HTPB 23.5

 

This week the divide between the have's and have not's widened.  Some teams may already be thinking about next year.  

                                                        Hardcore Cabinet defeats Tinker Stinkers

(A handsome man gets his father of the year trophy while a tiny only gets an Arby's bag filled with trash)

Imagine your author's surprise when assumed he would be able to see Tinker Stinkers face at his child's soccer game only for Tinker Stinkers to not be there.  The deadbeat dad didn't come to support his child instead he sat and watched a sex offender play football poorly.  In no way did I want to see his sad face and take a photo for this flog has Hardcore Cabinet scored TD after TD.  8 in total.  Lamar Jackson continued to be the best QB in fantasy and outdueled Sam Darnold 39-3.  Hardcore Cabinet chucks Tinker Stinkers aside and further down the standings.

Italian Stallions defeats the Stabmybalzrepeatedly

(An Italian horse smears pasta with the cheese so nice all over a comic book store.)

SMBR was eliminated from the Mike Johnson cup falling to 0-2.  The Loins or the Missiles will take home the coveted hardware this year.  IS scored 125 but lost two players to injury.  Has Old Testament God finally realized what the Stallions were trying to do this season?  How will the Stallions fair after buzzing through his bubble tough last 3 weeks of SMBR, BG, and BL? Has the Italian Stallions wasted all of these points on these Spider Ricos?

Los Zapatistas defeat Bay-Bay's

(Adam Cole lays beaten in the ring, defeated by a wolf in a luchador mask)

The Shoes were not playing around scoring the week high points and nearly doubling up Bay-Bay's.  LZ lowest scoring player was 15 points but a high of only 25 to lead one of the most even contributed dominations by a squad ever seen.  LZ has not yet failed to break 100 points and has been passing out beatings left and right.  Bay-bay's has lost a few players to injuries in the past week so he should be pretending like he is the only team in the league that people get injured on in 3,2,1...

Dollars defeats Bricklayers

(A man refuses to give money to a guy down on his luck in a pile of bricks)

What can be said about Bricklayers this season that hasn't been said about the Hindenberg.    Bricklayers was led in scoring by their kicker which is a recipe for success. Dollars has emerged 4-1 through a paper mache schedule, with only one of his opponents cracking 100 and having dodged the current top of the league. Dollars needs to get these wins now as his schedule ends with 4 teams in the top half of the power rankings.  

The Collegians defeat Eh Big Dude

(Joe Burrow pelts Jason Voorhies with footballs)

The combo of Burrow and Chase brought The Collegians the victory this week over Eh Big Dude.  So far this season, TC has gone the way of the Bengals. Congratulations to BG for their week 12 victory over the TC during the Bengals bye week.    As also Eh Bid Dude rides the big D, with the 23 points from Denver leading the way.  He keeps speaking of this magical week 10 when all of his players will be healed.  What will he eventually see in week 10 when he opens that Yahoo app?   Lots of red letters?  Tons of points? Something else?  

Blue Gatorade defeats Big Nasty Express

(A man known as the king of Waco loses in volleyball and American football kicking at the same time while a bald teenager wrapped in a wool blanket laughs)

Blue Gatorade broke the century mark for the first time this season.  He broke it over the Big Nasty Express' ginger bearded face.  This matchup had 5 players fail to break the 5 point barrier.    This matchup may go a long way to deciding toiletries this season. Big Nasty Express was just waiting on four points from his kicker which just like a championship team that he has drafted, never happened.  Blue Gatorade drags his competition to his level as both of his wins are when his opponent didn't break 100.

Ogre's Death Squad defeats Rush 'n Missiles

(Shrek catches a flaccid missile and squeezes the tobacco juice out of it)

Ogre's Death Squad has fielded his best team in years, as he tries to make the playoffs for the second time in past 7 years.    Baker Mayfield started out well for the Missiles on Thursday but the rest of his team got the fuck the back to the tune of 8 points per player.  RM currently sits in 9th place only ahead of the walking dead teams. Alvin Kamara remembered that he isn't a stud anymore and the bottom dropped out, or ODS says, it prolapsed.  

This week BNE and TC each went 6-1 in picks and LZ while first in the standings was dead last with a 2-5 record.  The full season standings are here. IS leads overall with 24 correct picks.

1. LZ 55-10

2. IS 50-15

3. EBD 50-15

The clear top tier continues to be Denorex above the rest.

4. ODS 38-27

5. $$ 38-27

6. HC 37-28

7. BB 36-29

The solid teams.  They are good but are going to need things to fall right come playoff time

8. RM 32-33

9. 30-25

10. BNE 27-38

Waiting to pounce on a playoff spot if the teams above have issues.

11. BL 19-46

12. BG 16-49

13. SMBR 14-51

14. TS 13-52

Dog Shit

There are still no teams more than 2 spots off either way in standings.  The current playoff teams are also the top 7 in the power rankings.  The top seed is #1 in the power rankings.  So no bitching, in the words of Bill Parcells, "You are what your record says you are."

Week 6 Matchups

The Game of the Week

#3 Dollars vs #4 Eh Big Dude

#7 HC vs #9 RM

#6 ODS vs #2 IS

#5 BB vs #12 SMBR

#1 LZ vs #8 TC

#10 BG vs #13 TS

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#11 Big Nasty Express vs #14 Bricklayers

Week 6 brings us byes for the Chiefs, Rams, Dolphins, and Vikings.  Will it bring you a victory?