RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (September 27/28, 2003)

 

Our announcers are once again Josh Matthews and Tazz.  I have not missed Ernest Miller at all behind the desk. 

Match #1 

Nunzio vs Billy Kidman

They trade takedowns to start.  Kidman gets a few deep arm drags and follows it up with a hurricanrana.  Nunzio lows bridges the top rope and Kidman spills to the outside.  Nunzio rams Kidman into the barricade and the ring apron.  Once back in the ring, Nunzio applies an arm stretch.  Kidman tries to go up and over but Nunzio pulls him off by the legs and Kidman eats canvas.  The leader of the FBI hooks in a chin lock.  Kidman heads butt out of it but misses a corner splash but catches Nunzio with a desperation drop kick.  Both men are down as the official offers a count.  Kidman hits a few clotheslines and a back body drop.  Kidman his an inverted Go to Sleep neck breaker for lack of a better term.  Nunzio takes back control with a reverse elbow and a flying top rope clothesline for a two count.  Kidman comes back with a reverse BK bomb for his own two count.  Nunzio nails a DDT for two as the men are just trading bombs, not a fan of it.  Kidman hits an enziguri out of nowhere, drags Nunzio into the corner, and hits the Shooting Star Press for the win in 5:55.  I got what they were going for here of a big back and forth battle but it didn't flow well. (**1/2)

Match #2 

Sean O'Haire vs Crowbar

O'Haire hits a few shoulder blocks to start.  Josh tells us that Crowbar is former tag champion, cruiserweight, and Hardcore champion in WCW.  Crowbar has added some pounds so I don't think he is qualifying for the cruiserweight title.  Josh brings up that Tazz has had a match against Crowbar and then the two banter in funny argument around the fact that Tazz hasn't faced Crowbar but he did face Devon Storm.  

Crowbar brings O'haire down with a drop toe hold.  O'Haire gets back up and takes Crowbar down with headlock and then locks in a body scissors.  Crowbar escapes and locks in another headlock.  O'Haire lands some chest slaps, Crowbar ducks the clothesline and hits a drop kick, but the former champion gets cut off quickly for a clothesline that Crowbar jump sells and O'Haire was not ready for so it seemed like a misapplied side slam.  O'Haire stomps away and then chokes Crowbar on the middle rope which transitions into an armbar.  O'Haire lands some knees in the corner before returning to an arm bar.  O'Haire beils Crowbar across the ring and then stands over his fallen combatint to taunt but eats a boot to the mush in exchange for his hubris.  He recovers to lock on yet another arm bar.  Eventually O'haire picks up Crowbar and hits an inverted death valley driver to pick up the victory in 5:48.  (3/4*)

Match #3

Ultimo Dragon and Funaki vs Joey Matthews and Jason Porcaro

Joey Matthews and Funaki start off.  Funaki grabs a headlock, two arm drags, and a drop kick.  Funaki tags in Ultimo Dragon and the hit a double team back elbow.  Dragon lays in some knees but Porcaro manages to escape and make the tag.  Matthews and Dragon trade chops until Dragon brings him down with a leg sweep and then a rapid succession of kicks.  Funaki is back in and lands some elbows until Matthews tags back in Porcaro.  Porcaro catches Funaki with a leg sweep, knee to the face into a head and arm stretch.  Funaki tries a back slide but gets cut down with a big clothesline after the kickout.  Matthew is back in and locks in a headlock.  He misses a corner splash and Funaki capitalizes with a bulldog.  Both men crawl to the corner to tag.  Dragon with a quick dropkick, spinning heel kick, crossbody combo. Matthews comes back in illegally and gets a slam and some kicks. Then Dragon plants Porcaro with a springboard moonsault and a german suplex for the pin which is broken up by Matthews.  Funaki tosses him outside and hits him with a plancha.  Dragon nails Porcaro with a float over reverse DDT to win in 6:03.  (**1/4)

Match #4 

Rhyno vs Orlando Jordan

Rhyno lands some heavy strikes and transitions into a headlock and then a shoulder block.  Jordan dodges a second shoulder block and dumps Rhyno outside.  Jordan hits Rhyno with a baseball slide and follows in up with a top rope cross body.  Rhyno takes back the advantage with a spine buster.  Rhyno picks up Jordan in a powerbomb position and then throws him backwards face first into the top turnbuckle in a fun spot.  Rhyno then hits a huge clothesline and then locks in a chin lock.  OJ works out and gets a backslide for 2.  Rhyno immediately flattens Jordan with a belly to belly suplex.  Rhyno goes for the gore but Jordan side steps him and the man beast crashes into the turnbuckles.  Orlando with a quick flurry of two flying forearms, a dropkick, the Johnson shuffle punches, spinning powerslam for a 2 count.  Rhyno hits a crushing clothesline and then turns OJ inside out on the Gore to get the victory with in 5:11 (**3/4)

Coach and Al Snow are still our Heat commentary team despite the duo taking over Raw.

