RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (September 13/14, 2003)

 

This week we are once again graced with the presence of Taz instead of Ernest Miller with play by play man Josh Matthews. 

Match #1

Jaime Noble with Nidia vs Kanyon

Kanyon starts of with an armbar but Noble quickly reverses in into a hammerlock.  Noble hits a drop toe hold and a hip toss.  Kanyon lands some shoulder blocks in the corner.  Noble regains the lead with another hip toss and series of drop kicks.  Kanyon backs into the corner and begs for mercy but Jaime Noble gives him no quarter and lays in some stomps.  Noble lands a cross body.  He lowers his head for a back body drop but Kanyon catches him and throws him shoulder first in the ring post. He then applies a top rope Boston crab.  Kanyon suplexes him back into the ring.  Noble rolls out of a back stretch and kicks Kanyon in the mush.  Noble goes for a cross body but gets caught in mid air, that Kanyon transitions into a suplex.  Kanyon hits a sit down powerbomb Alabama slam for a 2 count.  Noble gets sling shotted head first into the ring post.  Noble reverses a suplex attempt into a rollup withe the tights to steal the win in 5:33 (***)

Match #2

The Basham Brothers with Shaniqua vs Scott Vantastic and Poker Face

Before the bell rings the Bashams get down on all fours and get whipped by Shaniqua.  Scott Vantastic starts off against Doug.  Vantastic gets a head lock on a blind tag is made and one wicked clothesline later, Scott Vantastic's offense for the match is over.  The Bashams tag in and out landing some punches and clotheslines.  Doug hits a Vader bomb but Poker Face breaks up the pinfall.  Vantastic is able to make it to the corner for a hot tag to Poker Face. Poker Face hits an eziguri and few drop kicks.  He tries a rollup but the ref gets pulled out of the ring.  Shaniqua enters and flattens Poker Face with a powerbomb.

Can't read my, can't ready my

She's got me like nobody
Can't read my, can't ready my
She's got me like nobody
Can't read my, can't ready my
She's got me like nobody
Can't read my, can't ready my
She's got me like nobody

Bashams win in 3:48 (3/4*)

Post match Vantastic gets a top tope for spinebuster for existing.

Match #3

WWE Tag team Champions, the World's Greatest Tag Team Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas vs Ultimo Dragon and Funaki in a non title match.

Charlie Haas and Ultimo Dragon start off.  Dragon hits some quick kicks but Haas lands some blows in the corner.  Ultimo Dragon comes back with a handspring elbow.  Both men tag their partners.  Benjamin hits deep forearms and rakes Funaki's face across the top rope.  The Dragon cheap shots Benjamin with a kick to the back of the head when he comes off the ropes.  Funaki hits a tilt a whirl head scissors and drop kick for 2.  Funaki tags to Dragon but gets caught with an elbow to the back of the head.  Shelton tags in and the Dragon hits a bunch of quick kicks.  They both hit a big boot to the head at the same time as both are down as we head to a MID MATCH COMMERCIAL BREAK ON VELOCITY WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!?!?!

Shelton Benjamin body slams Dragon on Haas' knee as we return from commercial.  The World's Greatest Tag Team switches on an abdominal stretch behind the ref's back a few times.  Dragon nails a jumping back kick to create some space and then a leg sweep to Haas.  Hot tag to Funaki.  Funaki hits several drop kicks and Matthews says, "Shades of Poker Face from earlier tonight."  This line kills Taz and your author.  Funaki gets a two count on a DDT.  All four competitors are in the ring.  The Dragon back body drops both Benjamin and Haas over the top rope.  Funaki gets caught going for the cross body to the outside.  Dragon hits an Asai Moonsault onto all 3.  Funaki tosses Haas back into the ring.  He goes to the top for another cross body...again...and he gets caught...again...  Benjamin comes in and superkicks Funaki in the head being held by Haas who then immediatly drops Funaki with a World's Strongest Slam for the win in 7:44 (***).

Sunday Night Heat is once again being lead by Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow a mere week before their match at Unforgiven for the RAW commentary duties against JR and Lawler.

Match #1

Maven vs Static

They start with a collar and elbow tie up, which Maven drops down out of and hits a drop toe hold, hip toss and transitions into an armbar.  We are told that Static was trained by the American Dream Dusty Rhodes.  Can't wait til Static finishes the story.  Static hits an enziguri to break up Maven's advantage.  He misses a corner charge and has his shoulder rammed into the ring post and experiences some white noise.  Maven hits a spinning heel kick for a 2 count.  Static gets laid out with a top rope bulldog/DDT something or other that seems botched for the win in 3:15. (1/2*)

(Your guess is as good as mine on what this was supposed to be.)

