and even some that are added the day of.  Luger gets his doctor's release the next week but it is to late.  Bischoff comes out and and denies him the match, despite the fact that Bischoff was supposed to me out the country this week.  The Giant says that he will just go it alone and beat Hall and Nash on his own.  It's a handicap match for the titles.

A Four Corners Tag Match for #1 contenders to the WCW Tag Tiltes

The Steiner Brothers vs Harlem Heat vs The Faces of Fear vs Public Enemy

The Outsiders tried to kill the Steiners with their car   It gets interested at about the 2:00 mark and includes some nifty camera work.  Good Job WCW!!  The Outsiders give this video tape to Tony Schiavone to prove that they didn't cause the accident although the video is them causing the accident.  It isn't brought up again.  SCOTT HALL AND KEVIN NASH TRIED TO KILL TWO PEOPLE AND NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE!!!!!  So since the Steiners are injured the match becomes......

Harlem Heat vs The Faces of Fear vs Public Enemy in a Triangle March for No Reason Whatsoever.   So the only drama to come from the tag division at this time to hype this match involves two teams who aren't in the match nor will any of the teams in this match face in the future.  Bad Job WCW!!

Kevin Sullivan vs Chris Benoit

Their rivalry over who gets to have Sullivan's wife rages on.  I think it is at this point that Benoit and Woman transferred this angle from TV to reality.  They seemed much more touchy feely and natural with their goo goo eyes.   It is very creepy considering what would happen down the road.  Kevin Sullivan says that he doesn't care about Nancy AKA Woman anymore and Jacqueline comes through the crowd.  She is apparently a woman from Sullivan's past and doesn't like how Nancy has treated him and she is going to destroy Nancy for Sullivan.  Sullivan since he is evil agrees to this.  During their match at the PPV Jacqueline and Woman will be connected by a leather strap.  Sullivan beats jobbers the next few weeks and Jacqueline beats them up.  Benoit's portion of the feud other than banging his wife, is to cut nonsensical cryptic promos when standing with the other Horseman.  

Jeff Jarrett vs Steve McMichael

Speaking of the Horseman, this story line makes zero sense.  Ever since Jeff Jarrett joined WCW, he wanted to be a Horseman, Ric Flair wanted him to be a Horseman, but none of the other Horseman wanted him to be a Horseman.  I am assuming it is because they heard what a fraud his singing career was.  As the months, and I mean months went on, Jarrett continued to try to get into the Horseman while the Horseman bickered about it.  Eventually the person that wanted him in the most was Steve McMichael's wife Debra.  This even led to Mongo helping Jarrett beat Horseman member Chris Benoit.  Mongo decides that he doesn't want Jarrett in the Horseman despite what he had said and done otherwise.  He was tired of listening to his wife.  So this match was booked and if Jarrett wins he gets to join the Horsemen.  Mongo remains a Horseman either way.

Eddie Guerrero defends the United States Championship against Chris Jericho.  

Eddie had defeated Syxx at Souled Out in the ladder match to retain the title.  Jericho lost to Masahiro Chono at the same event.  Apparently losing a non title match earned Jericho a shot at the second biggest singles title in company.  WARNING  These are not the Eddie Guerrero and Christ Jericho who would be awesome about 1 year later.  These were boring "Yeah!! C'MON!!" generic create a wrestler versions.

Prince Iaukea defends the TV title against Rey Mysterio

This was originally going to be Lord Steven Regal who had the title for months.  He went to a time limit draw against Mysterio in a really good Nitro match.  This was supposed to be the rematch with the time limit waived.  Then the week before on Nitro, Regal is defending against jobber Prince Iaukea and Mysterio comes out to watch, Regal who had been destroying the Somoan, gets rolled up for the 1-2-3.  Now you scrap the match with build that people had seen is a very good match-up but this time you will get a winner instead of a time limit draw to replace it with a title defense of a jobber against Mysterio.  What a terrible decision.  

