HTPB 20.10

 

Week 10 saw the bottom of the standings take their pound of flesh and the middle of the pack fail to climb in the standings.  

Blue Gatorade caused Hardcore Cabinet to be the second member of the league to have his Sunday 40th birthday ruined by an utter ass kicking.  Hardcore Cabinet only had one player break double digits and zero touchdowns while Blue Gatorade had another well rounded week to earn the victory and swap places with HC in the standings.  Don't sleep on Blue Gatorade, but with the trade deadline approaching and BG should be aware of who pays for the cell phone that he sets his lineup with and make an offer accordingly if he would like to maintain that access.  After losing Henry, the additional loss of Kyler Murray has been hard to overcome.  

Like their owner at a circle jerk, it all came to together for Ogre's Death Squad this week.  ODS used 8 team touchdowns to stomp Big Nasty Express.  BNE seems success and failure seems completely tied to Justin Herbert. BNE has lost every game where Herbert played and failed to score 20 points except one (which was against Dollars which doesn't count) and won every game when Herbert scores over 20.  ODS took a step away from the Toilet Trophy this week but it clearly lurks at every turn due to ODS low point total.  

Los Zapatistas won the only match-up that came down to Monday night, besting Big Cat by a point.  The Shoes had to rely on A-yuk who dropped a solid 4 points to sneak out win. Both squads managed to break 100 while getting a goose egg from their tight ends.  The year of the cat took a big hit this week as Los Zapatistas took Big Cat's position at just outside the playoff picture.  

    "I mean Big Cat was in the top 7 scorers this week despite the loss."

            -Cory Bourquin

SMBR landed several big blows to Bricklayers tiny head, with 3 players scoring more than 20 points allowing him to take home the high score of the week.  Bricklayers was led by Javonte Williams who scored less that Cooper Kupp did in the final drive of the game and that's without a TD.  Bricklayers settles into the cellar and SMBR rests atop the standings.  

The Collegians had a rough time this week as he was taken out behind the woodshed by Tinker Stinkers, who had a really good week despite Nick Chubb being out. Collegians was just sitting around enjoying first place and BOOM, Tinker Stinkers struck.  There some how were touchdowns being scored not by Collegians players and full investigation has begun by HTPB officials led by representatives from Tinker Stinkers.  Tinker Stinkers has the longest current winning streak in league and the shortest fuse once he reads this write-up.  Also the shortest pants.

Italian Stallions took Rushin' Missiles down a few pegs and with Arron Jones' injury and the upcmong bye for the Packers, RM's grip on the last playoff spot is weakening.  Will RM stem the tide and or settle right back into his comfy sport juuuuuuussssstttt outside the playoffs.  Speaking of places where somewhere usually resides, with the victory Italian Stallions pulled themselves out of last place but with uncharacteristic victories for other bottom feeder teams, IS is still only in  the penultimate place. Click here for that Dom.

    

                                                    (Italian Stallions after his victory)

I save the worst for last as Dollars scored more points that Eh Bid Dude 81-44.  What a shit game?! I would like to take a minute to thank Dollars for continuing to try to scrape together wins, make his picks and be a bright ray of sunshine despite going though the season from hell. EBD says he doesn't enjoy the league or fantasy football in general.  Just going out on a limb here.  Maybe allow yourself to have more fun with it.  Maybe make some picks, read a funny blog, not take it so seriously and maybe it will be activity that brings you joy.  You have a lot good in your life happening and this can be one too.  Maybe moreso in two weeks because you need to take an L next week. Just let me know if you read this but saying something negative while holding a copy of today's newspaper.  That way we know that you are alright.  Sorry got stuck in a rut there from the previous wrap up.

Week 10 Power Rankings

1. SMBR 85-45

-----------------------------

2. HC 79-51

3. TC 79-51 

4. BG 78-52

5. BNE 74-56

-----------------------

6. CB 70-60

7. BCC 66-64

8. TS 65-65

------------------------------

9. LZ 59-71

10. IS 57-73

---------------------------

11. BL 54-76

12. EBD 52-79

13. ODS 51-79

------------------------------

14. $$$ 41-89

We finally have a new #1 as HC slow fall from the top continues.  $$$$ is going to need to really turn it on to avoid last place in the power rankings. HC has been the unluckiest being 4 spots behind where he should be and TS continues to be the luckiest being 5 spots ahead of where he deserves to be.  