Match #2

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade vs Alan Steele and Rude

At no point during this match do Al Snow or Coachman differentiate between the two local competitors so I can't tell you who it who.  Cade starts and gets irish whipped into the corner where the gentleman who are trying to make a name for themselves double team the big Texan.  Cade battles out and hits a drop kick.  Tag to Jindrak who nails a splash in the corner and a flyover rollup in which he doesn't even attempt a pin and just lets the guy go.  The other fellow enters the ring so he can be clotheslined at the same time as his partner.  Jindrak tags back in Cade and they hit a double suplex.  Cade sends "the guy" into the ropes but "his partner" grabs him so Cade drops kicks air and lands hard.  I used the "" because that is what Snow calls them.  WHO IS WHO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! DO YOUR JOBS!  Cade gets a beating in the corner again.  The hit a double back elbow to Cade.  Cade sweeps the leg to get a hot tag to Jindrak.  Each unnamed grappler takes a beautiful high drop kick to the mush.  Cade clotheslines out one of our new friends and then hoists up the remaining man to be hit with a 6 feet in the air drop kick power bomb combo that is so amazingly impressive.  Jindrak and Cade get the win in 3:22 (*1/4)

Teri catches up with Val before his title match in the main event. Val says as much as they have pleasured each other in the past, (Remember Val had relations with her to upset born again Dustin Rhodes.) something is missed from his waist area...  You see it's not what you think, he's referring to the Intercontinental championship.  It was not a sexual reference you pervs. He wants the Intercontinental belt around his waist for a third time.  I would have guessed he had only had it once.  He won the title from Ken Shamrock at St. Valentine's Massacre in February 1999 and then again in July 2000 on an episode of Smackdown.  Each reign was about a month.  Val says like all of his costars, tonight Christian will be left flat on his back. He's going to win the title and then head to after party with Teri, because the Big Valbowski is cocked locked and ready to explode.  

Match #3

Christian defends the Intercontinental Championship vs Val Venis.

We start off with a collar and elbow and tie up, and Christian grabs an arm bar.  Val reverses and lands a shoulder block, hip toss, back elbow, spring board cross body, after each he attempts a quick pin attempt.  Val wants that after party!  Some elbows give Christian the advantage until he charges Val who side steps the champ.  Christian flies out of the ring like a goober.  He comes back into the squared circle and is not pleased.  He slaps the challenger.  Now it's Val's turn to be angry.  Val hits some hard chops, knees to the gut, and a Russian leg sweep.  Christian hangs Val on the top rope in desperation.  Christian lands several punches and stands over Val while mocking his taunt.  Val rolls Christian up for a near fall.  Christian chokes Val on the middle rope and goes for a splash but Val moves.  Both competitors are down as we head to commercial.  

Val is in control when we return to the action hitting a series of shoulder block, vice grip slam, spine buster, and mounted punches.  Val heads up for the money shot but Christian cuts him off with some fists.  Christian goes for a superplex but gets pushed down to the mat.  Val comes off the top for the money shot, but Christian gets the knees up.  He hits Val with a scorpion death drop for a near fall.  Christian is frustrated and argues with the ref.  Val nails Christian from behind and the champ collides with the ref.  Val grabs Christian and lays him out with a powerbomb but the ref is delayed getting to the count and the few extra seconds are enough to save Christian's title.  Christian ducks a clothesline attempt and hits the unprettier to retain the Intercontinental Title in 7:12.  (*** 1/4)

RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (August 30/31, 2003)

 

We get a treat this week as filling in for The Cat tonight on Velocity is Tazz.  He will repeatedly accidentally calls Josh Matthews, Cole.  It felt like genuine slip ups and not a running gag. 

Match #1

Billy Gunn with Torrie Wilson vs Doug Basham with Danny Basham and Shaniqua

Billy Gunn attacks as the Bashams make their way to the ring.  This allows them to double team the Assman legally because the match hasn't started yet.  Jaime Noble and Nidia make their way down to even the odds.  They trade punches and kicks, until Doug hits a springboard elbow, running clothesline, and knee drop.  This gets the crowd to chant for Torrie.  Doug has a chinlock and Tazz says that it is an S & M move.   Tazz then also informs Josh that he agrees with Bradshaw that Shaniqua and Benjamin are the same person.  Billy Gunn hits a back suplex to both me down.  Go behind by Doug who sets up a very sexualized pump handle slam.  Bully Gunn rolls through and kicks Doug in the mush.  He hits One and Only which is cobra clutch slam.  Tazz mocks Josh for losing to Shaniqua on Tough Enough.  Josh says that were on the different seasons.  Tazz, "Oh yeah, it was Nidia who beat you."  