Dean Malenko defends the Cruiserweight title against Syxx

Malenko was wrestling and Syxx came out and stole the belt.  This is exactly what Syxx did to Eddie Guerrero the previous month so you have to give credit to Syxx.  He has apparently stuck with two things in his career stealing belts from guys so they defend it against him and drugs.  Always do drugs.  Malenko took the microphone a week later and asked Syxx to return the belt.  Malenko's dad trained Syxx and if Syxx wants a shot all he has to do is ask. Syxx comes out and says that he respects Dean's dad more than anything.... but he is dead and Dean sucks.  This was some harsh stuff which Dean responded to by not going after Syxx but staring at him stone faced.  That'll teach Syxx for stealing your championship and talking about your family.  Watcha gonna do, Syxx, when MalenkoMania stares blankly at you......

Added to the card the night of without anybody knowing ahead of time....

Konan, LaParka, Villano 4 vs Ciclope, Juventud Guerrera, Super Calo

-This was just for the heck of it.

Diamond Dallas Page vs Buff Bagwell

-The nWo had been gunning for Diamond Dallas because he was the only one to ever get one over on them.  The nWo would try to attack him but Page would always escape.  In my opinion, Page was the third most over face in the company at this point, behind Luger and Sting in the rafters.  I have no idea why WCW wouldn't announce the Page match ahead of time.  Page was being hinted at taking out current nWo member and former prison guard from Cobb County Georgia prison guard Big Bossman now known as Fat and Lazy.  I mean Big Bubba.  The entire nWo was walking into the arena and then boom, Bubba is laying on the ground unconcious.  Nobody knows who did it or how they did it.


So which event would spend your hard earned February 1997 dollars on.  This may be the hardest one to chose since the two companies began competing on Monday nights, but by a short margin I will select WCW because they made you want to see Piper get revenge on Hogan for embarrassing him in front of his kid and the main event of the WWF may only have the title one day because you were going to see the winner face Sid the next night for free anyhow.



Follow me on Twitter at @Ferrellcomedy

Survivor Series 1996 vs World War 3 1996

The Monday Night Wars between the WWF and WCW were the most watched era in professional wrestling history.  It has been romantized by fans as being an amazing era.  Well….. It was not as great as one would remember.  I have been watching all of the Raws and Nitros in order and have been comparing the builds to each month’s pay per view card.  Often times there were tons of storylines and matches that were confusing, boring, and made no sense.  Before fans continue to clamor for a return to this style of professional wrestling maybe they should read these breakdowns for the Pay Per View builds. 

(These comments were adapted from an email to a lapsed casual wrestling fan who loved this era and wanted me to explain what it was like to relive these shows)

November 1996 had the WWF offering Survivor Series and WCW offering World War 3.

WWF Survivor Series

Shawn Michaels defends the WWF championship against Sid.

In the month of RAWs leading up to this PPV... 1^st week Sid vs Owen and Bulldog interferes Sid makes the save 2^nd week Sid vs Bulldog and Owen interferes, Shawn makes the save. 3^rd week Shawn and Sid try to win tag titles against Owen and Bulldog.  Shawn accidently super kicks Sid. Bad guys win.  Sid and Shawn fight each other.  Friendship over.  If these two crazy kids who once had a few month friendship before turning on each other can’t make it, then what chance does humanity have. Slim, my friend, slim. 

Undertaker vs Mankind

After having a BOILER ROOM BRAWL and a BUIRED ALIVE MATCH… This bitter feud can only be settled in one way.... a REGULAR MATCH.... but in this one Paul Bearer who had turned on Taker and joined Mankind in the boiler room match at Summerslam in August, will be hung in a shark cage above the ring so he can't interfere.  This would make sense as a stipulation had Paul Bearer actually INTERFERED in the previous matches.   The Executioner, who was a drugged up Terry Gordy from Fabulous Freebirds fame, who had actually been interfering should have been the one to be locked up.  They brawled a few times in the buildup.  Great feud that is on its last legs and should have been over or at least taken a break.

