RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (September 20/21, 2003) Pre Unforgiven Heat edition

 

We have Josh Mathews and Taz on the commentary again so I believe Ernest Miller is thankfully gone from role. 

Match #1

The Big Show vs Pat Cusick/Murray Happer

Big Show hits some punches and chest slaps.  He stacks both guys in the corner and beats on them some more.  Big Show slams the local competitors a bit mixed in with a few clotheslines.  He hands out back to back chokeslams to pick up the win in 50 seconds.

Match #2

Matt Hardy vs Joey Matthews

Matt Fact #1: Matt hates waiting in lines. 

Matt Fact #2: Matt tailgates slow cars in the passing lane.

Josh tells us that both men were in the local Omega promotion where they were rivals.  This match is in North Carolina and Matt is wrestling as a face and has the crowd behind him.  They trade arm bars.  Matt Hardy hits a hip toss and 9 mounted corner punches before a tenth super windup punch when Matthews staggers out of the corner.  Hardy heads to the top but Mathews rolls out of the ring.  Hardy tries to pull him back into the ring by the hair, but Mathews snaps Hardy's neck over the top rope.  Mathews goes on offense with a neck breaker and a mid rope choke. 

 Tazz asks Josh if he is related to Joey.  Josh says that his name only has one T.  Tazz says that he has one T in his name too.  Josh reminds him that he has two Z's in his name.  Tazz says he used to have 2 Z's in a funny aside.  

 

Hardy comes back with a decapitating clothesline, followed by a back elbow and a leg drop.  Mathews pushes Hardy into the turnbuckle and locks on a desperation sleeper.  Hardy escapes via side slam.  Hardy then does a clothesline and a leg drop over the second rope.  Mathews escapes the side effect.  He comes back off the ropes but gets caught by the side effect this time.  Mathews kicks out of the pinfall attempt.  Mathews tosses Hardy into the turnbuckle again and follows it up with a top rope clothesline for a 2 count.  Mathews tries a charge into the corner but Hardy gets the boot up.  Matt hits the V1 downfall leg drop and twist of fate for the victory in 5:36

Match #3

Chuck Palumbo with Nunzio and Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli

vs. Orlando Jordan

Palumbo starts out knees to the stomach and heavy strikes to the back.  The FBI jumps up on the apron and are immediately ejected.  Jordan comes back with some quick punches and a back slide attempt. Palumbo leap frogs Jordan and hits a super kick to the back of the head.  Jordan flies through the ropes to the outside.  Jordan is dead weight and Palumbo can't get him up, goes back in to break the count and then comes back outside to throw Jordan back in.  Weird sequence.  He drives his shoulder into the midsection of Jordan in the corner.  He floors Jordan with a belly to belly suplex.  Then locks in a bear hug.  When that doesn't get a submission, he brings Jordan to the corner and hangs him in the tree of woe so he can lay some boots in.  The ref backs him off and frees Jordan.  Palumbo charges and misses only connecting with the steel post.  Jordan lands his shuffle punches from his mentor Rocky Johnson.  He lands a flying forearm.   "Shades of Tito Santana." Says Josh.  Jordan hits a drop kick and a back body drop.  "Shades of Rick Martel.  Not really I just wanted to talk about an old guy too." says Tazz.  Jordan goes for a cross body off the top. "It's time for some Strike Force." says Josh.  Palumbo rolls through the cross body and gets a two count.  Sloppy missed clothesline by Chuck and Jordan uses the momentum for a roll up for 2.  Palumbo grabs Jordan and lets go for no reason.  Jordan then hits the Black Ice neck breaker to get the victory in 5:37. (1/2 *)

Match #4

Billy Kidman vs Shannon Moore

Moore backs Kidman into the corner and taunts Kidman.  "It's all about me!" Kidman charges Moore who runs to the opposite corner and has the ref back Kidman off.  Kidman hits a tilt a whirl head scissors and follows it up with mounted punches.  Moore slips out and hits a really devastating looking hip toss into the turnbuckles.  Moore hangs Kidman on the middle rope and lands the leg over his back.  Shannon plants Kidman with a body slam followed up with a rear chin lock.  Kidman gets whipped hard into opposite corners.  Shannon snap suplexes Kidman and locks in a back stretch.  Kidman fights out and hits a drop kick.  Kidman lands a hurricanrana, back body drop, death valley driver into a neck breaker for a 2 count.  Shannon Moore gets control with a spinning leg lariat.  Kidman misses a corner splash and Moore hits a turnbuckle launching spinning dive for a 2 count.  Moore starts to pound the mat like he is a toddler throwing a tantrum.  Kidman captilizes with a BK bomb.  Kidman lands a shooting star press to gain the vicrtory in 5:31. (** 3/4). 

