The Loins got their first win! The Wolves got swept! Let's take a look.
Italian Stallions 129 defeat Big Nasty Express 76
A Stallion wins finally wins a race against red bearded balding backwoods men on all fours
After a month and half the Stallions finally got a touchdown from his top draft pick and finally got a win. He also cashed in on Johnathan Taylor's third 3 TD game of the season. His usual poo platter of receivers combined for 50 points. It was enough to finally give the winless Loins their first win. There is a dark cloud hanging over the Loins however as Hardcore Cabinet looms next week, the Loins have not defeated the Cabinet since the first Obama administration. BNE got 25 points out of tight end and failed to break 80. Bijan added 18 but no other Express member broke the 7 point threshold.
Dollars 106 defeats Blue Gatorade 82
A male nurse with scrubs decorated in Dollar bills, checks in a on bald college kid with a negative prognosis who is attached to an IV of Blue Gatorade.
Blue Gatorade is finally where he belong, in dead fucking last. Can he get a couple of lucky wins to leave the toilet trophy to Bricklayers again this year? Despite 21 points form Olave, BG scored under 100 for the 5th straight week. Saquon Barkley continues to struggle as well, scoring 13 points combined in the last two games. For BG's sake, maybe all of his players with the red letters can return. Dollars lost his second QB to a foot injury this season, as who would have ever predicted feet would give Dollars anything but a boner. I have decided to not mention Dollars selling Chase before the game of the season, although Rice did have a really good game.
StabmyBalzrepeatedly 118 defeats Ogre's Death Squad 114
Justin Fields in a scream mask sneaks up on Shrek standing next a windowless van that is spray painting with the message free candy and hugs
Ogre's Death Squad can't quit Justin Fields in a Brokeback mountain situation. He was almost able to overcome it with 54 points Monday night from JSN and Gibbs. SMBR has ridden the newly once again explosive Patrick Mahomes to 2 straight wins. With his 2nd highest point total in the league, SMBR will be a force to be reckoned with during the home stretch.
Eh Big Dude 147 defeats Bricklayers 105
A large tree that grows Jamar Chase like fruit looms over a homeless man with hair gelled up dragging a golden toilet by a chain.
The franchise collapse of Bricklayers continues, since gagging an undefeated season into a 3rd place finish, the Bricklayers have yet to make the playoffs again, won a toilet, and are in contention to make it back to back, and allowed his record of three titles to be tied by two other franchises who could pass him up this year. Eh Bid Dude felt no remorse and stepped on the neck of his fallen AOE partner. Jamar Chase at least mercifully ended it Thursday night with approximately 58 targets.
Bay-Bay's 119 defeats Los Zapatistas 95
Adam Cole wearing a Canadian Flag like a cape defeats a Luchador known as "The Shoes"
Roster mismanagement came to call for Los Zapatistas. He stupidly played someone who was out for the year and should have seen that mid game injury coming. Bay-Bay's took a victory lap that nobody picked him but he only picked two other games correctly himself. Bay-Bay's does however continue to pick up wins at a rate never seen before in franchise history. If BB's can go 3-4 down the stretch it will be greatest season in franchise history!
Hardcore Cabinet 96 defeats Tinker Stinkers 95
Hardcore Cabinet continues to be kryptonite to the wolves. HC continues to be unbeaten against the trio who have been running roughshod over the rest of the league. Just seeing HC causes both TS and RM to have their worst performance of the year and piss down their legs in fear. Tinker Stinkers played both McCaffery brothers, Jeremy McCaffery for the niners came through in dominating fashion with 36 alpha brother points. Jason McCaffery for the commanders came in with a beta bro level 4 points all earned on special teams. The game came down to 14th round pick defense New England outscoring top picked defense by 25.
The Collegians 154 defeat Rush 'n Missiles 127
(A college graduate holds a sign that says I love bo-ners in front of Joesph Stalin, Nikita Khrushev, and Vladamir Putin.)
Not exactly what I wanted but I think the picture is funny.
Led by the unlikely duo of 4th quarter Bo-ner and the Cleveland Browns, the Collegians scored the highest points in the league this week. If RM was told that on Allen's bye week he would receive 36 points for Stafford, RM would have assumed he was well on his way to victory. Well RM would have been as wrong as he is ringless. Not like the Collegians, who you may not have realized won the league last year.
On a week where Yahoo predictions went 2-5, EBD, HC, SMBR, TC, and IS managed to go 4-3. This increased EBD overall season lead. BG sucks all aspects again this week with a back to back 1-6 pick em record. Although he is not last overall as that honor belongs to Dollars.
Despite the bad week, still alone at the top
1. Tinker Stinkers 71-20
Really good squads
2. LZ 59-32
3. RM 57-34
4. TC 54-37
5. SMBR 53-38
Nice teams
6. ODS 48-43
7. EBD 47-44
Can't be discounted
8. $$ 43-48
9. HC 42-49
Not good
10. BB 38-53
11. BNE 38-53
12. IS 36-55
Bad
13. BL 31-60
Blue Gatorade
14. 20-71
Looking at the remaining schedules, every team plays 3 or 4 teams in the top 7 of the power rankings. The two that don't....Dollars has 5 games left against the best and The Collegians only has 2.
It's Rematch Week! The winner of the week 1 game is in ALL CAPS.
Game of the Week
#5 RUSH 'N MISSILES vs #6 Ogre's Death Squad
#1 HC vs #12 is
#7 BB vs #8 bne
#11 dollars vs #4 EBD
really wish my keyboard had the cents symbol
#3 LZ vs #10 tc
#9 smbr vs #2 TS
The Toilet Bowl matchup possibly of the year
#14 BLUE GATORADE vs #13 bricklayers
Most of the matchups are have vs have nots. The playoff picture could start to look a lot clearer one week from today.