Match #1 

Val Venis vs Steven Richards with Victoria

They trade some chain take downs, leap frogs.  Val gets an armbar and then works over the elbow.  Victoria grabs Val's leg which allows Steven to hit a side slam.  Richards then lands a neck breaker and chokes Val on the middle rope. Steven's elbow gives out on a suplex attempt.  Val uses the moment to hit a stiff kick.  They trade big strikes until Val takes over with repeated knees to the stomach and Russian leg sweep.  Richards hits a thumb to the eye but Val is still able to land a big spine buster. Val hooks in a key lock on Richards' damaged elbow.  Richards manages to crawl to the ropes and get his foot on to force the break.  Val charges at Richards in the corner, but Richards gets the boot up and tries a pin with his feet on the ropes, but the ref catches him.  Richards holds Val as Victoria climbs to the top rope, but Val breaks free and pushes Stevie elbow first into the turnbuckle, knocking Victoria off.  Val lifts Stevie high into the air for a half nelson slam for the win in 6:03. (***).

After the match, Stevie jumps Val from behind while Val was trying to find a lady to give his towel too.  Richards and Victoria team up to choke Val withe the towel.  Victoria slaps Val and then Richards drops him with a towel assisted neck breaker.  

Match #2

Rodney Mack vs Jason Porcaro

Mack overpowers our local competitor of the start.  Lots of hard strikes.  Pocaro tries a top rope move but eats a big clothesline and some giant elbow drops.  Spine buster by Mack ends it in 1:19 which included Mack taking off his ring jacket post bell.  Gentleman's squash *.

Match #3

Rico vs Austin Kincaid

Rico starts off with a lot of crowd preening.  Austin Kincaid gets a headlock but Rico pinches his butt to be released.  Rico hits a shoulder block and then jumps into Kincaid's arms and plants a kiss on his cheek like Bugs Bunny.  Rico then goes behind Austin Fudd er Kincaid and thrusts happily.  Rico hits some unique but devastating kicks.  Austin Kincaid gets wrapped up in the ropes and Rico chokes him and then gives him one beat of the bowery. Rico lands a double ax handle from the top rope, then a hip toss neck breaker in a great combination.  He misses a moonsault and Kincaid goes on attack for the first time with reverse and regular atomic drops and a running elbow.  Kincaid gets caught mid air by a Rico dropkick.  Spinning round house kick to give Rico the victory in 6:51. (** 3/4)  I enjoyed this way more than I should have. If you believe that Rico was underutilized, this is defense exhibit A.

Match #4

Crowbar vs Scott Steiner

Crowbar attacks before the bell, misses, gets repeatedly chopped.  Steiner then unleashes in quick order, belly to belly suplex, clothesline over the top rope, throw in the ring steps, suplex on the ramp, pushups to the face, clothesline, flexing elbow drop, more taunting pushups, Novocain for the win in 1:39. (*)  On commentary Coach mentions that Crowbar was a former WCW star that we haven't seen for awhile.  Apparently Coach does not watch Velocity because Crowbar was on last night. While commentary says that Steiner is taking out all of his anger on Crowbar because he is controlled by Test now, neither Test or Stacy Keibler are on in screen in any way.  

Coach vs JR is hyped for Raw tomorrow night.  

RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (September 6/7, 2003)

                                                                        

Our announcers this week are Josh Matthews and thankfully for the second week in a row, Taz.  

                                                                             Match #1

                                                            Nunzio vs Billy Kidman

The cruiserweights trade lock ups.  Kidman dodges three strikes from Nunzio and stops short on a leapfrog attempt in a funny spot.  Kidman hits a head scissors and transitions immediately into 4 mounted corner punches.  He gets caught on the top rope by Nunzio who drapes his arm over the top rope.  Nunzio leg drops on the arm, and digs his knee into Kidman's elbow.  Kidman punches his way free but Nunzio takes back control with a single arm DDT on the injured wing for a 2 count.  He then locks in a hammerlock.  Kidman breaks loose again and hits a dropkick.  They trade forearms.  Kidman takes control of the match with a flying forearm, backdrop, and a shoulder tackle to net a 2 count.   He goes for the BK bomb but his arm gives out and eats a drop kick to the face.  Kidman gets a desperation roll up for 2 which Nunzio repays with a spike DDT for his own 2 count.  Kidman hits a nice enziguri heads to the top rope for a shooting star press.  Nunzio joins him at the job and lands some punches but Kidman fires back and hits a BK bomb from the top for the win in 5:37 (** 3/4)