Pick em was won by several players with 4-3 records: ODS, BG, BL, $, LZ, TC

Last place was HC and RM with 2-5 records.  Here, EBD get a slice of that joy.

Week 11 preview

Game of the Week: SMBR vs BG

ODS vs RM

BNE vs TS

IS vs The Shoes (Had to get one in for Bigs)

BG vs SMBR

BL vs TC

Toilet Bowl Match-up

$$$ vs BCC

Have a great week and remember the trade deadline is this weekend. 

HTPB 20.9

 

Week 9 was a low scoring slog, with 91.03 being the 7th highest score, but should be called you are what you are week, as the top 7 went 6-1 vs the bottom 7.  

SMBR repeatedly took an early lead and both $5 weekly bets on Thursday night behind Taylor's 32 points.  Maybe SMBR will be nice and make sure the Toyota he served EBD has a car seat in it.  Carson Wentz was the only player for EBD to break double figures.  Since EBD dude had a rough week you knew this happened to be a week that he didn't watch any of the games.  His whole squad totaled 19 rush yards while SMBR's QB had 120.

Rushin' Missiles' had most of his team on bye or out with COVID and still managed to beat Bricklayers by 21.  Maybe Bricklayers should consult the renowned Dr. Joe Rogan to nurse his team back to health.  Melvin Gordon beat Williams 16-11 in the battle of Denver running backs, although Gordon was aided with horse dewormer as a performance enhancing drug.  RM will be heading to his first playoff berth as this game was deemed a sure loss but he pulled it out.  Rodgers should be back next week unless, the Jews uses their space lasers again to start wildfires around Lambau field in order to put him the cancel culture casket. Do your own research you sheep.

ODS may have won the battle for Big Cat's love securing the pick em vote but The Collegians secured everything else, in an 50 point beat down.  This destruction was even with James Conner going crazy on the Collegians bench, crazy in a good way, not in an Aaron Rodgers way.  It's understandable that ODS would have such a rough week with a list of players on bye such as Alex Collins.  How can he be meant to overcome such odds.  TC continue to roll and remain atop the standings. 

A Yuk finally got himself into the end zone to pull The Shoes to 73 points.  Things are looking up, as in looking up in the standings at all the teams with above .500 records.  Blue Gatorade used a well rounded attack to break the 100 point barrier.  The Shoes can't make the right call on DPJ, as they only like to play him on weeks he doesn't record a snap, shown here showing Sergio, how many spots out of the playoffs, Yahoo currently projects him to finish. 

Tinker Stinkers may say that your writer is a horse but he is the one with lucky horseshoe shoved up his ass, as TS pulls out yet another bottom 7 point total win. Clearly his tiny ass is a leprechaun not a dwarf or munchkin, this is on me and I apologize about misidentifying what mystical tiny person, Mike is.  I will try to do better in the future. Dollars put the newly activated Jeff Wilson Jr in his lineup and he never took a snap.  Patrick Mahomes continues to struggle as the first round reach continues to hurt TS in point total but not in the win column.  Nick Chubb carrying the rest of Tinker Stinkers to a victory.  This win would have gone a long way to keep Dollars out of the Toilet Bowl.

The clubhouse leader for Toiletries continues to be the Italian Stallions which have performed more like Spider Rico this season.  Italian Stallions laid another egg as the Big Nasty Express continues to roll along.  BNE continues to be lead by the surprise player of the season Cordarrelle Patterson.  Here is what he has done this season

1	Sep 12	Phi	Final L 6-32	8.55	7	54	0	0
2	Sep 19	@TB	Final L 25-48	21.54	7	11	1	0
3	Sep 26	@NYG	Final W 17-14	12.90	7	20	0	0
4	Oct 3	Was	Final L 30-34	32.06	6	34	0	0
5	Oct 10	NYJ	Final W 27-20	15.98	14	54	0	0
6	BYE	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
7	Oct 24	@Mia	Final W 30-28	14.91	14	60	1	0
8	Oct 31	Car	Final L 13-19	16.85	9	35	0	0
9	Nov 7	@NO	Final W 27-25	14.60	9	10	0	0

That's ridiculous production from a kick returner at running back.  

Big Cat Crushers was the only bottom 7 pull out a victory as he edged past Hardcore Cabinet.  Hardcore Cabinet's running back situation has gone from Derrick Henry leading the league to Chase Edmonds getting one carry and getting a multiple week injury. Although minus Henry, Kyler, and Edmonds getting one carry, HC still finished in the top 7 of the league in scoring. New England scored 24 points to lead Big Cat.  The QB play in this game was reminiscent of the Browns pre Baker Mayfield as they combined for 17 points.  Although that was another good week by Big Cat, right Cory?

