Per Sergio's request: 4 year Power Rankings Totals

 Scoring the highest in the league every week over 4 years would have given you 725 points.

15.  1 year of Big Cat 92 (50.5% adjusted would be 5th)

14.  3 years of Bay-Bay's 221 (41% The worst adjusted for time for the 15 teams)

13. $$$ 307  my personal shocker being so low

12.  ODS 315

11. TS 316

10. CB 347

9. TC 347 with a tie

8. BG 352

7. IS 360

6. BNE 360 with a tie

.500 level 362-362-1

5. BL 369

4. SMBR 387 my personal shocker being so high

3. LZ 409

2. EBD 410

1. HC 417

No one has been above .500 all four years.  EBD, SMBR, BG, LZ, and HC have been above .500 with HC being the closest going 90-92 in his championship year of 2023.  

Tinker Stinkers has been below .500 in the power rankings each of the last 4 years.  His closest year to making it to .500 was 2022 with a 90-92 record.  

HTPB 2024 Round 1 Coverage

           Hardcore Cabinet defeats Rush 'n Missiles

A great champion as slain a lesser wolf and prepares to do battle with the Alpha wolf.

Lamar Jackson looks to carry Hardcore Cabinet to their second straight championship as he was a human anti-ballistic missile system, scoring 44 points.  Baker tried to keep pace with a healthy 34 but it was for naught.  Despite RM's 125 points, this was the most lopsided first round matchup.  RM has still never had a on profitable season in HTPB.  The league thanks him for his yearly donation. 

The Collegians defeat Eh Big Dude

A man feeds an old tree into a wood chipper named Retirement.

In a game that went back and forth on Sunday, The Collegians picked up the upset win to crash the semi finals.  Despite being outstacked 50 to 34, The Collegians used a Mike Evans and James Conner explosion to take the lead.  Can the Collegians Bengals stack torch the Browns enough to defeat #1 seed Italian Stallions to make their 5th Super Bowl?  

Los Zapatistas defeat Dollars

A wolf in a sombrero defeats a male nurse two times in a row.

Dollars will not be pulling a Buffalo Bills and losing in a record consecutive Super Bowls.  The combination of Cooper Kupp getting the goose egg and the David Montgomery injury could not be over come.  Brian Thomas had his most points of the season by double digits, was the leader for The Shoes.  The leader of the Wolves looks to finish in the money for third consecutive year.  

Loser Bracket Gift Card Giveaway

BL 123

BB 98

BNE 80

ODS 154

TS 99

Nick said he was making the bracket.  Those are your scores.  Do with those what you will.  I am very glad that Big E didn't make the playoffs because I don't think I could take him beating me with a blowup again this season.  

Pick em Results

It took for there only to be 3 games but we finally got someone to go undefeated in a week of pick em.  HC went 3-0 and remains in first place overall.  We also had our first week of someone getting the goose egg as BB and BL took the collar.  

Updated year long totals here

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10U1yZLxPBRtqUHSNx8yUlUHe2l8aNko6d5y9UO14BRI/edit?usp=sharing

The Semi Finals are set

Los Zapatistas the last two champions battle as Los Zapatistas take on Hardcore Cabinet

The Italian Stallions hope that their bye week swoon was just perfect timing and not the bottom falling out vs The Collegians stack.

RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (October 11th and 12th, 2003)

 

We start off on our Slamming Saturday Night being greeted by Josh Mathews and Taz.  

Match #1 

Rey Mysterio vs Kanyon

Kanyon backs Rey into the corner, misses some blows but takes back control with some elbows to the back of the head.  Rey ducks a few clotheslines but gets cut down with a kick to the stomach.  Josh Mathews says that Rey is like Dante Hall, the human joystick.  Haven't heard about the Chiefs kick return specialist in a long time.  Mysterio reverses a powerbomb attempt into a hurricanrana.  Rey slams Kanyon's head into each turnbuckle a few times and then the mat once for good measure.  Rey sends Kanyon into the turnbuckle and then proceeds to bust his bronco. Kanyon lands on the middle rope after a drop toe hold, but wisely bails before the 619 can be hit.  Rey hits him with a drop kick through the ropes instead.  Rey goes for a dive outside but Kanyon catches him and tosses him into the barricade.  Kanyon puts him up against the ring post in the ring and crushes him with a baseball slide. Kanyon then grabs Rey's head and legs and folds him around the post some more.  Kanyon gets a 2 count.  Kayon buries his knee into Rey's spine for a submission attempt.  Rey almost escapes twice only to get taken back down into the hold.  Mysterio finally does break free and goes for a tilt-a-whirl only for Kanyon to catch him with a vertical suplex for another 2 count.  Mysterio slides down Kanyon's back and hits a reverse DDT for a near fall.  Rey crawls between Kayon's legs for a quick kick to the knee and then a baseball slide into the groin.  Rey goes to the top for a seated senton for a two count.  Kanyon catches Rey on a another dive attempt and takes two back breakers.  Kanyon tries to get the cover with his feet on the ropes, but the referee catches him.  They fight with Rey on the apron.  Rey climbs the ropes and bulldogs Kanyon on to the second rope on the other side of the ring in a really cool spot that I don't remember ever seeing before.  Mysterio hits the 619 and the west coast pop to gain the win in 7:22 (*** 1/2)

