HTPB 21.7

 

Eh Bid Dude needs our prayers.  He scored the most points this week, is in first place, hasn't had a single week in the bottom half of scoring, and is undefeated. But have you thanked him for his unsolicited advice?  Have you listened to his revisionist history?  Have you helped him find a game on a streaming service while he continues to straight dominate his cord cutting?  Have you given yourself over to our lord and savior Ben Simmons?  Have you gotten the fuck off his porch?  What will you do in December when Roy gets upset and throws an epic tantrum like two years ago?  Will you give him the hug that he needs?      

Blue Gatorade used the power of Pepsi to defeat Ogre's Death Squad, who valiantly tried to overcome missing Josh Allen to take another loss. The least lucky teams in the league both end the week 2-5 despite being in the top half of the league in scoring and find themselves in a toilet bowl derby with the likes of the Collegians and teams that were auto drafted. The luck probably came from the stomach bug that tore through Max and hopefully for his sake his liquid shit first half of the season is behind him as well. Blue Gatorade was even able to win with Mark Andrews getting only 4 yards rushing which might be the craziest stat line of the year. 

Bay-Bay's has managed to get their third win of the year despite not scoring more than 100 points since week 1.  Rush'n Missiles will probably blame this loss on bye weeks but it is very doubtful that even Cooper Kupp can bail out this shit squad.  The rest of RM is a poo poo platter.  This journalist is prepared to name RM as the favorite to win the toilet trophy.  Unlike Cory himself, the schedule gets much harder in the second half.  I want to be clear and I can't stress the following enough: despite the victory, Bay-Bay's is still shit.  

 Los Zapatistas or whatever the fuck they are called this week, rode Joe Burrow to a strong week that once again Jason didn't comment on.  I am sorry you are in an abusive relationship , Sergio.  Karma came to get Dollars and dealt him a hard luck loss after handing him a few lucky wins.  But he is still hitting 4/7 playoff teams.  Dollars tried a new strategy of instead of trotting out a washed up QB like Brady or Wilson, he tried a not a ready to be starting young quarterback like Kenny Pickett. Some questions this game raises will need to answered by the coaches, who will replace Breeze Hall in the lineup? Is the Drake London thing over? Will Dollars ever find a Quarterback?  Will Sergio stop this dumb name changing thing?  Will Dollars finally confront that coward Big E?   Will Sergio find someone to love him as much as he loves Jason?  

                                    (Jared Goff shown here showing HC what he can shove up his ass)

Hardcore Cabinet could have ended the unbeaten season of Bricklayers and pulled into sole position of third place but instead their injury riddled team falls into the middle of the pack. Bricklayers had his best players on bye and still scored 110 points.  Staying unbeaten clearly is a goal of Bricklayers as they traded some of their depth away to fill holes for this week.  Will it cost him down the line as so far this season Bricklayers has been injury free?

The Collegians hit their high water mark of the season but that high water mark was still the shallow end.  However the shallow end is plenty deep enough to drown Jeremy's wee brother and The Collegians get their third win of the year. Collegians is really wasting all the shine from the fantasy gods. He is still yet to be in the top half of the league in scoring in any week but has managed three wins. JB has lost 3 of 4 games but faces Bay-Bay's and Rush'n Missiles the next two weeks and that usually cures what ails ya, but the Collegians were supposed to as well.  

The Big Nasty Express has leapt all the way into 12th place with his second straight victory.  Leaping over everyone who has ever married one of Kevin's sisters.  Apparently being berated by your wife and near Joe's log cock makes you suck at fantasy football.  BNE improves to 2-4-1 as defensive coordinator and coincidentally in undefeated when he wins the defensive matchup. Italian Stallions wanted their flowers the past few weeks but it seems the roses are wilting already.   Can either of these teams make it all the way back into the playoff picture?          

                                                            Week 7 Pick em results

                                            Bricklayers won the week with a 6-1 records.  BG went 1-6.  Jason still maintains the overall lead with the Collegians bringing up the rear.  Week 8 picks are available here.

                                                                        Skynet playoff odds

EBD, Bricklayers, SMBR are mathematical locks 99% and up. BB, TC, RM are mathematical misses less than 1%.  