Bret Hart vs Stone Cold Steve Austin

Bret Hart was contemplating retirement or jumping to WCW.  Actually brought up in storyline.  According to Bruce Prichard, Vince didn't know if he was saying or going until his promo in the ring.  Vince thought Hart might just announce he was going to WCW to screw him.  Austin had been calling him out, saying Bret sucked and that he wanted to whip his ass, etc.... Austin had been aligned with Brian Pillman and Owen Hart saying that Bret sucked and that he wasn’t the Hitman but the Shitman but then Pillman mentioned that Bret was good at wrestling.  Do you think Stone Cold like this?  No.  Uh-uh.  So he beat the hell out of him and broke his ankle with a chair. (The attack took place on Superstars the weekend show- they just showed a clip on RAW) On Raw, Austin went to his house and tried to kill Pillman while Pillman had a gun and tried to shoot Austin and said fucking on live television.  It was insane and a shit show.  The next week they barely mentioned that it even happened.  So let’s just ignore that one of our wrestlers tried broke into another wrestler’s home intent on killing him and that gun was fired that made “explosions”.  They didn’t want to say gunshots.  Kevin Kelly, the announcer that was dispatched to interview Pillman said, “Luckily no one was struck by any of the explosions.”  Like explosions fly through the air and hit people.

Traditional Survivor Series Match

Hunter Hearst Helmsly, Goldust, Crush (Recently released for prison convict version not to be confused with Demolition Crush, Hawaii Crush, or Japanese Sympathizer Crush), and Jerry Lawler

vs

Marc Mero, The Stalker (Old as shit Barry Windham in zubaz sweat pants and camo face paint, Mark Henry, and Rocky Maivia (debut)

Hunter had been feuding with Mr. Perfect who was retired but kept coming to ringside to steal Hunter's bitches during his matches.  Perfect and Hunter agreed to a match on RAW but Perfect was found beat up and injured by Hunter in the backstage area. Perfect talked Marc Mero into taking his place and defending the IC title against Hunter.  Perfect hit Mero with a chair.  SWERVE!!! New champ. 

Mark Henry had debuted and had been getting teased by Jerry Lawler about thinking he could wrestle.  (Turns out Lawler was right because Henry got hurt trying to wrestle and was replaced in this match by really old, fat, and drunk Jake Roberts but you didn't know that until the Free for All)

Speaking of the Free 4 All look at this great matchup in Survivor Series team history.  It’s a look how much more interesting these guys would be with a different character All-Stars.

Jesse James (Road Dogg but he is still just saying Jarrett can't sing and would sing Jarrett’s fake song on the way to the ring)

Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jock strap on his face)

Bob Holly (Still race car driver and not Hardcore in any way)

Bart Gunn

Vs

The Sultan (Rikishi in a mask that covered his face because his tongue had been cut out managed by Iron Sheik and Bob Backlund)

Justin Bradshaw (pre JBL, pre APA, pre Acolyte just a cowboy with bad intentions)

Salvatore Sincere (If Brother Love was athletic and an actual wrestler.

Billy Gunn

They also played promos of Rocky Maivia being a blue chipper, third generation star.  They showed the time he sacked Heisman Winner Florida St QB and future New York Knick point guard Charlie Ward about a 1000 times.  Fun Fact Rock lost his starting job at Miami to Warren Sapp.

The Smoking Gunns explode!! Bart grew tired of Billy being too focused and trying to bang Sunny instead of their matches.  So the team broke up.  Billy couldn’t get over trying to get Sunny so he turned on his brother.  Now that he is on his own….he doesn’t go after Sunny.  So you turn on your flesh and bone for some “flesh and bone” and then you don’t even try???

Also a Survivor Match featuring tag teams

-Bulldog, Owen, New Rockers (Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy AKA Al Snow)

Vs

-The Godwins and new comers Doug Furnas and Phillip Lafon.  Just showed their pictures and being told they were good. No build to this match.