ODS, BCC, and LZ went 6-1 in pick em to lead the league, while SMBR went 2-5 to finish in last.   Week 10 picks available at this link. https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/14389/pickem  

Power Rankings

1. HC 78-39

2. TC 76-41

3. BNE 72-45

4. SMBR 72-45

-----------------------

5. BG 68-49

6. 64-53

------------------------

7. BCC 59-58

------------------------

8. TS 53-64

9. EBD 52-65

10. LZ 51-66

------------------------

11. BL 49-68

12. IS 46-71

13. ODS 42-75

---------------------

$$  37-80

Hardcore Cabinet has been the unluckiest as he is 4 spots below where the power rankings suggest, while Tinker Stinkers is 4 spots ahead where he should be.  

Week 10 preview

Game of the Week  1 Collegians vs 4 Tinker Stinkers

Birthday Bowl 5 Hardcore Cabinet vs 6 Blue Gatorade 

7 Rush'n Missiles vs 14 Italian Stallions

2 SMBR vs 11 Bricklayers

8 Big Cat vs 10 The Shoes

3 Big Nasty Express vs 12 Ogre's Death Squad

Axis of Toilet Bowl

9 Eh Bid Dude vs 13 $$$

Good Luck to all in week 10.  Trade deadline is coming up. 

HTPB 20.8

 

Week 8 saw some upsets that caused the standings to condense as two two loss teams fell to below .500 squads along with another upset or two in this low scoring week.

Bricklayers brought some Monday Night Magic to the table which BNE and Darious Slayton promptly choked on.  BL was able to ride big games from Darrell Henderson and Tyreke Hill plus the zero points from the guys he got in exchange for Cooper Kupp to get to 99 points and the victory.  BNE could not overcome the loss of Davante Adams to COVID and the loss James Robinson to injury.  BNE could be in fact facing some hard times in the coming weeks. 

Josh Allen's 31 points was 39% of ODS' total scoring for the week and was unable to drag the rest of the bums to a win over EBD.  EBD's 90 points seems like a lucky win but 90 was good enough for the 8th highest scoring total of the week making it barely a lucky win.  EBD has kept up his streak of somehow always watching his players are doing well but never seeming to be watching when his players are sucking.  It's amazing how often that happens.  

In match-up that's hard to write about because they didn't say shit to each other in the chat as to not hurt each other's feelings, Tinker Stinkers softly and gently beat the crap out of Rush'n Missiles.  Michael Carter's 27 points gently caressed Cory's head, while Philadelphia's 25 tucked him in with his blankie. But hey Cory, Big Cat has another good week.  I'm saying talk shit even when you goofs are playing your ridiculous teammates.  Also FYI people who are not in stupid groups make up only 29% of the league but are 43% of the current playoff squads.  

I now would like to take a moment to mourn the fantasy season of Derrick Henry. The number one running back in fantasy by such a large margin that he will still most likely be the number one running back by the beginning of week 11. 

  Hardcore Cabinet better get used to only getting 6 points from running back position moving forward, as HC only got 14 points from Henry and Kyler but it was still enough to defeat Dollars thanks to good weeks from the receiving core you each hauled in a touchdown.  Ryan Tannehill another good player who has scored an average of 23 points a week since Bricklayers spite released him in order to play Sam Darnold.  Tampa's D and Kaliff Raymond let Dollars down but at least he is currently ahead of the Loins in the standings.  

The Loins did manage to have the lowest score of the week and got beaten down by The Collegians, but it could have been worse if The Collegians had gotten a score every time he should have which of course is every time somebody scores ever. TC used his James Conner vulturing touchdowns to overcome first round Kelce scoring 3 points and letting him down on the position bet.  The Collegians said it is worth it in exchange for the victory, so Steve values win at at least $5.01 and he would know the value as he is currently leading the league in wins or at least $30.06 worth.  

Big Cat Crushers pulled the nose up to end a five game slide and vault all the way into tenth place in the standings. Since Max has his license so Big Cat decided to pay forward the love with a gift.  Big Cat passed out a Toyota to Blue Gatorade.  Big Cat's well rounded attack brought him the victory and $10.  Cory's prophetic words of last week still ring true as Big Cat did in have a good week.  

