HTPB 24.12

                                                         

        It's down to the nitty gritty now and honestly while very little is official it feels like everything is decided except for one last playoff spot.

BayBay's 109 defeat Hardcore Cabinet 98

(A mountie removes trophies from a cabinet in order to store his bag of Burger King)

BayBay's have accomplished a non losing season for the first time in franchise history.  The Ravens defense score 10 points in the final two minutes of the game, and Jalen Hurts big first half were enough to get the victory.  Hardcore Cabinet was a good Alshon Jeanty game last Monday night away from being two games clean of the number seed and no the it's all falling apart.  They appear to have lost Higgins and Mayfield for awhile and have to find a way to defeat ODS or now Burrowful Dollars to make the playoffs. 

Ogre's Death Squad 163 defeat Eh Big Dude 158

Shreak and Jason Vorhees battle like monsters in a Godzilla movie with Shrek winning

Not much you can do when Gibbs grabs 62 points, but EBD sure tried.  EBD got the third highest point total of the season and it won't be enough to pick up the victory.  The loss currently sets EBD in the 8th slot in the standings.  A huge matchup against his kin with a playoff spot at stake is on the line, that is if EBD has time to fit in it.  While ODS has a shot at the bye should Los Zapatistas take a siesta in the final weeks.  

Dollars 133 defeats Rush'n Missiles 99.93

Vladimir Putin is drowning in a sea of money while a male nurse in dollar sign scrubs withholds a life preserver.

Rush'n Missiles stupidly played Josh Allen like a dumb worthless idiot, and it cost the victory against Dollars.  RM also lost Kamara to a knee injury for a few weeks and LaPorta for the season.  Luckily he has the best medicine for a rough roster, Blue Gatorade on the schedule next.  With Dollars playoff hopes but a faint flicker, he should be Joe Burrow back on Thanksgiving. Dollars would love to give The Collegians a toilet and keep Hardcore out of the playoffs. 

Los Zapatistas 112 defeat Bricklayers 77

A man in a sombrero gives the eulogy at a funeral for a man with giant gelled hair.

Bricklayers has been officially eliminated and still alive for a back to back toilet.  Los Zapatistas got 48 points from the unlikely sources of Trevor Lawrence and Borregales which looks similar to albondigas so we should have all seen this coming.   The Loins and Dudes are all that stand between the shoes and the bye. Bricklayers heads off into that good night, having missed the playoffs for the third season since choking away an unbeaten season in the playoffs.  

StabMyBalzRepeatedly 99 defeat Italian Stallions 80

A man in black hoodie shoves Rocky Balboa's face into a gravy boat Thanksgiving dinner.  

Dom takes back to back brother in law defeats as SMBR leaps back into playoff positioning.  JTT only got 8 points and when he isn't scoring, IS has lot of Home Improvement to do on the squad.  SMBR facing the other brother in law next week to try to determine who the Last Man Standing will be this season.    uhhhh Toy Story, The Santa ClausE, that space movie with Hans from Die Hard.

Tinker Stinker 99 defeats Big Nasty Express 80

A man with dwarfism and holding a hot dog hugs, AJ Brown of the Philadelphia Eagles while a man with a red beard and white t-shirt with a breast pocket throws a tantrum

Christian McCaffery continues to not get hurt and Tinker Stinkers continues to win because of it.  New addition AJ Brown scored 20 points to give the edge.  The Express went with Brock Purdy although Nick was the one being forced to swallow three interceptions.  Had Caleb Williams been started, BNE would be 7-5 and much deeper in the playoff hunt.  Instead he is squealing like a piggy. You see, Max in the early 70's there was a popular movie called Deliverance where some dudes went a rafting trip and wrecked but got captured by backwoods inbred hillbillies with a hankering for buttfucking.  Movies used to tell original stories, god dammit, just the next recycled intellectual property in a cash grab.  You used to take your best girl down to the soda shop and then to old picture house and watch Ned Beatty get ass raped by a toothless inbred, by god.  

The Collegians 97 defeat Blue Gatorade 94

A college graduate beats a college kid with a flag while a golden toilet looms 

What can be said about this matchup between these squads that hasn't already been said about leprosy.  The Collegians were spurned on to victory mainly by the Las Vegas Raiders' offensive line.  This reporter hasn't seen so many ole blocks since Eric Wright in the 10th week of 1999.    Saquon Barkley appears to have left it all on the field last season, but Godwin returned to scored 2 points. The win gives The Collegians a magic number of 1 to avoid toiletries.  