Another Survivor Series match

Savio Vega, Yokozuna (who had not been mentioned in months) the debuting Flash Funk, and a mystery man.  They used a silhouette of Macho Man, Macho was not on TV for WCW then because of contract negotiations so people thought it was going to be him.  Turns out it was Jimmy Superfly Snuka who was inducted into the HOF the night before and was murdering his girlfriend 15 years before.

vs

Faarooq, (he ditched the blue fat knight look and debuted the Nation of Domination Faarooq and got in shape. The Faarooq personality change was a surprise the night of the show. Vader, and "Razor Roman" and "Diesel"

This fake Razor and Diesel thing was dumb. Jim Ross turned heel because he was sick of Vince running the company badly.  He said he was bringing Razor and Diesel back who were currently in WCW destroying people in nWo.  When Ross introduced them they were other guys playing the characters and Ross just acted like everyone was crazy for saying they weren't Razor and Diesel.  Razor was played by Rick Bognar who did a good Scott Hall voice impression, but looked like he ate Scott Hall and couldn't wrestle very well, which would happen when you ate another human being as large as Scott Hall.  Diesel was Glen Jacobs who used to be Issac Yankem DDS.  He was much better than Bognar.

I learned from the Prichard show that they did this dumb bullshit because Hall and Nash were acting like they were Razor and Diesel when they first invaded WCW.  This showed that the characters were WWF property when WWF sued over it.  They got some money and WCW threw in to pay less money that if WCW were ever up for sale and Vince got to buy it if he wanted.  Seemed like a throw in at the time but a few years later Vince gets all of WCW for pennies on the dollar and makes $10 a month off of people like me who watch old Nitros because they obviously hate themselves.  Proof below.

WCW World War 3

60 man 3 ring battle royal for #1 contender.  You don't get too many names on the list for this match but the main focus is on Lex Luger being on a roll and that he can stop the nWo.

Chris Benoit vs Kevin Sullivan

They just pick up this feud up from a few months ago. After not caring about Benoit not being a quality Horseman and Sullivan now hates him again.  Apparently Sullivan doesn’t care that Steve Mongo McMichael who joined the Horsemen midway through his FIRST match.  He must be up to snuff on the Kevin Sullivan Scale of Horseman Rating.  If Sullivan hates the Horsemen why does he care if they have in what his opinion is a bad wrestler? Shouldn’t he enjoy watching the Horsemen struggle with subpar members? Sullivan keeps saying cryptic things about "She"  If it doesn’t make sense blame Sullivan himself because he was the head booker at this time and thought this story was a great one to put himself in.

The Outsiders defend the tag titles against the Nasty Boys and The Faces of Fear (Meng AKA Haku and Barbarian)

So the Nasty Boys had hung out with the nWo in a hotel party and were shown being told by Hogan to watch his back for weeks.  They come to the ring with the nWo and are celebrating some more evil acts perpetrated by the nWo against WCW, when the Nasty Boys complain that, after looking at their nWo contracts, that they were given last night that the pay isn't enough and that Hulk forgot to sign it.  Hogan laughs and the nWo beats them up.  This is supposed to lead to people rooting on the Nasty Boys and their quest for revenge.  Here's the problem though, so the Nasty Boys wanted to turn against WCW and destroy them but the pay wasn't enough so now we are supposed to like them like conquering heroes.  Jimmy Hart rightly brings up that the Faces of Fear have beaten tons of teams, (which they had including Benoit and McMichael at the previous PPV) so they should get the title shot.  The Outsiders, who are supposed to cowardly sneak attacking heels accept the challenge to fight them too.  Way to make your team from the invaders that people are supposed to hate look like badasses for agreeing to fight the team of badasses that we are supposed to hate unless they are facing the nWo.  Huh?

Jeff Jarrett vs The Giant 

This is a rematch from last month since it ended in DQ.  They continue to squabble about the US title that Giant stole from Ric Flair who is injured and still champion.  Flair is backing Jarrett but the other Horseman don't like it.  Flair says I am the lead dog and you other guys have to deal with it or pound sand because Flair obviously likes a guy he just met better than people that have been having his back, and in the case of Arn Anderson, people who have been getting his back for a decade.

