HTPB 21.5

(I did not know Five Alive was citrus based beverage until I image searched it)

(Italian Stallions getting a win)

The Italian Stallions were able to finally get a win because Blue Gatorade is a stain upon his family.  Italian Stallions finally broke the 100 point barrier, while Blue Gatorade broke my heart.  Italian Stallions have jettisoned the rotting corpse of Russell Wilson to Dollars and it's his problem now.  Russell Wilson this season is like an STD if when you gave someone Herpes you no longer had Herpes and got Tom Brady. Regardless of any trades to improve the Stallions, losing to Dom in fantasy football is inexcusable and Blue Gatorade will be under new management from here on out.  (This video was filmed exclusively to for this write-up)

Los Zapatistas was very quiet this week as there was not an opportunity to crow about his butt buddies and he took another L.  But nice job trading for David Montgomery and playing his backup.  Real good move.  Maybe if you spent less time trying to troll the author of this masterpiece and pay attention to yourself wouldn't have lost this week.  But you probably would have anyhow because you are a lineup missing, ass kissing, coattail riding, clout chasing, son of bitch. Wooooo!!!!      Bricklayers hasn't said anything to go off of either. I'm sure the metaphors are coming like a tidal wave. (That was simile not a metaphor) Bricklayers stays undefeated as their schedule toughens greatly over the next few weeks so in a month we will really see if Bricklayers are made of brick or if Bricklayers are soft new fallen snow. (Metaphor)

Bay-Bay's continued to get injured and suck in general this season as he was yet another victim of SMBR despite Lamar being mediocre. Bay-Bay's hasn't broken 100 in a month.  If it wasn't for his Tinder profile pic his brother has stolen, Dan wouldn't be anywhere near a good score in awhile.  Even once his team if ever gets healthy will it be any good?  Bay-Bay's has had tons of growing pains in their first year in the big leagues.  SMBR next two games are against the two remaining unbeatens so it should be some fireworks in the future as the silent assassin continues on wrecking fools but was nice enough to hand Bay Bay's a new Toyota.  

Hardcore Cabinet trotted out 3 Detroit Lions who combined for under 15 points which led to Eh Bid Dude continuing to be undefeated and continuing to put his input on every transaction in the league like a smug asshole despite a career record in Yahoo leagues of 183-187.  Roy when he reads that.  This combined with Bay-Bay's bailing on Austin Eckler for Olave who got concussed and CEH who scored 5.5 points. Why am I spending so much time talking about Dan's poor trade during the write-up of my own loss, because it's my blog and I'll talk about what I want to talk about.    

Dollars used a Monday Night kicker comeback to defeat Jeremy's Brother despite Russell Wilson playing into what appeared to be his first football game ever on Thursday. JB gets what he deserves by drafting a Steeler first who has been doo doo all year, but it would be hard for even Jason to get under the low bar that's coming up in his next three games with three car fertilizer train of Italian Stallions, Collegians, and Bay's Bay's "chugging" down the tracks.  More like Butt Chuggin am I right?  Dollars was led by the San Francisco D which usually costs extra at the truck stop.  

Rushin' Missiles couldn't pulled the rate triple zero as Waller, Bridgewater, and his defense all came up like Cory grabbing at his penis, with nothing.  RM had 66.7 points from Fournette and Cupp and put up 51.4 of those. The Collegians have now mathematically clinched not beating May Be Fat's record as the worst team in league history despite spending the first 5 weeks on the season as the worst team in league history posting a high score of 85 which wasn't even one of the weeks that he tripped and fell into a win. One of them had to win and the final moments of the game are shown here. 

(Antikythera mechanism  the oldest example of an analogue computer and clearly what BNE used to autodraft this shitshow team)

Ogre's Death Squad kept the Big Nasty Express winless.  Everybody has been giving BNE shit over their autodrafted team, but I remind you that BNE drafted Jamar Chase and kept him so he did draft one guy and that guy has been underperforming so put that in your pipe and smoke it. Nick can draft just as shittily as the computer.  Ogre's Death Squad is all Josh Allen all the time and it is has led to the fifth most points (1 point out 4th) and the same number of wins as the Collegians.  It could get better for BNE as they enter consecutive games against TC and IS to avoid the first winless season in league history.  Nick falls to 0-4-1 in defensive battles this season.  