Gunn hits a series of clotheslines and tilt a whirl slam for a 2 count.  Billy hits a splash in the corner and hits the Famousser.  Shaniqua tosses a chair into the ring.  This distracts the ref.  Noble runs over but eats a huge boot from Shaniqua.  Danny sneaks in behind the ref's back and hits Gunn with Shaniqua's whip, and switches places to get the pin in 5:21 ** 3/4.

In the locker room, The World's Greatest Tag Team is trying to get Shelton Benjamin over being called Shaniqua.  Haas says that he knows that Benjamin isn't Shaniqua but he wants to prove it to Shelton, so he gives Shelton a black long haired wig to try on.  Haas says this will work because he is a scholar and Bradshaw is dumb because he went to Albaline Christian.  Haas laughs at him when Benjamin has his back turned but goes back to serious when he isn't hidden.  Haas offers lipstick as well to make sure and while this is being negotiated Bradshaw walks past them in the doorway.  He calls over Faarooq and Bradshaw starts taking pictures.  The champs yell at the APA to leave and Bradshaw cackles and runs off to get the pictures developed.  Faarooq lingers but does not drop at "damn" much to my surprise.  Orlando Jordan walks by and says, "Hi Charlie, Hi Shaniqua."

Match #2

Shannon Moore vs HD Yates

Moore gets out the of the initial hammer lock with a reverse elbow.  Shannon has new tights and new tattoo according to Josh.  Moore hangs Yates on the middle rope and hits a running knee while on the apron.  That'll get Yates seeing in high definition.  Moore strikes with a back handspring escape into a swinging neck breaker.  Yates again is placed on the middle rope this time allowing Matt Hardy to yell "VEEEEE Onaaa" in his face before Moore serves up a knee to the back.  Now Mathew uses a High Definition joke, which I had beaten by one move sequence in write up time but he beat me in real time by 21 years so let's call it a draw.  Yates gets his first offense of the match with a flurry of punches by Yates and powerslam for a 2 count.  Shannon Moore gets back advantage with a corner corkscrew for a two count.  Moore throws a tantrum.  Moore lands a few boots to the face and climbs to the top for a float over neck breaker for the win in 5:12.  *1/2

Match #3

#1 Contender's Match for the Cruiserweight Championship

Billy Kidman vs Tajiri

(Full disclosure: I can't keep up the pace of the match)

The match begins with chain wrestling with each trading control.  Kidman hits a head scissors and an arm drag.  Tajiri hits one of his own and they stare off.  The crowd applauds.  Kidman catches Tajiri with a drop toe hold and then lands several hard elbows to the back of Kidman's neck.  A corkscrew elbow gets a 2 count and Kidman locks in a headlock.  Tajiri breaks free to hit a jumling spinning heel kick for a 2 count.  They trade chops.  Tajiri goes for a hand spring elbow but Kidman catches him with a drop kick which elicits an "ooohh" from the crowd.  Tajiri misses a kick attempt and Kidman tries to roll him up.  He throws Tajiri hard into the corner but the Japanese buzzsaw comes back with a super kick. His Michinoku driver only gets a nearfall.  Tajiri slaps Kidman hard in the chest which leads Tazz to start talking about nipples for awhile.  About Tajiri can slap your nipples clean off your chest and leave your ariolas damaged.  He says your nipples make this sound when Tajiri slaps them, and makes a foghorn sound.  Kidman hits a springboard elbow but Tajiri locks in the tarantula.  Kidman hits a powerbomb and an enziguri.  Kidman tries to drag Tajiri in position for the shooting star press, but Tajiri kicks him in the head. Kidman falls back and cracks heads with the referee.  While the ref is getting his bearings back, Tajiri blows green mist in Kidman's face and rolls him up for the win in 6:38 *** 3/4. Josh tells us to tune in this week on Smackdown to see Tajiri challenge Rey Mysterio for the title.  