Lex Luger vs Arn Anderson

Another rematch from last month.  Luger has not said two words to or about Arn since last month.  Arn keeps cutting promos that he didn't think Luger had the anger in his soul that he showed last month and it caught Anderson by surprise.  This time he won't be surprised.  He might be surprised to hear that Luger apparently care about his match because he needs to destroy the entire nWo in the World War 3 battle royal.

Dean Malenko defends the cruiserweight title against Psychosis.

There was no build for this match, just hey, Psychosis, you weigh below 205 pounds, you get a title shot.

Ultimo Dragon vs Rey Mysterio

Another match with no real build for this match other than the announcers saying that match will be exciting.  But they also say that about every single match on Nitro so their credibility is squadoosh.  Hey its Jim Powers vs VK Wallstreet, this should be an amazing contest!!!

The Amazing French Canadians (Carl Ouelett and Jacques Rougeau) They were freaking awesome as the Quebecers in the WWF in the first year of RAW, now two years later they are fat and just cashing checks.  Vs

Harlem Heat

Harlem Heat blamed Col. Robert Parker for costing them the tag titles to Outsiders and didn't want him to be their co-manager with his wife Sherri.  Parker kept coming to ringside for all of their matches on Nitro with the Amazing French Canadians which led to shenanigans.  Also this made not only Sherri not want to be married to Parker anymore but also in her words to "kill him"  Apparently Sherri says winning a random match on Nitro against the Amazing French Canadians who until this point had not won a match on Nitro is more important than love.  She is a career woman, really ahead of her time.  Parker joins the Amazing French Canadians as their manager and helps them defeat an imploding American Males, (Marcus Bagwell and Scotty Riggs.)

Chris Jericho vs Nick Patrick (Jericho has to have one arm tied behind his back)

-Jericho is continuing to accuse Patrick of being dirty and working for the nWo.  This is how Jericho has decided to take down the big bad nWo by accusing a referee in a neck brace that he is secretly refereeing nWo matches on WCW Saturday Night, where the take on jobbers, in a mask.  What an American Hero Jericho is!!!

Also Roddy Piper came out and confronted Hogan after he beat Macho Man last month and said that Piper is better than Hogan.  Bischoff has been trying to get Piper to sign a contract to fight Hogan at Starrcade next month.  Starrcade is WCW's Wrestlemania. Unfortunately, Bischoff hasn't been able to get Piper to sign anything because of agents and scheduling but he hopes to at World War 3.  Riveting! Call you cable or satellite provider now to see paperwork being completed.

That is the build to the November 1996 pay per views so which do you choose to plunk down your hard earned money on?

Follow me on twitter @Ferrellcomedy

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Browns have lost #1 spot in fans hearts.

The Browns have long been the center of Northeast Ohio's hearts and minds.  The area has flowed the Browns with a die-hard passion since the 50s when Jim Brown and Otto Graham ruled the gridiron on the coast of Lake Erie.  The Browns have kept the attention focused on them ever since.  They have ruled above and beyond the Cavaliers and the Indians despite those two franchises having more success at various points over the past fifty years. 

This town is a Browns town but that has begun to change.  After years of the Browns being terrible on the field and mismanaged in the office, the fans have stopped giving the Browns their love and more importantly their eyeballs and money.  In years past, all the Browns had to do to draw a crowd at Cleveland Browns stadium was play a football game and show up dressed in orange helmets.  The fans were just glad to have football being played by their team.  Then something happened...

The Cavaliers and the Indians started having success.  They started making smart decisions that improved the team and the experience of the fans.  Cleveland fans spent their money on teams that break 52 year curses and teams that lead their division despite having a middling payroll.  

The fans have decided that a revolving door of general managers, coaches, and quarterbacks were not worth their time and money. The Browns are now dealing with lack of interest.  As the 2016 season begins, the Browns have a new general manager...again, a new coach....again...., a new quarterback...again.  This season however, I don't see or hear fans talking themselves into a season with false hope.  The season seems to be met with apathy.  Fans are still riding high on the Cavaliers championship, still enjoying the day to day fun of pennant raise with the #Windians.  The Cavs and Indians have usually been quickly dropped from a Cleveland fan's mind once the sounds of pads cracking hits the air. 