Match #2 

Matt Hardy vs Tyson Dux

Tyson Dux gets an entrance.  He does some weird convulsion dance that Tazz and Josh are fans of from a previous match.  Dux had several dark matches at TV tapings but he last was televised from the previous October in a loss to Chavo on Velocity.  Dux starts out in control with a snap mare and drop kick.  He mocks the V1 hand signal and yell and hits a head scissors for a 2 count.  Matt catches Dux for a side effect, snake eyes, and leaping clothesline. Hardy stands on Dux's head but surprises Hardy with a roll up for 2.  Hardy locks in an arm stretch, but Dux escapes and hits a DDT to put both men down.  Dux is up first and hits Hardy with a drop kick.  Dux heads to the top for a crossbody and Hardy kicks out at 2.  Dux starts move epilictic dancing and mocking of V1.  He heads back to the top where Hardy cuts him off with some punches and takes him out with a top rope Twist of Fate for the win in 4:32. (*3/4)

Match #3

Billy Kidman vs Bobby Rude in a purple cape

Kidman starts with a hurricanrana in the ring and follows it up with hurricarana to the floor.  Kidman attempts a dive to the outside but misses.  Rude lays in the boots and tosses him into the barricade. Rude tosses him back into the ring for some elbow drops.  Kidman fires back but gets cut down with an underhook suplex.  Kidman comes back again this time with a dropkick, flying forearm, clothesline, back body drop, but gets caught with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker.   Kidman escapes a suplex and gets a roll up for two.  A glorious spinebuster by Rude.  Kidman hits a enziguri that puts Rude's lights out and follows it up with a shooting star press for the win in 4:24. (**)

In the back, Matt Hardy says that he is so proud of Shannon because of his win over Zach Gowen on Thursday on Smackdown.  He is going to reward him with a special gift this week on Smackdown.  

Match #4

Charlie Haas vs Funaki

Haas take Funaki down with a headlock and controls Funaki on the mat.  They trade leg sweeps and pin attempts.  Funaki gets mowed down by a clothesline.  Funaki chops back but gets caught and face planted on the top turnbuckle and then Haas crushes him with a back breaker.  Haas sends him into the corner with a hard irish whip.  Hass then locks in an arm bar.  Funaki fights free and hits a neck breaker.  Then Funaki has a flurry of a reverse DDT, dropkick, and a bulldog but only gets a near fall.  Funaki goes for a crossbody but Haas rolls through for a 2 count.  Haas pushes Funaki off of a Rising Sun DDT attempt and locks in the Haas of Pain for the submission for the victory in 5:15. (*3/4)

It's time for Heat as we are greeted by Al Snow and The Coach.  

Match #1

Test with sad Stacy Keibler vs Tommy Dreamer with an emotionless Singapore cane

Test starts out with a body slam but misses the big elbow drop.  Tommy Dreamer does a weird strut that Stacy and our commentary team make seem like is mocking Test, but I don't get it.  Dreamer tosses Test over the top after dodging a charge.  Dreamer hits him with a baseball slide.  On the outside, Test pulls Stacy in front of him as a human shield.  Test uses the distraction to impale Tommy on his testicles on the barricade.  Test tosses Dreamer back in the ring and hits some heavy corner running clotheslines.  He celebrates with some jumping jacks.  Test attacks with a body slam but his top rope double ax handle is met with a boot.  Tommy gets his first sequence of the match with a neck breaker and a Russian Leg Sweep.  Test gets back the advantage with a full nelson slam.  Test goes for the big boot but Stacy grabs his leg to prevent it.  Stacy surprisingly hangs Test's throat on the top rope. Test stumbles into a dreamer bomb for a near fall.  Keibler tells Dreamer that he should hit a flip off the top rope onto Test and he agrees with this plan, showing that neither one of them has ever watched a Tommy Dreamer match in their lives.  Test kicks the ref into the ropes and Tommy does damage to his testicles yet again.  Test goes for the cover and tries to put his feet on the ropes but Stacy knocks them off.  Test grabs Tommy's kendo stick and goes to blast Tommy with it but Stacy enters the ring and tries to disarm him.  Test goes to crack Stacy with the weapon but Tommy successfully disarms him.  Dreamer goes to hit Test but the big man moves and Tommy pulls up before he hits Stacy.  The momentary lapse in judgment allows Test to hit the big boot and get the win in 4:47. (*1/2)

Teri interviews Val Venis.  She asks about why Val had a camera last week.  He makes some comments about how they used to hook up back in the day and then explains that he has started his own adult movie company.  Venis Video Productions.  He is looking for hot chicks to be in his movies but since he will behind the camera he is also looking for the next Great American Super Stud.  He says Great American Super Stud several times. I did not know this was the specific name for this role.  He will be going all over America to find them so every one should be getting ready for the camera.  

