HTPB 23.6

Week 6 had massacres and Monday Night magic, let's dig in.  Shall we?

Hardcore Cabinet defeats Rush 'n Missiles

One special ed teacher kneels before another special ed teacher and offers him weed infused candies as tribute

Rush 'n Missiles had opportunities to avenge their semi final loss against Hardcore Cabinet but made several poor choices.  Had they played the second leading fantasy QB Baker Mayfield, he would have won, had he played the TE that he drafted early to spite HC, he would have won.  Unfortunately when the chips were down, RM stood there confused and took the frisbee straight to the shin.  (I'm now 3-0 against the other competitors in that game of beersbee, so who is too drunk now, bitches.  Hardcore Cabinet has been making hay on the ground this season and the trio of running backs, DeAndre Swift, JK Dobbins, and Joe Mixon.  

Italian Stallions defeats Ogre's Death Squad 

A big toed Ogre is trampled by a herd of Stallions

Jayden Daniels was the only position player on ODS to exceed expectations this week.  Italian Stallions continues to anger the fantasy gods by keeping hot streak run going.  The Loins are also looking forward to week 10 because if there was ever a season that he was going to end the streak against Hardcore Cabinet this is it.  Will the game of QB roulette ever come back to bite the loins in the ass.  Time will tell. 

Tinker Stinkers defeat Blue Gatorade

A tiny person holds an 12th place sign while spraying champagne.

Tinker Stinkers demands respect and apologies!  With this victory he leaps all the way from 13th to 11th place.  In a battle of two teams who had each only broken 100 once this season, Tinker Stinkers slayed the mighty Blue Gatorade and all shall acknowledge him!  Blue Gatorade did not score a single touchdown this week.  Travis Entienne had -1 yard.  Just a real shit performance, er I mean a valiant effort that was a feather in the cap of anyone who managed to defeat them.  Blue Gatorade managed to put up a whopping 46 points, which while disgustingly awful is still 10 points better than the BNE's league record low in week 2.  

Dollars defeats Eh Bid Dude

A man trying to hitchhike to week 10 gets sped past by a Ford Raptor.

EBD didn't start a full lineup and it was enough for Dollars to get his 5th straight week where his opponent did not score 100 points.  The only time this year that Dollars played someone who scored more than 100 points he lost.    Dollars continues to tip toe through the minefield this season as he has trotted out such luminaries this season as Chase Brown and Carson Steele.  Dollars has the same record as the Italian Stallions and Los Zapatistas but....  Eh Bid Dude watched all season how ungodly terrible Deshawn Watson has been.  He wants to chirp all season about how "smart" he is, but now wants pity because his margin for error is razor thin with no bench from all of his consolidation trades.  Well my friend, you are reading the wrong Flog for that.

Los Zapatistas defeat The Collegians

A wolf chases a man in a cap and gown.

The Shoes continues to pass out butt whippings.  Chubba Hubbard has been possessed by the ghost of Jim Brown, so Chubba's Hubbard's wife better watch her ass. LZ has also benefited greatly form this year's Blake Bortles: Justin Fields.  The Collegians continue to go as Burrow and Chase go.  That's has not been a winning strategy so far.  Los Zapatistas is hoping to earn that first round bye again this season and maybe actually doing something with it instead of being eliminated immediately in the next round like last year.

Stabmybalzrepeatedly defeats Bay-Bay's

(A mountie lays defeated under a pile of Magic the Gathering cards and comic books)

Neophyte member Bay-Bay's found out what it is like run up against an American original.  Breece Hall has risen from the dead to take victory from the Jaws of defeat.  Brock said that Dan has a Purdy mouth with 28 points.  Bay-Bay's takes the hard luck loss with the 4th highest score of the week.  I think if it wasn't for the Canadian exchange rate that he would have pulled this out.  

Big Nasty Express defeats Bricklayers

(The little engine that could smashes through a wall of Lego bricks)

Bricklayers continues to not find the win column as his lead in most wins in HTPB continues to dwindle.  It's gotten so bad in Layers nation that they have been reduced to not asking for the fantasy gods for a good week but instead are begging for their opponent to suck. While BL would be winless in 2 of the 14 possible schedules, he would only have a winning record with Dollars, paper mache schedule. BNE was able to overcome the double goose egg to get the victory and put more space between himself and the dog shit tier.  Jordan Love has scored at least 18 points in every game he has played this season.  BNE has a difficult schedule the rest of the way with only 1 game left against the dog shit.

Weekly pick em results.  

$$$ takes it home this week with a 6-1 record.