This season attendance at training camp is down. People aren't going to go spend their time watching an inferior product.  Attendance for the Indians has in fact risen since the beginning of the Browns training camp.  Fans in Northeast Ohio have now tasted a winner and they will not accept ineptitude and continue to fork over increasingly hard to come by dollars to support a team that brings them no joy.  Cleveland isn't the sports punching bag lining up for its next body blow.  Cleveland is the reigning and defending king of the sports world and doesn't want to spend it's time watching a team going through another awful season as the new regime brings in "their guys" to play "Cleveland Browns Football".  Whatever the hell that actually means.

Cleveland used to be a Browns town.  Cleveland is now a city of champions.  The Cavaliers have won a World Championship and the Indians are the betting favorite to make it to the World Series.  It's your move Browns.  It's time to produce an enjoyable experience.  An enjoyable experience in this town has changed from the last time you embarrassingly left the field.  This town demands winning.  This town demands progress.  In 2016 in Northeast Ohio, you have to win or the FANS go home.




Follow me on Twitter @FerrellComedy

   
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The Tale of Two Browns Games

This season I attended two Browns’ games in Cleveland, one with my 10-year-old stepson and one with three friends in their early thirties.  I went to each game with different expectations for what was going to constitute a good time.  I realized that based on my mindset and my chosen companions from the game, that different aspects of the NFL Sunday experience came to my attention. 

The first game, a manhandling loss by the Houston Texans with the temperature in the low twenties, was with my stepson Max.  The second game was a heart-breaking and likely season breaking loss to the Indianapolis Colts with the temperature in the low forties and included a three-hour tailgate session with my buddies. 

The Texans game was the first NFL, game that I had attended with Max, although I had taken him to see multiple Cleveland Indians games and even professional wrestling events.  The one thing that stood out to me at the Browns game compared to the other sporting events, that Max and I had attended was the language.  When I am in the proper situation around friends in a relaxed atmosphere, I will swear almost every other words and curse words have never made me cringe before, however for these three hours, I flinched with every f-bomb.  It was constant.  There were loud chants including the word, guys selling bootleg shirts with swear words on them and all of this was just in the line to get through security.  While standing in line to enter the stadium on this snowy day, literally hundreds of snowballs were chucked from the end of the line to the front of the line.  There were elderly and young children getting pelted in the back of their heads.  I was appalled by the display. 

During the game the JJ Watt and the Houston Texans defense dismantled the Browns offense and made Brian Hoyer look awful.  The catcalls came hot and heavy from the stands telling Hoyer and the rest of the offense what they should do to themselves, their mothers, and a few choice sex acts with the same sex.  Our seats were in the upper deck, or the cheap seats as they are so known, but this was hardly the DAWG Pound, the section of bleachers in the South end zone that is notorious for the rowdy costumed fans that inhabit it. 

Max and I stayed to the bitter end of an embarrassing loss.  We walked back to our car sad and with no feeling in our toes from the freezing temperatures.  We parked very far away as a group of kids in their twenties lobbed snow balls at us from across the street.  I looked around to see if there was a Texans fan or even worse a Steelers fan that had escaped from the mental institution, but no only dejected Browns fans trudging along the slush to their cars.  I couldn’t figure out why these kids, kids because anyone younger that me is a kid, had just decided to be awful to strangers.  I got in the car with Max and had lost a lot of faith in the Browns, Brian Hoyer, Browns fans, and the city of Cleveland. 

Despite my above stated disappointments, I returned two weeks later with my friends to watch the Browns and the Colts play a pivotal game.  This game day started hours earlier as we arrived hours before kickoff to enjoy beers in the cold to prepare for the game.  We parked in the same lot as I had with Max and proceeded to commence to the drinking and playing of cornhole.  We kept to ourselves but 4 different gentlemen came up to us to ask for money.  We chatted about life and the Browns, but mainly about life.  The Browns game was something we were going to attend but during the tailgating it didn’t seem to be the reason we were there.  We were just hanging out and having a good time. 