                                                                            Match #2

                                                                                

  Orlando Jordan vs Sean O'Haire

O'Haire is already in the ring, but that may have been just the edit that I was able to find.  This match is the Tazz show.  He is just zinging one liners on Josh the whole time, and it was a good time for it as this match, was lots of rest holds and sloppy transitions.  So this match review is going to look a little different.  The match had 6 arm holds and 8 arm drags, 2 dropkicks, and partridge in a pear tree.  But on commentary, it was a great time.  

Josh Matthews: Jordan is a ladies man and that he beats the ladies off with a stick.

Tazz: He hits women with a stick? That's not right.

(After OJ goes for a cover in the first ten seconds of the match)

JM: Jordan trying to win early

Tazz: No, he's trying to wear his opponent out, forcing them to kick out, he knows he isn't going to win that early

JM: Maybe he wants to hurry up and get to the ladies.  

Tazz: Maybe you should be trust me about wrestling despite all of the matches that you had on Tough Enough that you lost.

(After OJ does the Johnson Shuffle to honor his trainer, Rocky Johnson)

Tazz: How do you shuffle your Johnson?

(During another rest hold by O'Haire)

Tazz: Josh, would you let me handle talking about the moves.  

JM: Well I made here with you so I must be doing something right.

Tazz: No you're here with me because I must have done something wrong.

Eventually O'Haire wins with his finisher reverse DDT from the shoulders. (Josh describes it as that) in 6:07. (1/2* match *** 1/4 commentary.)

                                                                    Match #3

                                                                                

                                        Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore (Carolina Connection per Tazz)

                                                                            vs

                                        Ultimo Dragon and Funaki (Tokyo Express per Tazz)

                        Matt Fact #1:  Matt and Shannon have more Mattitude than other teams

                        Matt Fact #2: Matt enjoys ginger root after eating sushi

    Shannon Moore and Ultimo Dragon start for their teams.  Moore yanks the Dragon down by his mask.  The two exchange some leap frogs and quick rope running and strike dodging.  They both tag their partners and Matt eats arm drags, dropkick and head scissors.  Moore grabs Funaki and pulls him out of the ring.  Funaki takes a beating outside.  Moore hits a swinging neck breaker on Funaki and then hangs him on the middle rope and hip attacks him.  Matt tags back in and for a side slam for a two count and quick tag back to Moore.  Moore hits a side suplex and get his own two count. He throws a tantrum.  Matthews says that Moore must not have taken his Ridilin.  Tazz asks what football helmets have to do with it.  Funaki dodges a splash in the corner and hits a bulldog.  Both men tag and the Dragon hits a drop kick and a leg lariat.  Quick kicks to Shannon Moore and then to Hardy.  SM gets nailed with an Asai DDT.  Dragoon escapes a twist fate attempt and super kicks to Matt Hardy in the mush.  Blind tag to Funaki who hits Matt with a crossbody off the top.  Funaki collides with Moore on the apron, which allows Hardy to hit a side slam for a pinfall broken up by Dragon.  Ultimo flew over the top rope at Moore to take both men out.  Funaki tries a school boy for 2. Matt Hardy hits a twist of fate to get the victory for his team in 5:20 (***)

                                                                          Match #4

                                                                                        

The Full Blooded Italians Johnny the Bull Stamboli and Chuck Palumbo

vs 

Jaime Noble and Billy Gunn

The Bull and Gunn start off Gunn requests that Chuck start with him.  At no point during the match do Tazz and Josh mention that Billy and Chuck were former tag champs together.  Chuck offers a handshake to Billy, when Billy goes for it, Chuck slaps him.  The pair exchange heavy fists, Gunn clotheslines Chuck over the top rope.  Both men tag out.  The Bull overpowers Noble for a bit until the craft Noble picks the leg and lays in some stomps.  The Bull ducks out of harms way and rolls to the outside.  Palumbo heads in and fights off quick thigh kicks from Noble to send him into the ropes, where the Bull yanks him out for a beating.  After being tossed back in, Palumbo hits a buckle bomb.  At this point the Bashams and Shaniqua come out on the ramp to watch.  On Smackdown the Thursday before Shaniqua came out and laid waste to Torrie Wilson and Nidia, the faces' love interests.  