LZ 87% HC 85% JB 72% $$ 67% BG 54% ODS 25% IS 5.5% BNE 2%

					- UNLUCKY
					+ LUCKY
	PWR
TIERS	RANK	W	L	+/-
Running Away	EBD	76	15	0
	BL	70	21	0
Almost 1	SMBR	63	28	0
50's	BG	55	36	-6
	ODS	52	39	-6
	TS	52	39	-2
	LZ	52	39	1
Almost	HC	47	44	3
Trash	BNE	39	52	-3
	$$	39	52	3
	IS	34	57	-2
Almost trash	CB	25	66	-2
$$ tier	BB	17	74	4
	TC	16	75	6

	TC hasn't scored more than 94.15 points…and has 3 wins
	Everyone but SMBR either went up or down in the standings
	Biggest mover UP was TC, 4 spots
	Biggest mover DOWN was CB, 4 spots
	PWR Rank showing haves/haves nots with HC toeing the line
	EBD has been top 5 scorer every week

                                                                  Week 8 Preview

                                        

                                                                Game of the Week

                                

                                                    #3SMBR vs #4 Los Zapatistas

                                                    

                                                                    ODS vs BL

                                                                    BG vs TC

                                                                    $$ vs EBD

                                                                    HC vs BNE

                                                                    JB vs BB

                                                                    

                                                    The Toilet Brother in Law Bowl 

                                                               #13 Italian Stallions

                                                            vs #14 Rush'n Missiles. 

HTPB 21.6

 

                                                                                

The biggest matchup of the week turned into a walkover as SMBR decided not to show up and Bricklayers went on to stay undefeated.  SMBR put up their lowest score of the season with only one player hitting over projections. Bricklayers continues to avoid injuries and losses.  The schedule turns much more difficult for Bricklayers the rest of the way. Maybe Bricklayers should take a week and focus on the fact that he can't seem to read texts.  Where is this link?  What day is the draft?  How the fuck do you write a book while reading at first grade level?  Try to figure out who actually wrote his book by purchasing it here. Or maybe here.

The league's only tough luck loser this week was Jeremy's Brother who fell to the suddenly resurgent Italian Stallions.  Despite the high scores both legendary QB's put up stinkers and the question needs to be asked.  Are they washed, Russell Wilson style?  The key to the victory was the Patriots defense and Rhamondre Stevenson who ruined Jason's day twice as they slaughtered the Browns and Jeremy's Brother. Luckily Taysom Hill and the FAAB breaking $74 dollars was there to keep the game close with 4.43 points ranking him as the 22nd highest tight end. The Italian Stallions won $10 this week most likely tripling their winnings over the last decade.

I'm trying to figure this out by Rush n' Missiles.  Complain about how Joe Woods should be fired and the Browns defense is terrible.  Then put that same defense in your lineup.  The lone point for the Browns really hurt the Missiles.  RM has some heavy hitters with Fournette and Cupp, but after that the drop off is steep.  RM is as top heavy as body builder who skips leg day.  Hardcore Cabinet moves to 4-2 on the season with another steady win despite only having two touchdowns.  Don't worry too much RM as the other player yet to adjust to the quality of this league comes to town, the Bay-Bay's.  After next week, HC will have played all of the top 7 teams except one.  

Los Zapatistas had the second highest score of the week but blew game four of the ALDS and to pour salt in the wound, Jason didn't even mention in either thread how Sergio was scoring alot of points cementing that it is a one way dick suck relationship.  Congratulations Jason.  Blue Gatorade can't get the quarterback position right as it continues to collapse his team all the way to 1-5.  Los Zapatistas gains his third win of the season, defeating the murders row of Bay-Bay's, The Collegians, and Blue Gatorade who have combined for 5 wins.  Time will tell what LZ does after completing the XFL portion of his schedule.   