Match #2

Val Venis vs Eric Young

Val and Eric trade arm bars to start.  Val bring him down and wrenches on the arm a bit more.  Val hits a shoulder block and a Russian leg sweep which is mixed in with a few knees to the midsection.  Eric Young gets in control with a DDT, back body drop, and back breaker.  The advantage is short lived as Val takes back over with a clothesline flurry, back body drop and finishes the Canadian with a Money Shot in 4:08. (*)

Match #3

The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and Devon) defend the World Tag Team Titles vs La Restiance (Rob Conway, Renee Dupree with Sylvain Grenier)

 

The Dudleys make quick tags to start and dominate Rene Dupree with strikes.  Loud "USA" chants from the crowd.  Eventually the heels corner Devon and get their own set of quick tags and strikes.  Devon breaks free with a spinning elbow and body slam.  All four men in the ring as Bubba squishes both heels in the corner and Las Resistance bails before we head to commercial break.

Back from commercial, Dupree and Bubba are the legal men as we return.  The non legal heels grab Bubba by the feet and crush his testicles on the ring post, not a great night to be an ex ECW wrestlers' testicles.  Dupree hits a back body drop on Bubba and this sets the heels up for several more quick tags and strikes followed by a Dupree neck vice.  Eventually Conway hooks in a sleeper but Bubba hits a belly to back suplex to spring free.  He makes the tag but the heels have distracted the referee so he doesn't let Devon in the ring.  Bubba immediately hits a desperation Bubba bomb and this time the ref sees the hot tag.  Devon comes in and hits a few slams and clotheslines on the heels.  Bubba blind tags back in and they go for the 3D but are unable to hit it, but settle for a reversed 3D but the count is broken up.  Sylvain gets on the apron and distracts the referee but the plan backfires as the Devon hits the Wazzzup head butt splash.  Bubba inquires to Devon if would locate the tables because they must have company coming over for dinner.  When Devon gets under the ring, Sylvain wipes him out.  In the ring Conway accidently hits Sylvain when he heads up on the apron.  Dupree take over Bubba in the ring but Devon has recovered and sneaks in for the 3D to pick up the victory in 6:47 (**1/4).

Will someone cash in on the bounty on Bill Goldberg?  Tune in tomorrow night. 

Bowl Beverage Boogaloo 2024/2025

                                                     

                                                    Welcome to Bowl Beverage Boogaloo!!!!

                                             Making meaningless games meaningful for years.

A league where people pick college bowl games and the winner gets beer.

It's the 9th Cricket Celebration Bowl

Jackson State Tigers -1 (11-2, SWAC Champs) vs South Carolina State Bulldogs (9-2, MEAC Champs)

Mercedes Benz Dome in Atlanta, Georgia.  

12/14 noon ABC

The only FCS bowl game is the defacto HBCU national championship game.  Jackson State's Irv Mulligan broke the school's single season rushing record that was held by Walter fucking Peyton.  

It's the 11th IS4S Salute to Veterans Bowl. (previously Camelia Bowl)

Western Michigan Broncos (6-6, 5th in the MAC) vs South Alabama Jaguars -7.5 (6-6, 4th in the Sun Belt West)

12/14 9:00 pm ESPN

Montgomery, Alabama welcomes these two .500 teams to decide who is better at Saluting Veterans.  The game is sponsored by IS4S (Integrated Solutions for Systems) who's company logo is:

The whole thing sounds made up and it would be an evil shell company for an Eastern European Terrorist Group in a middling Bond movie.  So see if they can take over the world or if South Alabama can cover the spread, but really other than Max what are any of us doing on a Saturday Night?  So sit back and see if South Alabama tops the 87 points they scored in a game earlier this season.

It's the 7th Scooter's Coffee Frisco Bowl

Memphis Tigers -4.5 (10-2, 4th American Conference) vs West Virginia Mountaineers (6-6 9th in the Big 12)

12/17 9:00 ESPN

West Virginia fired their coach so you know they were psyched about playing in the Scooter's Coffee Frisco Bowl.  And why wouldn't they?  The Frisco Bowl is the only bowl win in the history of Kent State so you know it's Big Time.  Ohio State hasn't even come close to holding the Frisco Bowl trophy. Plus it's in Toyota Stadium which is a MLS stadium you know we are all big fans of the football games being played in other sports stadiums.   

(In your dreams, Buckeyes!)

It's the 11th Boca Raton Bowl!

Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (8-5, 2nd in C-USA) vs James Madison Dukes -9.5 (8-4, 3rd in Sun Belt East)

12/18 5:30 ESPN

The Dukes have a top 5 stingiest defense in points allowed per drive.  While Western Kentucky sports a bottom 5 rush defense.  This game is going to be slow and plodding which will work perfectly for the city of Boca Raton retirement community with 24% of the city being over 65 years old.  But people come out for this game with attendance over 20,000 every non Covid year.   Western Kentucky has already won this venerable game twice in the past and former Boca Raton Bowl MVP's include QB's who would go on to start an NFL game like Zach Wilson and Bailey Zappe.  

It's the 4th Art of Sport LA Bowl hosted by Gronk

#24 University of Nevada Las Vegas Running Rebels (10-3, 2nd in the Mountain West) vs California Golden Bears (6-6 14th in the ACC)

12/18 9:00 ESPN

In an always crowd pleasing matchup of two word mascots, these two teams will take over Sofi stadium in Los Angeles. What the hell is Art of Sport you ask?  I promise you would never guess that it is a skin care line directed towards athletes co-founded by Kobe Bryant.  Let Gronk help you with exfoliation as you sit back and enjoy this game.  UNLV coach Barry Odom has already left to take the Purdue job so his skin must already be on point to miss out on this opportunity.  This season Cal lost 4 consecutive ACC games by a grand total of 9 points.  

