RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 7/26/03 Heat 7/27/03)

 

We are welcomed to the show by Josh Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller, just 1 day before Vengeance like and exclusively on pay per view. 

Match #1

Nunzio vs Orlando Jordan

    Orlando starts out hot with some leapfrogs, a back body drop, and a drop kick to get a 2 count.  Then he hits a few arm drags, a fireman's carry and locks in an arm bar.  Nunzio hangs on to the top rope to get out and lands a slingshot elbow for a 2 count and locks in a chin lock.  A devastating looking mule kick for 2 by Nunzio.  He then goes to his second rest hold in this short match with a neck vise.  The ref catches Nunzio grabbing the rope for leverage.  While the leader of the FBI is complaining to the ref, Orlando catches him with an electric chair, Nunzio gives us the "No, please, No" in Italian I would presume which is "no, per favore, no".  

    Orlando comes back with some TaeBo punches and a back body drop for a 2 count.  Nunzio gets caught trying to come off the top rope, but punches Orlando Jordan off of him, to hit a violent looking dropkick from the top to Orlando's chest.  Nunzio is bleeding above his left eye at this point.  Jordan nails Black Ice out of nowhere for the 1-2-3 in 5:18. (** 1/2 mostly for the great drop kicks from both guys).

                                                                            Match #2

                                                                Kanyon vs Ryan Sakoda

    Sakoda gets going quickly with some arm drags, shoulder block, backslide, and cross body.  Kanyon begs off in the corner and suckers the rookie in and lands some punches in the corner.  Kanyon nails a second rope leg assisted bulldog and the a 2nd rope inside out super plex for 2.  Both moves were pretty unique and Josh rightfully calls Kanyon and offensive innovator.  Sakoda gets his boots up to stop a charge. Kanyon heads to the outside to clear the cobwebs and Sakoda peruses.  On the way back in, Kanyon catches Sakoda with a swinging neck breaker.  Kanyon hits a side slam and cinches in a head lock.  Sakoda lands a back drop to get out and then a pre Kofi Kingston S.O.S. for two.  The rookie heads to the top rope and gets caught with Flatliner on his dive for a 3 count in 4:52. (**).

                                  Match #3 Spanky and Funaki vs The Basham Brothers with Shaniqua

*** I am watching this on Youtube pre HD.  I can't tell the Bashams apart so if the announcers don't mention which one it is, I am at a loss ***

The Bashams stop in the aisle to give Shaniqua's boots a licking.

Funaki and a Basham trade some basics, arm wrenches, roll throughs, etc... The other Basham is tagged in for more of the same.  Funaki hits a flipping head scissors to create space.  Tag to Spanky and then connect on a drop toe hold, camel clutch, drop kick to the face shades of Kai en tai sequence with Josh name dropping Taka Michinoku. 

Spanky goes hits a Tiger Mask into a drop kick coming out of the corner.  He heads off the ropes but Shaniqua trips him up.  This leads to a conversation about Shaniqua's magic stick and Josh and The Cat debate whether the song was done by 2Pac or 50 Cent.  I will let you guess which announcer had which rapper on that one. A Basham nails Spanky with a flapjack and the crowd starts a Spanky chant to motivate him while Kendrick eats some forearms to the mush.  Doug hits a Vader Bomb style elbow drop.  The announcers inform us that Sable has been hosting Slammin' Saturday Night on Spike TV which I remember being Velocity, Confidential and third non WWE show that is escaping me.  If you know what it is please tell me in the comments.  

The Bashams hit their slingshot bulldog combo (Meat Curtain) on Spanky and Funaki breaks up the count.  Spanky eats a running knee in the corner, but finally breaks free with a jawbreaker out of a headlock and an enziguri kick to finally get the tag to Funaki.  Funaki hits a bulldog and the other non bulldog victim Basham breaks up the count.  Spanky is back up and hits a drop kick from the top rope.  The cruiserweights hits stereo drop kicks.  Spanky heads to the apron to scale the turnbuckles but Shaniqua trips him again and he face plants on the steps in a good spot.  Funaki gets hit with the Ball and Gag for the 3 count in 7:08.  (***)

We head of the air and reminded to purchase Vengeance. 

Pre Vengeance Heat July 27, 2003.  In storyline, Vince McMahon ordered Smackdown to take over Heat this week.  

Announcers: Tazz and Michael Cole

Match #1 and only

Ultimo Dragon vs Kanyon

(Double Kanyon weekend baby!!!)