BG and ODS bring up the rear with 3-4 records.

Our overall leader is IS at 28-14 and SMBR pulls up the caboose at 21-21.

Tier 1 Kicking ass and taking names

1. LZ 68-10

2. IS 56-22

3. EBD 53-25

Tier 2 Good Solid Playoff Caliber Teams

4. BB 46-32

5. H 46-32

6. $$ 43-35

Tier 3 Trick or Treat Teams

7. ODS 40-38

8. RM 39-39

9. BNE 35-43

10. TC 31-47

Tier 4 Dog Shit

11. SMBR 25-53

12. TS 25-53

13. BL 23-55

14. BG 16-32

We finally have our first lucky and unlucky teams.  Dollars is three spots ahead of where he should be.  Eh Bid Dude is 3 spots lower but that is by his own design so I wouldn't classify it as unlucky. 

The Game of the Week 

#1 Los Zapatistas vs #7 Ogre's Death Squad

(The only matchup of playoff teams)

#4 HC vs #11 SMBR

#5 BB vs #8 RM

#10 BNE vs #3 $$

#13 BG vs #6 EBD 6

#2 IS vs #9 TC

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#12 Tinker Stinkers vs #14 Bricklayers

With the haves playing the have nots so much this week, the league may really separate after this week. 

HTPB 23.5

 

This week the divide between the have's and have not's widened.  Some teams may already be thinking about next year.  

                                                        Hardcore Cabinet defeats Tinker Stinkers

(A handsome man gets his father of the year trophy while a tiny only gets an Arby's bag filled with trash)

Imagine your author's surprise when assumed he would be able to see Tinker Stinkers face at his child's soccer game only for Tinker Stinkers to not be there.  The deadbeat dad didn't come to support his child instead he sat and watched a sex offender play football poorly.  In no way did I want to see his sad face and take a photo for this flog has Hardcore Cabinet scored TD after TD.  8 in total.  Lamar Jackson continued to be the best QB in fantasy and outdueled Sam Darnold 39-3.  Hardcore Cabinet chucks Tinker Stinkers aside and further down the standings.

Italian Stallions defeats the Stabmybalzrepeatedly

(An Italian horse smears pasta with the cheese so nice all over a comic book store.)

SMBR was eliminated from the Mike Johnson cup falling to 0-2.  The Loins or the Missiles will take home the coveted hardware this year.  IS scored 125 but lost two players to injury.  Has Old Testament God finally realized what the Stallions were trying to do this season?  How will the Stallions fair after buzzing through his bubble tough last 3 weeks of SMBR, BG, and BL? Has the Italian Stallions wasted all of these points on these Spider Ricos?

Los Zapatistas defeat Bay-Bay's

(Adam Cole lays beaten in the ring, defeated by a wolf in a luchador mask)

The Shoes were not playing around scoring the week high points and nearly doubling up Bay-Bay's.  LZ lowest scoring player was 15 points but a high of only 25 to lead one of the most even contributed dominations by a squad ever seen.  LZ has not yet failed to break 100 points and has been passing out beatings left and right.  Bay-bay's has lost a few players to injuries in the past week so he should be pretending like he is the only team in the league that people get injured on in 3,2,1...

Dollars defeats Bricklayers

(A man refuses to give money to a guy down on his luck in a pile of bricks)

What can be said about Bricklayers this season that hasn't been said about the Hindenberg.    Bricklayers was led in scoring by their kicker which is a recipe for success. Dollars has emerged 4-1 through a paper mache schedule, with only one of his opponents cracking 100 and having dodged the current top of the league. Dollars needs to get these wins now as his schedule ends with 4 teams in the top half of the power rankings.  

The Collegians defeat Eh Big Dude

(Joe Burrow pelts Jason Voorhies with footballs)

The combo of Burrow and Chase brought The Collegians the victory this week over Eh Big Dude.  So far this season, TC has gone the way of the Bengals. Congratulations to BG for their week 12 victory over the TC during the Bengals bye week.    As also Eh Bid Dude rides the big D, with the 23 points from Denver leading the way.  He keeps speaking of this magical week 10 when all of his players will be healed.  What will he eventually see in week 10 when he opens that Yahoo app?   Lots of red letters?  Tons of points? Something else?  