Since it is pre Unforgiven we get Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler on commentary which if they lose tonight to Coach and Al Snow will be our new Heat commentary team.  

We did get a change to the 6 man table match as Spike Dudley can't compete so it is now a handicap match according to Co GM Eric Bischoff, but Co GM Steve Austin makes it for the tag titles.  

The one and only match

Stevie Richards with Victoria vs Maven

We begin with a collar and elbow tie up, that Maven turns into this barrage of offense: headlock, shoulder block, leapfrogs, clothesline, fireman's carry, drop kick.  Stevie bails from the ring but Maven pursues.  Victoria grabs Maven's foot on the way back in.  Stevie drops an elbow to take his first advantage of the match.  Stevie distracts the referee so Victoria can hit her spinning leg drop off the top rope.  Stevie unleashes his own flurry of a neck breaker, rope splash, snap mare, full nelson.  Maven reverses the hold into a suplex.  Maven lands a barrage of fists, reverse elbows, spinning elbows, spinning heel kick, and finally a neck breaker. Maven to the top rope but Victoria grabs his foot and the delay allows Richards to move out of the way of Maven's drop kick.  Stevie goes for a double arm DDT, but Maven resends him over with a back body drop.  Maven heads back to the top rope and nails his float over neck breaker for the win in 5:15 (**).

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 7/19/03 Heat 7/20/03)

 

We are welcomed into the 7/29/03 Velocity by our hosts Josh Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller.  

Match #1

The FBI (Chuck Palumbo and Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli with Nunzio vs Spanky and Funaki

Spanky and Funaki hit several quick strikes on Chuck with fast tagging in and out.  Double team drop kicks.  Chuck finally gets the edge via a vicious clothesline.  Palumbo and Stamboli tag in and out, nailing Spanky with fists and boots.  Nunzio holds Spanky's arm and pulls him halfway out of the ring so Chuck can kick his head off in a nasty looking spot.  The FBI continues to tag in and out and beat on Spanky with power moves.  Spanky hits both with a desperation drop kick.  Funaki gets the hot tag.  Drops both Itatlian big men wiht drop kicks.  Spanky is right back in the fight and perfectly fine seconds after taking minutes of beating from two larger men.  Spanky gets swatted away on a drop kick and tossed out of the ring.  A possible double team move is set up by the FBI (see above) but Spanky is quick to break it up from the outside.  Still perched on the ropes, Stamboli hits a bulldog on Spanky.  Funaki has recovered and nails his own top rope tornado DDT to get the pin on Johnny the Bull, in a surprising outcome in 4:56.  Surprising that two guys who are Velocity mainstays would get the win against the FBI who have been featured on Smackdown lately.  (** 3/4) 

Match #2

Doug and Danny Bashams with Shaniqua vs Johnny Jeter and Matt Cappotelli

The Bashams entertain the crowd with some boot licking and whipping of her team.  The crowd is not impressed.  Matt Cappotelli is one of the winner's of Tough Enough 3.  Tough Enough was constantly mentioned during the the first two seasons, but this is the first I am even hearing about it and the show is already over.  Very odd and bad for some old fashioned brand synergy.  Doug and Matt tie up.  Doug works over the rookie's arms.  A missed clothesline gives Cappotelli a chance to hit a drop kick.  Matt follows him out and Shaniqua gets in his way allowing, the Bashams to take control again.  Doug and Danny tag in and out taking turns roughing up Matt.  Double clothesline into a snapmare with a drop kick to the back of the head.  The Bashams tag and we get another snapmare but this time it is followed up by an elbow drop.  

The Bashams hit a move commentary calls the "Meat Curtain"  which is a double team slingshot into a top bulldog.  It's a nice tag team move but that name is nightmare juice.  Assumed that was going to be the finish but the pin is broken up by Jeter.  We get a headlock, tag and then another head lock.  I can't tell if the story of the match are the Bashams are so in sync that they are doing the same moves after tags or Cappotelli only knows how to a few moves.  Cappotelli dropped down to turn the headlock into a jawbreaker.  

Hot tag to Johnny Jeter, as he hits an enzuigury and a slingblade.  Cappotelli comes in with a cross body out of nowhere.  Shaniqua gets on the apron and distracts the ref which allows the Bashams to hit the Ball and Gag which is a clothesline Russian leg sweep combo for the win in 8:83.  It was a really long squash match. (*).

We return from commercial and Matt Cappotelli is in the back talking to fellow Tough Enough 3 winner John Hennigan (the future Johnny insert last name here).  The APA come by and invite the rookies to join in on their APA Barroom Brawl Invitation at Vengeance sponsored by Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness.  The rookies accept although it doesn't seem like it was a choice.  