Bay-Bay's is having himself a week as he wins pick 'em and sets a franchise record for wins going 5-2 this week.  EBD and BG did the inverse with 2-5 records.  They are also our first and last place overall in the pick em standings.  

The Favorite

1. LZ 113-43

Really Good teams who can win it

2. TS 107-49

3. RM 99-57

4. ODS 92-64

5. EBD 90-66

6. SMBR 84-72

They can get ya win once

7. HC 72-84

8. TC 71-85

9. IS 70-86

Not good

10. BNE 65-91

11. $$ 64-92

12. BB 60-96

13. BL 60-96

Awful

14. BG 42-114

The computer simulations say LZ/ODS are in.  HC, RM, TS are all 95% and up.  SMBR is 88%.  Where is gets interesting is BB 55%, EBD 53% and BNE 11%.  Everyone else is 0%.

Bye chances 

LZ 86, ODS 10 HC 2 TS 1

Toilet Bowl Winner

BG 79 IS 18 BL 1 TC 1

Game of the Week

#3 Hardcore Cabinet vs #2 Ogre's Death Squad

Honorable Mention because it's a defacto playoff game

#7 EBD vs #8 BB

#9 BNE vs #6 SMBR

#14 BG vs #5 RM

#12 BL vs #4 TS

#13 IS vs #1 LZ

Toilet Game of the Week and the only game without playoff implications!

#10 Dollars vs #11 Collegians

Have a great Thanksgiving HTPB!

Zoom in and enjoy

(draw an ogre, a train, a big dude, a mountie, comic book guy from the simpsons, an Italian stallion, a bottle of blue gatorade, someone on a toilet with a cell phone, a brick, a mexican revolutionary, a bag of money, a russian missile, college graduate, and a cabinet filled with weapons all sitting around a thanksgiving meal)

HTPB 24.11

 

Here we go!

Big Nasty Express 112 defeat The Collegians 93

A college graduate with a bindle is tossed from a moving train called BNE

BNE got almost 80 points from the three headed law firm of Robinson, McBride, and McMillan, which was almost enough to beat the The Collegians combined effort.   The Collegians have lost 6 of 7 and will be duking it out for the toilet.  I wonder how many times he can think of a reason to send a picture of that to the chat.  Big Nasty Express finds itself with a 6-5 record and two games against other playoff level record teams.  They can pave their own way to the playoffs, and they will need to because the point total isn't winning tiebreakers.

Stabmybalzrepeatedly 93 defeat Dollars 64

A man in a beard and hoodie steals an 18 pack for Miller Lite from a male nurse in dollar sign scrubs.

SMBR may have picked up a shaky win to get even with the fantasy gods for so many tough losses earlier in the year, but at what cost? He might have to sell a few more games and cards to make up on the lost playoff revenue. He may have lost Josh Jacobs and Jaylen Warren.  SMBR has more red letters on his squad than a can of Spaghetti O's A to Z.  Dollars has resigned to Joe Burrow to play him for one week before he season ends after week 14 and spend the summer thinking about what might have been.  Although Dollars has averaged 18 points from the QB position since the Burrow injury so maybe it wouldn't have been much better. 

Bricklayers 107 defeat Ogre's Death Squad 101

Shrek chokes on a brick while a man with large hair prevents EMT's from saving him.

TreVeyon Henderson finally paid of Bricklayers and looks to be a good player for the squad going forward, luckily we are dynasty league.  Although it may be enough to keep the Layers out of the toilet for the second consecutive season. Aaron Rodgers broke his wrist and Sam Darnold may be turning back into a pumpkin, so ODS' year long saga at QB may be hitting rock bottom at the wrong time.  With a final schedule that includes 3 current playoff teams, it could be an epic Big Eing away of this season.  

Rush'n Missiles 123 defeat Italian Stallions 108

A football coach shouts "Get Back" while stomping on a birthday present meant for a sad horse.

Dak and CD Lamb attempted an epic Monday Night comeback, but came up short.  It was hard to beat Josh Allen with 46 points and 6 touchdowns.  He needed all of those points as nobody else had a notable day and required a tight end to get a 35 yard rushing touchdown.  The Missiles seemed poised for the playoffs and the Loins are trying to avoid the toilet for however many time, it's a lot.  

