It was rematch week in HTPB. Revenge was served in 5 out of 7 matchups as only BNE and TC could get no satisfaction.
Ogre's Death Squad 97 defeats Rush' n Missiles 74
(Shrek and Vladimir Putin try to outrun an avalanche of fecal matter but Putin gets caught in it)
Rush 'N Missiles have now lost 3 in a row. It drops him out of the top 7. Is it for know or for ever? The Death Squad's and his gross feet were led by the talented foot of Chris Boswell's 22. Justin Fields continued to haunt ODS as his performance led to a negative 1 from the Bengals defense.
Los Zapatistas 143 defeat The Collegians 99
(A man in a sombrero tries to corral bratty kids in a sports bar with a Browns game on, while a man in a cap and gown cries in his beer.)
Los Zapatistas managed to win by over 40 points while starting a gentleman named Luther Burden the Third, who may be a receiver for the Bears or a third level German Oligarch. Either way he got -1 yards. The Collegians receiver core was decimated by injuries and poor performances. This game was over on Thursday but waiting til Sunday to be official. The Collegians are the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde team for 2025.
StabmyBalzRepeatedly 95 defeats Tinker Stinkers 93
(A small man holds a picture of Lamar Jackson and cries, while Comic Book Guy holds a picture of Patrick Mahomes and smiles.)
CMC finally couldn't overcome the lack of any other players on the 49ers offense and couldn't lift Tinker Stinkers without Lamar. Is this two game slide a bump in the road or cracks in the foundation? The SMBR revenge tour for tough luck games in full force, climbing back to just a .500 mark despite only scoring less than 100 points once on the season.
Bay-Bay's 112 defeat Big Nasty Express 79
(A Mountie has successfully commandeered a train and waves his hat to celebrate.)
Bay-Bay's overcome a zero from Quentin Johnson which is easy to do when you are playing BNE who hasn't broken 80 in a fortnight. It's also easy to do when you get 8 TD from other places on the roster as BB did. If BB can manage to defeat just BG and BL the rest of the way it will be their greatest season ever. Big Nasty Express continues to plummet in the standings and continues to struggle with this concept of drafting your own winning team. BNE was so bloody and beaten he looked like a precooked brisket.
Bricklayers 131 defeat Blue Gatorade 103
(A man made of bricks shoves a bald kid's head into a golden toilet.)
Blue Gatorade took one giant step forward towards getting a well deserved toilet bowl trophy. Chase Brown led the way for the Layers with 23 and Tucker Kraft has been the most consistent player for them this season. It's a good thing Layers got this win as they only play one more team who would not currently be in the playoffs, the rest of the way. Blue Gatorade has lost 7 in a row and desperately tries to find two more wins this season to avoid a failure year.
Italian Stallions 139 defeat Hardcore Cabinet 129
(A majestic and powerful stallion leaps successfully over a canyon being perused by cabinets that fall into the canyon like lemmings.)
The Loins exercised the demons and defeated Hardcore Cabinet. It took a Herculean effort from Johnathan Taylor (40) and Tampa (37). The QB's only combing for 8 points in a game that had almost 270 points is quite the statistical anomaly. The trade the Loins made to try to get the win this week actually hurt him as both players inserted into the lineup scored less than the players they replaced, So Dan might need to take some remedial Canadian math class. While the streak may be over, since Hardcore Cabinet won in week 1, HC has beaten IS every year from 2012 until today and that streak lives on. Just when you thought it was safe, Dom! Hardcore Cabinet's current streak without a loss bitch is Rush 'N Missiles who HC has beaten in every matchup for 4 years which includes 6 games.
(A male nurse in dollar sign scrubs shampoos Jason Vorhees hair with a bottle of Vidal Sasoon while on his hospital tray is a delicious meal of crow.)
Eh Bid Dude crowed about his Vidal play of Thursday while Allen and Mason struggled for Dollars, this hubris had to play into EBD decision to take on some players on bye this week in a trade thinking his win was sewn up. Rashee Rice (another player traded away by EBD) had other ideas on Monday Night as he led the come from behind win. Dollars has managed to piece together a solid 4-4 record despite Joe Burrow's toe being the most upsetting pedal digit this side of Big E. His playoff picks on the other hand have not recovered with only 2 teams currently in (HC/ODS)
Pick em this week was a three way tie between BNE, IS, and SMBR with 4 correct picks. HC and BG were in last place with 2-5 records. EBD remains in the overall lead and $$ stays in the basement. Check out your total results here.
We have a new king of the league!
Por mi parte, doy la bienvenida a nuestro nuevo señor mexicano.
1. LZ 72-32
2. TS 71-33
3. SMBR 62-42
4. RM 58-46
5. TC 58-46
6. EBD 52-52
7. HC 52-52
8. ODS 51-53
9. $$ 50-54
10. IS 48-56
11. BB 46-58
12. BL 42-62
13. BNE 40-64
14. BG 26-78
Hardcore Cabinet has been the luckiest and The Collegians have been the unluckiest.
While still too early for detailed odds to make much sense, here is a quick overview
safe bets LZ, TS, SMBR, HC
The morass in the middle ODS, RM, EBD, BB
Still a fighting chance TC, $$, BNE
It would be a miracle IS, BL
GTFO BG
Game of the Week
#1 Los Zapatistas vs #3 Tinker Stinker
#2 HC vs #13 BL
#4 ODS vs #6 BB
#10 BNE vs #9 $$
#5 EBD vs #8 RM
#7 SMBR vs #11 TC
Toilet Bowl Game of the Week
#14 Blue Gatorade vs #12 Italian Stallions
No comments:
Post a Comment