Jaime Noble hits a desperation jaw breaker but gets cut off before he can make the tag.  He gets a storm of quick tags and boots in the corner by the FBI.  Noble rolls out of danger and gets the hot tag to Mr. Ass.  Gunn clears house, eventually setting up for the famouser but gets caught in mid air by both FBI members for the Bada Bing.  Noble breaks the count, but gets creamed by a super kick from Chuck.  This time Gunn hits the famouser after Palumbo misses giving Gunn a super kick of his own to gain the victory in 6:21 (**).  The Bashams continue to look on from the ramp but they decline Gunn's offer to come down for a fight.  Tune into Smackdown for the parking lot brawl between John Cena and Eddie Guerrero.  

As we flip the day forward to Sunday, we are joined by the new heel duo of Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow. 

                                                                            Match #1

Val Venis vs Slater Vain

The match starts off with the wrestling school intro of irish whips, drop downs, missed clotheslines etc....  It ends in dueling hip tosses to a face off to no reaction.  Vain offers his hand but quickly clotheslines Val's head off.  He drops several double axe handles.  Vain follows them up with a body slam and a suplex for a 2 count.  Vain locks in a stretch on Val's back.  He breaks the hold with a kick to the spine.  Val gets back into it with a shoulder block and some clotheslines.  He goes for a suplex but his back gives out.  Vain goes off the ropes and Val catches him with a spine buster.  He heads up top and hits the Money Shot for the victory in a quick 3:56 (3/4*).  Coach and Snow mostly talk about themselves and their actions from Raw and pay the match little attention.  Hopefully they were just getting the explanation out of the way, because that will be tough for the entire episode.  

La Resistance is shown in the back looking at the newest episode of RAW magazine which has the Dudley's on the cover.  They are disgusted that the Dudleys are on the cover and not them.  The Master of Disguise that was been helping them approaches.  He is also upset at the cover choice. They head off to the ring while Coach tells up we will see the debut of Rob Conway next.  Which I believe is the first time you have ever heard his name.  

                                                                              Match #2

Spike Dudley vs Rob Conway with La Restiance (Sylvan Grenier and Rene Dupree)

Spike attacks prebell and hits a top rope double ax handle to the outside.  He then runs on Conway's chest in the corner.  A USA chant breaks out.  Conway drapes Spike over the top rope and hits an impressive swinging neck breaker.  Conway starts nailing some punches in the corner but Spike wriggles free and uncorks a few of his own.  Conway sends Spike hard into the corner and then gets kneed in the face.  Spike gets head scissors on a corner charge and rams Conway's head into the corner.  Spike heads to the top rope but Conway joins him.  Spike bites Conway on the hand and pushes him back to the canvas and hits a top rope stomp.  The runt of the Dudley litter, hits some headbutt battering rams but gets caught with a hangman on the top rope.  He recovers and tries to hit a Dudley Dog but Rob Conway reverses it into a spinning neck breaker for the win in 4:14 (*).

Match #3

Tommy Dreamer vs Jimmy Yang

An ECW chant breaks out before the action starts as both competitors push and shove each other.  Tommy Dreamer catches Yang's crossbody attempt into a fallaway slam and a suplex.  Yang snares Dreamer with a drop hold to smash his face on the middle turnbuckle.  Yang charges and hits a hip splash that takes him over the top rope and then immediately pulls himself back in Royal Rumble style.  He then locks in an interesting leg choke (above) that the ref forces him to break.  Yang puts a few boots to a downed Innovator of Violence and heads over to Dreamer's kendo stick and breaks it. This fires of Tommy who hits a clothesline, swinging neck breaker, and sit down spine buster for 2. He goes for the Death Valley Driver but Yang reverses it with a DDT.  Yang heads to the top and crashes and burns on corkscrew moonsault.  Tommy takes advantage and plants Yang with a DDT sold like a million bucks to win in 3:30 (* 1/2).