It's the 24th R & L Carriers New Orleans Bowl!

Georgia Southern Eagles -6 (8-4, 2nd in the Sun Belt East) vs Sam Houston Bearkats (9-3 3rd in Conference USA)

12/19 7:00 ESPN

Sam Houston was the first and third president of Texas when it was an independent nation for a bit, was the governor of both Tennessee and Texas.  The only person in the history of the United States to do so.  The Bearkat with a "k" is made up and they changed the letter to be their own thing so they kooky krazy kids for that.  KC Keeler, which sounds like a porn star name, left Sam Houston after 11 season as coach to take the head job at Temple missing the first Division 1 bowl appearance for the school in history.  Georgia Southern is coached by former USC head man Clay Helton who has won a Rose Bowl and his brother is the head man Western Kentucky which we all watched last night.  Hopefully there is a third brother tomorrow.    
 

It's the 10th StaffDNA Cure Bowl!

Ohio Bobcats -3 (10-3, MAC champions) vs Jacksonville State Gamecocks (9-4,Conference USA Champs)

12/20 noon ESPN

Both conference champs have lost their coaches to other schools after winning the conference.  Rich Rodriguez left to return to West Virginia and a power 5 school.  Tim Albain left Ohio to coach to...Charlotte.  Huh?  The interim coaches are both named Smith so don't get confused.  Jacksonville State has Rod and Ohio has Brian.  Brock Rechsteiner is a receiver for Jacksonville State.  He had 13 catches, 225 yards and 2 touchdowns for the Gamecocks.  But the important part is that he is son the Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner.  This game is played in Camping World Bowl in Orlando which has hosted two Wrestlemanias (24 and 33, 24 is way better).   

Update

***Brian Smith was named the official head coach on 12/18***

It's the 16th annual Union Home Mortgage Gaspirilla Bowl!

Florida Gators -14 (7-5, 10th in the SEC) vs Tulane Green Wave (9-4, 2nd in the American)

12/20 3:30 ESPN

This game is played in a stadium with a pirate ship and it's named after a pirate, so what does a guy have to do to get the East Carolina Pirates to play in this game.  Insane fact in the 15 years of this bowl game, no one has ever returned a fumble for even one additional yard.  If Raymond James Stadium's 168.5 million construction cost was paid via Union Home Mortgage on an interest free loan, the city of Tampa would have had to make a monthly payment of $500,000 to have it paid off before kickoff.  But don't worry it was paid for with rental car taxes and fees on parking near the stadium.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish -7 (11-1) vs Indiana Hoosiers (11-1, 3rd in the Big 10)

12/20 8:00 ABC

Whatever. Playoff game.  This game doesn't even have a name and one of them will play again in a week. But pick it, because gambling is so fucking good. 

Southern Methodist Mustangs (11-2, 2nd ACC) vs Penn State Nittany Lions  -8.5 (11-2, Big 10)

12/21 noon TNT/Max

Whatever. Playoff game.  This game doesn't even have a name and one of them will play again in a week. But pick it, because gambling is so fucking good. 

Texas Longhorns -11.5 (11-2, 2nd in the SEC) vs Clemson Tigers (10-3, 1st in ACC)

12/21 4:00 TNT/Max

Whatever. Playoff game.  This game doesn't even have a name and one of them will play again in a week. But pick it, because gambling is so fucking good. 

Ohio State Buckeyes -7 (10-2, 4th in the Big Ten) vs Tennessee Volunteers (10-2, 3rd in the SEC)

12/21 8:00 ABC

Whatever. Playoff game.  This game doesn't even have a name and one of them will play again in a week. But pick it, because gambling is so fucking good. 

It's 5th annual Myrtle Beach Bowl!

Coastal Carolina Chantileers  (6-6, 5th Sun Belt East) vs Texas San Antonio Road Runners -9 (6-6, 7th American)

Coastal Carolina is playing in their home channel while UTSA gets to head to a beach with a balmy 45 degrees.  I'm sure Myrtle Beach is a blast for 18-22 year olds in December.   But hey, the Myrtle Beach Bowl has the always crowd pleasing alternate teal colored field at Brooks Stadium which was named after the guy who bought Hooters and franchised it and took it national, Robert Brooks.  Brooks stadium has it's highest attendance ever this year for  game between Virginia and Coastal Carolina.  

Plaque outside stadium that looks like Brooks is being inducted into the horny old guy Hall of Fame. 

It's the 28th Famous Idaho Potato Bowl!