Kanyon is already in the ring and gets the jobber entrance.  Dragon starts with a head lock, trip up, series of stiff kicks for 2.  Kanyon comes back with a reverse face buster for his own near fall.  Then a backbreaker, body slam, knees to the back, and headlock.  This brings a Kanyon sucks from the crowd.  Ultimo fires back and nails a crossbody.  He goes for a second one but Kanyon catches him and hits a table top suplex.  Kanyon hauls the Dragon up to the top rope for what appears to be an elevated Papoose to Go/White Noise from the top, but the Dragon has no intentions of being murdered on a C show and wiggles out to powerbomb Kanyon off the top.  Dragon starts kicking repeatedly in buttocks, giving Kanyon the Forrest Gump in Vietnam treatment.  They trade some hard kicks until Dragon hits a for lack of the proper term a turnover death drop for the win in 4:06.  (**1/2).

Vengeance starts in a minute so hurry up and order!

I'll see you next week. 

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 7/19/03 Heat 7/20/03)

 

We are welcomed into the 7/29/03 Velocity by our hosts Josh Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller.  

Match #1

The FBI (Chuck Palumbo and Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli with Nunzio vs Spanky and Funaki

Spanky and Funaki hit several quick strikes on Chuck with fast tagging in and out.  Double team drop kicks.  Chuck finally gets the edge via a vicious clothesline.  Palumbo and Stamboli tag in and out, nailing Spanky with fists and boots.  Nunzio holds Spanky's arm and pulls him halfway out of the ring so Chuck can kick his head off in a nasty looking spot.  The FBI continues to tag in and out and beat on Spanky with power moves.  Spanky hits both with a desperation drop kick.  Funaki gets the hot tag.  Drops both Itatlian big men wiht drop kicks.  Spanky is right back in the fight and perfectly fine seconds after taking minutes of beating from two larger men.  Spanky gets swatted away on a drop kick and tossed out of the ring.  A possible double team move is set up by the FBI (see above) but Spanky is quick to break it up from the outside.  Still perched on the ropes, Stamboli hits a bulldog on Spanky.  Funaki has recovered and nails his own top rope tornado DDT to get the pin on Johnny the Bull, in a surprising outcome in 4:56.  Surprising that two guys who are Velocity mainstays would get the win against the FBI who have been featured on Smackdown lately.  (** 3/4) 

Match #2

Doug and Danny Bashams with Shaniqua vs Johnny Jeter and Matt Cappotelli

The Bashams entertain the crowd with some boot licking and whipping of her team.  The crowd is not impressed.  Matt Cappotelli is one of the winner's of Tough Enough 3.  Tough Enough was constantly mentioned during the the first two seasons, but this is the first I am even hearing about it and the show is already over.  Very odd and bad for some old fashioned brand synergy.  Doug and Matt tie up.  Doug works over the rookie's arms.  A missed clothesline gives Cappotelli a chance to hit a drop kick.  Matt follows him out and Shaniqua gets in his way allowing, the Bashams to take control again.  Doug and Danny tag in and out taking turns roughing up Matt.  Double clothesline into a snapmare with a drop kick to the back of the head.  The Bashams tag and we get another snapmare but this time it is followed up by an elbow drop.  

The Bashams hit a move commentary calls the "Meat Curtain"  which is a double team slingshot into a top bulldog.  It's a nice tag team move but that name is nightmare juice.  Assumed that was going to be the finish but the pin is broken up by Jeter.  We get a headlock, tag and then another head lock.  I can't tell if the story of the match are the Bashams are so in sync that they are doing the same moves after tags or Cappotelli only knows how to a few moves.  Cappotelli dropped down to turn the headlock into a jawbreaker.  

Hot tag to Johnny Jeter, as he hits an enzuigury and a slingblade.  Cappotelli comes in with a cross body out of nowhere.  Shaniqua gets on the apron and distracts the ref which allows the Bashams to hit the Ball and Gag which is a clothesline Russian leg sweep combo for the win in 8:83.  It was a really long squash match. (*).

We return from commercial and Matt Cappotelli is in the back talking to fellow Tough Enough 3 winner John Hennigan (the future Johnny insert last name here).  The APA come by and invite the rookies to join in on their APA Barroom Brawl Invitation at Vengeance sponsored by Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness.  The rookies accept although it doesn't seem like it was a choice.  

Match #3

A-Train vs Orlando Jordan

A fan has a A-Train Shaving Station with an arrow pointing down.  Does that mean this fan wants A-Train to sit on his lap while he shaves A-Train? The announcers act like this is the fan insulting the Train but I would in fact argue that this is a true sign of love.  This person is A-Train's biggest fan.  Train tosses the steps and Josh jumps into the crowd.  This has been going for a few weeks and I wonder if we will see Josh in the ring at some point.  Velocity is brough to us by the new movie S.W.A.T.  starring Colin Farrell, Burger King, and Truth anti smoking campaign so you know this is 2003.  

