This week we are once again graced with the presence of Taz instead of Ernest Miller with play by play man Josh Matthews.
Match #1
Jaime Noble with Nidia vs Kanyon
Kanyon starts of with an armbar but Noble quickly reverses in into a hammerlock. Noble hits a drop toe hold and a hip toss. Kanyon lands some shoulder blocks in the corner. Noble regains the lead with another hip toss and series of drop kicks. Kanyon backs into the corner and begs for mercy but Jaime Noble gives him no quarter and lays in some stomps. Noble lands a cross body. He lowers his head for a back body drop but Kanyon catches him and throws him shoulder first in the ring post. He then applies a top rope Boston crab. Kanyon suplexes him back into the ring. Noble rolls out of a back stretch and kicks Kanyon in the mush. Noble goes for a cross body but gets caught in mid air, that Kanyon transitions into a suplex. Kanyon hits a sit down powerbomb Alabama slam for a 2 count. Noble gets sling shotted head first into the ring post. Noble reverses a suplex attempt into a rollup withe the tights to steal the win in 5:33 (***)
Match #2
The Basham Brothers with Shaniqua vs Scott Vantastic and Poker Face
Before the bell rings the Bashams get down on all fours and get whipped by Shaniqua. Scott Vantastic starts off against Doug. Vantastic gets a head lock on a blind tag is made and one wicked clothesline later, Scott Vantastic's offense for the match is over. The Bashams tag in and out landing some punches and clotheslines. Doug hits a Vader bomb but Poker Face breaks up the pinfall. Vantastic is able to make it to the corner for a hot tag to Poker Face. Poker Face hits an eziguri and few drop kicks. He tries a rollup but the ref gets pulled out of the ring. Shaniqua enters and flattens Poker Face with a powerbomb.
Can't read my, can't ready my
She's got me like nobodyCan't read my, can't ready myShe's got me like nobodyCan't read my, can't ready myShe's got me like nobodyCan't read my, can't ready myShe's got me like nobodyBashams win in 3:48 (3/4*)
Post match Vantastic gets a top tope for spinebuster for existing.
Match #3
WWE Tag team Champions, the World's Greatest Tag Team Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas vs Ultimo Dragon and Funaki in a non title match.
Charlie Haas and Ultimo Dragon start off. Dragon hits some quick kicks but Haas lands some blows in the corner. Ultimo Dragon comes back with a handspring elbow. Both men tag their partners. Benjamin hits deep forearms and rakes Funaki's face across the top rope. The Dragon cheap shots Benjamin with a kick to the back of the head when he comes off the ropes. Funaki hits a tilt a whirl head scissors and drop kick for 2. Funaki tags to Dragon but gets caught with an elbow to the back of the head. Shelton tags in and the Dragon hits a bunch of quick kicks. They both hit a big boot to the head at the same time as both are down as we head to a MID MATCH COMMERCIAL BREAK ON VELOCITY WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!?!?!
Shelton Benjamin body slams Dragon on Haas' knee as we return from commercial. The World's Greatest Tag Team switches on an abdominal stretch behind the ref's back a few times. Dragon nails a jumping back kick to create some space and then a leg sweep to Haas. Hot tag to Funaki. Funaki hits several drop kicks and Matthews says, "Shades of Poker Face from earlier tonight." This line kills Taz and your author. Funaki gets a two count on a DDT. All four competitors are in the ring. The Dragon back body drops both Benjamin and Haas over the top rope. Funaki gets caught going for the cross body to the outside. Dragon hits an Asai Moonsault onto all 3. Funaki tosses Haas back into the ring. He goes to the top for another cross body...again...and he gets caught...again... Benjamin comes in and superkicks Funaki in the head being held by Haas who then immediatly drops Funaki with a World's Strongest Slam for the win in 7:44 (***).
Sunday Night Heat is once again being lead by Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow a mere week before their match at Unforgiven for the RAW commentary duties against JR and Lawler.