Northern Illinois Huskies -3 (7-5 7th Mid American) vs Fresno State Bulldogs (6-6, 4th Mountain West)

12/23 2:30 ESPN

It's our 2nd game of the day on a blue field.  The Northern Illinois Huskies were the only team to beat Notre Dame all season and then proceeded to lose to 5 other teams, none of which won more than 8 games.  But we are all here for the same thing, the post game French Fry dump.   Both teams have several draft picks in the secondary and the game is usually very windy, so don't expect a lot of damage through the air.  Unless you are 2017 game MVP, Josh Allen and Big E and I are watching the game at 3 Brothers tavern with other Coke guys, probably Jerry Harris.  I have no idea why this is a core memory for me.  

It's the 24th annual Hawaii Bowl!

South Florida Bulls (6-6, 6th American) vs San Jose Spartans -3.5 (7-5, 5th in the Mountain West)

12/24 8:00 ESPN

While you are putting the gifts under the tree, watch Christmas in paradise.  Big E enjoy the next morning as you get your first magic of Christmas morning.  It's good shit.  Max, I know for a fact that your Christmas morning will suck.  San Jose is trying to not suck and get it's first 8 win season since 2012.  The Hawaii Bowl used to be played in Aloha stadium but the stadium was deemed unsafe to hold events in 2020 and now the game is played at Clarence TC Ching Athletics Complex.  Which was formally Hawaii's practice field which they have since added seating around the field.  San Jose is coached by native Hawaiian and former Hawaii QB.  He is the first and only head coach of Samoan descent in FBS history. 

It's the 10th annual GameAbove Sports Bowl!

Toledo Rockets (7-5, 6th in the MAC) vs Pittsburgh Panthers -6.5 (7-5, 10th in the ACC)

12/26 2:00 ESPN

If you can figure out what the fuck gameabove actually does, then you are smarter than me.  What the shit is this?  This feels like some bullshit stock bros would sell to people in over their heads just to bilk them off their retirement funds to spend extra on date rape drugs.  This is the combined 8th time that these schools have "won" a trip to Detroit.  It takes less than an hour to drive from the campus of Toledo to Ford Field.  Anything can happen in this bowl as the MVP of the 2016 game was the entire defensive line of Boston College. 

It's the 35th Rate Bowl!

Rutgers Scarlett Knights (7-5, 9th Big 10) vs Kansas State Wildcats -7 (8-4, 8th in Big 12)

12/26 5:30 ESPN

They dropped the Guaranteed from the Guaranteed Rate Bowl, because just like in life nothing is guaranteed. that I can guarantee.  It's the only matchup between Big 10 and Big 12 schools.  It's played at Chase Field, the new home of Josh Naylor, whom the Guardians traded for this solid return.    This is the 12th name of this bowl in it's 35 years.  We will see what it's called next year.  Stacker 2? Hot Wheels? Preparation H? 

It's the 26th 68 Ventures Bowl!

Arkansas State Red Wolves (7-5, 3rd Sun Belt West) vs Bowling Green Falcons -8 (7-5, 4th in MAC)

12/26 9:00 ESPN

The Bowling Green Falcons lost by a single score to both Penn State and Texas A&M and narrowly missed out on the MAC title game.  Red Wolves coach Butch Jones has now taken 4 programs to take bowl games, one of three coaches ever to do so.  BG's Harold Fannin (McKinley) become the second tight end to ever be named a conference player of the year and is likely to be a 2nd round pick.  68 Ventures is a Gulf Coast real estate development firm who buys up trailer parks from poor southern assholes and then builds mcmansions for rich southern assholes.  

It's the 22nd Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl

Oklahoma Sooners -3 (6-6, 13 in the SEC) vs Navy Midshipmen (3rd in the American)

12/27 noon ESPN

Navy won the Commander in Chief trophy this year after sweeping Air Force and Army.  They hope to add the Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl trophy to add to their case. This game usually books one of the service academies as they are three of the top four most appearances.  (Houston is 2nd with 5th appearances) Since Lockheed Martin is a government weapons contractor stay tuned for ads for the company even though their customer base is literally like 4 dudes in the Pentagon.  I like to imagine 5 star generals watching the Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl together and be like, "You know what Navy QB Blake Horvath and those new bunker buster bombs have in common?  They are explosive as hell.  Pass the queso dip, if ya don't mind, General."

It's the 18th Birmingham Bowl!

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets -2.5 (7-5, 6th ACC) vs Vanderbilt Commodores (6-6, 12th SEC)

12/27 3:30 ESPN 

Our crack research team has discovered that the Birmingham Bowl is played in Birmingham, Alabama.  This city invites two frisky mediocre teams who played extremely close or defeated the bluebloods of the college football world.  Vanderbilt only won 2 games last year and moved all the way to 6 victories.    Haynes King (GT) and Diego Pavia (Vandy) are two of the more exciting college QB's in the nation.  

It's the 66th AutoZone Liberty Bowl

Arkansas Razorbacks -1.5 (6-6, 11th SEC) vs Texas Tech Red Raiders (8-4, 6th Big 12)

12/27 7:00 ESPN

Both team's sputtered towards the end but Give them an AutoZone Liberty Bowl win or give them an AutoZone Liberty Bowl death.  This is Arkansas 7th appearance in the Liberty bowl, which is the most all time.  Tahj Brooks broke the career rushing record for the Red Raiders.  Arkansas had three one score losses as a much better season was within in their grasp.  

Its the 45th Holiday Bowl!

