HTPB 22.7

 

Several matchups came down to Monday night for the first time this season.

Despite a good portion of his squad out injured.  The Shoes can't be stopped.  Well they could have easily been stopped with out 82 points but SMBR was not up to the challenge.  LZ featured the unique point total of 0.42 by DeeJay Dallas, featuring the stat line of a catch for no yards and a fumble, to go along with some return yards.  SMBR managed to increase their successfully put a lineup in with all active players to 2.  Unfortunately many of those players were active in name only.  

Eh Big Dude continues to put up massive point totals and for the first time this season, he had a good week while seemingly not watching, breaking his streak of 6 years of that happening.  The Italian Stallions despite being 6th in points is a full 2 game lead in the race for the Toilet Bowl Trophy.  Pat Mahomes had his best week of the season by 10 points over his previous high and Johnathan Taylor paid dividends for the first time all year.   Not only did the Loins lose this game but Hurts, Watson and Godwin got banged up.  

Bay-Bay's sent Bricklayers a few early presents such as special recipe Canadian syrup and rolling over and dying to give the Bricklayers the lucky win. Tua struggled against the Eagles as the Dolphins have not beaten a team with a winning record since week 3 of last year.  Bricklayers continues to ride AJ Brown like he was Roy in a fight that Brick started.  Bricklayers were able to overcome 3 total points from his defense and kicker to get the victory.

In a change for the usual, a child took advantage of ODS as Blue Gatorade pulled out the win.  ODS put up the lowest point total in the league for the third time this season.  That's 42% of the season.    ODS managed to killed by a guy who literally gets drunk and throws himself into the bushes outside his apartment repeatedly.  Is that worse that paying for said dummy to do this? So click an ad because I have to pay for this idiot to be dumb.  Blue Gatorade got 40 points from the Jaguars backfield but they'll be on bye next week so Max will have to spend less time doing drunken gardening and needs to find some replacements. Blue Gatorade has overtaken RM in setting the best possible lineup each week getting 91.6% of the best possible scores. 

Hardcore Cabinet graciously helped Rush 'm Missiles to be even more motivated next year to beat him.  Hardcore Cabinet gives and gives to RM.  When one day RM wins a playoff game in this league which is yet to happen in nearly a decade of RM in HTPB. RM was defeated despite Ingram being mysteriously benched and Cooper Kupp had 5 points.  Just know Cory, that I am here for you, out of the kindness of my heart to remind you of where you belong.  Keeping you grounded.   Don't look now but HC has tied JB for the longest win streak in the league.

I have no idea how he keeps doing it but Jeremy's Brother continues to win despite a rash of injuries. JB has won 3 in a row and sits atop the standings. This week he topples Collegians handing them quite the beatdown.  How has JB overcome all the injuries to QB's and RB's?  Some kind of come strange Beef 'n Cheddar voodoo?   The Collegians have rode a two game loss streak into 11 place, although maybe on some third place beyond the stat tracker, maybe Steve has a win probability over 0% 

(AI image: Brock Purdy causes a train wreck)

Dollars rode two rookie receivers to the victory over Big Nasty Express aided by Brock Purdy getting smashed in the Monday Night Matchup.  BNE won the tight end day position money but it was not enough to overcome good week Dollars.  Dollars has zigged and zagged all over the place here are Dollars point totals this season:  96, 76, 86, 104, 182, 75, 124.    Dr. Dollars' playoff predictions currently only have 1 team in the top seven so those at least haven't been schizophrenic.  They have just been down.  

Some cherry picked stats from the Skynet playoff odds calculator.

EBD has a 44% of getting the bye.  The next highest are three people bunched in the teens.  

Italian Stallions has a higher playoff likelihood than SMBR, TC, and ODS.

ODS has the lowest playoff percentage at 5%

Power Rankings 

1. EBD 64-27

2. BL 54-37

3. BNE 52-39

4. JB 51-40

5. LZ 51-40

6. RM 50-41

7. HC 46-45

8. BB 45-46

9. BG 43-48

10. $$ 40-51

11. TC 39-52

12. IS 38-53

13. SMBR 33-58

14. ODS 31-60

BNE has been the most unlucky being 5 spots short of where they should be (RM 4 spots).  JB and LZ are tied with being 3 spots luckier than they have earned.  The Collegians are the only team exactly where they should be in the standings at spot 11.  

EBD and JB lead the pack this week with 5-2 weeks as ODS and IS came in with scorching a scorching 1-6 week.  You can make your picks for week 8 here.

Week 8 preview.

Game of the Week

#2 Los Zapatistas vs #4 Bricklayers

HC vs $$

ODS vs BB

BG vs JB

EBD vs TC

BNE vs RM

Toilet Bowl Matchup

#14 Italian Stallions vs #12 StabmyBallzRepeatedly

Our second brother in law toilet bowl matchup of the season!

HTPB 21.7

 

Eh Bid Dude needs our prayers.  He scored the most points this week, is in first place, hasn't had a single week in the bottom half of scoring, and is undefeated. But have you thanked him for his unsolicited advice?  Have you listened to his revisionist history?  Have you helped him find a game on a streaming service while he continues to straight dominate his cord cutting?  Have you given yourself over to our lord and savior Ben Simmons?  Have you gotten the fuck off his porch?  What will you do in December when Roy gets upset and throws an epic tantrum like two years ago?  Will you give him the hug that he needs?      