We headed off to the game but first had to stop in the restroom with all of the other tailgaters who were full of their choice beverages.  The bathroom was full of constant “Here we go Brownies, here we go!” chants.  A few guys repeatedly tried to get a “F*** the Colts” chant going, but no one obliged considering the non-existent rivalry between the two teams. 

We headed to our seats that were basically the same as where I sat the previous game.  We were on the lakeside of the stadium and the wind was whipping through our section. This made the temperature feel much colder than it did a few weeks ago despite the temperature being twenty degrees warmer.

This week the Browns scored two defensive touchdowns, which covered for the Browns lack of an offense. The offense was so terrible that Brian Hoyer was benched after the game and so the Johnny Manziel era could start with a loud wet fart against the Bengals.  The game was interesting and the Browns were robbed on a few close calls.  Strangely the Browns kept replaying the bad calls on the large screen.  I thought they were trying to start a riot similar to the bottle-throwing incident against the Jacksonville Jaguars years ago. 

The Browns of course gave up a touchdown in the final seconds to once again lose and put a huge dent in their playoff hopes.  That will get placed in my memory banks along with all of the other disappointments in my Browns fandom. 

The most memorable moment from the game would have to be the homeless gentleman who somehow managed to get into the game.  He decided that the best place in First Energy Stadium to hang out in would be right behind us in the upper deck.  I noticed the overwhelming smell of fecal matter early in the second quarter.  After determining that it wasn’t coming from the Browns' offensive huddle, we realized that the smell was coming from the man in the row behind us.  He had soiled himself.  He walked down the stairs in front of us with his Hershey stains clearly visible though his pants. 

We thought the crisis had been averted when the guy returns after halftime with visible diarrhea on his bare hands.  He continued to sit behind us and every time he shifted his weight, the burning smell of feces would punch you in the face.  The Browns made a huge interception and returned it for a touchdown.  My friends and I jumped and exchanged high fives… It was a great moment, until the possibly infectious disease covered and definitely crap covered hands of our neighbor, gave my still extended in jubilation hand an unwanted and unwarranted high-five.  My life flashed before my eyes as I quickly ran down to the concourse to wash my hands. 

After spending two whole Sundays with different people at Cleveland Browns stadium and witnessing two losses, I have to ask myself why.  Why do I allow myself to be pestered by scammers and beggars before the game.  Why do I pay exorbitant fees just to park my car some where.  Why do I sit in the cold to watch a game from further away than I can see on my big screen TV at home?  Why do I listen to drunks swear, scream and make no sense?  It is because it feels good to be apart of the crowd, to have the energy of the crowd shake your body, the building anticipation while partying before the game.  It all feels good, win, lose, or draw and more than likely lose.  There are those moments in the game when 73,200 people jump up together and cheer.  When the Browns finally make a play and a stadium of people release all of the frustration that this team has laid upon them for years, lifts for a moment, I want to be there hands raised, high fiving 73,199 Browns fans.  There is one that I obviously don’t want to high five again…unless it is in the Super Bowl.

Follow me on Twitter @Ferrellcomedy or email me at MattFerrell75@gmail.com

The King and I

Four years.  A man changes a lot over four years.  Lebron James said in his letter to the nation that he has grown and changed from “The Decision”, where Lebron himself has admitted that he made a poor decision to have a nationally televised special to tell me, all other Cavs fans, and for that matter the Cavalier organization itself, that he was, “Taking his talents to South Beach.”.

                I was twenty-eight years old and sitting on a futon in a basement, and watched the decision from a dark and angry place.  I had spent the entire week prior glued to Twitter looking for any information as to whether the best player that had ever played for my team was going to stay in town.  When news started to break that Lebron was leaving to join the Miami Heat, I couldn’t believe it, or more accurately didn’t want to believe it.  I was holding on to any shred of hope that the reports weren’t true.  I watched “The Decision” thinking that there was no way Lebron was going to go in front of the nation and stab us in the back.  So I was sad and angry when he left.  I did not sleep that night four years ago.  I was up all night reading anything I could. Wanting to find out why he left.  Cheering Dan Gilbert for writing the letter and telling the traitor where to stick it.  I seethed when I saw the firework show the Heat threw, where Lebron counted down the championships that he was going to win in Miami. 

