The league is packed tightly for the final playoff spots but not at the top or the bottom.
Eh Big Dude defeats Hardcore Cabinet
An anthropomorphic tree and a man clutching a trophy ride a roller coaster together.
It was a wild roller coaster of a game with two first round picks leaving with injuries, an offer to bench players for a $50 bet (should have taken that shit), a fourth TD Monday night game, and a partridge in a pear tree. The tight end position which has been a wasteland this season was not in this matchup as 57 points were scored by the position, which would have been enough to beat three teams this season. (BNE, BG, and BL). Yahoo says that neither of these teams have clinched the playoffs but for them not to, they would have to not set lineups and multiple teams score 180 points from the 7-6 bundle. So they are in.
I had Nick make this for me after Roy's Njoku hate. It doesn't hit as dickishly with the loss but I had to be prepared and still wanted to share it's ridiculousness.
Rush 'N Missiles defeat Big Nasty Express
A get back coach with a giant wad of tobacco in his mouth ejects a red bearded man from a basketball game.
Rush 'n Missiles was able to sneak ahead by a tenth of a point to get the victory and for the 22nd straight year, eliminate BNE from winning a Super Bowl for a team that he drafted. The Broncos took a delay of game penalty trying to get the Browns to jump offside before Lutz kicked it through the uprights. Those extra 0.5 points on the kick were the difference. The Will Dissly goose egg looms as large for BNE as what Dissly gave two weeks ago, he taketh this week. RM is currently in the 7th and final playoff spot but only holds a 7 point lead over ODS so RM can still win next week and miss the playoffs.
Los Zapatistas defeat Bricklayers
The most unlucky man in the world gets run down by a pack of wolves in sombreros.
The Shoes got the win but things have not been well overall for Los Zapatitstas as they haven't gotten a victory against someone who isn't BG and BL since Oct 21st. Can they beat a team with a pulse in a important seeding matchup with Dollars? It doesn't really matter because LZ has clinched a playoff berth despite what Yahoo says. Bricklayers continues to lose and continues to not understand the concept of bad luck in fantasy football. The lack of good luck does not mean bad luck. There can be the lack of presence of any luck at all. Bricklayers complained of getting many defensive touchdowns score on them, but if you take away a touchdown of any kind from every team on his schedule, he would have one additional win. The guy gets his QB to throw a TD pass to himself which would definitely be considered lucky. So if you gave him both a bonus extra QB TD to himself instead of another human being each week on top of removing a TD from his opponent, Bricklayers would be 4-9 and one of those wins would be by less than a point. If you put a a bag of cash floating 12 feet above your head and you can't jump up to grab it, it doesn't make you unluckier if you float the bag of cash 20 feet above your head. You still ain't grabbing that shit.
Tinker Stinkers defeat the Collegians
A short chef cooks a college graduate in a smoker.
Tinker Stinkers slipped a late night Chubb to the The Collegians and they didn't like it. The Collegians kept trying to slip a white flag to Tinker Stinkers who repeatedly refused it. Tinker Stinkers may be peaking at the right time as they scored their high water mark for the season, normally Jason can't touch outside the kiddie pool. It may be too little too late as TS will need to defeat RM by 80 points to even have a chance to make the playoffs. Even if that occurs he would have to outscore ODS by 75 in an ODS loss and get a SMBR loss and not get outscored by 35. So in other words: unlikely. In fact skynet gives it a 0% likelihood. The Collegians can't be too confident in their playoff spot as they are in with a win over BNE but with a loss and and wins by RM and ODS, he can miss out if both score more than 60 points than him.
Italian Stallions defeat Dollars
A Stallion eats from a feed bag filled with Dollars.
The season of dreams continues for the Loins as they have clinched the first round by in the playoffs. The 151 points scored by IS this week is somehow only their 4th highest total of the season. The next 2 weeks the Loins will just be trying to stay healthy as they will not play a meaningful game for the next fortnight. Dollars however will be fighting for his life next week as he can clinch a playoff spot with a win, but with a loss can miss the post season with wins by ODS and RM and they outscore him in the upper 40's. Not a likely combination but more likely than the 0% skynet gives it.
Stabmybalzrepeatedly defeats Blue Gatorade
A Magic the Gathering player continues his streak while ending that of a Blue Gatorade.
Blue Gatorade remembered he was awful and scored a whopping 77 points this week to allow SMBR to continue their league high 4 game winning streak. Only Drake Maye broke double digits and if Drake Maye doubles your next highest score, that is not a recipe for success. Blue Gatorade's season really ended with the Bricklayers win two weeks ago as they have been playing out the string with nothing on the line now. SMBR can still make the playoffs in the following scenario: He must defeat EBD and ODS and RM must lose. There is no other way. Skynet says this has a 2% chance of happening.
Ogre's Death Squad defeats Bay-Bay's
Shrek stands victorious over a bloody member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police
Bay-Bay's rode a 30 point effort right into his usual position, losing. Kyle Pitts was the pits with a zero point game. While BB is eliminated from playoff contention (losing 8 of 9 will do that). Ogre's Death Squad is trying to sneak into the playoffs. Skynet says he has a 51% chance to make that happen. He lost Mason and Hill for the rest of the fantasy season, can he continue to ride Jayden Daniels a get a promotion to playoff team. This is a promotion that Dom has already earned and he did it without brown nosing. That's what Dom and Jerry Harris said at least.
1. EBD 124-45
2. LZ 123-46
3. IS 120-49
4. HC 118-51
We have a new number 1 by the slimmest of margins. This four continue to be the cream of the crop in HTPB this season but how what has happened when the cream met each other?
HC is 3-1 (loss to EBD)
IS is 2-2 (both wins vs EBD)
EBD 2-2 (see above)
LZ 1-2 (beat IS)
All of the matchups were high scoring bomb fests. The champ comes from this group.
5. $$ 89-80
6. TC 86-83
While the big 4 suck up all of the oxygen in the room, this group has been solid.
7. RM 82-87
8. ODS 77-92
9.TS 76-93
Below .500 but alive for the playoffs, nobody will be screwed out of the playoffs as no team with a winning record in the power rankings will be left home from the playoffs.
10. BB 72-97
11. BNE 71-98
12. SMBR 62-107
These are bad teams but schedule luck has given SMBR a hail mary chance at making the playoffs.
13. BL 46-123
14. BG 37-132
These teams are not unlucky just terrible.
#7 Rush 'n Missiles vs #10 Tinker Stinkers
Seeding vs playoff lives
#3 Los Zapatistas vs #6 Dollars
#4 Eh Big Dude vs #9 SMBR
Playoff lives vs nothing
#11 Big Nasty Express vs #5 The Collegians
#8 Ogre's Death Squad vs #14 Bricklayers
Seeding vs nothing
#2 Hardcore Cabinet vs #13 Blue Gatorade
Not fucking reason at all, just for shits and giggles
#1 Italian Stallions vs #12 Bay-Bay's
What will happen? Who will join the Big 4 in the playoffs, when will IS drop the toilet trophy off at BL?
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