Tuesday, October 25, 2022

HTPB 21.7

 




Eh Bid Dude needs our prayers.  He scored the most points this week, is in first place, hasn't had a single week in the bottom half of scoring, and is undefeated. But have you thanked him for his unsolicited advice?  Have you listened to his revisionist history?  Have you helped him find a game on a streaming service while he continues to straight dominate his cord cutting?  Have you given yourself over to our lord and savior Ben Simmons?  Have you gotten the fuck off his porch?  What will you do in December when Roy gets upset and throws an epic tantrum like two years ago?  Will you give him the hug that he needs?      





Blue Gatorade used the power of Pepsi to defeat Ogre's Death Squad, who valiantly tried to overcome missing Josh Allen to take another loss. The least lucky teams in the league both end the week 2-5 despite being in the top half of the league in scoring and find themselves in a toilet bowl derby with the likes of the Collegians and teams that were auto drafted. The luck probably came from the stomach bug that tore through Max and hopefully for his sake his liquid shit first half of the season is behind him as well. Blue Gatorade was even able to win with Mark Andrews getting only 4 yards rushing which might be the craziest stat line of the year. 



Bay-Bay's has managed to get their third win of the year despite not scoring more than 100 points since week 1.  Rush'n Missiles will probably blame this loss on bye weeks but it is very doubtful that even Cooper Kupp can bail out this shit squad.  The rest of RM is a poo poo platter.  This journalist is prepared to name RM as the favorite to win the toilet trophy.  Unlike Cory himself, the schedule gets much harder in the second half.  I want to be clear and I can't stress the following enough: despite the victory, Bay-Bay's is still shit.  



 Los Zapatistas or whatever the fuck they are called this week, rode Joe Burrow to a strong week that once again Jason didn't comment on.  I am sorry you are in an abusive relationship , Sergio.  Karma came to get Dollars and dealt him a hard luck loss after handing him a few lucky wins.  But he is still hitting 4/7 playoff teams.  Dollars tried a new strategy of instead of trotting out a washed up QB like Brady or Wilson, he tried a not a ready to be starting young quarterback like Kenny Pickett. Some questions this game raises will need to answered by the coaches, who will replace Breeze Hall in the lineup? Is the Drake London thing over? Will Dollars ever find a Quarterback?  Will Sergio stop this dumb name changing thing?  Will Dollars finally confront that coward Big E?   Will Sergio find someone to love him as much as he loves Jason?  


                                    (Jared Goff shown here showing HC what he can shove up his ass)

Hardcore Cabinet could have ended the unbeaten season of Bricklayers and pulled into sole position of third place but instead their injury riddled team falls into the middle of the pack. Bricklayers had his best players on bye and still scored 110 points.  Staying unbeaten clearly is a goal of Bricklayers as they traded some of their depth away to fill holes for this week.  Will it cost him down the line as so far this season Bricklayers has been injury free?



The Collegians hit their high water mark of the season but that high water mark was still the shallow end.  However the shallow end is plenty deep enough to drown Jeremy's wee brother and The Collegians get their third win of the year. Collegians is really wasting all the shine from the fantasy gods. He is still yet to be in the top half of the league in scoring in any week but has managed three wins. JB has lost 3 of 4 games but faces Bay-Bay's and Rush'n Missiles the next two weeks and that usually cures what ails ya, but the Collegians were supposed to as well.  





The Big Nasty Express has leapt all the way into 12th place with his second straight victory.  Leaping over everyone who has ever married one of Kevin's sisters.  Apparently being berated by your wife and near Joe's log cock makes you suck at fantasy football.  BNE improves to 2-4-1 as defensive coordinator and coincidentally in undefeated when he wins the defensive matchup. Italian Stallions wanted their flowers the past few weeks but it seems the roses are wilting already.   Can either of these teams make it all the way back into the playoff picture?          




                                                            Week 7 Pick em results

                                            Bricklayers won the week with a 6-1 records.  BG went 1-6.  Jason still maintains the overall lead with the Collegians bringing up the rear.  Week 8 picks are available here.



                                                                        Skynet playoff odds


EBD, Bricklayers, SMBR are mathematical locks 99% and up. BB, TC, RM are mathematical misses less than 1%.  

LZ 87% HC 85% JB 72% $$ 67% BG 54% ODS 25% IS 5.5% BNE 2%




- UNLUCKY
+ LUCKY
PWR
TIERSRANKWL+/-
Running Away
EBD76150
BL70210
Almost 1SMBR63280
50's
BG5536-6
ODS5239-6
TS5239-2
LZ52391
AlmostHC47443
Trash
BNE3952-3
$$39523
IS3457-2
Almost trashCB2566-2
$$ tier
BB17744
TC16756

TC hasn't scored more than 94.15 points…and has 3 wins
Everyone but SMBR either went up or down in the standings
Biggest mover UP was TC, 4 spots
Biggest mover DOWN was CB, 4 spots
PWR Rank showing haves/haves nots with HC toeing the line
EBD has been top 5 scorer every week


                                                                  Week 8 Preview
                                        
                                                                Game of the Week
                                
                                                    #3SMBR vs #4 Los Zapatistas
                                                    
                                                                    ODS vs BL
                                                                    BG vs TC
                                                                    $$ vs EBD
                                                                    HC vs BNE
                                                                    JB vs BB
                                                                    
                                                    The Toilet Brother in Law Bowl 
                                                               #13 Italian Stallions
                                                            vs #14 Rush'n Missiles. 


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