Blue Gatorade defeats Big Nasty Express

(A man known as the king of Waco loses in volleyball and American football kicking at the same time while a bald teenager wrapped in a wool blanket laughs)

Blue Gatorade broke the century mark for the first time this season.  He broke it over the Big Nasty Express' ginger bearded face.  This matchup had 5 players fail to break the 5 point barrier.    This matchup may go a long way to deciding toiletries this season. Big Nasty Express was just waiting on four points from his kicker which just like a championship team that he has drafted, never happened.  Blue Gatorade drags his competition to his level as both of his wins are when his opponent didn't break 100.

Ogre's Death Squad defeats Rush 'n Missiles

(Shrek catches a flaccid missile and squeezes the tobacco juice out of it)

Ogre's Death Squad has fielded his best team in years, as he tries to make the playoffs for the second time in past 7 years.    Baker Mayfield started out well for the Missiles on Thursday but the rest of his team got the fuck the back to the tune of 8 points per player.  RM currently sits in 9th place only ahead of the walking dead teams. Alvin Kamara remembered that he isn't a stud anymore and the bottom dropped out, or ODS says, it prolapsed.  

This week BNE and TC each went 6-1 in picks and LZ while first in the standings was dead last with a 2-5 record.  The full season standings are here. IS leads overall with 24 correct picks.

1. LZ 55-10

2. IS 50-15

3. EBD 50-15

The clear top tier continues to be Denorex above the rest.

4. ODS 38-27

5. $$ 38-27

6. HC 37-28

7. BB 36-29

The solid teams.  They are good but are going to need things to fall right come playoff time

8. RM 32-33

9. 30-25

10. BNE 27-38

Waiting to pounce on a playoff spot if the teams above have issues.

11. BL 19-46

12. BG 16-49

13. SMBR 14-51

14. TS 13-52

Dog Shit

There are still no teams more than 2 spots off either way in standings.  The current playoff teams are also the top 7 in the power rankings.  The top seed is #1 in the power rankings.  So no bitching, in the words of Bill Parcells, "You are what your record says you are."

Week 6 Matchups

The Game of the Week

#3 Dollars vs #4 Eh Big Dude

#7 HC vs #9 RM

#6 ODS vs #2 IS

#5 BB vs #12 SMBR

#1 LZ vs #8 TC

#10 BG vs #13 TS

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#11 Big Nasty Express vs #14 Bricklayers

Week 6 brings us byes for the Chiefs, Rams, Dolphins, and Vikings.  Will it bring you a victory?

HTPB 23.4

 

Who hates who answers

BNE hates Cam Newton

TS hates Bernard Berrian from some JV league that doesn't even have a flog

HC -Alvin Kamara

LZ-hates Michael Thomas (he just wrote slant boy, does anyone call him this?  I had never heard it)

ODS hate LeVeon 

BB hates Eddie Lacy on a personal level

BL hates CJ Spiller (Pat Mahomes creeping in)

TC Jeremy Hill (If Hill is found dead, I'm calling the cops on Steve)

CB hates Mark Andrews, see what spite gets you 

BG hates Austin Eckler 

SMBR hates Marshall Faulk (Early SMBR was a shitshow)

Los Zapatistas defeat Big Nasty Express

(A man trades it all away but it is still not enough to defeat Mexican shoes)

The Big Nasty Express has two first round picks this year and neither are on his team anymore.  In exchange he got a Quarterback with a 9-10 record as a starter and a rookie wide receiver.  Love through in some garbage time TD's to make BNE feel better but it was not enough to get the victory.  Justin Fields managed to get 31 points, part of a 7 TD embate by the Shoes.  BNE continues their impressive two decade long run of getting their ass whipped.

Rush'n Missiles defeat Bricklayers

(A winless teacher wipes his tears with Brick bucks while being mocked on the announcements)

The Bricklayers early pick of Patrick Mahomes is going so poorly that his team appears to have committing a murder suicide pact.  Bricklayers atrocious score is more unsettling considering that he got 37 points from his kicker and defense.  Rush Missiles used a well rounded attack from several players to waltz to easy victory.  Rush 'n Missiles is trying to compile back to back winning seasons for the first time ever in their storied franchise history.  This is Rush 'n Missiles franchise story.

Italian Stallions defeats Blue Gatorade

(Rocky Balboa slams a college kid into a bush)

Italian Stallions continues to roll along and Blue Gatorade continues to be just an awful team. IS used 50 combined points from Collins and Robinson to overcome Aaron Rodgers 10 spot.  Mike Gesicki managed to get one catch for a negative 9 yards.   The 110 points was IS lowest total of the season and it was still enough to clobber BG by 27 points.  BG has yet to break the 100 point barrier this season, yet by some black magic isn't even in the bottom two spots in the standings.  