Match #3

A-Train vs Orlando Jordan

A fan has a A-Train Shaving Station with an arrow pointing down.  Does that mean this fan wants A-Train to sit on his lap while he shaves A-Train? The announcers act like this is the fan insulting the Train but I would in fact argue that this is a true sign of love.  This person is A-Train's biggest fan.  Train tosses the steps and Josh jumps into the crowd.  This has been going for a few weeks and I wonder if we will see Josh in the ring at some point.  Velocity is brough to us by the new movie S.W.A.T.  starring Colin Farrell, Burger King, and Truth anti smoking campaign so you know this is 2003.  

Train starts with some power control moves.  Jordan hits a drop kick, but A-Train comes back with a single arm DDT to regain control.  Train doles out some corner knees and kicks until Jordan lands an enzuigury, (enzuigury, the official plucky underdog comeback move of this July 19th, episode of Velocity).  Jordan hits a few more nice looking drop kicks and then a flying forearm for a 2 count.  Train powers out of the corner and nails a huge bicycle kick for 2. He picks up Jordan for the Trainwreck for the win in 4:08. (*1/2)

Match #4 

Dawn Marie vs Nidia

Before the match Dawn Marie gets the microphone and taunts Nidia for Jaime Noble offering money to spend a night with Torrie Wilson.  The bell rings and Nidia charges for a corner attack but comes up empty.  Dawn hits a reverse atomic drop follows that up with chops in the corner.  Dawn tries a corner springboard but Nidia hits the ropes and Dawn falls into the tree of woe.  Nidia hits a dropkick to the upside down Dawn Marie but it is only enough for a 2 count.  Nidia chokes her on the ropes.  Dawn reverses an Irish whip and hits a cross body from the top, back elbow, and a body slam.  A missed Vader Bomb gives control back to Nidia and then a sequence of sloppy pin combos, Nidia grabs the rope but doesn't actually apply any more pressure to the pin using the "extra leverage" for the win in 3:54.  (1/2 *)

We are welcomed to Sunday Night Heat by our announcers Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow. 

Match#1

La Resistance vs Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade 

Sylvan Grenier attacks Mark Jindrak.  Jindrak quickly gets the advantage back with a couple of drop kicks and locks in an arm bar.  Sylvan elbows his way free and tags to Rene Dupree who takes a few shoulder blocks.  Punches are exchanged, Sylvan catches Cade with a knee to the back coming off the ropes and the heels take control.  Cade takes a beating outside and is tossed into the barricade. Jindrak makes it in to save Cade from the pinfall.  Sylvan chokes Cade with the ropes and tags in Dupree for a headlock.  Cade drops down for a jawbreaker for the hot tag.  We had the exact sequence in the Bashams match last night.  Jindrak lands a couple of back body drops and a springboard clothesline.  Cade lifts Sylvan and Jindrak hits a beautiful dropkick for the upset win at 3:45.  The height was impressive.  (** 1/4 a whole star added for the finishing move).  It was a non title match but this should lead to a title shot one would assume.

Al Snow interviews Stevie after his loss in the 6 man match this past Monday.  He wants to know why Stevie is so happy despite losing to Kevin Nash.  Stevie says that he is happy because millions of people watch RAW and the exposure will mean that millions of people will watch Stevie Night Heat.  This will corollate to higher ratings and more money.  That will mean raises for some of the Stevie Night Heat staff.  Al Snow wants that money but doesn't think Coach should get a raise.  Stevie announces that next week he will take on Goldust for the millions of fans.  Al reminds Stevie that he suspended Goldust indefinity. Stevie says ok then, he's lifting the suspension.  He wants everyone to forget the name Goldust and remember Stevie Richards.

Match #2

Tommy Dreamer vs Nick Dinsmore

Tommy Dreamer starts off with a snapmare into a headlock.  Dinsmore forces the Innovator of Violence into the corner and lands some punches and kicks.  Dinsmore misses a corner leap and eats some punches and bails out.  Dreamer lifts him back to apron by his hair and suplexes him back into the ring.  Dreamer misses a charge into the corner and posts his shoulder.  Dinsmore starts to work on his arm and lays him out with a body slam.  Dreamer gets the boot up to block the top the rope flying nothing.  Dreamer hits a neckbreaker, punches, back body drop combo.  A sit down spine buster gets two and then a Death Valley Driver gives the win to Tommy Dreamer for the win in 3:21. (*)

Match #3

The Hurricane vs Rob Conway

Snow and Coach inform us that we have the same sponsors as Velocity this week.  Hurricane offers a handshake but Conway hits him with a cheap shot kick to the stomach.  He sends Hurricane into the ropes but the super hero catches himself and mocks Conway.  Hurricane low bridges Conway on a charge to take advantage on the outside.  Conway nails Hurricane on the way back in to get into control.  He chokes away in the corner.  A knee and a swinging neck breaker for 2.  Conway digs his knee in the small of the back of Hurricane to try to get the submission.  Hurricane escapes and nails a flying clothesline to even out the odds. Hurricane with a reverse knee drop, a headlock drop (hey I don't know alot of moves names, but hey what a maneuver), and a running neck breaker.  Conway gets his foot on the rope to stop the pinfall.  Hurricane plants him with a rotating DDT and then the Shining Wizard for the win in 3:39. (**)