Match #4

Mark Henry and Rodney Mack with Theodore Long vs Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak

Mack and Cade start off the festivities, with Cade getting the advantage with a bevy of punches or elbows.  He tags in Jindrak who hits a few flying forearms and big drop kick.  However he misses a splash in the corner, allowing Mack to take over.  Mack beats the youngster about the head and neck and his a spinning slam.  Mack locks in a headlock.  Eventually Mack throws Jindrak into the corner but he hits a springboard clothesline and gets the hot tag to G-Unit, which is want Al Snow says that the guys call him in the locker room in case you weren't aware that it was 2003. Cade hits a knee lift and a running forearm.  He goes for a second one but Henry clubs him in the back of the head from the outside.  Henry officailly enters the match for the first time and chucks Cade across the ring and then splashes him in the corner.   Jindrak comes in to stop the bleeding and gets wiped out instead.  Henry plants Cade with a huge World's Strongest Slam for the dominant win in 3:56 *1/4.

Tune in tomorrow night for Kane vs Rob Van Dam inside a solid steel cage which will kick off the show at 9 PM Eastern. 

                    

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 8/9/03 Heat 8/10/03)

 

We hit the cold open with Bradshaw and Faarooq sitting at a table going through promotional head shots.  Faarooq is signing them and he asks Bradshaw what he is doing.  Bradshaw is trying to prove that Shaniqua is a man.  Bradshaw believes that Shelton Benjamin and Shaniqua are in fact the same person.  He says that Shaniqua is just Benjamin in a wig.  He has drawn long black hair on Shelton in sharpie.  

In a funny exchange Bradshaw defends his theory, "Clark Kent, Batman, Peter Parker and Doc Oct... you never see them in the same place."

Faarooq responds, "She has breasts."

Bradshaw: "So did Dusty Rhodes"

Faarooq says that some people thought Latoya and Michael Jackson were the same person but they aren't and Bradshaw is crazy.  The FBI approach and Bradshaw asks them their opinions because they are "Fruit Booties" and the heels remind them that they have match tonight and their focus is in the right place.

(I will give you one guess the only trait Bradshaw sees in common between them)

Match #1

Full Blooded Italians, Chuck Palumbo and Johnny the Bull Stamboli with Nunzio

vs

The APA, Faarooq and Bradshaw

We are greeted by our announcers, Josh Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller.  Josh informs us that this week in WWE has been "off the hook" so we know it is 2003.  APA chants before our first contact so the old Acolytes are still over.  Bull and Faarooq start off.  Faarooq hits a top rope shoulder block that Stamboli runs into like a goof.  Tag to Palumbo who runs into a drop toe hold.  Bradshaw is tagged in and floors Chuck with a shoulder block and a suplex for a quick 2 count.  Bradshaw sends Palumbo into the corner for some punches until a big right hand from Chuck allows for a tag to Stamboli.  Who runs into a side suplex for his second let me kick my own butt moment of the match.  Bradshaw tosses The Bull with the sack of shit fallaway slam.  

Faarooq tags back in and starts nailing some mounted punches in the corner.  Palumbo distracts the referee so Nunzio and hang Faarooq up on the top rope.  The FBI get some quick tags in to waylay Faarooq with punches, kicks, and stomps.  Palumbo sets up a chin lock.  Trash talk baits in Bradshaw for the phantom tag.  The Bull also hooks in a chin lock.  Faarooq starts to power out so The Bull heads to the top rope but gets caught for a spinning slam.  

Faarooq tags Bradshaw back in who cleans house.  The APA hit double team shoulder blocks and a duo neck breaker.  The Bashams are out on the stage with Shaniqua holding the sharpied head shot and they look none too pleased.  A double team power bomb to Stamboli to give the win to the APA after Faarooq was in the ring forever illegally in 5:45 (*3/4)  Shaniqua crumbles up the photo and holds her men back as I assume this story will continue on.  

Match #2

Ultimo Dragon vs Shannon Moore

Shannon Moore gets the advantage early with a headlock takeover.  Dragon successfully completes some leapfrogs and hits a leg sleep.  Ultimo Dragon locks in a surfboard pendulum swing move (see above) that I'm not sure what it is actually called but unlike Josh Matthews, I am 100% sure that it is not a modified camel clutch.  Shannon Moore kicks Dragon into the middle rope for the rare wrestler is in the 619 position that somehow happens in every Rey Mysterio match but not in 99% of other matches.  I was popped for this rare occurrence.  It was like seeing a unicorn.  Shannon Moore grinds the knee into the back rest hold on the Dragon.  Dragon breaks free and heads to the corner to dive back on Moore with a crossbody.  Moores eats an axe kick and then Dragon lands a flurry of Hai kicks.  Hai is Japanese for yes.  Moore goes for a backslide pin but Dragon flips out to a hurricanranna which Moore in turn rolls through for a roll up pin attempt for 2.  Ultimo Dragon tries a top rope jaw breaker but Moore shoves him off. Moore dives off the top for a spinning neck breaker for 2.  Moore is clearly frustrated and pounding the mat.  Ultimo Dragon takes advantage of the lack of focus to nail the Standing Shiranui (thanks google) for the win in 5:45. (***)