Ogre's Death Squad defeats the Collegians 

(Shrek gives his brother a prolapsed orifice in a football game)

Burrow was unable to connect with Jamar Chase on only one of his two TD passes which spells defeat. This game came down to the 34 point swing on defense or as BNE likes to call it week 2.  Jayden Daniels has emerged and may be a huge find for ODS. He also got 24 points from his favorite Steelers.  TC has been returned to little brother status.  

Bay-Bay's defeats Hardcore Cabinet

(Derrick Henry runs over a cabinet filled with weapons)

Hardcore Cabinet removed Taysom Hill and his two touchdowns and finally gave up DeAndre Swift whose reanimated corpse scored 25.  Derrick Henry outscored Lamar on Sunday Night 39-26 to put the game away.  Henry 39.40 points would have been enough to defeat BNE in week 2 by his lonesome. 
Some people might say you already used that joke this week.  But hey, it was historically bad. But I mean as Dollars would say.  GOT DAMN.  Bay-bay's was fielding membership offers from a trio who only had one member break the century mark this week but may have had blood alcohol contents that did.

Eh Big Dude defeats Tinker Stinkers

(A tiny man tries to trade a bag of trash for a bag of garbage to no avail)

Kenneth Walker returned from injury with 3 TD's because Seahawks receivers were caught on the 1 yard line trip wire.  Tinker Stinkers made several trades recently which felt like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, as the Stink sank further into the sea.  Tinker Stinkers has fallen on hard times since his impressive playoff streak was broken.    This matchup featured the rare double owner puke.  EBD from consumption and TS from Kenneth Walker. 

Dollars defeats Stabmybalzrepeatedly

A man swims in a martini glass smugly holding a sign that says 97

Dollars put down more drinks than SMBR put up points this week. Dollars has made it to 3-1 with a horseshoe, but was able to overcome the $38 spent for Carson Steele to get negative points and be passed by two guys signed off the street.  Flog researchers have been running tests to see what was more wasted, Dollars on Sunday night or $38 FAAB.  SMBR managed to get off the winless road last week but quickly returned from that detour to return to old school SMBR.  But I am sure it will turn around after the Jets have said that they need to reexamine giving the ball to #2 overall pick at the goal line.  

In weekly pick em, we had a whopping 5 owners go 6-1.  Congratulations to EBD, IS, BB, HC, and TS.  BNE managed to get 2 right so good job by you, buddy.

For the season overall IS is leading these standings as well at 19-9 while BNE and SMBR are 14-15 to bring up the rear which is still pretty good compared to most years. 

All the records can be seen here

We've got power rankings with enough data for some analysis baby!

1. EBD 42-10

2. LZ 42-10

3. IS 41-11

Clear top tier.  These three have been kicking ass and taking names.

4. BB 35-17

5. ODS 31-21

6. RM 29-23

This tier has been very consistent which can lead to championships see HC 2023.

7. $$ 28-24

8. HC 26-26

9. BNE 23-29

I was just as shocked as you to see BNE in here in the mediocre category.

10. Tc 18-34

11. SMBR 14-38

12. BL 13-29

13. BG 11-41

14. TS 11-41

This tier has been awful.  Time to look in the mirror fellas.

As far as luck rankings nobody is more than 2 spots different then they should be which for this point in the year is crazy.  

 Game of the Week

#2 Bay-Bay's vs #4 Los Zapatistas

HC vs TS

ODS vs RM

BL vs $$
EBD vs TC

IS vs SMBR

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#10 Big Nasty Express vs #12 Blue Gatorade

See you all next week.

HTPB Player Hater Quiz and Pick em results.

 

Match the owner to his huckleberry

Please take the quiz to match which owner hates what player.  Quiz results in next week's Flog!

Click here

Most lopsided match

Italian Stallions 13 vs BG 1

Hardcore Cabinet 7 vs Bay-Bay's 7

LZ 10 BNE 4

ODS 12 TC 2

RM 8 BL 6

EBD 8- TS 6

$$$ 9 SMBR 5

HTPB 23.3

 

Week 3 let the Commish pop his cork as the remaining undefeated teams tasted their first lost.  The league may be starting to separate but we will wait for next week for full math based tiers.

Eh Big Dude defeats Rush n' Missiles

A giant Jason Voorhees stomps on a pile of missiles.