Miss Jackie in catering and drops a coffee stirrer.  Val Venis comes in a leers at her buttocks.  He would like to get Jackie to work for his video company and would like to put a little extra milk in her coffee.  <shudder> Rico appears and informs Val that he would like to star in Val's videos.  Val says he doesn't make those kind of videos.  Rico thinks that Val thinks he is more of a man that him.  Val looks into his tights and confirms that yes he thinks he is more of a man than Rico.  Rico challenges him to a match tonight. 

Match #4

Val Venis vs Rico with Miss Jackie

Val's prematch spiel is interrupted by Rico's music after Hello Ladies.  Jackie removes the bright neon green pants of Rico to reveal a much more reasonable purple leopard print pants.  Val is uncomfortable from Rico's flamboyance.  Rico gets an audible "Rico sucks" chant.  Rico gooses Val and skips away.  He then jumps into Val's arms and plants the Bugs Bunny kiss on Val's cheek.  We get our first move of the  match and is in an armbar.  Rico used all of his mind games to finally get an arm bar, which is immediately countered into his armbar.  Rico somersaults out of it and continues to somersault n circles around Val.  Rico preens for the crowd and then takes a fist right to mush.  Val nails a back elbow and elbow drop for 2.  Val lands an uranage for another two count.  Rico locks in a sleeper and Vals immediately reverses it into his own.  Rico gets out with a back suplex.  Val Venis kicks out at 2.  Val hits a spinning sit down powerbomb for his own 2 count.  Rico grabs the ref which lets Jackie trip up Val. When Val goes after Jackie, Rico sneaks in from behind and rolls him up for the win after 3:31. (*1/2)

Tune in tomorrow night on RAW for Jericho vs Shawn Michaels, Kane vs RVD, and CEO Linda McMahon will announce the plans for RAW leadership, is Austin out of power?  

Match #4

See you next week!

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 7/12/03 Heat 7/13/03)

 

Velocity July 12, 2003

Announcers: Josh Mathews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller

Match #1

Sean O'Haire vs Bobby Rude

This Bobby Rude character sure looks VERY similar to Bobby Roode who would come to WWE years later.  Josh mentions that Rude is a Canadian trained by Val Venis, just like Roode.  Uncanny.  We start out with some slow chain wrestling.  O'Haire sends Rude to the outside and lands some hard kicks to the back.  Rude gets brought back in and chucked across the ring.  After some taunting, O'Haire lands more really hard kicks to the kidneys.  Rude tries to get the crowd behind him to get out of a headlock but they politely decline.  Whipped hard into the corner and O'Haire hits the widowmaker for the win at 5:06.  O'Haire looked like a killer in this match.  He towered over Rude which shows how the industry has changed over the years as Roode did not look undersized during his run in WWE much later. (*1/2) 

Kanyon vs Orlando Jordan

We begin with headlocks, arm drags, hip tosses being exchanged.  A failed top rope move attempt by Jordan leads to a top rope Russian leg sweep from the top by Kanyon.  Kayon hits a Lethal Leg Drop in the other corner and locks in a headlock.  Jordan tries to fire out but eats a huge neckbreaker.  Orlando turn the tide with a powerbomb out of the corner and we get a standing 10 count.  Jordan nails a flying foreman and three pretty dropkicks.  Jordan hits Rocky Johnson shuffle punches in an ode to his mentor.  Jordan recerses a Flatliner attempt into a reverse neck breaker for the win in 7:15.  This match had some athletic and innovative moves.  Told a good story of the veteran dominating the rookie until the rookie unleashed his athletism.  Good stuff.   (** 3/4)

Match #3

A-Train vs Funaki

A-Train chases Josh around the ring.  Ernest gives Josh crap for being a wimp when he returns.  Funaki dodges some moves and then bows to A-Train.  Train chases Funaki around the ring in anger. As A-Train tries to follow him in Funaki lands a kick and then a dive to the outside.  Funaki tries some more fast attacks once back in the ring and eats a big boot followed up by a body slam.  Funaki punches out of a powerbomb, hits a bulldog, and then a dropkick to the face of a downed A-Train.  Train catches Funaki on a dive from the second rope and hits the trainwreck for the win in 2:25 (*).  After the bout Train heads over to intimidate Mathews again.  