(Ye Olde Fashioned Nudie Mag Shed)

Bay-Bay's wanted revenge against his older brother for not being invited to the beat off shed by Roy and Duane but unfortunately for Bay-Bay's they were not able to mainly based on the fact that the team is shitty.  It also doesn't hurt to trade your best player to your opponent for a bag of fertilizer.  Bay-Bay's did win a brand new Honda, by doubling up his score.   Both Eh Bid Dude and Bay-Bays are in trophy contention this year, just two very different trophies.  Eh Bid Dude wanted me to talk more about how good his team is but I'll let him handle that since he does it constantly anyhow.  Just stay tuned to both threads to hear all about Roy's genius. Also commentary on moves even involving kickers.  Maybe share some of that with Dan before next season.  

                                                                            

Two teams who have been riding opposite ends of the luck spectrum this season met and neither one wanted to win.  Dollars benched his newly acquired quarterback and rode Kirk Cousins to the victory.  While ODS hoped that just Josh Allen would be enough, but it wasn't. The big win for Dollars could play a pivotal role in determining the last playoff spot at the end of the season  Dollars has extended his winning streak against that well known coward ODS.  All of the non Josh Allen members of ODS stunk.  Marcus Valdez Scantling? 3 names 0 points. DJ Moore? needed moore than 7 yards, Eno Benjamin? E-no way. Is only two points Gould? Etc Etc...

Big Nasty Express got their first win of the season vs The Collegians.   In this trash fight of the game, new edition to the BNE, Christian McCaffery was held to 18 points.  BNE was able to get their first defense cooridinator win bringing Nick's record to 1-4-1.  Dax is coming back soon and the extra ten points a game will get Steve right into that sweet spot of the 80 points a week range.  Which will be high living for the Collegians.  The win vaulted BNE all the way up in the standings to still in dead fucking last.  It seems like TC infects their opponent each week like a virus lowing their opponents score as well.  An investigation into this virus has been launched by virus expert Aaron Rodgers. 

Skynet playoff odds (Skynet doesn't take into account byes)

BL 100

EBD 100

SMBR 99.17

HC 97.48

JB 93.45

$ 60.87

LZ 57.08

ODS 42.13

BG 25.45

IS 19.55

BNE 2.32

RM 2.2

BB 0.28

TC .03 ( Congratulations for the first time all season, Skynet thinks there could be a scenario where TC makes the playoffs.)

                                                                Weekly pick 'em results

Hardcore Cabinet won this week with a 6-1 record buoyed by the second one vote win of the season.  Several teams went 5-2 (6), but bringing up the rear in points this week and pick em was Bay-Bay's 1-6.  But the real loser is Dollars who didn't make his picks this week. Jason still leads overall with a one win lead over several competitors.  Pick Week 7 here

                                                     

  

    

                                                      Dollars Playoff Predictions

        Dollars is currently hitting 5 of the 7.  It think the Collegians pick is a goner and Italian Stallions has a bit of life. Los Zapatistas and Jeremy's Brother are crashing the party.  

                                                        (Tiers by BNE)                                                                                

	PWR
TIERS	RANK	W	L	+/-
Top Dogs	EBD	63	15	-1
	BL	62	16	1
	SMBR	53	25	0
Playoff Contenders	TS	47	31	-2
	HC	46	32	1
	ODS	45	33	-2
fecal matter	BG	44	34	-6
	LZ	40	38	1
	BNE	35	43	-5
	IS	32	46	1
dog fecal matter	$$	30	48	6
	CB	25	53	2
	BB	14	64	2
$$ tier	TC	10	68	2

TC hasn't scored more than 86 points…and has 2 wins

$$ is 6 spots higher in the standings than his Power Ranking points dictate.

Blue Gatorade is 6 spots lower

IS jumped up 4 spots

Lowest scoring week yet. Avg score was 92.21

The Spreadsheet Master has determined that BG and LZ are fecal matter, while this data analyst would have them listed in the higher group. I would also include BB in the $$ tier as they are much closer to the TC than they are CB.    

                                                                    Game of the Week 

                        This week there is a mathematical tie for best matchup as the top four teams battle this week. 

                                                #1 Bricklayers vs #4 Hardcore Cabinet

                                                #2 Eh Bid Dude vs #3 Stabmyballzrepeatedly

                                                                ODS vs BG

                                                                    $$ vs LZ

                                                                    RM vs BB

                                                                    TC vs JB

                                                   Toilet Bowl Matchup of the Week

                                                              #14 BNE vs #9 IS

Good luck to all next week.