Tuesday, December 10, 2024

HTPB 23.14 Regular Season Recap

 


The regular season is over and the playoffs begin or Dan calls it, the forbidden zone.  


Italian Stallions defeat Bay-Bay's
A horse and mountie play a meaningless game

This game had nothing to do with anything, but still held to form as Bay-Bay's lost again.  BB has never made the playoffs or even be .500.  He is a fitting successor to Big Cat's seat at the table but minus the goodwill.  Dan saw Kirk Cousins throw 8 interceptions since his last TD and said, "This is who I am starting over a Super Bowl champion with Puka and Kupp at receiver."  Italian Stallions completed a regular season where he scored at least 100 points in every single week.  Bay-bay's however won a single game this season that weren't over historically shitty BL and BG.


Eh Big Dude defeats Stabmybalzrepeatedly
A man falls asleep at the wheel and runs into a tree.

SMBR had an outside at continuing the longest playoff streak in the league but decided to take a hard pass on that.  The holder of the longest playoff streak is now LZ with 4.  We have several playoff streaks going as 5 of the 7 playoff teams also made it last year.  This also snaps SMBR 4 game win streak.  The running back tandem of Sincere McCormick and Johnathan Brooks were able to hold back SMBR.  EBD waiting all season for week 10.  He's 3-2 in that time frame as he looks to end the second longest active playoff win drought in HTPB.  (IS)  


Bricklayers defeat Ogre's Death Squad

Josh Allen beats and shames the commissioner.

Bricklayers avoided the worst season in HTPB history.  While ODS continues the commissioner curse, as ODS has not made the championship game since his undefeated season.  More recent Super Bowl participants than ODS...Deez nuts (4), Big Easy Ballers (2), and Big Cat's Crushers.  Josh Allen set a fantasy record for a QB with 55 points.  Combined with the 36 points from Charbonnet allowed BL to walk away from this game with revenge for the super unlucky schedule that he was given by the commissioner.  He should have been in 13th place not 14th place.  

Hardcore Cabinet defeats Blue Gatorade

Hardcore Cabinet snapped a three game losing streak to enter the playoffs as the number 2 seed.  He was able to score in the top half of the league and win despite HC having their top two scoring players on bye.  Blue Gatorade's awful team is finally being put out of it's misery.  The fact that this team won 4 games this season will be studied by scientists and historians for centuries.  The addition of Isaac Guerrendo was boom to HC as the new 49ers running back scored 24 points.  Just like Bricklayers, BG scored the most points they have all season in the final week.  Can Hardcore Cabinet be the first team in HTPB to repeat as champion? HC is tied for the best playoff winning percentage in league history with 66%


The Collegians defeat Big Nasty Express

Big Nasty Express is very bad at fantasy football.  How bad you ask?  His 11 playoff victories in 23 seasons.  That is half a playoff win a year.  In the last twenty years, he has maxxed out in 3rd place (3 times).  This season BNE put up point totals of 36, 71, 67, 80, and 72.  The Big Nasty Express has rode that train straight to the Shit Station.    Can the Collegians continue to ride the Burrow/Chase train to the title.  The Bengals have a remaining schedule of Tenn, Cle, and Denver. 



Rush'n Missiles defeat Tinker Stinkers
A wolf rips his own heart out to give to another wolf so it may live.

Don't look now but RM has gone from being perennially shitty to perennially mediocre as they have made the playoffs 3 out of the last 4 years, but in that time span have won just has many playoff games as toilet trophies (1).  Tinker Stinkers made moves all year to fight from being awful to being okay.  Mahomes never really got it together and it cost Tinker Stinkers as he is now in his longest playoff drought of his career, two years, or as IS has called that over the years: A hot streak. 

Los Zapatistas defeat Dollars

A wolf in a sombrero flees from his bank heist carrying comical money bags.

The Shoes hopes the playoffs are more similar to the beginning of the season when his team was dominant rather than the second half of the year when he was just good.  Don't look know but Dollars has broken 100 6 out of the last 7 weeks as he prepares to lose in his third straight Super Bowl.  The matchup was fairly even with both getting solid contributions all around especially from running backs.  


1. EBD 124-45
2. LZ 123-46
3. IS 120-49
4. HC 118-51


5. Dollars 89-80
6. TC 86-83
7. RM 82-87

Frisky

8. ODS 77-92
9. TS 76-93
10. BB 72-97
11. BNE 71-98

Not good


12.  SMBR 62-107

bad


13. BL 46-123

terrible


14. BG 37-132

historically awful



Was it your schedule or was it you?


ODS it was you.  Only against Los Zapatistas schedule would you have a winning record.  

BB- You could have been better but not good. You max out at 7-7 against several schedules.  Only against $$$ would you have been 4-10.

BNE- Right where you should have been, against LZ's schedule you could would have been 8-6.

BG- You suck no matter what.  You would have cratered out at 2-12 with TS and peaked at 5-9 with TC.

BL-  This one is crazy as he was awful vs every schedule but somehow would be 8-6 with IS.

$$$- Is right where we would have been vs most scheduled with a game or two except 10-4 with SMBR and 5-9 with ODS/BL

EBD had a rough schedule although tied with two others they could do no worse than the 9-5 with their own schedule with a max of 11-3 with several schedules.  Playoffs in every scenario.

HC could have been one win worse against a few schedules and peaking at 11-3 with BNE schedule.  Playoffs in every scenario.

IS- would have been crazy unlucky at 7-7 with Bricklayers schedule. Max at 12-2 with EBD.  Which is crazy that IS good weeks lined up with EBD to survive that at 12-2.  Playoffs in 13/14 scenarios.

LZ- 8-6 vs HC schedule, peak at 11-3 vs several.  Playoffs in every scenario.

RM- bottoms out at 5-9 against a few; max out at 10-4 vs LZ.

SMBR- his own schedule was the best at 7-7; bottoms out at 3-11 vs HC.

TC- high point is 10-4 vs IS schedule; 5-9 vs Blue Gatorade

TS- 8-6 with BNE or SMBR 4-10 with BL schedule.

Total Scenarios where you would have made the playoffs

The Perfect Club 100% EBD, HC, LZ

93% IS
57% $$$
50% TC
35% RM
14% TS
7% BL BNE, ODS
0% SMBR, BNE, BB, 


Dollars crushed his playoff predictions getting 5/7 correct:
$$$, EBD, IS, LZ, and TC.  He narrowly missed ODS and than less said about that BL pick the better.


The Playoff Preview


If the goal is winning championships and money, let's look at the history of doing just that in the playoffs.

Hardcore Cabinet:  20 playoff wins, 3 championships, 3 runner's up, 2 third places
The Collegians: 14---2---2---0
Dollars: 13---2----2---1
The Shoes: 12---2----2---1
Eh Big Dude: 8----2---1---0
Italian Stallions: 5---1----1---0
Rush 'n Missiles: 1---0---0---0


The playoffs are here, baby!!



















No comments:

Post a Comment