Match #4 Nunzio vs Spanky

The rest of the FBI will be stuck in the back with a case of the mud butt, from their tainted by Spanky earlier in the night. Spanky starts out with a standing switch.  Nunzio hits a shoulder block but gets tripped by Spanky.  Spanky runs up the ropes to maintain headlock control in a nice spot.  Test of strength which is broken up by a Nunzio slap.  Spanky hits a fast paced hurricanrana,  and heads to the top but Nunzio yanks him to the mat.  Nunzio tries to ground Spanky with a reverse chin lock. Kendrick fights out and eats the turnbuckle via drop toe hold.  Nunzio hits a top rope dropkick and gets a near fall.  Kendrick skins the cat and hits a flying forearm.  He runs the corner into flip onto Nunzio.  Spanky tries for the sliced bread #2 but Nunzio reverses it to the Arrivederci which is a 2nd rope spring board DDT for the win in 6:00  Quickly paced and Spanky bumped like crazy.  (**1/2)

Sunday Night Heat 

July 13th, 2003

Announcers: Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow

Triple H pulls up in a limo talking to the Nature Boy on his flip phone.  He wants the Nature Boy to have the ladies hot and the champagne cold because it's not going to take long.

Match #1 

Scott Steiner with Stacy Keibler vs Ruffy Silverstein

During Steiner's entrance with Stacy, a fan's sign is shown "Got Legs?"  Hey Zach Gowen is on Smackdown and that isn't very nice anyway.  I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice.  Silverstein is wearing khaki shorts with a belt so I assume he is business casual John Cena.

Scott starts off with a shoulder block and a few running kicks to the face.  Ruffy Silverstein rakes the eyes starts landing blows on Steiner in the corner.  Ruffy tries a leapfrog but is caught by Steiner for a powerslam.  Now it's Steiner's turn to land some strikes in the corner.  Ruffy tries to the propel off the turnbuckles and get behind your charging opponent thing but goes too hard and flip head first over the turnbuckles to the floor in a scary moment. Steiner heads out and chucks him into the stairs before bringing him into the ring and tying him into the tree of woe. Steiner lets him down and hits a vicious clothesline.  Elbow drop and some pushups.  Steiner plants him with a belly to belly.  Steiner hits some kind of a facebuster, I really have no idea, I'm not a move guy for the win in 3:17. (1/2 *)

Steven Richards heads over to join the commentary team.  

Match #2

La Resistance vs Tyson Dux and Bobby Rude

On the way to the ring Rene Dupree lets the French Canadians know that they don't think the French Canadians are French.  They suck like Americans.  Stevie is acting like he is general manager of Stevie Night Heat and he signs the two young jobbers.  La Res attacks before the bell.  Stevie announces that he has suspended Goldust from Stevie Night Heat, with pay because he has a family to feed.  La Resistance tags in and out with beating on Tyson Dux with punches and kicks.  They hit a double hip toss for two.  Dux hits a kick and makes it to Rude for the hot tag.  Rude clears house a bit and causes Rene to accidently clothesline Sylvan.  Dupree makes the save on the pin.  They dispose of Dux and then hit the Bonsoir Double Spinebuster on Rude for the win in 3:20 (1/2*) 

Stevie enters the ring to celebrate and gives double cheek kisses to both members of La Resistance who are confused.  

Teri Runnels interviews Maven backstage about the biggest match of his career.  Maven says how along every step of the way that people told him he was crazy.  He's going to go out their prove himself tonight. Coach and Snow promote Gail Kim vs Molly Holly for the title tomorrow night.  Triple H enters Maven's lockerroom and says that he thinks the kid has a heck of a future. He wants Maven to enjoy his big night and savor it because they isn't any shame in getting beaten by the Game.  

Match #3 Triple H vs Maven

Since I'm watching this match not on Peacock when get the Tough Enough theme for Maven, which is better than the bootleg version.  Triple H dominates with some limb control moves.  A sequence of shoulder block, lay down, hip toss, and couple of drop kicks gives Maven his first advantage in the bout.  Triple H rolls to the outside to regroup.  Triple reenters and suckers Maven in to take the advantage and chucks Maven outside.  Maven reverses a head slam to stairs and delivers one of his own. We head to commercial.  A rarity here in C show land.  A two segment match!  

Back after the commercial, Maven hits a neck breaker for a two count.  Triple H hits a spinebuster to reset the match.  They exchange fists until HHH can hit his patented lifting knee strike for a two count. Triple H chokes him on the middle rope and starts slapping Maven around disrespectfully. Maven gets a flash rollup attempt off a suplex setup for 2. Al Snow says that Maven is definitely the dark horse in this match and he isn't just talking about skin color.......