#21 Syracuse Orange -16.5 (9-3, 4th ACC) vs Washington State Cougars (8-4 #2 in Pac-12)

12/27 8:00 ES.... Whoa FOX.

Washington State lost head coach Jack Diekert to Wake Forest because he really likes having a conference.  Syracuse is led by former Ohio State QB Kyle McCord, and the Orange have defeated two top 25 teams this season.  Washington State started 8-1 and was ranked in the top 20 before closing their season off with losses to Oregon State, New Mexico, and Wyoming.  Yuck.  I finally cancelled my DirectTV after well over a decade of service.  Don't charge me extra just for the right to pay extra for local sports, dickholes.  Also big shout out to Kevin Ferrell for never using cable apps so I can use that Spectrum for sports at my house.  

It's the 32nd SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl!

Texas A&M Aggies -4 (8-4, 8th SEC) vs University of Southern California Trojans (6-6, 10th in Big Ten)

12/27 10:30 ESPN

If you just look at the team names, USC vs Texas AM and you can trick yourself into believing this is a big game.  SRS is a group that distributes home building supplies mainly roofing, in our area it would be the Willoughby Supply stores.  Not available in Canada, Dan.  You will continue to have to use maple syrup to tar your roof.  Former Browns QB savior selected by Hue Jackson, Cody Kessler was the 2013 MVP.  Two programs headed in different directions meet in Vegas.  Apropos because Vegas is where you go to celebrate and in a last ditch effort to turn in around before you implode.  

It's the 3rd Fenway Bowl!

 UCONN Huskies (8-4) vs North Carolina Tar Heels -2.5 (6-6, 12th ACC)

12/28 11:00 AM ESPN

North Carolina will have Bill Belicheck next season replacing a HOF national championship coach in Mack Brown.  But in the interim? We get Freddie Mutha Fucking Kitchens!  As I sent out weeks ago, we got two basketball schools playing football in a baseball stadium.  This is what bowl season is all about.  So order in some Wasabi Japanese Steakhouse and enjoy.  

It's the 14th Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl!

Nebraska Cornhuskers -4 (6-6, 12th in Big Ten) vs Boston College Eagles (7-5, 9th ACC)

12/28 Noon ABC

Thanks to Bad Boy Mowers excellent cutting speed and turn radius, the Yankee Stadium ground crew had time to practice their routines after maintaining that the grass.  Nebraska had not been to a bowl game since 2016, snapping one of the longest bowl drought in the nation.  The longest?  UMASS and Louisiana-Monroe since 2012.   UMASS joined FBS that year and ULM played in the Independence Bowl.  Watch some medicore teams battle at Yankee stadium before the baseball season, when the Yankees will have an all star at every position because baseball's system is absolutely broken.  

It's the 19th Isleta New Mexico Bowl!

Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns (10-3, 2nd in Sun Belt) vs Texas Christian Horn Frogs -10 (8-4, 7th Big 12)

12/28 2:15 ESPN

It's only been 2 years since TCU made the national championship game which feels like much longer.  After a dissapointing season last year, the Horned Frogs return to a bowl game in a sneaky good matchup. Coach Michael Desormeaux is a former Cajun QB himself and has a Cajun name.  He's the perfect head coach for the school.    The game is sponsored by a Native American casino, so make sure to bet on this one.  

It's the 35th Pop Tarts Bowl!

#18 Iowa State Hawkeyes (10-3, 2nd in Big 12) vs #13 Miami Hurricanes -4 (10-2, 3rd in ACC)

12/28 3:30 ABC

The granddaddy of bowl bullshit baby!  We've got multiple flavored mascots who will be eaten by the winning team.  Iowa State is led by Perry graduate Matt Campbell.  But he is a human and not an anthropomorphic pop tart that will be sacrificed as tribute to the victors.  Miami QB Cam Ward could end up being the new Browns QB if enough team's lose ahead of them.  But is Cam Ward one of the 3, yes that's right 3, different living flavors of mascots that will be running around Camping World Stadium? Wild Berry, Hot Fudge Sundae, and Cinnamon Roll.  Sit back and enjoy the marketing ridiculousness.  

It's the 9th Snoop Dog Arizona Bowl presented by Gin and Juice by Dre and Snoop!

12/28 4:30 CW network

Miami Redhawks -2.5 (8-5, 2nd MAC) vs Colorado State Rams (8-4, 3rd Mountain West)

Just the name itself of this bowl makes it worth watching.  Snoop Dogg will be doing shenanigans all game long.  Gin and Juice is 86 proof and an 8 pack variety is $35.99.  Both of these teams started rough before ripping off a ton of wins in conference.  The game is played at Arizona's stadium and will be called by Thom Brennaman who famously was fired as the Red's announcer because he complained about Kansas City being one of the "fag" capitals of the world and then called a homerun mid apology.  There should be bullshit abound in this one.  

It's the 15th GoBowling Military Bowl!

East Carolina Pirates (7-5, 5th American) vs North Carolina State Wolfpack -7 (6-6, 11th ACC)

12/28 5:45 ESPN

GoBowling, which is network of independent bowling alleys, is giving away free bowling for year.  All you have to do is fill out this quick form.   Just don't click the newsletter box and it's worry free. The closest GoBowling member lane is Parke Center Lanes on Whipple.  If you want to hit the lanes, I recommend this place as they let people with special needs bowl for $2 a game and free shoe rental.  East Carolina usually plays all the ACC Carolina schools real tough as the like to smack their big brothers.  