Train starts with some power control moves.  Jordan hits a drop kick, but A-Train comes back with a single arm DDT to regain control.  Train doles out some corner knees and kicks until Jordan lands an enzuigury, (enzuigury, the official plucky underdog comeback move of this July 19th, episode of Velocity).  Jordan hits a few more nice looking drop kicks and then a flying forearm for a 2 count.  Train powers out of the corner and nails a huge bicycle kick for 2. He picks up Jordan for the Trainwreck for the win in 4:08. (*1/2)

Match #4 

Dawn Marie vs Nidia

Before the match Dawn Marie gets the microphone and taunts Nidia for Jaime Noble offering money to spend a night with Torrie Wilson.  The bell rings and Nidia charges for a corner attack but comes up empty.  Dawn hits a reverse atomic drop follows that up with chops in the corner.  Dawn tries a corner springboard but Nidia hits the ropes and Dawn falls into the tree of woe.  Nidia hits a dropkick to the upside down Dawn Marie but it is only enough for a 2 count.  Nidia chokes her on the ropes.  Dawn reverses an Irish whip and hits a cross body from the top, back elbow, and a body slam.  A missed Vader Bomb gives control back to Nidia and then a sequence of sloppy pin combos, Nidia grabs the rope but doesn't actually apply any more pressure to the pin using the "extra leverage" for the win in 3:54.  (1/2 *)

We are welcomed to Sunday Night Heat by our announcers Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow. 

Match#1

La Resistance vs Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade 

Sylvan Grenier attacks Mark Jindrak.  Jindrak quickly gets the advantage back with a couple of drop kicks and locks in an arm bar.  Sylvan elbows his way free and tags to Rene Dupree who takes a few shoulder blocks.  Punches are exchanged, Sylvan catches Cade with a knee to the back coming off the ropes and the heels take control.  Cade takes a beating outside and is tossed into the barricade. Jindrak makes it in to save Cade from the pinfall.  Sylvan chokes Cade with the ropes and tags in Dupree for a headlock.  Cade drops down for a jawbreaker for the hot tag.  We had the exact sequence in the Bashams match last night.  Jindrak lands a couple of back body drops and a springboard clothesline.  Cade lifts Sylvan and Jindrak hits a beautiful dropkick for the upset win at 3:45.  The height was impressive.  (** 1/4 a whole star added for the finishing move).  It was a non title match but this should lead to a title shot one would assume.

Al Snow interviews Stevie after his loss in the 6 man match this past Monday.  He wants to know why Stevie is so happy despite losing to Kevin Nash.  Stevie says that he is happy because millions of people watch RAW and the exposure will mean that millions of people will watch Stevie Night Heat.  This will corollate to higher ratings and more money.  That will mean raises for some of the Stevie Night Heat staff.  Al Snow wants that money but doesn't think Coach should get a raise.  Stevie announces that next week he will take on Goldust for the millions of fans.  Al reminds Stevie that he suspended Goldust indefinity. Stevie says ok then, he's lifting the suspension.  He wants everyone to forget the name Goldust and remember Stevie Richards.

Match #2

Tommy Dreamer vs Nick Dinsmore

Tommy Dreamer starts off with a snapmare into a headlock.  Dinsmore forces the Innovator of Violence into the corner and lands some punches and kicks.  Dinsmore misses a corner leap and eats some punches and bails out.  Dreamer lifts him back to apron by his hair and suplexes him back into the ring.  Dreamer misses a charge into the corner and posts his shoulder.  Dinsmore starts to work on his arm and lays him out with a body slam.  Dreamer gets the boot up to block the top the rope flying nothing.  Dreamer hits a neckbreaker, punches, back body drop combo.  A sit down spine buster gets two and then a Death Valley Driver gives the win to Tommy Dreamer for the win in 3:21. (*)

Match #3

The Hurricane vs Rob Conway

Snow and Coach inform us that we have the same sponsors as Velocity this week.  Hurricane offers a handshake but Conway hits him with a cheap shot kick to the stomach.  He sends Hurricane into the ropes but the super hero catches himself and mocks Conway.  Hurricane low bridges Conway on a charge to take advantage on the outside.  Conway nails Hurricane on the way back in to get into control.  He chokes away in the corner.  A knee and a swinging neck breaker for 2.  Conway digs his knee in the small of the back of Hurricane to try to get the submission.  Hurricane escapes and nails a flying clothesline to even out the odds. Hurricane with a reverse knee drop, a headlock drop (hey I don't know alot of moves names, but hey what a maneuver), and a running neck breaker.  Conway gets his foot on the rope to stop the pinfall.  Hurricane plants him with a rotating DDT and then the Shining Wizard for the win in 3:39. (**)