					- UNLUCKY
					+ LUCKY
	PWR
TIERS	RANK	W	L	+/-
Top Dogs	BL	53	12	0
	EBD	52	13	0
	SMBR	51	14	0
Playoff Contenders	ODS	44	21	-3
	HC	39	26	0
	TS	37	28	2
fecal matter	BG	36	29	-5
	BNE	29	36	-6
	LZ	28	37	1
	$$	26	39	4
dog fecal matter	CB	20	45	2
	IS	19	46	-1
	BB	14	51	3
$$ tier	TC	7	58	3

	TC hasn't scored more than 86 points…and has 2 wins
	Scheduling has hurt BG and BNE. ODS as well, but he is doing something about it!
	$$, BB, TC lucky ducks
	ODS saw the biggest standings increase, 3 places. BB, BG,BNE,CB all fell 1
	Top overall scorer is SMBR, while BL has been the most consistent.
	The Collegians is the only team to stay in bottom or top every week: you can guess which one.

Playoff Odds

Team Name	1st	2nd	3rd	4th	5th	6th	7th	8th	9th	10th	11th	12th	13th	14th	Total
Bricklayers	38.22	31.4	23.25	5.55	1.3	0.2	0.08	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	100
StabMyBalzRepeatedly	31.95	30.9	28.8	6.25	1.65	0.38	0.05	0.03	0	0	0	0	0	0	100
Eh Bid Dude	29.4	34.47	31.77	3.57	0.73	0.05	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	100
Jeremy’s Brother	0.13	1.8	8.18	42.12	27.27	12.78	5.05	1.87	0.63	0.1	0.05	0	0.03	0	99.2
Hardcore Cabinet	0.25	1.17	5.9	27.22	31.55	23.1	7.15	2.55	0.88	0.15	0.05	0.03	0	0	98.9
Ogre's Death Squad	0.03	0.2	1.57	11.63	26	31.42	16.4	8.25	3.1	1.05	0.3	0.05	0	0	95.5
DOLLARS	0.03	0.05	0.43	2.55	6.38	15.4	27.52	23.35	15.88	5.65	1.87	0.75	0.15	0	75.7
Blue Gatorade	0	0	0.08	0.55	3.3	9.95	22.4	26.57	17.23	10.2	5.4	2.67	1.2	0.45	62.85
Boone or Bust 🏈	0	0	0	0.45	1.65	4.75	15.28	19.22	25.1	16.43	9.88	4.2	2.5	0.55	41.35
Rush’n Missiles	0	0	0.03	0.08	0.15	0.88	2.75	6.75	12.65	19.22	21.15	19.62	13.83	2.9	10.63
BIG NASTY EXPRESS	0	0	0	0.03	0	0.48	1.65	5.1	10.88	21.35	22.9	18.92	12.8	5.9	7.25
Italian Stallions	0	0	0	0	0.03	0.55	1.32	4.45	9.65	16.35	20.4	21.52	18.18	7.55	6.35
BayBay's	0	0	0	0	0	0.08	0.35	1.75	3.77	8.73	15.48	24.7	31.25	13.9	2.17
The Collegians	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.1	0.25	0.78	2.52	7.53	20.07	68.75	0.1

Despite two wins Skynet cannot conceive of a world where Collegians makes the playoffs.  According to our computer overlords, HTPB is already down to 9 teams but bye weeks could play a roll as Skynet doesn't account for those in the simulations. 

Italian Stallions were the winners this week posting a 6-1 record.  While JB, TC, LZ, BL and BG were all 3-4 to bring up the rear. Jason will still maintain their overall lead. Here is the link for week 5. 

Since I am getting this week's blog out a little later than usual I can include the Yahoo medal count, which gives awards for your team accomplishing various goals such as leading the week in TD's or yards, making trades, winning the week in pick 'em.  All of this works towards your yahoo/league ratings which gives you higher daily fantasy benefits. The current leader is Roy with 19 and in last is Nick with only 4 medals.

  

Week 6 Preview

Game of the Week

#1 Bricklayers vs SMBR #3

ODS vs $$$

BG vs LZ

EBD vs BB

IS vs JB

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#11 (HOW!!!!) The Collegians vs Big Nasty Express #14

Good luck to all in week 6. The season is already 1/3 over.  Crazy huh?