Match #1
Maven vs Static
They start with a collar and elbow tie up, which Maven drops down out of and hits a drop toe hold, hip toss and transitions into an armbar. We are told that Static was trained by the American Dream Dusty Rhodes. Can't wait til Static finishes the story. Static hits an enziguri to break up Maven's advantage. He misses a corner charge and has his shoulder rammed into the ring post and experiences some white noise. Maven hits a spinning heel kick for a 2 count. Static gets laid out with a top rope bulldog/DDT something or other that seems botched for the win in 3:15. (1/2*)
(Your guess is as good as mine on what this was supposed to be.)
Match #2
Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade vs Alan Steele and Rude
At no point during this match do Al Snow or Coachman differentiate between the two local competitors so I can't tell you who it who. Cade starts and gets irish whipped into the corner where the gentleman who are trying to make a name for themselves double team the big Texan. Cade battles out and hits a drop kick. Tag to Jindrak who nails a splash in the corner and a flyover rollup in which he doesn't even attempt a pin and just lets the guy go. The other fellow enters the ring so he can be clotheslined at the same time as his partner. Jindrak tags back in Cade and they hit a double suplex. Cade sends "the guy" into the ropes but "his partner" grabs him so Cade drops kicks air and lands hard. I used the "" because that is what Snow calls them. WHO IS WHO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! DO YOUR JOBS! Cade gets a beating in the corner again. The hit a double back elbow to Cade. Cade sweeps the leg to get a hot tag to Jindrak. Each unnamed grappler takes a beautiful high drop kick to the mush. Cade clotheslines out one of our new friends and then hoists up the remaining man to be hit with a 6 feet in the air drop kick power bomb combo that is so amazingly impressive. Jindrak and Cade get the win in 3:22 (*1/4)
Teri catches up with Val before his title match in the main event. Val says as much as they have pleasured each other in the past, (Remember Val had relations with her to upset born again Dustin Rhodes.) something is missed from his waist area... You see it's not what you think, he's referring to the Intercontinental championship. It was not a sexual reference you pervs. He wants the Intercontinental belt around his waist for a third time. I would have guessed he had only had it once. He won the title from Ken Shamrock at St. Valentine's Massacre in February 1999 and then again in July 2000 on an episode of Smackdown. Each reign was about a month. Val says like all of his costars, tonight Christian will be left flat on his back. He's going to win the title and then head to after party with Teri, because the Big Valbowski is cocked locked and ready to explode.
Match #3
Christian defends the Intercontinental Championship vs Val Venis.
We start off with a collar and elbow and tie up, and Christian grabs an arm bar. Val reverses and lands a shoulder block, hip toss, back elbow, spring board cross body, after each he attempts a quick pin attempt. Val wants that after party! Some elbows give Christian the advantage until he charges Val who side steps the champ. Christian flies out of the ring like a goober. He comes back into the squared circle and is not pleased. He slaps the challenger. Now it's Val's turn to be angry. Val hits some hard chops, knees to the gut, and a Russian leg sweep. Christian hangs Val on the top rope in desperation. Christian lands several punches and stands over Val while mocking his taunt. Val rolls Christian up for a near fall. Christian chokes Val on the middle rope and goes for a splash but Val moves. Both competitors are down as we head to commercial.
Val is in control when we return to the action hitting a series of shoulder block, vice grip slam, spine buster, and mounted punches. Val heads up for the money shot but Christian cuts him off with some fists. Christian goes for a superplex but gets pushed down to the mat. Val comes off the top for the money shot, but Christian gets the knees up. He hits Val with a scorpion death drop for a near fall. Christian is frustrated and argues with the ref. Val nails Christian from behind and the champ collides with the ref. Val grabs Christian and lays him out with a powerbomb but the ref is delayed getting to the count and the few extra seconds are enough to save Christian's title. Christian ducks a clothesline attempt and hits the unprettier to retain the Intercontinental Title in 7:12. (*** 1/4)
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