Match #3

Orlando Jordan vs Andy Anderson

We are shown Orlando Jordan back stage being flocked by three young ladies who have managed to get through security and are all about OJ.  Josh Matthews reminds you once again that this is 2003 by comparing Jordan's sex appeal to that of Ashton Kutcher.  We return to the ring where we have trading arm bars.  OJ cartwheels out.  Anderson fails on his third leap frog.  Jordan hits a few crisp arm drags.  Double A does not hit a spine buster to gain control unfortunately and locks in a chin lock.  Orlando powers out and catches a few drop kicks and a flying forearm.  The entire time Cat has been saying the Andy Anderson is Andy Griffith....incessantly.  Luckily Orlando Jordan hits the Black Ice to end the match and Cat's bit just like a not guilty verdict in a Matlock trial in 4:34 (*)  Andy Anderson is still out here grinding as he had a match April 6th, 2024 against Bradley Graham to a double count out at Pure Power Wrestling presents PowerSlam XIII in Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada. 

Match #4

World's Greatest Tag Team Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin vs Spanky and Funaki

Josh Matthew hypes the WGTT title defense next week against Kidman and Mysterio in St. Louis and warns all of the St. Lunatics as Spanky sprints to the ring, "faster than Michael Vick" in case you are just now turning in but weren't sure if it was 2003 or not. 

Shelton Benjamin starts out with Funaki and falls victim to a head scissors.  Quick tag to Spanky and the cruisers nail Benjamin with a camel clutch drop kick to the face combo.  Haas catches Spanky with an illegal clothesline from the apron to allow the heels to take over.  Haas tags in a heaves Spanky over with a belly to belly.  He chokes Spanky with the ropes and tags in Benjamin for a chin lock giving us the golden sombrero of chinlocks in the four matches tonight.  WGTT hits a double team hangman splash and now it's Haas' turn to lock in a chin lock.  Haas stops a hope spot by knocking Funaki off of the apron.  

Haas stands on Spanky's hair so Benjamin can come in and lay in some boots.  Spanky's kick is caught but he flips out of it and then hits a drop kick.  Hot tag to Funaki.  Funaki with back drops and an enziguri.  Benjamin goes for a powerbomb but Funaki rolls through to reverse for a roll up for 2.  Then a reverse DDT for a second near fall in a row.  Spanky is back and goes for a dive to the outside on Haas but crashes and burns.  Funaki goes for a top rope tornado DDT on Shelton but is caught in mid air by Haas, who holds him steady for a an absolutely dicaptiating super kick by Benjamin for the victory in 6:35. (***1/2)

Josh and the Cat remind us to tune into Smackdown next week to see the tag title match and we head off the air for WWE Confidential.

The next night on Sunday Night Heat we are greeted by Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow.  

Match #1

Test vs Tommy Dreamer with a Singapore Cane

Test hits reverse elbow smash but misses an elbow drop to start.  Tommy Dreamer takes advantage with a Russian Leg Sweep.  Dreamer clotheslines Test over the top and out of the ring and then baseball slides to give Test a kick to the mush.  Test comes back in and hits a sidewalk slam on Dreamer and starts doing body building poses.  I believe this pose is called the hypodermic needle.  Coach and Al Snow are making growling noises discussing several of Justin Timberlake's ex girlfriends.  A real who's who of 2003, Britney Spears, Alyssa Milano, Cameron Diaz.  Test hits a basic scoop slam and then does some jumping jacks to show how unconcerned he is with the Innovator of Violence.  

Tommy Dreamer tries to fire out of a headlock but gets taken back down.  Dreamer yanks Test off the top rope to give himself some time to recover.  The two future pay per view ECW title challengers trade punches until Tommy hits a swinging neck breaker.  Tommy escapes the pump handle slam and hits a pop up powerbomb! Test kicks at 2.  Test hits his pump handle slam but Dreamer kicks out!  A frustrated Test misses a big boot attempt and crotches himself over the top rope.  Dreamer bounces Test on the rope to give him a chance to sing alto.  Dreamer hits his DDT but Test kicks out as well!  Dreamer does up to the top rope and the announcers and anyone else with eyes can see how awkward dreamer looks up there.  Test kicks the ref into the top rope to speed up what gravity was already starting to do which is to knock Tommy off of the top rope and landing him on the turnbuckle.  Test goes to get him off but Dreamer fights back with some punches.  Dreamer tries again with a top rope attack but eats a big boot and Test gets the pin in 6:35. (** 1/2)