Maven catches Triple H with a forearm and then a backdrop.  He mounts HHH in the corner and starts landing fists to the head, Triple H walks him out and Maven blocks the atomic drop and hits a clothesline to maintain the advantage.  HHH yanks the tights to send Maven to the outside.  The Game has had enough and heads to get his title belt.  He misses the belt shot on Maven.  HHH heads back into the ring shoves referee Charles Robinson out of the way.  While the ref isn't looking, Maven hits HHH with the belt for a false finish 2 count.  Triple H's sleeper is quickly reversed into Maven's own sleeper.  Triple H fights for the ropes but quickly fades to the ground.  Triple H gets his foot on the rope as his arm falls a third time to break the hold.  

Maven heads to the top and HHH pushes Robinson into the ropes to cause Maven to crotch himself.  He goes to attack but Maven fends him off.  He lands a top rope bulldog to the champ.  He goes back up this time for a cross body that Triple rolls through for  a pin attempt.  Triple H sets up the pedigree but Maven breaks free and sends Triple H off the ropes.  Maven lowers his head for back body drop and in a cool moment, Snow says, "No, too early kid!"  Triple H catches him and plants him with a pedigree for the win in 10:09.  This match told a great story, had some fun nearfalls that you could bite on because it was non title, and made Maven look good and didn't make Triple H look bad.  (*** 1/2)

We head off the air and get ready for another week of Ruthlessly Aggressive action.  

 

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive Companion (Velocity June 28, 2003 and Heat June 29, 2003)

                                                                       Velocity 6/28/03

Our hosts are once again, Josh Mathews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller from Madison Square Garden but they don't mention it.

Match #1

Billy Gunn comes out with Torrie Wilson. He's no longer the one but is back to Mr. Ass. Kanyon is out second and our opener is underway.  This is an actual interaction between Matthews and The Cat during the feeling out at the start of the match.

Josh, "Tonight we have your mother's favorite, A-Train."

Cat, "My momma thinks he looks like Denzel"

Josh, "Your momma needs to change her cataracts."

Josh, "My momma sees fine, she can see you are a dork."

This four sentence interaction let's the viewer know, The Cat's mom is physically attracted to large hairy bald men.  Josh doesn't know what cataracts is because he thinks, it is something that needs changed to improve your vision like getting a prescription changed.  The Cat's momma is a good judge of a Josh.

Kayon hits a Russian leg sweep and holds on and rolls into a a face buster.  Fun move.  Kanyon stays in control and repeatedly cuts off Gunn's hope spots and the crowd is into it.  Kanyon goes to the top and was apparently going for the leaping nothing as he catches the boot to the face after coming down.  Billy Gunn hits the Famouser for the win at 5:27. (**)

Afterwards Billy Gun talks Torrie into showing off his theme song. 

Match #2 

Spanky vs John Xavier 

All ideas that this man was once Brian Kendrick are gone.  His opponent is a local competitor who happens to be the former Ring of Honor Champion, Xavier.  They trade arm control spots.  The announcers mention that Matt Hardy has put back on the weight and has left the cruiserweight division.  Xavier hits knees to the face from the top rope in the corner in a cool spot.  The crowd starts a "Let's go Spanky" chant.  Xavier hits a suicide dive and then back in the ring a rotating power slam and a neck breaker.  Kendrick gets the knees up for the 450 splash, takes Xavier for the middle rope sliced bread #2 and gets the pin. (6:27 ***)

Match #3

A-Train vs Kevin Knight

A-Train attacks before the bell and then just beats the tar out of Knight for 2:50 seconds before getting the win with the Trainwreck.  During this match The Cat keeps calling Knight, Pee Wee Herman, and says his trunks are pulled up so high they are a turtleneck.  He's dying laughing the whole time and it's infectious.  (*)

Match #4

Rhyno and Doug start out.  Rhyno gets picked apart by the Bashams.  Several rest holds are put in.  This part is moving at snail's pace.  Hot tag to Benoit, german suplexes, snap suplexes, top CTE splash, and then crossface for the tap out. (6:01 **)  Benoit dismantled both of them in about a minute for what I believe is the Bashams first loss.  The main event was the least fun match of the card because of such a small section of it being fast paced.

The announcers hype the Big Show vs Zach Gowen and Stephanie McMahon handicap match next week.  

Heat 6/29/2003

Match #1

Rosey vs Garrison Cade

It's the Bloodline!! Here comes Rosey fresh off losing to Val Venis last week, but he still has the swank 3-minute warning entrance theme despite being solo.  His opponent is rookie Garrison Cade who is coming off a win on Raw two weeks ago over Lance Storm via Stone Cold Steve Austin snoring distraction. 

Big slap takes Cade down.  Side slam squishes Cade.  Cade hits a drop kick and then a running knee to pick up the win. (2:19 *)  The training camp where Cade learned to wrestle loves teaching that finisher apparently.  

Rico's Runway Sizzling Summer Spectacular.  

Rico is going to show his fabulous summer looks with the help of his lovely assistant.  A normal looking lady is standing there.  Rico flips out on "Jan" because she is the behind camera assistant and should not be seen.  Then Rico introduces Miss Jackie, to model a cocktail dress.  Rico reminds us to don't finger that remote and stay tuned for more styles.