Los Zapatistas 106 defeat Hardcore Cabinet 101

A wolf in a sombrero throws a pretender of the throne of footballs

Los Zapatistas has the number one seed in his grasp and would likely have to go 1-2 down the stretch to have in slip through his manos.  The disgusting and stupid Steelers defense netted 31 points including two touchdowns to overcome Sunshine Herbert having a cloudy day.  It was enough to beat Hardcore Cabinet's meh performance from the squad as Jeanty let the team down coming 9 points short of his projection.  It was Hardcore Cabinet's one shot at stealing the bye and he blew it like poseur. 

BayBay's 89.73 defeat Blue Gatorade 89.54

A mountie defeats a bald college kid in a wheelchair race.

In a matchup that somebody had to win and came less 0.2 of actually having no one win, Bay-Bay's tied his franchise record of 6 wins.  Will BB be able to go 2-1 and get his first winning record? He must get that against HC, EBD, and BL.  You know your quarterback is shitty when he sets the NFL record for completions in a game and only nets you 22 points.  How many years in a row will Blue Gatorade continue to suck?

Eh Big Dude 114 defeats Tinker Stinker 110

A tree gives unwanted advice to a dwarf regarding Lamar Jackson

EBD was able to use a well rounded attack led by George Pickens' 23 to get the win over The Stinkers.  Christian McCaffery continues to the only 49 who hasn't gotten injured and continues to rake in the points.  It seemed like CMC's hamstring was falling off the bone like one of TS's smoked meats, but no he's been completely healthy.  Hasn't missed any time.  Both teams round out the season, with a hard game, a solid opponent, and cupcake.

This week was won by Tinker Stinkers with 6-1.  Presumably only missing his own game.  The rear was loaded with 2's from BL, ODS, and BNE.  Coincidentally, the people who made me send a reminder to.  Karma? EBD is the overall leader while $$ has leapt over BG to put Max in last place everywhere. 

The Wolves who have good squads but may be shaky on the definition of the word "Lone"

1. LZ 103-40

2. TS 101-42

3. RM 91-52

Could make waves

4. ODS 79-64

5. EBD 78-65

6. SMBR 77-66

Frisky

7. IS 69-74

8. HC 67-76

9. TC 67-76

Not very good

10. BNE 63-80

11. BL 60-83

12. BB 54-89

13. $$ 53-90

Awful

14. BG 39-104

#1 Seed

LZ 77% HC 13% RM 5% ODS 2% TS 1%

Playoffs 99% and up LZ, RM, HC

90% and up ODS, TS 

66% and up SMBR, EBD

Holding out for a hero

BB 33%, BNE 28%

Also still participating less that 1%

BL, $$, TC, IS, BG

Game of the Week

#2 Hardcore Cabinet vs #8 BayBay's

#4 ODS vs #7 EBD

#9 BNE vs #5 TS

#10 BL vs #1 LZ

#11 $$ vs RM #3

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#13 The Collegians vs #14 Blue Gatorade

Great luck to all this week.  

HTPB 24.10

 

Happy Veteran's Day and big thank you to Jesse and Dan.  What a couple of unpatriotic American hating assholes Dom and Jason are.  In other playoff based news, Blue Gatorade, Bricklayers, Collegians, and Italian Stallions have been mathematically eliminated from getting a first round bye but spots 2-7 are still possible.  

Rush'n Missiles 119 defeat Big Nasty Express 101

(A red bearded hill person attempts to set his computer to auto draft but accidently launches a barrage of cold war era missiles.)

The Express lost the game and Kincaid, while leaving a giant 28 performance by the Jets on the bench.  One would have to ask one's self, "Self, if I'm not playing the Jets against the Browns, why pray tell are they on my roster?"  RM won despite a zero from DJ Moore, which you can do with 44 points from the defense/kicker combo from the Pugent Sound.  RM now enters a Charmin soft stretch in his schedule of Loins, $$, BG before wrapping up the year with SMBR.  Not making the playoffs would be an epic collapse.  