Miss Jackie in catering and drops a coffee stirrer.  Val Venis comes in a leers at her buttocks.  He would like to get Jackie to work for his video company and would like to put a little extra milk in her coffee.  <shudder> Rico appears and informs Val that he would like to star in Val's videos.  Val says he doesn't make those kind of videos.  Rico thinks that Val thinks he is more of a man that him.  Val looks into his tights and confirms that yes he thinks he is more of a man than Rico.  Rico challenges him to a match tonight. 

Match #4

Val Venis vs Rico with Miss Jackie

Val's prematch spiel is interrupted by Rico's music after Hello Ladies.  Jackie removes the bright neon green pants of Rico to reveal a much more reasonable purple leopard print pants.  Val is uncomfortable from Rico's flamboyance.  Rico gets an audible "Rico sucks" chant.  Rico gooses Val and skips away.  He then jumps into Val's arms and plants the Bugs Bunny kiss on Val's cheek.  We get our first move of the  match and is in an armbar.  Rico used all of his mind games to finally get an arm bar, which is immediately countered into his armbar.  Rico somersaults out of it and continues to somersault n circles around Val.  Rico preens for the crowd and then takes a fist right to mush.  Val nails a back elbow and elbow drop for 2.  Val lands an uranage for another two count.  Rico locks in a sleeper and Vals immediately reverses it into his own.  Rico gets out with a back suplex.  Val Venis kicks out at 2.  Val hits a spinning sit down powerbomb for his own 2 count.  Rico grabs the ref which lets Jackie trip up Val. When Val goes after Jackie, Rico sneaks in from behind and rolls him up for the win after 3:31. (*1/2)

Tune in tomorrow night on RAW for Jericho vs Shawn Michaels, Kane vs RVD, and CEO Linda McMahon will announce the plans for RAW leadership, is Austin out of power?  

Match #4

See you next week!

June 22-23, 2003 WWE C Show Roundup Velocity and Heat

 

We are welcomed in by Josh Mathews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller.

Smackdown this past week actually featured a decent amount Velocity regulars in Kris Kanyon and Jaime Noble so I am curios to see who we get to show up tonight.

Match #1

Funaki is kicking off the show tonight.  And in a pleasant surprise we get the doctor of Thuganomics, John Cena in a Golden State Warriors throwback shootaround shirt. 

I dominate Saturday Nights

from the second I hit the green screen

to wearing thongs and fake afros on Confidential with Mean Gene.

Hospitals are packed with wrestling fans, they're getting Saturday Night Fever. 

I'm scared of getting mad cow, that's why all I eat is beaver.

and yo, I'm the best thing you can see on the weekends.

Josh, you were scaring me backstage doing those naked knee bends.

Yo, you stole my style last week, 

That's the reason I got hot, bro.

I'm the best poetic genius since Leaping Lanny Poffo.

I;m so over the top, I'm giving censors fits.

Forget the match, let's go to Hooters so we can grab some....

Cena doesn't finish the line but I assume that he was going to say, "some over priced, poorly seasoned wings"

Cena proceeds to unload on Funaki with a series of punches and kicks.  Some rope chokes and rest holds, until Funaki hits a swinging DDT.  Cena quickly nails the shoulder block, 5 knuckle shuffle, and the FU for the win in 4:44.  It's worth watching to see rapper Cena, the match is replacement level.

Orlando Jordan is shown warming up backstage shadow boxing.

Match #2

A-Train vs Orlando Jordan

Commentary is talking up Orlando who has been a hot streak since debuting and picking up wins, I believe at this point Orlando has been exclusive to Velocity. A-Train starts chucking chairs and steps because he is cranky about losing to Jordan in the past.  Orlando is out going with the smiley happy babyface look. Jordan starts with an arm bar. A-Train dodges some moves and nails a shoulder block and starts manhandling Jordan in the corner. Every come back is shot down by A-train.  It's Bear Hug Time! Eventually Jordan gets out and hits a dropkick which gets A-Train laying on the ropes.  Some neat Cody from Step by Step kickboxer offense, followed by a swank drop kick escape from the Baldo Bomb.  Jordan goes to the top rope, crossbody for the near fall.  More Cody attacks until a kick to the stomach, DeRailer.  1-2-3 A-Train wins (4:52).  It's a fine C show match.