You aren't going to such hard hitting analysis and humor from non other than Rushin Missiles. This guy scored a lot of points and that needs to be mentioned specifically.  

Los Zapatistas was able to overcome being swindled by Bricklayers, as being traded to Los Zapatistas and his 8 year streak without finishing in the money has Calvin Ridley questioning his will to live.  The loss knocks SMBR out of first place and moves LZ all the way into still not in the playoffs.  Maybe Brandon Yuk! can help the fill the void left by Ridley.  Although LZ's schedule gets easier the rest of the way, with only two current playoff squads left on the schedule but that final game of the season with Hardcore Cabinet with LZ's playoff life on the likely line looms large, especially seeing that Kyler Murray and Cooper Kupp play on Monday Night. 

Power Rankings

1. HC 70-34

--------------------------------

2. TC 64-40

3. BNE 61-43

----------------------

4. SMBR 59-45

5.BG 58-46

6. CB 57-47

---------------------------

7. EBD 51-53

8. BCC 50-54

9. LZ 49-55

10. TS 47-57

11. BL 46-58

-----------------------

12. ODS 42-62

13. IS 41-63

-----------------------

14. $$$ 33-71

Tinker Stinkers continues their run of amazing luck as they are 5 spots higher than statistically they should be. While Blue Gatorade and Big Cat should be two spots higher.

Pick em Results

RM and LZ went 5-2 and LZ would have won had they not spite picked Dollars.  EBD went 1-1, but the worst record of the week % wise was SMBR, BG, and IS who went 2-5.  Week 9 picks here    

Yahoo Medals has SMBR repeatedly in the lead and Big Cat in rear.  Check out your medal count here.

Week 9 Matchups are our third straight week of without many top teams facing each other.  

The Game of the Week I guess is 4 SMBR vs 8 Eh Bid Dude

2 HC vs 10 BCC

12 ODS vs 1 TC

3 BNE vs 14 IS

7 BG vs 9 LZ

11 BL vs 4 RM

Toilet Bowl of the Week  13 $$$ vs 5 TS

Good to everyone this week as the season heads into the second half.  

HTPB Week 20.7

 

It was the bye-pocalypse this week, with 6 teams on bye, most of which are high powered offenses. It was also rematch week, with the week 1 losers getting revenge more than they didn't, with 4 week 1 losers getting the win.  It was also know your role week as the match-ups had 5 of the 7 games featuring a top 7 team vs a bottom 7 and the top 7 team went 5-0.

The closest game of the week, saw Geno Smith yank victory away from Eh Bid Dude.  It seemed like EBD had victory wrapped up after the DK Metcalf long TD on Seattle's first pass of the game, unfortunatly for EBD, Metcalf only caught one more pass the rest of the game, so BNE comes away with the victory.  Injuries and byes really affected this game as both teams entire benches combined for 6.1 points.

Bricklayers tried to pull a Dr. Frankenstein and destroy the monster that he created, but like his literary namesake, Bricklayers died cold and alone as Hardcore Cabinet defeated him by 39.23 but missed giving him a Toyota for his birthday by less than 1/2 a point.  Hardcore Cabinet has had one of the top two scores in the league 4 out of the 7 weeks, while Bricklayers has been in the top half of the league in scoring a grand total of two times.  The bye-pocalypse didn't really affect this game much as only one player was on bye for Hardcore Cabinet.  So to recap, in a week in which so many teams were decimated by byes and his team was at full strength, Javonte Williams scored a TD, his QB broke 20 points, his defensive beat projections, Bricklayers STILL was not in the half of the league in scoring this week.  The monster saw what he had done to his creator and realized what he had done to the league this year, that everyone will attack him for his smugness, charge his castle with pitchforks and torches, for only wanting to win games, accept trades, talk smack.  Just what anyone just given life in this league would want, only to be attacked for being a "monster", his only monster act was putting up monster points.  

“All men hate the wretched; how, then, must I be hated, who am miserable beyond all living things!”  -the monster, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

Speaking of reanimating the dead, Dollars won this week, led by the one, two punch of Kamara and Tampa Bay. ODS was too afraid to break 90 points without his top two players and his cowardice has dealt with twice by Dollars.  Dollars has only broken the 100 point barrier three times this year, and has managed to get the win each time, but that has happened two out of the last three weeks. Is it a turnaround or now that he can't beat ODS anymore, it's back to the basement?