Hardcore Cabinet 108 defeats Eh Big Dude 101

A flat bed truck from Hardcore Lumber hauls away cutdown trees with Jason masks

Eh Big Dude has now gone 0-3 since saying that his remaining schedule which hasn't even included the two teams he said were good.  Hardcore Cabinet continues to eke out victories with middling point totals to the point where he has landed in first place. With games against both of the 3 loss teams remaining could the black magic continue to give him a first round bye or will reality finally come calling?

Italian Stallions 143 defeat Dollars 79

Johnathan Taylor runs through a mass of male nurses and when he hits them dollar bills go flying.

Johnathan Taylor continues to just lay waste to the league with his 4th three touchdown game, this time to the tune of 56 points.  If only the rest of the team was better, IS could be a force, but don't look now, IS is only two games back of the final playoff spot.  But do look now at Taylor on a bye next week and a tough stretch of RM, SMBR, and LZ, it seems unlikely. It's becoming a race to the bottom to see which will have a worse season, Dollars or Dollar picks.  Dollars winning percentage is 40% and Dollars playoff picks are at 28%.

Ogre's Death Squad 144 defeat Los Zapatistas 131

Shrek defeats a man in a sombrero in boxing match, the man in the sombrero should have a brown liquid on his shorts and lower back. 

Can you imagine ODS if they have consistent QB play?  The Seahawks got out to such a quick huge lead that they only ran 5 pass plays the final 3 quarters.  ODS didn't need it with 79 points from Achane and Gibbs.  Los Zapatistas continues to put massive point totals, having only score less than 120 once since week 4.  With a huge game for the bye next week, can LZ pick up the win and cruise to a week off in the playoffs?

Blue Gatorade 113 defeats StabmyBalzrepeatedly 105

 A bald college kid celebrates on a bar with a 21st birthday hat, while a man in a hoodie opens up Magic the Gathering packs with a single tear streaming down his face.  

Don't look now but Blue Gatorade is riding a two game winning streak to take him all the way to still last place.  Brissett logs 21 points in junk time and the Miami defense signing shortly before kickoff gave him 21 as well. 21 is the number of the week as BG turned 21 on Monday and proof of life has not been confirmed as of the time of publication.  Penix played like his last letter was "s" in place of Mahomes snapping SMBR win streak.  The point total should win any tie breaks SMBR to make the playoffs but still needs to get some more wins.  

Tinker Stinker 123 defeats Bay-Bay's 73

A tiny man runs with a tray of meat and a stolen Canadian flag while a unit of pathetic Mounties give chase.

Bay-Bay's was more Ew, Canada this week.  Can BB's finally make the playoffs.  Yahoo doesn't think so.  Could another failure season be in the books for the team with the most seasons in league history without a playoff appearance?  Tinker Stinkers snaps a three game slide to get his playoff footing on sturdier ground, but 3/4th of TS remaining games are against teams with playoff hopes.  

Bricklayers 123 defeat Collegians 90

A college graduate sadly must exchange a football trophy for a golden toilet at on Pawn Shop run by a man with giant gelled hair called Mary Ann's Pawn Shop: "We buy your dreams for Boston Creams"

Bricklayers knows what The Collegians are going through with a terrible season right after winning it all for a third time.  Hardcore has made the playoffs every season since getting #3 so it is possible.  Bo Nix has been turning back into a pumpkin and the rest of the Collegians including first round letdown Brown couldn't pick up the slack.  Bricklayers looks to avoid back to back toiletries but his banged up squad facing an absolute gauntlet the next few weeks of ODS, LZ, and TS.  

This week BG went from pathetic to first with a 6-1 record.  It moved him out of last place overall and returned Dollars to the basement.  Dollars likes being down there anyhow so he can play Call of Duty in his night vision goggles with Kyler Murray.  Several teams finished 3-4 this week, and EBD holds off SMBR to maintain his overall lead.  See the full standings here.

The favorites

1. LZ 96-34

2. TS 91-39

A reasonable shot

3. RM 78-52

4. SMBR 74-56

5. ODS 73-57

A punchers chance

6. EBD

7. TC 63-67

8. HC 62-68

9. IS 60-70

Bad

10. $$ 53-77

11. BB 52-78

12. BL 52-78

13. BNE 52-78

Won two in a row and still is epically far behind

14. BG 38-92

(Fun fact BG is leading the league with getting 97% of his roster's maximum points.  So this is the most anyone could have gotten out of this roster.  So great coaching job, if only the GM wasn't so terrible. 