                I was mad and I stayed mad for quite some time.  My stomach churned every time the Heat or Lebron were mentioned by anyone.  I did not watch a Heat game that entire first season unless they were playing the Cavs, I couldn’t bear to see it. I didn’t watch the Finals that year against the Mavericks.  Not one second.  The idea of watching Lebron win a ring somewhere else when he didn’t want to do it for my team sickened me.  I would check in on the score online and rooted for the number next to the Mavericks logo click up.  I celebrated that Mavericks title as much as the fans in Dallas.  

                I didn’t watch a single Heat game until the NBA Finals the following year.  I watched the closing moments of game 5, as the Heat closed out the Thunder.  The only reason I did so was because my girlfriend had her sisters over before we left for a Florida vacation and banished me to the basement.  So I found myself two years later with nothing to do but watch Lebron win a championship.  Two years later and life hadn’t changed that much for me.  I was still pissed off at Lebron James in a basement. Although I didn't sleep that night either it was because I drove my girlfriend and her kids to Florida through the night. I was starting to forget how I felt in July 2010.

                The next year went on and I wasn’t as mad as I used to be.  I was getting over “The Decision”.  I wasn’t rooting for Lebron to win more titles and MVP awards but I wasn’t angry with him.  I said out loud in conversations with others that I hated him but it wasn’t filled with actual hate as it had been before.

                In June 2013, I had surgery on my shoulder and was laid up during the NBA finals.  I watched ever second of every game of that 7 game epic series with the Spurs.  I loved it.  Yes, I was rooting against Lebron and the Heat, but I was also rooting for the Spurs because of their classy organization that built through the draft to create a winning team.  I was disappointed when Ray Allen hit that corner three to pull off a miracle escape in game 6.  I didn’t like watching Lebron play great in game 7 and the player that is in my opinion the definition of how the game should be played, Tim Duncan, come up short.  But I went to sleep that night easily even though the man I thought I would never stop hating was a back to back champion.   Maybe it was because I was on prescription pain medicine or maybe it was because my wife, who during the last Lebron title the previous year was my girlfriend, slept next to me and took care of me while I healed. 

                This summer, I watched Lebron lose in a rematch to the Spurs.  This time I watched the games as a basketball fan.  I loved watching the great team in the Spurs, beat the great individual in Lebron James, with my wife and stepson.  I loved explaining to my step-son the importance of help defense and the extra pass, that I had taught him as his basketball coach in the winter.  The Spurs did their part to make me look a genius.  This finals I was happy that Spurs won more than the Heat lost, because my priorities had changed.  I watched these games not in a basement but in the comfort of the new recliner that my wife got for me.  I watched with my son and used sports to teach life lessons.

I spent the past week on the South Carolina beach, checking twitter constantly, being on roller coaster of emotions with each rumor. The emotions of July 2010 started to come back. I thought Lebron James was just toying with me. As if the most identifiable athlete in America was personally messing with me just for kicks. I stressed. I ignored others. I searched for a basement to be pissed off in. 

After two days, I realized, with the help of my wife, that I was being ridiculous.  I was reliving the hate, the disbelief, the stress.  I was regressing.

  Today, I went to the beach with my wife and kids without my phone.  We played in the water and sand together for hours.  During that time I was relaxed and loved life.  I didn’t think about the “Decision 2” and enjoyed my family.  In Lebron’s letter to the fans of Cleveland, he talked about being with his family and how much he had changed over the past four years.  How his priorities have changed.  I get it Lebron.  I have changed too.  Welcome home, it is a happier place here for me than when you left and now my team might actually win.

Follow me on twitter @Ferrellcomedy

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