Blue Gatorade used the power of Pepsi to defeat Ogre's Death Squad, who valiantly tried to overcome missing Josh Allen to take another loss. The least lucky teams in the league both end the week 2-5 despite being in the top half of the league in scoring and find themselves in a toilet bowl derby with the likes of the Collegians and teams that were auto drafted. The luck probably came from the stomach bug that tore through Max and hopefully for his sake his liquid shit first half of the season is behind him as well. Blue Gatorade was even able to win with Mark Andrews getting only 4 yards rushing which might be the craziest stat line of the year. 

Bay-Bay's has managed to get their third win of the year despite not scoring more than 100 points since week 1.  Rush'n Missiles will probably blame this loss on bye weeks but it is very doubtful that even Cooper Kupp can bail out this shit squad.  The rest of RM is a poo poo platter.  This journalist is prepared to name RM as the favorite to win the toilet trophy.  Unlike Cory himself, the schedule gets much harder in the second half.  I want to be clear and I can't stress the following enough: despite the victory, Bay-Bay's is still shit.  

 Los Zapatistas or whatever the fuck they are called this week, rode Joe Burrow to a strong week that once again Jason didn't comment on.  I am sorry you are in an abusive relationship , Sergio.  Karma came to get Dollars and dealt him a hard luck loss after handing him a few lucky wins.  But he is still hitting 4/7 playoff teams.  Dollars tried a new strategy of instead of trotting out a washed up QB like Brady or Wilson, he tried a not a ready to be starting young quarterback like Kenny Pickett. Some questions this game raises will need to answered by the coaches, who will replace Breeze Hall in the lineup? Is the Drake London thing over? Will Dollars ever find a Quarterback?  Will Sergio stop this dumb name changing thing?  Will Dollars finally confront that coward Big E?   Will Sergio find someone to love him as much as he loves Jason?  

                                    (Jared Goff shown here showing HC what he can shove up his ass)

Hardcore Cabinet could have ended the unbeaten season of Bricklayers and pulled into sole position of third place but instead their injury riddled team falls into the middle of the pack. Bricklayers had his best players on bye and still scored 110 points.  Staying unbeaten clearly is a goal of Bricklayers as they traded some of their depth away to fill holes for this week.  Will it cost him down the line as so far this season Bricklayers has been injury free?

The Collegians hit their high water mark of the season but that high water mark was still the shallow end.  However the shallow end is plenty deep enough to drown Jeremy's wee brother and The Collegians get their third win of the year. Collegians is really wasting all the shine from the fantasy gods. He is still yet to be in the top half of the league in scoring in any week but has managed three wins. JB has lost 3 of 4 games but faces Bay-Bay's and Rush'n Missiles the next two weeks and that usually cures what ails ya, but the Collegians were supposed to as well.  

The Big Nasty Express has leapt all the way into 12th place with his second straight victory.  Leaping over everyone who has ever married one of Kevin's sisters.  Apparently being berated by your wife and near Joe's log cock makes you suck at fantasy football.  BNE improves to 2-4-1 as defensive coordinator and coincidentally in undefeated when he wins the defensive matchup. Italian Stallions wanted their flowers the past few weeks but it seems the roses are wilting already.   Can either of these teams make it all the way back into the playoff picture?          

                                                            Week 7 Pick em results

                                            Bricklayers won the week with a 6-1 records.  BG went 1-6.  Jason still maintains the overall lead with the Collegians bringing up the rear.  Week 8 picks are available here.

                                                                        Skynet playoff odds

EBD, Bricklayers, SMBR are mathematical locks 99% and up. BB, TC, RM are mathematical misses less than 1%.  

LZ 87% HC 85% JB 72% $$ 67% BG 54% ODS 25% IS 5.5% BNE 2%

					- UNLUCKY
					+ LUCKY
	PWR
TIERS	RANK	W	L	+/-
Running Away	EBD	76	15	0
	BL	70	21	0
Almost 1	SMBR	63	28	0
50's	BG	55	36	-6
	ODS	52	39	-6
	TS	52	39	-2
	LZ	52	39	1
Almost	HC	47	44	3
Trash	BNE	39	52	-3
	$$	39	52	3
	IS	34	57	-2
Almost trash	CB	25	66	-2
$$ tier	BB	17	74	4
	TC	16	75	6

	TC hasn't scored more than 94.15 points…and has 3 wins
	Everyone but SMBR either went up or down in the standings
	Biggest mover UP was TC, 4 spots
	Biggest mover DOWN was CB, 4 spots
	PWR Rank showing haves/haves nots with HC toeing the line
	EBD has been top 5 scorer every week

                                                                  Week 8 Preview

                                        

                                                                Game of the Week

                                

                                                    #3SMBR vs #4 Los Zapatistas

                                                    

                                                                    ODS vs BL

                                                                    BG vs TC

                                                                    $$ vs EBD

                                                                    HC vs BNE

                                                                    JB vs BB

                                                                    

                                                    The Toilet Brother in Law Bowl 

                                                               #13 Italian Stallions

                                                            vs #14 Rush'n Missiles.