Welcome to the 21st season of HTPB. Nick can finally buy a beer for his auto drafted championship. Hello to all league members, including Roy who since he is 1-0 will be reading these for at least the time being. Right know this write-up is hilarious and a good time. If things turn bad for his team, I am sure he will believe that this blog is a waste of time and full of personal attacks. Since this is the first blog for Dan to read, feel free to check out the archives and I am sure you can find someone to read this to you. Dom probably will let you borrow his guy. Also since google got smart to my game and put my ass on probation, I ask that my opponent the previous week be the person to click an advertisement for me. So Sergio click away.
And away we go...
In a matchup featuring nearly 14 feet of combined height nearly properly formed toes, The Kansas City Chiefs defeated the Ogre's Death Squad, as Mahomes and CEH scored 58% of Eh Bid Dude's points which was high enough to win the week's positional bet. ODS received 54% of his points from Allen and Patterson. The only thing more disgusting than the production from players 3-9 in this matchup are the two general managers feet. 
Dollars may be entering week 53 of fantasy ineptitude as he put up a league low 74.42 points and that's with Saquon Barkley rocking out for 32 of those points. Bricklayers used an all around team effort to pulverize the Dollars in boat race fashion. Dollars will be starting the season adding to his fleet of Toyotas that he earned last year. I would go into greater detail about what the rest of Dollars team did but children read this blog and their eyes shouldn't be exposed to that level of depravity. Anyhoo here is a picture of dead body washed up on shore, kiddos.
I won't be talking about this win from Bricklayers point of view because he couldn't spend 30 seconds making his league picks so I'm not giving my time here on this hilarious and educational blog.
The Collegians unloaded some trophy long faced selfies and then proceeded to choke on the memories of the past. Stabmyballzrepeatedly used a well rounded performance to get a victory in a bottom seven scoring week which are always huge factors in making the promised land of the playoffs at the end of the season. Both teams need hit the gym and knock out some lunges because there was not a tight end to be found in this game as Kmet and Knox combined for 1 catch for 5 yards. 
The Express put up the 2nd highest score of the week but still lost to a child. Speaking of which Max, did you see that picture of the dead body washed up on shore, no cap that pic is boss. Yeet. 
This battle was between two members of the league that could not be around for the full draft because of sporting events and much like on draft day, Max won and Nick lost. Nick was out defensive coordinated 10-9. Bringing his defensive coordinator record in HTPB to 0-1. This will be tracked all season.
In wolf on wolf intercourse, Jeremy's Brother beat Rush'n Missiles. Somehow these guys call themselves wolves despite clearly being sheep. The black sheep of the families that is. Confirmed by their father's. Scientifically weighing their parents love. The data is clear. This was the closest game of the week and maybe the hot fires of this game will mold steel come playoff time. Doubtful since these two franchises Neither of these squads have won a playoff game since Jeremy's brother won a game in 2017.
The Bay-Bay's were able to defeat an OG in their first game. The Italian Stallions changed their name to some bullshit about Russell Wilson but that same fantasy ineptitude was there. You can't witness protection away from a largely awful two decade run. The 16 point swing in kicker/defense was the difference. Dan was able to overcome the knee injury to Eli Mitchell and his own shoulder injury he sustained while reaching for Mitchell in the third round.
Hardcore Cabinet used three players on Monday Night to defeat Los Zapatistas. The Shoes tried to ride a stellar performance from Swift but were held like a flower pot full of cigarette butts by the rest of their roster. Hardcore Cabinet overcame turds from the QB/RB position to pull out the win. Since Sergio likes to track my progress through things, here is an update on my completionism tasks.
Movie Poster 76% complete
The Amazing Spider-Man 9% complete
Sweeping your bitch ass this season 50% complete
(post draft cleanup crew)
Weekly pick em results (to be edited when yahoo updates, this is a quick scan)
Top picker Blue Gatorade 5 wins
Worst Picker TC with a goose egg
Worst Person: Bricklayers, I mean seriously what the fuck. You can't take two minutes out of your beauty regimen to do this.
Week 2 Preview
Game of the Week
Hardcore Cabinet vs Stabmyballzrepeatedly only matchup of undefeated teams
Toilet Bowl Game of the Week
ODS VS RM the only matchup of winless teams
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