Match #2

Val Venis vs Roman Zachako

Val cuts his Hello Ladies spiel in a sponsored bit for Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines where his movie is Testosterone 3: Rise of the Big Valbowski.  This is a complete quick squash.  The crowd sounds being pumped in is very obvious in this one as the fans are sitting on their hands. Val wins with the Money Shot. (*)

We head back to Rico.  He is ready to show off his salsa outfit. Miss Jackie comes out in the outfit and they begin to dance.  Jan enters the screen with maracas and giant sombrero and is dancing.  She is once again yelled at for being plain and on camera.  She runs off upset.  Rico promises to show Tommy Dreamer some fashion sense in the ring.  Since Mr. Dreamer has been wearing t-shirt's and black track pants for thirty years, I don't think he got the message.  

Match #3

Rico vs Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer gets a big reaction here in MSG.  A big "Rico's Gay" chant breaks out and Coach and Snow have to mention it.  Rico rubs Tommy's chest.  Rico runs the ropes and then does a Bugs Bunny jump into Dreamer's arms and plants a kiss on his cheek.  I laughed.  Dreamer hits his DDT but Miss Jackie puts his foot on the ropes.  Dreamer goes after Jackie and chases her into the ring.  Jackie slaps him and Dreamer goes nuts.  He grabs her for what will be the Dreamer piledriver and the crowd goes nuts for it, but Rico nails Dreamer with a spin kick for the win.  (2:37 * 1/2)

Teri is brought to the men's room by Victoria because Stevie has a big huge reveal.  He is in the stall and eventually comes out in his new "Stevie Night Heat" tights.  

Our Rewind segment is brought to us by T:3 Rise of the Machines shows Stevie beating Goldust last week thanks to Goldust being distracted by forcing a kiss on Victoria. 

Match #4 

The ladies start the match and in this match man on woman is legal.  When Goldust tags in her crushes Victoria with a running butt jump, and then forcing another kiss on her.  When he has finished his sexual assault based offense.  Tags Trish back in and Victoria hits a sidewalk slam.  Swinging neck breaker by Trish and both are down.  Hot tags and Goldust cleans house.  Goldust shakes Victoria down from the top rope.  Trish tosses her off with the handstand hurricanranna.  Goldust hits shattered dreams on Victoria.  Trish hits chick kick on Victoria and is setting up for Stratusfaction but Stevie sneaks in and rolls her up for the win. (5:17 ** 1/2)

The heels celebrate and we are invited to turn into Raw but nothing is as of yet announced.   

June 22-23, 2003 WWE C Show Roundup Velocity and Heat

 

We are welcomed in by Josh Mathews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller.

Smackdown this past week actually featured a decent amount Velocity regulars in Kris Kanyon and Jaime Noble so I am curios to see who we get to show up tonight.

Match #1

Funaki is kicking off the show tonight.  And in a pleasant surprise we get the doctor of Thuganomics, John Cena in a Golden State Warriors throwback shootaround shirt. 

I dominate Saturday Nights

from the second I hit the green screen

to wearing thongs and fake afros on Confidential with Mean Gene.

Hospitals are packed with wrestling fans, they're getting Saturday Night Fever. 

I'm scared of getting mad cow, that's why all I eat is beaver.

and yo, I'm the best thing you can see on the weekends.

Josh, you were scaring me backstage doing those naked knee bends.

Yo, you stole my style last week, 

That's the reason I got hot, bro.

I'm the best poetic genius since Leaping Lanny Poffo.

I;m so over the top, I'm giving censors fits.

Forget the match, let's go to Hooters so we can grab some....

Cena doesn't finish the line but I assume that he was going to say, "some over priced, poorly seasoned wings"

Cena proceeds to unload on Funaki with a series of punches and kicks.  Some rope chokes and rest holds, until Funaki hits a swinging DDT.  Cena quickly nails the shoulder block, 5 knuckle shuffle, and the FU for the win in 4:44.  It's worth watching to see rapper Cena, the match is replacement level.

Orlando Jordan is shown warming up backstage shadow boxing.

Match #2

A-Train vs Orlando Jordan

Commentary is talking up Orlando who has been a hot streak since debuting and picking up wins, I believe at this point Orlando has been exclusive to Velocity. A-Train starts chucking chairs and steps because he is cranky about losing to Jordan in the past.  Orlando is out going with the smiley happy babyface look. Jordan starts with an arm bar. A-Train dodges some moves and nails a shoulder block and starts manhandling Jordan in the corner. Every come back is shot down by A-train.  It's Bear Hug Time! Eventually Jordan gets out and hits a dropkick which gets A-Train laying on the ropes.  Some neat Cody from Step by Step kickboxer offense, followed by a swank drop kick escape from the Baldo Bomb.  Jordan goes to the top rope, crossbody for the near fall.  More Cody attacks until a kick to the stomach, DeRailer.  1-2-3 A-Train wins (4:52).  It's a fine C show match.