You had to sign a liability waiver to look at Italian Stallions lineup this week, as the byes and injuries were especially hard on IS.  The basically unscathed SMBR was able to easily route IS to avenge his first week tough luck loss.  Sam Darnold "led" IS with 1.70 points.  Nobody talked smacked and the game was obvious before the week even started, so I am having a tough time trying to think of stuff to say on this one.

A little parched from all this typing, going to take a nice refreshing sip of water while I check out Big Cat and Rush'n Missiles.  

Wait! Is Cory good?  I understand seeing Big Cat at the bottom the standings.  It's comforting like grandma's quilt, but this Cory currently in 6th position is like world is upside down, fire is cold, that cherry isn't somewhere, WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!?! I am questioning everything I knew before.  Is gravity real?  IS JASON A REAL SIZED ADULT MAN!!!!! I don't even know anymore. 

“Big Cat could have beaten half the league.” 

                    Cory Bourquin Oct 26th, 2021

Not every team used all the byes and injuries as an excuse as the only man to step up a get the win with a decimated squad was the only child in the league.  Blue Gatorade pulled out the victory with the likes of Van Jefferson, Mike Davis, Marquez Calloway in the lineup beat a team with blue chip athletes like Patrick Mahomes, Chris Godwin, Courtland Sutton, Julio Jones, and Kyle Pitts.  Tinker Stinkers can feel good knowing that his team did that during all the byes with only one guy on bye.  That's seeing the bar, lowering the bar, and then still missing the bar.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7g3OCI7ll8

The Collegians were drug by Matt Stafford to a victory over Los Zapatistas.  LZ had four positions put up 3 points or less, including ol DPJ or Don't Play Jones, Baltimore's D, his kicker which is his best friend, and of course old reliable A yuk! The Collegians had 6 guys on his bench break 10 points.  It still came down to Monday Night, with LZ praying to fantasy gods for a Geno Smith led offense to score tons of points.  In the good news department, both of LZ recent trade acquisitions scored touchdowns.  

Power Rankings

1. HC 62-16

2. BG 58-20

3  BNE/CB 55-23 

5. SMBR 54-24

6. TC 53-25

7. EBD 47-31

8. IS 42-36

9. ODS 41-37

10. LZ 40-38

11. BL 39-39

12. BCC 38-40

13. TS 37-41

14. $$$ 30-48

The luckiest team in the league has been Tinker Stinkers who should be in next to last place but is somehow sitting at #7. Italian Stallions are the unluckiest but not enough bad luck to say he would have been a playoff team without bad luck currently. 

The Power Rankings are a good measure of how good your team really is and as a comparison to the rest of the league, but Nick has provided numbers against the mean each week, which basically measures, how many times you are in the are the top half of the league in scoring.  Basically nobody has more or less than one win they should.  

Pick em results.

Blue Gatorade, Bricklayers, and Hardcore Cabinet all went 6-1.  RM and TS went 2-5.  This week's picks can be made here. https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/14389/pickem

Week 8 Preview

It's another week of only 1 match-up between top 7 teams, which if the results go the same as this week did, with the better team winning all of them, we could have some big time separation between the haves and have nots. 

Game of the Week  6 vs 7 RM vs TS

Toilet Bowl Preview: ODS vs EBD (It's the only game between two non top 7 teams but it's 8 vs 9).

BNE vs BL

BCC vs BG

IS vs TC

LZ vs SMBR

Good Luck in week 8 and have a Happy Halloween! I hope your roster is full of Treats and not Tricks.  You don't want to get A Yuk! candy, am I right Sergio.

HTPB Week 20.6

 

Hardcore Cabinet continued their dominance over the Italian Stallions defeating them for the tenth straight year. Italian Stallions lost with the second highest score of the week. 2011 was the Italian Stallions last time winning the championship or even placing in HTPB.  

 What was the world like in 2011 compared to today?  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 led the box office, the nation was jamming to top song Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO, Seal Team 6 killed Osama Bin Laden, Steve Jobs died from cancer, and gas prices in Ohio were actually higher than now with $3.82 per gallon.  In 2011, the current members of HTPB had combined for 6 children.  The league has now corrupted the planet with 20 additional kids and Sergio is on pace to have this number at 30 by next time IS beats HC.  The game itself was a barn burner, as the fantasy gods teased him with the possible victory but the difference in the game was Bricklayers sending Cooper Kupp to Hardcore for a bag of magic beans.  

photo creation credit Nick Webb

Italian Stallions wasn't the only team cost a victory by that trade, as Bricklayers would have won had they not made the trade.  Carson Wentz and Chubba Hubbard filled well for the injured Wilson and Barkley, as Eh Bid Dude pulled out a win with a bottom half score.  Those victories are always crucial come nut crunching time to make the playoffs. 