Skynet says LZ is 100% lock.  Other squads with an above 97% playoff likelihood are HC, ODS, TS, RM.

Other playoff odds

SMBR 88

EBD 51

BB 37

BNE 18

TC 3

$$ 3

IS 1

BL/BG infinitesimal

Toilet Odds

BG 47 BL 22 IS 12 TC 11 $$ 5

It's not usually that many teams with a shot at it with a month to go.

Game of the Week

#1 Hardcore Cabinet vs #2 Los Zapatistas

#3 ODS vs #13 BL

#9 BNE vs TC #12

#10 $$ vs #6 SMBR

#7 EBD vs #4 TS

#11 IS vs #5 RM

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#8 Bay-Bay's vs #14 Blue Gatorade

 

HTPB 24.5

 

We lost our last undefeated squad, but Italian Stallions is still keeping it strong with zero wins.  Tinker Stinkers continues to dominate as a pack of wolves a crowded at the stop of standings in a Human Centiwolf scenario.  

Ogre's Death Squad 127.68 defeats The Collegians 108.52

(An anthropomorphic wildcat wearing a hat that says "Big Cat" hugs Shrek wearing a favorite son shirt, while a man in a cap and gown cries while holding a sign that says, "It should have been me.")

AI with the 100% accuracy.

Justin Fields poured in on when it didn't matter and ODS was able to pull above .500.  AJ Brown continues to disappoint for the Collegians but he did get his second highest scoring game of the year with 7.15.  The Collegians hard luck loss knocks them out of the current playoff field and that first week point total hangs around his neck like tie breaker killing scarlet letter.  

Dollars 123.70 defeats Bay-Bay's 99.58

(An injured and bandaged Mountie is left on the side of the road while a man drives off in a Raptor truck filled with dollar bills and Miller Lites.)

Dollars has won two in a row and hopes to keep the ship afloat after starting 0-2 and losing Joe Burrow.  Jamar Chase got lots of garbage time points to feel like Burrow was back.  The world is starting to return to it's natural place as Bay-Bay's takes a second loss and his team starts to fall apart.  His team is still the best HTPB based in Canada, but all of the long road trips are wearing on his team and finding it's way into America each week.  Dollars playoff picks, if the season ended today would have 2 correct, (HC, ODS)

Los Zapatistas 122.54 defeat StabMyBalzRepeatedly 103.75

(A man in a sombrero robs a comic book store while the owner sleeps despite Rico Dowdle trying to wake him up.)

SMBR continues to leave inactive people in their lineup and while in the guillotine league that is enough to eliminate Sergio, it's not here in HTPB as LZ continues to rack up wins, this week led by the Colts defense and their 26 points.  SMBR continues to be confused and flummoxed by Thursday night and European games. Kevin is desperate to find someone to help him run his team as he continues to crack under the pressure.

Eh Bid Dude 120.76 defeats Blue Gatorade 91.38

(Michael Myers drags a bald kid in a Kent State hoodie through the woods)

When the worst team in the league losing two of its very few playable guys to injuries, it's not going to go well.  Things don't look to be going well as byes have not yet hit his team either.  It will be shocking if he doesn't win the toilet trophy this year. He may never figure out how to not be garbage. In EBD's 5 games his opponent has broken 103 points just once.  EBD was led by Ferguson and his 21 points which is all that is needed to beat BG.  

Tinker Stinkers 143.08 defeat Italian Stallions 112.30

(A dwarf tackles a wild stallion while yelling "Into the Smoker with ya.")

Tinker Stinkers continues to rack up the points and Italian Stallions continue to lose.  Tinker Stinkers is tops of the power rankings and flavorful meat rankings.  Italian Stallions just needs to get enough victories to leap over Blue Gatorade to avoid winning yet another Toilet Bowl Trophy.  This year Kasey tried to talk Dom into not wasting $65.  Ring camera caught footage of the conversation before Dom left for the draft. 

Rush'n Missiles 115.48 defeats Bricklayers 94.61

(A golf coach with red blurry eyes wins the Canton South Teacher of the year award while clutching a fist full of parlay tickets.  A loser teacher with a tiny head and a hairstyle with way too much gel in it looks on sadly.)