Backstage, Val Venis is on his flip phone making sure the person on the other end is sending a Puerto Rican and Mexican girl to his room after the show.  He stops his phone call when Miss Jackie walks by.  Val pitches to her that she should make a Val Venis productions video.  He wants to take test shots (I assume he means photographs and not steroid shot in the buttocks like Test).  He poses her and gives her a banana.  He then goes to get two tennis balls to finish the shot but when he turns around Rico is now here with his lady.  Val reminds Rico that it is twice he has ruined his work with Jackie.  Rico says that good things happen in threes.  Val storms off presumable to where the sex trafficker he was speaking to has sent the girls.  Rico feeds the banana to Miss Jackie and I assume this scene was sent off to the Emmy committee for their consideration.  

Match #2

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade vs Buddy Wayne and Tony Kozing

Jindrak starts with Wayne.  Jindrak grabs Wayne and puts him on the top rope like a child.  Wayne does look like a child next to Jindrak as Wayne's head barely clears the top rope.  Wayne dives off the top hits drop kick that Jindrak no sells.  Cade is tagged in and floors Kozing with a clotheline.  Kozing dodges a few blows from Jindrak once he tags back in but gets caught on a cross body.  Wayne hits a flying leap off the top onto both of them.  Korzigs drops a few elbows and the local competitors quickly tag in and out trading stomps and punches to the prone Jindrak repeatedly.  Finally Jindrak can escape and make the tag to Cade.  Cade hits a back body drop and bulldog, before the lifting assisted drop kick picks up the win although it is less impressive of feat since the drop kick isn't very high on the tiny local competitors in 4:14. (1/2)

Match #3

Ivory and Maven vs Stevie Richards and Victoria

The men start out with some punches and chops from Richards.  Maven blocks a biel throw and retaliates with one of his own.  The women enter the ring with out tags, Victoria gets Irish whipped butt first into Stevie's face and then they are both sent into the other corner, this time with Victoria getting squished.  Stevie falls to all fours with Victoria falling on top of him in a spot that appears to be intended for comedy but misses.  Maven and Ivory pick them up and smack their heads together.  Maven celebrates and it costs him as he eats a Stevie kick which sends him flying out of the ring.  

Stevie brings Maven back in and hits him with a scoop slam.  Victoria nails an amazing slingshot corkscrew leg drop.  Stevie returns to nailing some chops in the corner.  He puts on his pink bucket hat and yells, "I'll show you!"  But misses his charge attempt and crotches himself in the corner.  Maven back body drops Victoria.  Ivory hits a cross body to both opponents from the top rope. Then Ivory hits a back elbow, drop kick and then a neck breaker.  She nails an X-Factor on Victoria but the referee misses the pin attempt trying to get the men out of the ring.  Richards hits a Stevie T Impaler with a shocking amount of height, rolls Victoria on top for the cover and the victory in 3:24. (* 3/4)

Coach and Snow ask us to tune in tomorrow to see what Shane, Kevin Nash, and Kane will be doing and that's the broadcast.

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive Companion (Velocity July 5th, 2003 and Heat July 6th, 2003)

                                                             July 5th, 2023 Velocity

                                                                                    

                                   Commentators: Jose Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller

Match #1

Jaime Noble with Nidia vs Spanky

Noble attacks from behind before the bell.  Spanky gets huge air on a plancha to the outside. Noble counters a top rope crossbody to an armbar.  The announcers are spending this time debating the legitimacy of Nidia's fur coat which was admitted to be fake on Smackdown, which Jose points out.  I don't know if Cat's character doesn't watch Smackdown or if Cat for real doesn't watch Smackdown. 

Noble holds to a top rope armbar despite a powerbomb. Spanky twists his body to get into a position to land kicks on Noble to break the hold.  Nidia trips Spanky to let Noble hit a single armed DDT for a near fall.  Spanky comes back with some quick drop kicks and a running knee. Unlike Danielson and Cade who trained with Spanky this does not lead to a victory.  Hurricanrana by Spanky is reversed into paydirt and then a dragon sleeper for the tap out for Noble in 5:48 *** 1/4

Noble and Nidia make out in the ring to celebrate.