The third Monday night magic came saw, Ogre's Death Squad edge out Blue Gatorade in a game that wasn't determined until the clock hit 0:00.  ODS pulls to 3-3 causing Big E to declare his team the worst 3-3 ever, which is a disgusting bald faced lie and a slap in the face of Los Zapatistas who currently is a much worse 3-3 team.  Jalen Hurts' Blake Bortles impression wasn't enough to get BG the victory as new and maybe former Seahawks starting running back, Alex Collins gave ODS the win.

Big Cat Crushers continued to plummet down the standings.  From first place after week 2 to 13th place a month later. Big Cat has fallen with Carson and CMC to IR, I don't know if he can get up.  It might be time for Eric and Steve to look into a place to make Big Cat's final few weeks in HTPB comfortable so he isn't in pain towards the end. Tinker Stinkers picks up another lucky win which is what he is best at just edging out horse jokes and giving directions to Emerald City.  

https://www.google.com/search?q=stark+county+top+nursing+home&rlz=1C1CAFB_enUS671US671&oq=stark+county+top+nursing+home&aqs=chrome..69i57j33i22i29i30l4.6092j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&safe=active&ssui=on

Darrel Williams gave the extra "L" on his first name to Rush'n Missiles, as Los Zapatistas handed a bad beat to RM.  Burrow and the backs led Los Zapatistas to the victory as RM didn't get much out of anyone outside of Green Bay.  (Listen here fellas, if you don't talk much in the chat, I don't get too much of narrative to write about, I need a kernel of something to foster into something funny.)

The Collegians didn't get much outside of Stafford and Mixon but they didn't need it to defeat as he caught SMBR repeatedly on a rare down week.  Johnathan Taylor put in his second strong week in a row but Lamar was a no show and it showed.  Both teams are perched near the top of the standings thanks to strong starts to the season.  

Speaking of the top of the standings, BNE managed to have a shit week and moved into first place.  But anything is possible when you play Dollars' shit team.  He makes dreams come true. His top non QB is Kamara coming in at #53 in the league in scoring overall, for the third overall draft pick.  The Department of Justice as opened a federal investigation into how Dollars has won two games.  When brought before the league commissioner who had been accused of cowardice, Dollars would only say

Power Rankings

1. BG 53-25

---------------------------------

2. HC 48-30

3. SMBR 47-31

---------------------------------

4. BNE/TC 44-34

6. RM 42-36

7. IS 40-38

--------------------------

8. ODS 38-40

9. EBD 37-41

10. TS/LZ 36-42

12. BL 33-45

13. BCC 30-48

----------------------

14. $$ 18-60

Analysis: Blue Gatorade is the unluckiest team, with IS right behind him on the unlucky train.  Tinker Stinkers is luckiest team by far, being a whopping 6 places higher than he should be, double the next luckiest BNE. Dollars is so so so bad. Mathematically he should have 0.2 wins but has managed 2.  It's not showing in his place in the standings, but he has been really lucky.  No AOE in the top 7 in the actual standings or the Power Rankings. They only have 5 wins combined outside of beating each other. 

League Pick'em 

The Shoes went 5-2 to win the week. SMBR pulled up the rear going 2-5. Week 6 pick-em here.  Remember when you pick you should assume that each team will trade their best player for a borderline starter.  That's because Roy plays chess while we play checkers. https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/14389/pickem

Week 7 Schedule (Rematches- first game winner in bold)

This week could be Separation Sunday as 5 of the 7 match-ups are between top 7's and bottom 7's. 

Game of the Week 

TINKER STINKERS vs Blue Gatorade  (Luckiest vs Unluckiest)

HARDCORE CABINET vs Bricklayers (Kupp comes back for revenge)

EH BID DUDE vs Big Nasty Express

BIG CAT CRUSHERS vs Rush'n Missiles 

ITALIAN STALLIONS vs Stabmyballzrepeatedly

Los Zapatistas vs THE COLLEGIANS

The Toilet Bowl Matchup of the Week presented by Cowardice

$$$(Those are capital $) vs Ogre's Death Squad. 