It's the 32nd Valero Alamo Bowl!

#23 Colorado Buffalo -3.5 (9-3, 4th in Big 12) vs #17 Brigham Young Cougars (10-2, 3rd in Big 12)

12/28 7:30 ABC

This is a matchup of two Big 12 teams because the Alamo Bowl holds first rights of selections from the Big 12 and teams that were in the PAC-12 last season but these two did not play during the regular season.  This game features probable number 1 pick in the NFL draft, Shedeur Sanders and Heisman Trophy winner Travis Hunter.  I don't understand it because I am not young enough to understand the verbiage but the internet hates his girlfriend. BYU coach, Kalani Sitake is the first Tongan head coach, while Colorado coach Deon Sanders is the first Prime Time coach.  

It's the 48th Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl!

#22 Army Black Knights (10-2, 1st in American) vs Louisiana Tech Bulldogs (5-7, 5th in Conference USA)

This was originally supposed to pair the American champion Army against the Sun Belt champion Marshall Thundering Herd, but Marshall's coach didn't have a contract past this year and was hired by the last place Southern Miss Eagles and almost every player left the program so they had to withdraw. This is the second time Marshall didn't have enough players. The La Tech Bulldogs have plenty not good players hanging around as they went below .500 in Conference USA.  The Bulldogs did lose three games in overtime this season, so maybe they are above average.  

It's the 26th Music City Bowl!

#19 Missouri Tigers (9-3, 7th SEC) -2.5 vs Iowa Hawkeyes (8-4, Big Ten 6th in Big Ten)

12/30 2:30 ESPN

Before Jason gets all upset and refusing to pick this game because he gets angry at "Trans" because of the tingly feeling he gets in his swimsuit no no zone, Transperfect is a language translation service.  I hope Nashville bachelorette parties don't get ruined by football like they did for the NFL draft a few years ago.  Не могу дождаться, когда вы, куски человеческих экскрементов, снова принесете мне тонны напитков.  Transperfect works well.  This is in Russian. Missouri didn't beat a team with more than 7 wins all season while Iowa only beat one as well.  Let's see if either of these teams are actually any good. 

It's the 39th Reliaquest Bowl!

Alabama Crimson Tide -13.5 (9-3, 4th in the SEC) vs Michigan Wolverines (7-5, 7th in the Big Ten)

12/31 noon ESPN

Two bluebloods coming off disappointing seasons will try to build some momentum towards next season in our second game in Raymond James Stadium.  However this game will be ignoring the giant pirate ship.  Will they have a giant Reliquest ship.  That would be sweet.  Whatever the heck a Reliquest is.  It's a cyber security company so you could get this Bigs to protect your onlyfans password.  Big E has tits in bio.  His own hairy sloppy ones, but still.  Tits be tits.  

It's the 91st Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl!

Louisville Cardinals (8-4, 5th in ACC) -1 vs Washington Huskies (6-6, 11th in Big 10)

12/31 2:00 CBS

It's tied for the second oldest bowl and an amazingly beautiful game. The stadium in El Paso is a thing of beauty.    Washington was selected for this game as a ghost Pac-12 team.  Washington had a rebuilding season after making the title game.  Washington didn't beat anyone impressive and Louisville beat Clemson as part of their rough conference schedule (also played SMU, Miami, and Notre Dame)  Take in the beauty and a bowl of cereal and enjoy.

It's the 79th Citrus Bowl!

#15 South Carolina Gamecocks -10 (9-3, 6th in SEC) vs #20 Illinois Fighting Illini (9-3, 5th in the Big Ten)

12/31 3:00 ABC

South Carolina ended it's season on a three game win streak all over ranked teams and had an outside shot to make the college football playoff.  Luckily for them, they did not get in because cheesy snack crackers aren't involved with the playoffs.  Illinois had their best season in years but none of their wins were over ranked teams so this will be a good test of who wants in more.  

It's the 18th Texas Bowl!

Baylor Bears (8-4, 5th in Big 12) -3.5 vs Louisiana State Tigers (8-4, 9th in SEC)

12/31 3:30 ESPN

Kinder's is a sauce and rub company so I will turn to our resident smoker, Jason.  Is this is a quality product?  The Kinder's Texas Bowl is played in the Texans stadium.  The players all get belt buckles for playing in the game and if you should not be surprised that college football players put that thing on ebay right away.  Here is one that sold a few days ago.  Baylor is on a 6 game win streak and LSU is always chock full of future NFL players, whom have probably all left the team already.  

It's the 54th VRBO Fiesta Bowl!