Eh Big Dude continued putting up big points from his kicker and defense and 6 TD's to demolish Rush 'n Missiles.  Malik Nabors has been on fire to start his rookie campaign while Aaron Jones was the only one on RM who knew the game was being played.  Mark Andrews has scored 9 points all year.  He was taken to prevent a HC stack, and has been a stack of shit.  EBD has played three teams with 2-1 records and they have emerged with a 2-1 record themselves.  

Los Zapatistas defeat Tinker Stinkers

A wolf in a sombrero beats up a tiny weak wolf. 

Tinkers' put up their second stinker in a row.  Anthony Richardson almost got all the way to 4 points just like owner has almost made it to 4 feet tall.  The Shoes were led by Kyren Williams and his 3 touchdowns.  Watson scoring 19 points for complete Blake Blortles experience.  Tinker Stinkers continues to thank the fantasy gods that Bricklayers can't find that first win to keep them out of the cellar.  Tinker Stinkers last two weeks combined score of 129.92 has been bested 5 times this season in one game.

StabmyBalzrepeatedly defeats Big Nasty Express

A red bearded fool in a white t-shirt with a breast pocket is buried in a pile of bloody chairs. 

Hey remember week 1?  BNE sure does.  Good times good times man.    SMBR gets their first win of the year with Amari Cooper leading the way as the only bright spot for the Browns.  These are the actual names of guys that BNE trotted out this week without a single team on bye and only one player injured: Samaje Perine, Tyler Johnson, D'onta Foreman.    BNE is also super glad that Bricklayers exists as to keep them out of the cellar.  Big Nasty Express got a gargantuan week winner type performance out of Josh Allen but since the rest of his team is a porty potty on fire, he still tasted defeat.  

Dollars defeats Ogre's Death Squad

An Air Force pilot throws Shrek from a jet without a parachute.  

The Jets defense led the way for Dollars as they were able to fend off an Ogre's Death Squad team that had 5 players score 6 or less.  Ogre's Death Squad is heading back to gym to try and strengthen the squad.  Dollars has reeled off two straight wins but his opponent has failed to break 90 points in either of his wins but the schedule somehow gets even easier for Dollars as they play the two teams that entered week 3 winless for their next two games. Dollars is currently at 4/7 playoff predictions currently in the top 7.  

The Collegians beat Hardcore Cabinet

A Bengal Tiger in a cap and gown defeats a great champion.

It had been 295 days since Hardcore Cabinet had tasted defeat but the stack of Burrow and Chase and double doubler TD's allowed Collegians to squeak by.  Despite Hardcore Cabinet having a way more impressive D than The Collegians.  HC D brought a huge veiny 26 points while The Collegians D was more like a button on a fur coat with 5 points.  Hardcore only had Lamar Jackson to go with that D while The Collegians position players brought a bit more to the table to pick up the victory.  

Bay Bay's defeat Blue Gatorade

A mountie arrests a bald kid for being awful.

Bay-Bay's brought a bazooka to the knife fight as he lead the league in scoring to defeat a squad that has not even broken 100 points yet.  BB's got 30 points from the Packers and a combined 59 from his running backs.  Blue Gatorade said, best I can do is some Dak Prescott garbage time points and a Jahmyr Gibbs touchdown.  At 2-1 Bay-Bay's is close to having his best season ever as he has never topped 6 wins.  

Italian Stallion defeat Bricklayers

An Italian guy steals a tray of donuts to add to his spaghetti.  

While the league has lost all unbeatens, Bricklayers bravely remained the only winless team in the league.  Help is on the way as his leading scorer Zach Charbonnet will return to his backup role soon.  No more sweating out close losses, just taking decisive L's.  Could this be the season that it finally comes together for Italian Stallions?  Can he emerge from the longest playoff win drought in the league?   Or will the world return to order and Italian Stallions will be launched back down the standings like Dom launches golf cart passengers?  

This week Dollars went an impressive 6-1, with his only loss being picking against himself.  Tinker Stinkers, Blue Gatorade and SMBR bring up the rear at 3-4. Season long can be seen here.  Will someone comment below that the link works, I have never tried to combine it.

Power Rankings

(Remember Limited Data causes flawed findings)

It's too early to make any mathematical luck calculations.  But I can say IS, EBD, and LZ have been really good.  A lot of teams have been pretty bad, but only TS has been as bad as the top has been good.

The Game of the Week

#4 Bay-Bay's vs #6 Hardcore Cabinet

ODS vs TC

BNE vs LZ

BG vs IS

$$ vs SMBR

EBD vs TS

Toilet Bowl Game of Week

Loser gets shamed on the morning announcements

#14 Bricklayers vs #7 Rush n' Missiles.