Good luck through the bye week craziness and may you emerge on the other side ready for a playoff push.  

 

HTPB 20.5

 

Week 5 caused the standings to bunch up closely.  13 of the 14 teams are either 3-2 or 2-3.  

All year, there has been talk around the league as it being the year for someone who has not drafted a championship team in 20 years.  This week a team that has not drafted a championship team in 20 years, put up a whopping 180 points to defeat Big Cat. 48 points from Herbert along with 4 20 point scorers. (I rounded up Chase's 19.95, so go to hell, Steve) was too much for Big Cat to overcome.

Dollars got into the Halloween spirit as his team rose from the dead to feast on Dom's brains.  Being such a light snack, Dollars also nibbled on Montgomery's knee, Dalvin Cook's ankle, and Ju-Ju's shoulder. The next few weeks of the season will be pivotal for these two squads to see if Dollars is really back to life or it was that thing where corpses sit up due to muscles tightening from dehydration before the days of embalming, and the Italian Stallions look to piece to together a team headed into a match up against Hardcore Cabinet, whom he has not beaten in 10 years.  

Speaking of Hardcore Cabinet they could really use the fountain of youth that is a match up against the Italian Stallions, after dropping their third straight to Rush'n Missiles.  RM dropped the up and down act and stayed up this week.  A good sign for RM was their well rounded attack to pull out the win.  As this may finally be the year that Rush'n Missiles makes the playoffs for the first time ever, since he has never ever made the playoffs before.  Not even once.  I'm bitter.  

Bricklayers hopes to get his bipolar disorder under control this week, as he proclaimed that his team was turning it around, voted against his team to win, made a swindler trade of that took the sole of The Shoes, proceeded to denounce his team, offer his best players up for a fire sale, take a generational tight end performance as sign that his team is good and call his shot on a Toyota for next week.  Also he lost, again. Also he wasn't even in the top 7 in scoring in the league.  Maybe next time you pay for airplane wi-fi it should be to seek a virtual meeting with a mental health professional.  Blue Gatorade continues to quietly move forward on his sneakily successful season.  

Hey Eh Bid Dude, do you want the good news or the bad news.  Since you are always such an optimist, I will give you the good news first.  You won.  The bad news you lost Wilson and Barkley for the foreseeable future and you play Bricklayers, who despite only being in the top half of the league in scoring just one week, has requested that you grab your ankles.  The Collegians had a rough week, as not a single player crossed the 20 point plateau, with a leading scorer of 16 from Stafford. 

Josh Allen and Zeke leads Ogre's Death Squad to big win over Los Zapatistas.  Los Zapatistas has been falling quickly down the standings and got swindled by a swindler.  He has been living vicariously through his butt buddies.  I am worried about you Sergio.  https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/is-living-vicariously-through-others-dangerous/

In short, living vicariously refers to living life through someone else's experiences rather than being a part of the events yourself. It requires immersing yourself in someone else's world and emotionally or mentally making their achievements and setbacks your own. It allows you to experience rewards without having to risk your own failures. You can tap into the feeling of achievement without putting in the work that may or may not pay off. It lets you explore personas and lifestyles you cannot have in real life and allows you to navigate the world through a different perspective without committing to any big changes. Living vicariously lets you have countless new experiences without stepping outside the prescribed boundaries around you.

We are here for you buddy.

In the craziest match up of the week, SMBR leapt into solo possession of first place after storming back against Tinker Stinkers.  68 points in prime time from the Bills and Lamar lead the come back, as Tinker Stinkers let this one slip between his tiny fingers something that JJ would have never let happen, rest assured.  

Power Rankings

1. SMBR 46-19

2. BG 44-21

3. BNE 41-24

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4. TC 37-28

5. HC 35-30

6. CB 34-31

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7. TS/EBD 31-34

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9. BL 29-36

10. IS/BCC/ODS 28-37

13. LZ 25-40

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14. $$ 18-47

There were no bad beats this week.

The luckiest team has been BCC which shows that maybe it has been the Year of the Cat all along.

The unluckiest teams have HC and EBD.

Pick em Results

ODS/BG/HC went 5-2

Tc went 2-5 but that still better than EBD 0-7 because of fear and pettiness. 