Match #4

The World's Greatest Tag Team vs APA

Bradshaw and Charlie Haas start off.  Haas gets a drop toe hold and headlock, Bradshaw works free with a back body drop and then hits a suplex.  Haas tags in Shelton but he eats a couple of shoulder blocks.  Bradshaw tags in Faarooq.  A double team move of a body slam into a shoulder tackle by Faarooq.  Faarooq sends Haas hard into the turn buckle and a powerslam.  Haas hits a drop kick to the knee.  WGTT both attack the knee.  Faarooq eventually gets the tag.  Bradshaw gets a kick to the head and a swinging neck breaker.  Both men tag their partners.  Faarooq hits a power slam and a spinebuster.  The APA hit a double shoulder block to Shelton.  Outside the ring Shelton sends Bradshaw into the post.  Benjamin reenters the ring and kicks Faaroo1 in the mush allowing Haas to roll up Faarooq for the win in 5:59 ** 3/4.

I could not find the entire episode. It's probably being kept hidden because it is probably too hot for TV with newly heel Coach on commentary.  

Match #1 to me

Test with a reluctant Stacy Keibler vs Derrick Neikirk

Test enters the ring like Stacy normally does and when Stacy tries to enter the ring, Test won't allow it.  Test slaps Neikirk but the local competitor fires back with his own slap, a flurry of right hands, and flying foreman.  Test immediately lands several big clotheslines in the corner.  This gives him the chance to show Stacy his buttocks.  She is not pleased.  He makes Stacy get up on the apron to towel his sweaty brow.  When Test turns around he catches a drop kick in his now dry forehead.  Test grabs him and goes for a power bomb that gets reversed into a rollup for 2.  Test is through playing around and decapitates Neikirk with the big boot to win in 2:59. *

Earlier Today

Al Snow is backstage sitting on a production crate looking at a magazine centerfold.  Stevie Richards shows up and shover a microphone in his hand and pretends Al is here to interview him.  Stevie says that here on Must Steve TV, that Stevie Night Heat has combined with Stevie Corp to create the most amazing show.  At this point Ivory comes over to say hello.  Stevie thanks her for work on his show and caresses her shoulder.  Ivory is disgusted and warns Stevie to keep his hands off of her.   Victoria now joins her man and Stevie says that Ivory is trying to get into his pants.  Victoria snaps and calls Ivory a hussy.  "You are the village bicycle and everyone has had a try.  If you want my man you have to have me too."  Stevie lights up and says, "Really?!?!?!"  Victoria drags Stevie off by the hair.  Snow and Ivory exchange confused glances.  Up next it is Ivory and Tommy Dreamer vs Victoria and Stevie Richards.  

Match #2 to me

Tommy Dreamer and Ivory vs Stevie Richards and Victoria

The ladies start things off, Ivory tries to rotate over Victoria for a move but slips.  She quickly sweeps the leg to recover.  Ivory hits a suplex and goes for the cover but only gets a 2.  Victoria lands a few knees to the stomach and tags in Stevie.  He taunts Ivory in the corner but she dodges his clothesline attempt.  She lights Stevie up with a few chops to the chest.  Ivory ducks and rolls through to tag Dreamer in to avoid another Stevie clothesline attempt.  Tommy hits a clothesline on Stevie.  Stevie is quickly up and misses a dropkick and Dreamer comes down with an elbow drop. Ivory comes in and Tommy picks her up and slams her on Stevie for another leg drop.  Dreamer then adds one of his own.  Stevie goes for a crossbody but Tommy catches him.  Victoria comes from behind and chop blocks Tommy.  Victoria hits a spinning leg drop onto Tommy's knee in the corner.  Then stomps it a few times.  She tags Stevie back in.  He mocks Dreamer's taunt.  The heels go for a double suplex but Dreamer reverses and suplexes them both.  Ivory cames in with a dropkick to Richards.  Both heels get placed in the corner and Dreamer squishes them with a splash.  Ivory hits a top rope cross body to Victoria while Dreamer lays out Richards with a spinebuster.  Victoria climbs on Tommy's back but is snap mared off.  Dreamer dodges a Stevie Kick and Ivory lands a bulldog on Stevie.  Dreamer blocks a Victoria punch and then puts her head between her legs for a move but we will never know what the Innovator of Violence had planned as Stevie cleans his clock with a Stevie kick that Dreamer didn't see coming. Victoria covers for the win in 4:15.  (**)

I have not been able to locate Scott Steiner vs a young Mike Knox and Val Venis vs Rico.  If anyone has access to that please let me know.  Thanks