Backstage Matt Hardy talks to the Basham Bros and tells them to make sure they beat the heck out of his MFers, Shannon Moore and Crash Holly because they need a lesson.  Shaniqua appears and scolds the Bashams for talking to others.  Matt says he doesn't need what Shaniqua offers because he has Mattitude. 

Match #3

Matt Hardy vs Paul London (jobber edition)

Matt Facts

#1: Matt digs tortilla soup

#2: Matt has wrestled on 4 continents.

Josh has never heard of tortilla soup, The Cat tells him it is good.  Tweet your opinion with the hashtags #Joshmatthewsisrightwhattheheckistortillasoup

#Ernestthecatmilerisrighttortillasoupistasty

Pretty simple process.

Matt Hardy thumps on London and heels to the crowd to begin.  Matt eventually hits an inverted airplane spinning neck breaker.  It was pretty cool. Can't see that was a move that I have seen him bust out before.  London gets the advantage and goes for a shooting star press but nobody was home.  Matt uses the advantage to hit a Twist of Fate.  He gives the "I'm so angry and evil face"  Boom hits a second Twist of Fate.  1-2-3 (5:27)  This was worth watching for the unique move and the shooting star miss. 

Match #4

Doug and Danny Basham with Shaniqua vs Crash Holly and Shannon Moore

Crash has Matt Hardy's book and the Bashams pass it around before Shaniqua's starts ripping pages out of it.  Apparently the M in S & M doesn't stand for Mattitude.  Crash is distracted by this and gets attacked.  Crash gets the beating for a while and is our face in peril.  We get the always crowd pleasing ref is distracted partners keep turning the small package spot.  Moore finally gets the tag and hits some fast paced moves.  Crash goes for a dive out of the ring and himself and burns to the floor.  The Bashams hit a Russian leg sweep clothesline combo for the victory at 5:16.  A little post match research led me to discover that this was Crash's last televised WWE match so give it a watch.

The announcers hype Smackdown's from Madison Square Garden with the main event of Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, and Mr. America vs Big Show, Shelton Benjamin, and Charlies Haas. 

Enjoy Confidential everyone!

  

Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow on commentary.

Match #1

Out first is Jacqueline as our special guest referee.  Our first competitor is Val Venis.  As he makes his way to the ring, they repeatedly show two girls in the front row wearing the 2003 girl tank top with the 2003 girl hair.  I am going to go out on a limb and assume they are plants because it's 2003 and they are swooning over Val Venis. 

Females in 2003

Val says that he is opening his own adult entertainment studio and is offering Jacqueline the starring role in "Jackie does Dallas".  Jackie is flattered for this offer because apparently she loves having intercourse with strangers on video.  Apparently the pay window for Sunday Night Heat referees is lacking.  But before she can accept, the Bloodline comes out, in the form of 1/2 of 3 minute warning Rosey.  

Rosey and Val proceed to have a match that involves Val trying to get the big man up for slams but he can't.  Eventually Val hits a side suplex that is so awful that commentary calls it more of a quarter suplex.  Val hits the money shot for the win in 3:13.  This was legitimately awful.

Match #2 Hurricane vs Michael Shane

Coach tells us that Michael Shane is popular on the indies and in Japan.  Thanks to Highway to the Impact Zone on Place to be Nation, I know that Shane ends up in TNA and is related to Shawn Michaels.  Please remember that he is related to Shawn Michaels.  I thought we were going to get some high flying cruiserweight action but that did not happen. It starts with some chain wrestling at a snail's pace. Shane was in slow motion and this apple fell really far from the tree.  The whole match seemed to be happening in quicksand.  Hurricane picks up the win with the shining wizard at 3:43.  Avoid unless you too are related to Shawn Michaels.

Match #3

Trish Stratus vs Molly Holly

The match begins with trading arm bars.  Moly attempts the backflipping elbow blast in the corner which Trish reverses into a electric chair rollup in a cool spot.  Molly kicks out of the chick kick.  Molly climbs to the top rope and absoulutly crushes Trish with a 360 seated senton. for the pin at 4:38. It made me say whoa out loud.  Go seek this match out.  Heck of a match for the 2003 women's division.

Backstage Steven Richards tells Victoria that tonight will be the beginning of new era, as tonight begins, Stevie Night Heat.  Goldust approaches and tells Stevie that he wears pink panties and that he needs to get his, "whore whore whore, hormones under control."  This is our main event but I have no access to this match so my review ends here.  If you have a link please place it in the comments for me.  Thanks for reading.