Happy Veteran's Day and big thank you to Jesse and Dan. What a couple of unpatriotic American hating assholes Dom and Jason are. In other playoff based news, Blue Gatorade, Bricklayers, Collegians, and Italian Stallions have been mathematically eliminated from getting a first round bye but spots 2-7 are still possible.
Rush'n Missiles 119 defeat Big Nasty Express 101
(A red bearded hill person attempts to set his computer to auto draft but accidently launches a barrage of cold war era missiles.)
The Express lost the game and Kincaid, while leaving a giant 28 performance by the Jets on the bench. One would have to ask one's self, "Self, if I'm not playing the Jets against the Browns, why pray tell are they on my roster?" RM won despite a zero from DJ Moore, which you can do with 44 points from the defense/kicker combo from the Pugent Sound. RM now enters a Charmin soft stretch in his schedule of Loins, $$, BG before wrapping up the year with SMBR. Not making the playoffs would be an epic collapse.
Hardcore Cabinet 108 defeats Eh Big Dude 101
A flat bed truck from Hardcore Lumber hauls away cutdown trees with Jason masks
Eh Big Dude has now gone 0-3 since saying that his remaining schedule which hasn't even included the two teams he said were good. Hardcore Cabinet continues to eke out victories with middling point totals to the point where he has landed in first place. With games against both of the 3 loss teams remaining could the black magic continue to give him a first round bye or will reality finally come calling?
Italian Stallions 143 defeat Dollars 79
Johnathan Taylor runs through a mass of male nurses and when he hits them dollar bills go flying.
Johnathan Taylor continues to just lay waste to the league with his 4th three touchdown game, this time to the tune of 56 points. If only the rest of the team was better, IS could be a force, but don't look now, IS is only two games back of the final playoff spot. But do look now at Taylor on a bye next week and a tough stretch of RM, SMBR, and LZ, it seems unlikely. It's becoming a race to the bottom to see which will have a worse season, Dollars or Dollar picks. Dollars winning percentage is 40% and Dollars playoff picks are at 28%.
Ogre's Death Squad 144 defeat Los Zapatistas 131
Shrek defeats a man in a sombrero in boxing match, the man in the sombrero should have a brown liquid on his shorts and lower back.
Can you imagine ODS if they have consistent QB play? The Seahawks got out to such a quick huge lead that they only ran 5 pass plays the final 3 quarters. ODS didn't need it with 79 points from Achane and Gibbs. Los Zapatistas continues to put massive point totals, having only score less than 120 once since week 4. With a huge game for the bye next week, can LZ pick up the win and cruise to a week off in the playoffs?
A bald college kid celebrates on a bar with a 21st birthday hat, while a man in a hoodie opens up Magic the Gathering packs with a single tear streaming down his face.
Don't look now but Blue Gatorade is riding a two game winning streak to take him all the way to still last place. Brissett logs 21 points in junk time and the Miami defense signing shortly before kickoff gave him 21 as well. 21 is the number of the week as BG turned 21 on Monday and proof of life has not been confirmed as of the time of publication. Penix played like his last letter was "s" in place of Mahomes snapping SMBR win streak. The point total should win any tie breaks SMBR to make the playoffs but still needs to get some more wins.
Tinker Stinker 123 defeats Bay-Bay's 73
A tiny man runs with a tray of meat and a stolen Canadian flag while a unit of pathetic Mounties give chase.
Bay-Bay's was more Ew, Canada this week. Can BB's finally make the playoffs. Yahoo doesn't think so. Could another failure season be in the books for the team with the most seasons in league history without a playoff appearance? Tinker Stinkers snaps a three game slide to get his playoff footing on sturdier ground, but 3/4th of TS remaining games are against teams with playoff hopes.
Bricklayers 123 defeat Collegians 90
A college graduate sadly must exchange a football trophy for a golden toilet at on Pawn Shop run by a man with giant gelled hair called Mary Ann's Pawn Shop: "We buy your dreams for Boston Creams"
Bricklayers knows what The Collegians are going through with a terrible season right after winning it all for a third time. Hardcore has made the playoffs every season since getting #3 so it is possible. Bo Nix has been turning back into a pumpkin and the rest of the Collegians including first round letdown Brown couldn't pick up the slack. Bricklayers looks to avoid back to back toiletries but his banged up squad facing an absolute gauntlet the next few weeks of ODS, LZ, and TS.
This week BG went from pathetic to first with a 6-1 record. It moved him out of last place overall and returned Dollars to the basement. Dollars likes being down there anyhow so he can play Call of Duty in his night vision goggles with Kyler Murray. Several teams finished 3-4 this week, and EBD holds off SMBR to maintain his overall lead. See the full standings here.
The favorites
1. LZ 96-34
2. TS 91-39
A reasonable shot
3. RM 78-52
4. SMBR 74-56
5. ODS 73-57
A punchers chance
6. EBD
7. TC 63-67
8. HC 62-68
9. IS 60-70
Bad
10. $$ 53-77
11. BB 52-78
12. BL 52-78
13. BNE 52-78
Won two in a row and still is epically far behind
14. BG 38-92
(Fun fact BG is leading the league with getting 97% of his roster's maximum points. So this is the most anyone could have gotten out of this roster. So great coaching job, if only the GM wasn't so terrible.
Other playoff odds
SMBR 88
EBD 51
BB 37
BNE 18
TC 3
$$ 3
IS 1
BL/BG infinitesimal
Toilet Odds
BG 47 BL 22 IS 12 TC 11 $$ 5
It's not usually that many teams with a shot at it with a month to go.
Game of the Week
#1 Hardcore Cabinet vs #2 Los Zapatistas
#3 ODS vs #13 BL
#9 BNE vs TC #12
#10 $$ vs #6 SMBR
#7 EBD vs #4 TS
#11 IS vs #5 RM
Toilet Bowl Game of the Week
#8 Bay-Bay's vs #14 Blue Gatorade
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