After several years of struggling RM has finally figured out how fantasy football works.  More points are good. Armed with this recent knowledge RM, has improved greatly over the last few years.  Bricklayers appears to be trapped in a prison of his own creation.  Here is what Bricklayers drafter in order, Brian Thomas Jr, Chase Brown, Treyvon Henderson, Mike Evans, Calvin Ridley.  That's a starting five that rivals the Washington Generals. Maybe the Layers can turn it around to see what they are made of. 

Big Nasty Express 94.97 defeats Hardcore Cabinet 81.13

(A man with a red beard and white T-shirt with a chest pocket raids an old rusty cabinet to add the Cutler Reality Open on Sunday to his tire fire)

The first version of this picture had the man stone faced so I asked it to edit the face to the expression of (glee from an old timey prospector)

In a game that only a mother could love, BNE was able to piece together a win over Hardcore Cabinet and end the last unbeatens quest for a perfect record.  Trevor Lawrence tripped and fell into the end zone for BNE as a last minute replacement for Purdy, but netted BNE 26 points.  HC had 3 usually strong performers score less than 5 and usually shitty performer Jeudy score less than 5. HC released a statement:

Good win last week, Webb.  As I look at your squad, I could puke. You might be have the worst team besides BG. Last week was on me.  Bad GM skills.  You did nothing special.  I failed.  Just saying.  Good win tho. Thrash!

Better than you, and you know it

1. Tinker Stinkers 59-6 

Really Good

2. LZ 45-20

3. RM 41-24

4. TC 40-25

 Good

5. ODS 36-29

6. HC 36-29

They Aight

7. $$ 33-32

8. SMBR 32-33

Not Good

9. BB 29-36

10. BNE 27-38

11. EBD 25-40

Shitty

12. BL 18-47

13. IS 18-47

14. BG 16-49

Big ups to Los Zapatistas with our first perfect week.  Muy Bueno! EBD which has won every week even had his best week of the year with 6, but it wasn't enough with perfection on the table.  He's still 5 clear of HC and BL in second for the year to date lead.  

Dollars brought up the rear with 3 correct picks.  He's the low man on the year as well.  

Game of the Week

#1 Tinker Stinkers vs 2 Rush'N Missiles

#4 HC vs #10 TC

#6 BB vs #11 SMBR

#12 BL vs #8 BNE

#13 BG vs #3 LZ

#9 $$ vs #5 ODS

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#14 Italian Stallions vs #7 Eh Big Dude

Week 6 begins.....NOW!

HTPB 24.4

                                                  

         The season is already 1/4 gone and we only have two teams remaining with goose eggs in the standings.  Plus the gaggle of group think goobers, seem to have bunched up in the standings, with Wolves at the high end, Goons in the middle, and AOE in the bottom tier.  

                              Hardcore Cabinet 166.08 defeats StabmyBalzrepeatedly 126.10

(Comic book guy opens a cabinet labeled Hardcore, that emits a powerful blinding light as if the power of the heavens as been unleashed.)

SBMR got off to a rough start with Warren a late scratch over in Ireland.  It doesn't appear to matter has Hardcore led the league in points behind 10 touchdowns and two 30 points scorers.  This is SMBR second hard luck loss of the season, which looks great in the power rankings, but not in the standings.  Hardcore Cabinet remains undefeated and has been in the top half of scores each week so far this season, having swept the entire Johnson clan already this season. 

    

                                           Bay-Bay's 114.53 defeat Italian Stallions 105.33

(A football coach Sylvester Stallone is a dunce cap looks on sadly as Daniel Jones throws a football badly.)

The Stallions benched Dak Prescott and his 34 points in exchange for Daniel Jones' 10 points.  This move cost him causing the Stallions to still be searching for their first win of the season.  While Bay-Bay's were able to overcome the loss of Malik Nabors to a likely torn ACL to go 3-1, in what has been the best start of the franchise's history.  BB's lack of a bench looms large without Nabors and the bye weeks beginning.  

Ogre's Death Squad 91.55 defeats Blue Gatorade 76.08

(A bald college kid runs away with a golden toilet, while saying "Not getting away from me this time" in the style of a Sunday newspaper comic)

The return of Chris Godwin and his 4 points was not enough to let BG break 76 points. After deserving but avoiding the Toilet Bowl Trophy last season, Blue Gatorade is trying to right that wrong with an even worse team this year.   Ogre Death Squad will take advantage with the lucky win. The three headed monster of Geno, Sam Darnold, and Justin Fields continues to be predictably awful.  ODS' schedule gets much harder the rest of the way, can he make the playoffs for the first time since 2020? 

