HTPB 21.2

 With only one matchup of undefeated teams in week 2, will HTPB separate into haves and have nots or will everyone pull towards the middle?  If Kevin would kindly click an ad for me that would be great.   

Stabmyballzrepeatedly used the Lamar Jackson/Chubb/Tampa Defense Triple Threat of 108.50 points to crush Hardcore Cabinet despite 121 points from HC.  SMBR ran away with the highest point total in the league this week.  The touchdowns just kept coming during the 1:00 window. Hardcore Cabinet lost Trey Lance for the season after the new sexy fantasy QB scored 10 points.  Two weeks into the season Hardcore has gotten under 20 points from the QB position and their #1 pick, Alvin Kamara.  Research has shown that this is shitty.  Shade should be thrown SMBR repeatedly because if Chubb just falls down in the fourth quarter instead of selfishly scoring a touchdown, the Browns win.  

The opposite of Lamar Jackson's game was Matt Ryan's game as the Colts QB put up a whopping 1/2 point.  Eh Bid Dude extends his record to 2-0.  Things aren't' going well for the Collegians so far this season as he occupies the cellar in HTPB.  EBD attack was well rounded with 6 players breaking double digits and no players went nanners.  The only thing these two currently have in common is they drive around picking stuff up for a living and constantly comment on the time of day in which they do so. However, Steve can now drive his route in a brand new Toyota.

The Bay Bay's tasted their first HTPB defeat losing to the most followy follower of the lone wolfs.  Stay with me here: He shows up late to the draft to arrive with his compatriots even though he was not coming from a kids sporting event like them.  He changes his team name to something brother that doesn't make sense unless it's Hulk Hogan cutting a promo on Mil Mascaras, just to copy them.  It doesn't make sense.  The Lone Wolves of 3 people that do everything together doesn't make sense.  GOD I FUCKING HATE IT!!!!  Despite how much I hate that stupid shit, you're kidding yourself if you didn't think that I loved putting two wrestling clips in one paragraph. 

The Italian Stallions tried to rebrand as Russell's Restaurant but have already closed their doors for a remodel.  Maybe when they reopen in a few weeks it's a new age fusion place that serves fantasy points because their current menu of fried shit like Hayden Hurst and Rhamondre Steveson is really turning away the customers. Bricklayers has quietly put together a couple of really good weeks, which finds him in first place overall.  If he can manage to avoid emotionally reacting and trading his best player for a bag of magic beans, it will bode well for the rest of his season.  This week Diggs and Henderson gave Bricklayers $5 with 48.10 points.

(The amount of hoops that I had to get through to steal this image from NFL.com was worth it.  Also fuck you and all your copyright bullshit on an innoxious photo like this one of Russell Wilson touring a stadium in England being built.)

Blue Gatorade's stay atop the standings was short-lived as the last place Dollars shook off a terrible week 1 to bounce back this week firmly placing both of them in the middle of the standings. Aaron Jones carried the $$$ squad with a 30 point performance.  Blue Gatorade has been out of sorts this week finding himself on the injury report himself as he has been questionable with a knee issue.  Somehow this loser manages to come down with jumper's knee usually found in athletes in real sports not cross county which is boring as hell. Live footage of Max's last race where he got "injured"   He also brought his loser stench to the Guardians game Sunday, don't invite him or fellow loser jynx, Bricklayers anywhere.    

I now have a vendetta against both Richards brothers as Jeremy denied and shared my attempt at a hilarious moment.  Maybe TR will adopt so maybe there is a chance for somebody in this family to not be a total turd.  Jeremy's Brother has started the season 2-0 as he looks to continue his streak of making the playoffs ever single season in the league yet someone managing to turn that into zero dollars in place money. Maybe he is able to see angles that the rest of cannot since he has a different perspective.  That perspective being waist high. BNE returned to the auto draft to try to reclaim past glory which is going about as well as when Washington brought back Joe Gibbs the second time to do the same.  He also continues to get destroyed as a defense coordinator; this week losing 25-9 to fall to 0-2. 

In the only matchup this week that induced some nail biting, RM defeated ODS.  Big E once again blew a lead. Ironically as I type this my phone went off with an amber alert in Akron.  Akron, where the Coke plant is.  You do the math. That math 2+2= Big E likes children. Josh Allen has been a complete stud so far this season and ODS has turned in into zero wins.  That's a problem.  The Rams double up Stafford and Kupp was enough to carry him to the victory in the lone matchup of winless teams, this week. 

First Power Rankings

Introducing Nick's Math Facts Corner

		PWR
	tiers	RANK	W	L	+/-		- UNLUCKY
	1	BL	22	4	0		+ LUCKY
		EBD	20	6	-2
	2	SMBR	19	7	1
		BG	18	8	-1
		TS	17	9	2
		HC	16	10	0
	3	ODS	15	11	-5
		BNE	15	11	-4
	4	CB	10	16	2
		BB	9	17	0
		$$	8	18	3
	5	IS	6	20	-1
		LZ	6	20	3
	TC*	TC	1	25	0
	formerly the $$ tier
	Fun Facts:
	Average score went up 9 points
	High Score for week set @ 152 for the year
	Steves points went up… by 0.43

 

Currently the only person with a bitch is ODS who's spot is currently being schedule stolen by RM.  Week 2 is admittedly a poor week for data for this but it's easier to track if you start at the beginning.  Thanks to Nick for running the spreadsheet for this so I don't have to spend time doing math just hard hitting analyses and side splitting jokes that you have come to know and love.  