#6 Penn State Nittany Lions (12-2, second in the Big Ten) -11 vs #4 Boise State Broncos (12-1 Mountain West Champions)

12/31 7:30 ESPN 

The official name of this game which will be used in all communication with points removed as penalty is the College Football Playoff Quarterfinal at the VRBO Fiesta Bowl.  Boise State is led by all world running back, Ashton Jeanty.  Jeanty had more rushing yards than 115 of the 134 division one teams.  Can Boise State pull of the first memorable upset in the playoff like they pulled off the first upset of the BCS era over Oklahoma?  Penn State coach James Franklin is 3-19 all time vs top 10 teams so the Nittany Lions could be ripe for the upset.  This game is confusing to me as there is a sponsor and the game is at a neutral site but one of these teams will play again.  It's goes against God's plan.  I think it's listed in the Old Testament right by the part about going to hell for eating pork.  

It's the 57th Chick-fil-a Peach Bowl aka the College Football Playoff Quarterfinal at the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl!

#5 Texas Longhorns -13 (12-2, 2nd in the SEC) vs #4 Arizona State Sun Devils (11-2, Big 12 Champs)

1/1 1:00 ESPN

Texas lost to Georgia twice this season and nobody else.  While the Sun Devils won the Big 12 in their first year in the Big 12.  This game is played in Mercedes Benz Dome in Atlanta which does have a full Chick-Fil-A restaurant inside of it.  The stadium is mainly used for Atlanta Falcons games which are normally on Sunday when the restaurant is closed. When I think of Arizona State, I will always think of this guy.     

It's the 111th Rose Bowl Game presented by Prudential in the College Football Playoff Quarterfinals

#8 Ohio State Buckeyes -2.5 (11-2, 4th in Big Ten) vs #1 Oregon Ducks (13-0, 1st in Big Ten)

1/1 5:00 ESPN 

The Oregon Ducks were the only undefeated team in the nation included in that perfect season was a 1 point win over Ohio State.  The Rose Bowl Game presented by Prudential somehow is a rematch of conference opponents but also feels like a traditional PAC12 vs Big 10 matchup.  This is another beautiful visual of a game.  All of this sponsorship excellence would not be possible without the town of Pasedena wanting to promote it's New Year's Day Parade.   So you respect the granddaddy of them all. 

It's the 91st All State Sugar Bowl!

#2 Georgia Bulldogs (11-2, SEC Champs) vs #7 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (12-1)

1/1 8:00 ESPN

Notre Dame continues to only have been defeated by some MACtion and Georgia continues duck the Maction like cowards.  They will be in good hands in New Orleans for the Allstate Sugar Bowl.  Georgia defeated Notre Dame in the 1981 Sugar Bowl to win the national championship but nobody in this pool was even born when that game was played.  It was a much better time then.

It's the 80th Tax Slayer Gator Bowl!

#14 Ole Miss Rebels -17 (9-3, 5th SEC) vs Duke Blue Devils (9-3, 7th ACC) 

1/2 7:30 ESPN

In a rare new coach takes over for a successful coach and the program doesn't crater, Manny Diaz led the Blue Devils to an impressive season.  Although they didn't beat a ranked team all season.  Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffen has spent the past few weeks shit posting on twitter about not taking more SEC teams but got silent after Tennessee got boat raced.  So sit back and do your taxes which became law with the 16th amendment to ratified in 1913 while watching this game on TV.  Don't go in person because the Gator Bowl is played in Jacksonville which is an absolute shit hole of a town.  

It's the 15th ServPro First Responder Bowl!

Texas State Bobcats -13.5 (7-5, 2nd in the Sun Belt West) vs North Texas Mean Green (6-6, 9th in the American)

1/3 4:00 ESPN

Texas State gets to play in the ServPro First Responder Bowl for the second consecutive year.  Earning the right to earn a trip 3 hours and 40 minutes by bus North to Dallas.  The North Texas Mean Green gets head 45 minutes North as their reward for a successful season.  The game used to be played in the Cotton Bowl to large crowds but has since been switched to SMU's stadium to crowds that barely break 10,000.  That was also when the game featured a Big Ten vs Big 12 matchup instead of the last picks of eligible teams.  Servpro is a company that comes in a cleans up after a natural disaster so hopefully people in post disaster tent cities are watching the game.  They even cancelled the game because of storms a few years ago so hopefully it actually get played.

It's the 23rd Duke's Mayo Bowl!

Minnesota Golden Gophers -9 (7-5, 8th in Big Ten) vs Virginia Tech Hokies (6-6, 8th in ACC)

1/3 7:30 ESPN

This game is all about the Duke's Mayonnaise bath that the winning coach is going to take.  The players spent time driving NASCAR cars in Charlotte which means they are ready to transfer to Georgia.    

Why does AI think mayonnaise is yellow?  

It's the 10th Bahamas Bowl presented by Atlantis Resorts!

Buffalo Bulls -3 (8-4, 3rd in MAC) vs Liberty University (8-3, 4th in Conference USA) 

1/4 11:00 ESPN

What a reward to get out of Buffalo in January or an Evangelical conservative University any time, to get to go to the Bahamas Bowl presented by Atlantis Resorts.  I have been to the waterpark there that a cruise ship stopped at.  Rode this waterslide and got insanely burnt.  Not as burnt as Liberty was as their game against App State was cancelled due to a hurricane and not made up.  Liberty's Quinton Cooley who has rushed for over 1,250 yards in a back to back seasons will match up with Buffalo's All American linebacker Shaun Dolac.  

Place your picks here.