Rush 'n Missiles 129.97 defeat Los Zapatistas 126.52

(an anthropomorphic wolf with a water bottle full of brown liquid and whistle around his neck, saying "Get the F back" will standing victoriously over a anthropomorphic wolf wearing a sombrero)

Los Zapatistas were let down by Justin Herbert in an otherwise solid team performance to narrowly lose to the top heavy performance of Allen, Puka, and Judkins who scored 65% of RM total points. RM emerges from a brutal opening to the season schedule that had 4 of the top 6 in the standings, (he's one of the other 2) and finished 3-1.  RM takes the early lead in the Alpha wolf standings.  

The Collegians 134.02 defeat Tinker Stinkers 131.05

(a college graduate in cap and gown playing original Nintendo and on the tv the video game boss being defeated is a dwarf.)

The Collegians got all of the players' bad weeks over the first game of the year as they have been steadily increasing their point totals each week.  Bo Nix gave the Collegians a Bo-ner with a big night Monday and Lions defense feasted on our god awful offense.  The Stinkers have been racking up points in the early season, but Lamar's hamstring injury could be cause for some concern as the schedule will get much tougher down the line.  Tinker Stinkers first 5 opponents have somehow only managed to combine for 5 wins on the season.  

Big Nasty Express 102.79 defeats Eh Bid Dude 102.45

(A man wins a race by the length of his red beard against a tree wearing a Jason Vorhees style mask.)

For the second week in a row, BNE needed Monday Night Magic and this time he got it, narrowly edging out EBD.  Caleb Williams came back to Earth and Tyreke Hill got his knee turned inside out, but it was enough for BNE to squeak out the victory.  EBD has two victories having not broken 104 points in week.  But his next four weeks are against the bottom four teams in the standings.  Maybe EBD can continue to get wins against the soft underbelly of HTPB. Maybe the slow start is because of the zero trades so far.

Dollars 117.17 defeats Bricklayers 104.22

(an evil dictator smacks a small evil dictator with a tiny head with a wad of cash)

Chase Brown and Brian Thomas continue to struggle mightily for Bricklayers.  Dollars used three giant body blows from Wentz, Pickens, and Hampton as he gets the first win of the year behind his revamped team as he tries to rebuild his team post Burrow injury. This matchup between active leaders in wins and win percentage was rough as it so far has been a down trodden year for both.  While the team in second place in both categories has been perfect and gaining ground.

The cream of the crop.

1. Tinker Stinkers 46-6  

In a class by himself this year, in school that was because of his special needs but now it's because of his special team. 

Really good teams

2. Hardcore Cabinet 36-16

3. Los Zapatistas 35-17
4. The Collegians 34-18

5. Rush'n  Missiles 33-19

Basic Ass Bitches

6. SMBR 27-25

7. BB 25-27

8. ODS 24-28

9. BNE 24-28

10. $$ 22-30

Diaper Pails

11. EBD 16-36

12. BL 16-36

13. BG 15-37

14. IS 11-41

Power Rankings tie breakers is total points. So far SMBR has been the unluckiest and EBD has been the luckiest. 

Our high draft picks that could give us issues

Gibbs, Evan Engram, Denver's D, McConkey, Harrison Jr, DJ Moore, Drake London, Chase Brown, Jeanty, Burrow, Tyreke (what did Nick know and when did he know it), Kelce, 

one person I think misunderstood the question and SMBR sent a middle finger.

For the fourth week in a row 5 was the highest number of correct picks and for the fourth week in a row, EBD was at least tied for the best record.  He was joined this week by BL, HC, TC, ODS, and BNE.  Bringing up the rear were LZ and $$. Overall EBD is obviously in 1st and the IS are in 14th.  Full results can be found here. 

Game of the Week 

(This week is mostly haves vs have nots)

#1 Hardcore Cabinet vs #8 Big Nasty Express

#6 ODS vs #7 TC 

#5 BB vs #11 $$
#12 BL vs #3 RM

#14 IS vs #2 TS

#4 LZ vs #10 SMBR

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#9 Eh Bid Dude vs #13 Blue Gatorade

Bye weeks begin so it's things are about to get weird. Enjoy week 5!