Backstage Matt Hardy talks to the Basham Bros and tells them to make sure they beat the heck out of his MFers, Shannon Moore and Crash Holly because they need a lesson.  Shaniqua appears and scolds the Bashams for talking to others.  Matt says he doesn't need what Shaniqua offers because he has Mattitude. 

Match #3

Matt Hardy vs Paul London (jobber edition)

Matt Facts

#1: Matt digs tortilla soup

#2: Matt has wrestled on 4 continents.

Josh has never heard of tortilla soup, The Cat tells him it is good.  Tweet your opinion with the hashtags #Joshmatthewsisrightwhattheheckistortillasoup

#Ernestthecatmilerisrighttortillasoupistasty

Pretty simple process.

Matt Hardy thumps on London and heels to the crowd to begin.  Matt eventually hits an inverted airplane spinning neck breaker.  It was pretty cool. Can't see that was a move that I have seen him bust out before.  London gets the advantage and goes for a shooting star press but nobody was home.  Matt uses the advantage to hit a Twist of Fate.  He gives the "I'm so angry and evil face"  Boom hits a second Twist of Fate.  1-2-3 (5:27)  This was worth watching for the unique move and the shooting star miss. 

Match #4

Doug and Danny Basham with Shaniqua vs Crash Holly and Shannon Moore

Crash has Matt Hardy's book and the Bashams pass it around before Shaniqua's starts ripping pages out of it.  Apparently the M in S & M doesn't stand for Mattitude.  Crash is distracted by this and gets attacked.  Crash gets the beating for a while and is our face in peril.  We get the always crowd pleasing ref is distracted partners keep turning the small package spot.  Moore finally gets the tag and hits some fast paced moves.  Crash goes for a dive out of the ring and himself and burns to the floor.  The Bashams hit a Russian leg sweep clothesline combo for the victory at 5:16.  A little post match research led me to discover that this was Crash's last televised WWE match so give it a watch.

The announcers hype Smackdown's from Madison Square Garden with the main event of Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, and Mr. America vs Big Show, Shelton Benjamin, and Charlies Haas. 

Enjoy Confidential everyone!

  

Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow on commentary.

Match #1

Out first is Jacqueline as our special guest referee.  Our first competitor is Val Venis.  As he makes his way to the ring, they repeatedly show two girls in the front row wearing the 2003 girl tank top with the 2003 girl hair.  I am going to go out on a limb and assume they are plants because it's 2003 and they are swooning over Val Venis. 

Females in 2003

Val says that he is opening his own adult entertainment studio and is offering Jacqueline the starring role in "Jackie does Dallas".  Jackie is flattered for this offer because apparently she loves having intercourse with strangers on video.  Apparently the pay window for Sunday Night Heat referees is lacking.  But before she can accept, the Bloodline comes out, in the form of 1/2 of 3 minute warning Rosey.  

Rosey and Val proceed to have a match that involves Val trying to get the big man up for slams but he can't.  Eventually Val hits a side suplex that is so awful that commentary calls it more of a quarter suplex.  Val hits the money shot for the win in 3:13.  This was legitimately awful.

Match #2 Hurricane vs Michael Shane

Coach tells us that Michael Shane is popular on the indies and in Japan.  Thanks to Highway to the Impact Zone on Place to be Nation, I know that Shane ends up in TNA and is related to Shawn Michaels.  Please remember that he is related to Shawn Michaels.  I thought we were going to get some high flying cruiserweight action but that did not happen. It starts with some chain wrestling at a snail's pace. Shane was in slow motion and this apple fell really far from the tree.  The whole match seemed to be happening in quicksand.  Hurricane picks up the win with the shining wizard at 3:43.  Avoid unless you too are related to Shawn Michaels.

Match #3

Trish Stratus vs Molly Holly

The match begins with trading arm bars.  Moly attempts the backflipping elbow blast in the corner which Trish reverses into a electric chair rollup in a cool spot.  Molly kicks out of the chick kick.  Molly climbs to the top rope and absoulutly crushes Trish with a 360 seated senton. for the pin at 4:38. It made me say whoa out loud.  Go seek this match out.  Heck of a match for the 2003 women's division.

Backstage Steven Richards tells Victoria that tonight will be the beginning of new era, as tonight begins, Stevie Night Heat.  Goldust approaches and tells Stevie that he wears pink panties and that he needs to get his, "whore whore whore, hormones under control."  This is our main event but I have no access to this match so my review ends here.  If you have a link please place it in the comments for me.  Thanks for reading.