This week's pick em link https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/14389/pickem

Looking ahead to next week:

Game of the Week #1 SMBR vs #4 TC

ODS vs BG

BNE vs $$$

BCC vs TS

HC vs IS

LZ vs RM

The Toilet Bowl Preview of the Week

#9 EBD vs #10 BL (Which honestly isn't that bad but it was the lowest combined seeding, tied with HC vs IS but HC is a higher overall seed than either of these two teams, so that's why I chose it. If you have a problem with the tiebreakers, you fucking type this out, do math, and be hilarious. Any hands? Didn't think so.)

Good Luck to everyone next week. 

    

HTPB Week 20.4

Week 4 in HTPB further bunched teams the league is full of parity this season.

In the highest scoring match up of the week, Blue Gatorade led the league in scoring, and gave Italian Stallions a hard luck loss.  43 Monday night points from Eckler and Cook where enough to run past the Italian Stallions, who know have to figure out how to replace keeper David Montgomery, which could be as difficult for Dom as that pesky reading.  

SMBR gave Big E a good run through with that Big D.  Defense that is. As the Buffalo Bills put up a whopping 25 points, which outscored everyone on ODS.  SMBR looks to be having a bounce back season after last year's toiletries and ODS looks like he could be headed to another basement season.

But not the basement floor, because that is occupied by Dollars. A live look at Dollars setting his lineup each week:

Dollars is having the season from Hell.  Concussions, COVID, blown knees, kickers not kicking, OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!  The Collegians put up 94 points and won....COMFORTABLY.  Maybe better days are ahead, but it sure doesn't seem like it.  

Speaking of wining with a low score, Tinker Stinkers and coach Mike Richards.  They pulled out a narrow 2 point victory led almost completely by Patrick Mahomes 5 TD's.  A zero spot from injured Logan Thomas was the difference for Hardcore Cabinet along with other various shit performances, knocking him from his two week stay atop the standings.  Clearly JJ, would have been smart enough to use his adult sized hands to enter Kalif Raymond into the starting lineup this week.  

Bricklayers finally broke into the top 7 in scoring in a given week with their victory over the suddenly tail spinning Big Cat's Crushers.  As an old guy Big Cat should have known that rain is bad for the old joints as Brady put up a stinker in his return to New England. Bricklayers has a tough time deciding which running back to send out in a given week. Miles Gaskin 0.3 was the correct play, however as he eked out Sony Michel's -0.9.  I don't know how much longer Bricklayers can leave Mark Ingram's 2.4 points on the bench. It's quite the three headed monster.  Pictured here: 

 The Big Nasty Express beat Los ZapaTinkerStinkers,  I'm unsure of the losing team's name.  The coach is way more worried about other teams.  It's weird.  You think JJ needs an Emotional Support Mexican?  Shut the hell up, you stupid Sergio.  

Anyway....

A very well rounded effort from BNE's squad led to an easy win as BNE appear to have gotten back on the right track since an early season slog.  

Eh Bid Dude took his first hard luck loss of season to the always dangerous Even Week Rushin' Missiles.  This one was hard to predict as EBD always says, "Projections are wrong and stupid except when they aren't for but otherwise fuck off and know the rules except the ones I don't know.  Fags"

Power Rankings: 

1. BG 38-14

2. TC 35-17

3. HC 34-18

4. SMBR 34-18

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5. BNE 28-24

6. IS 28-24

7. RM 25-27

8. BCC 24-28

9. TS 24-28

10. BL 24-28

11. EBD 23-29

12. LZ 22-30

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13. ODS 18-34

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14. $$ 7-45

Analysis:  HC and TC feel back into the pack with the rest of the top teams.  There has been little discern between teams 5-12.  ODS has been bad but not Dollars bad who deserves his own section.  Blue Gatorade has been the unluckiest team in the league, as the power rankings show he is the most consistent team in the league but he is only in 5th place.  The luckiest team has been Tinker Stinkers, who is 6 spots ahead of where the numbers say he should be.  

Weekly Pick em.  

Bricklayers took first place this week with a 6-1 record while Big Cat and Tinker Stinkers went 3-4 at the bottom.  Week 5 pick em can be done https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/14389/pickem?week=5

Week 5 preview:  The Best Matchup of the Century of the Week is a battle between 3-1 teams SMBR VS Tinker Stinkers.

HC vs RM

BNE vs BCC

BG vs BL

$$ vs IS

EBD vs TC

and the Toilet Bowl Preview of Week is ODS vs LZ.

I hope you enjoyed reading, didn't take anything personal, and I wish you good luck in Week 5.