Match #2

Sean O'Haire vs Funaki

The post Roddy Piper world for O'Haire begins now.  Matthews tells us that O'Haire's music is "C'mon" by Waterproof Blonde which is a very 2003 song title and band name.  Funaki starts off with quick kicks and arm drags.  O'Haire flattens him with a clothesline and then chucks him across the ring.  In an odd spot, O'Haire goes for a cover after a missed drop kick.  He locks in a violent looking headlock.  Funaki gets some hope with a bulldog.  He gets caught coming off the top rope but reverses that into a swinging DDT.  O'Haire takes Funaki down with a punch and then hits the Widow maker for the win in  4:08 * 1/2

Match #3 

Kanyon vs Mike Bell

Mike Bell is a former college nose tackle and the guy who Saturn beat the crap out of a few years ago.  Bell is super sloppy and does not sell very well.  Often just laying there.  It's boring and slow until Bell hits a fallaway slam into a bridge pin attempt that he calls the Mid Hudson Bridge.  Knayon escapes and hits the Flatliner for the win in 4:35 *.

Match #4

Matt Hardy vs Shannon Moore 

Matt has requested this match because he is tired of Shannon failing him.  He is giving him one last chance to show that he has Mattitude.  

Matt Fact #1: Matt is giving Shannon one last chance.

Matt Fact #2: Matt likes pepper more than salt.  

Shannon doesn't want to fight.  Matt slaps him to fire him up.  Shannon fights back but gets over powered. Matt hits a second rope leg drop for a standing taunt pin.  Moore fires back with a top rope spinning neck breaker.  Shannon hits a top rope Halo to the outside is a nice spot.  Matt wins with a surprise small package in 5:29 ** 3/4.

Shannon is upset and Matt offers him a handshake.  Shannon hesitates at first but accepts as they share a V-1 hand sign to prove that he has shown his Mattitude.  Matt celebrates as we go of the air. 

Sunday Night Heat 

7/6/2003

Commentators: Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow

We open in the back with Steven Richards talking to Victoria about how great Stevie Night Heat has been going since he is 2-0, the last two weeks. Richards called over a guy in a headset to find out when his match is but is told that he isn't booked.  Time to hit the trampoline, Dennis Stamp style.  Steven is upset and Goldust appears to mock him.  His turrets turns into a Richards' whacks off joke.  Goldust leaves a very upset Richards and heads off for his match.  

Commentators: Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow

Match #1 Goldust vs Ken Phoenix

Phoenix is the future Kenny Dykstra.  Stevie comes out to complain to the announce team that he isn't booked on his show.  Goldust is hitting is traditional moveset on Kenny but all the focus is on Stevie.  Goldust wins with a twisting powerslam. (1:27 *) Stevie comes in and hits a Stevie Kick and shattered dreams on Goldust.  Stevie screams about Heat being his show.

Match #2 Garrison Cade vs Mike Doane

Cade overpowers with arm work. Doane hits a dropkick and boots in the corner.  Shoulder block and a missed elbow drop allows Cade to take back over.  Big punches by Cade and then Cade wins with an awkward move that Snow calls a reverse bulldog in 3:44 (*)

Match #3 Val Venis vs Mike Bell

Val gives us some golf based sex puns that don't really land.  Bell is better in this outing than his Velocity showing but his movements are still choppy.  Snow and Coach have an interaction about Coach getting beaten up by a large woman at the bar.  Snow says that she is the kind of big that she leaves the house in heels and comes back in flip flops.  Val wins with the money shot in (2:30 *1/2)

Match #4 

Dudley Boys vs Rodney Mack/Rosey with Teddy Long and Chris Nowinski

Teddy says that this is Rosey's chance to earn his Player's Card.  Teddy yells Bam! and puts a credit card in Rosey's face.  Rosey wants it real bad so he must have poor credit.  

The match starts after coming back from commercial with D-Von and Mack in the ring.  They trade some fast paced basic moves.  They tag in their partners and Rosey and Bubba hit a double cross body in an impressive spot for gentleman of that size. They both make the tag and Nowinski trips D-von.  Rosey. D-Von gets double teamed and quick tagged until he makes the hot tag to Bubba.  Bubba cleans house and the hit a double suplex on Rosey.  Mack hits Rosey on the break up attempt.  "Wazzup" spot to Mack while Nowinski stupidly distracts the ref.  Rosey hits Somoan drops to the Dudley's like any good Bloodline member should.  Nowinski accidently gets in Rosey's way to set up the 3D for the Dudley victory.  (**3/4).  In a match that was way better than I expected.  Long is mad at Rosey when it was clearly all Harvard Chris's fault.  

We go off the air with a reminder to watch RAW tomorrow night.