                                       

                                                          Week 2  Prediction Picks Recap  

                        Jeremy's Brother nailed it going 7-0 this week. Nice work Jason.  That puts you in first place overall. At a quick glance I think Steve went 2-5 for back to back last places as did Big E and Max.  Week 3 link

Week 4 Preview: (FYI if you don't have Amazon Prime, the game will be ABC locally, GO BROWNS)

The Game of the Week

It's a battle of undefeateds as Eh Bid Dude battles JB.

HC vs IS as HC looks to continue the decade of domination.

ODS vs SMBR

BNE vs BL

BG vs RM

$$ vs Bay Bay's (Let's talk about Bay-Bay's draft)

Toilet Bowl Preview Game

TC vs LZ 

 Hope you enjoyed this week's write-up.  Let me know what were the funniest parts.  Also a genuine plea for teams to be consistent on their team names.  (LZ, IS, RM looking at you.) When you are trying to go back and look shit up and shit changes that shit is hard and I don't like that shit.  

HTPB 21.1

 

Welcome Back

Welcome to the 21st season of HTPB.  Nick can finally buy a beer for his auto drafted championship.  Hello to all league members, including Roy who since he is 1-0 will be reading these for at least the time being.  Right know this write-up is hilarious and a good time.  If things turn bad for his team, I am sure he will believe that this blog is a waste of time and full of personal attacks. Since this is the first blog for Dan to read, feel free to check out the archives and I am sure you can find someone to read this to you.  Dom probably will let you borrow his guy.  Also since google got smart to my game and put my ass on probation, I ask that my opponent the previous week be the person to click an advertisement for me.  So Sergio click away.

 And away we go...

In a matchup featuring nearly 14 feet of combined height nearly properly formed toes, The Kansas City Chiefs defeated the Ogre's Death Squad, as Mahomes and CEH scored 58% of Eh Bid Dude's points which was high enough to win the week's positional bet. ODS received 54% of his points from Allen and Patterson.  The only thing more disgusting than the production from players 3-9 in this matchup are the two general managers feet. 

The Collegians unloaded some trophy long faced selfies and then proceeded to choke on the memories of the past.  Stabmyballzrepeatedly used a well rounded performance to get a victory in a bottom seven scoring week which are always huge factors in making the promised land of the playoffs at the end of the season.  Both teams need hit the gym and knock out some lunges because there was not a tight end to be found in this game as Kmet and Knox combined for 1 catch for 5 yards. 

Dollars may be entering week 53 of fantasy ineptitude as he put up a league low 74.42 points and that's with Saquon Barkley rocking out for 32 of those points.  Bricklayers used an all around team effort to pulverize the Dollars in boat race fashion. Dollars will be starting the season adding to his fleet of Toyotas that he earned last year.  I would go into greater detail about what the rest of Dollars team did but children read this blog and their eyes shouldn't be exposed to that level of depravity.  Anyhoo here is a picture of dead body washed up on shore, kiddos.

I won't be talking about this win from Bricklayers point of view because he couldn't spend 30 seconds making his league picks so I'm not giving my time here on this hilarious and educational blog.

The Express put up the 2nd highest score of the week but still lost to a child.  Speaking of which Max, did you see that picture of the dead body washed up on shore, no cap that pic is boss. Yeet. 

This battle was between two members of the league that could not be around for the full draft because of sporting events and much like on draft day, Max won and Nick lost.  Nick was out defensive coordinated 10-9.  Bringing his defensive coordinator record in HTPB to 0-1.  This will be tracked all season.  

In wolf on wolf intercourse, Jeremy's Brother beat Rush'n Missiles.  Somehow these guys call themselves wolves despite clearly being sheep.  The black sheep of the families that is.  Confirmed by their father's.  Scientifically weighing their parents love.  The data is clear.  This was the closest game of the week and maybe the hot fires of this game will mold steel come playoff time.  Doubtful since these two franchises   Neither of these squads have won a playoff game since Jeremy's brother won a game in 2017.  

The Bay-Bay's were able to defeat an OG in their first game.  The Italian Stallions changed their name to some bullshit about Russell Wilson but that same fantasy ineptitude was there.  You can't witness protection away from a largely awful two decade run.  The 16 point swing in kicker/defense was the difference. Dan was able to overcome the knee injury to Eli Mitchell and his own shoulder injury he sustained while reaching for Mitchell in the third round.  

Hardcore Cabinet used three players on Monday Night to defeat Los Zapatistas.  The Shoes tried to ride a stellar performance from Swift but were held like a flower pot full of cigarette butts by the rest of their roster.  Hardcore Cabinet overcame turds from the QB/RB position to pull out the win.  Since Sergio likes to track my progress through things, here is an update on my completionism tasks.

Movie Poster 76% complete

The Amazing Spider-Man 9% complete

Sweeping your bitch ass this season 50% complete

(post draft cleanup crew)

Weekly pick em results (to be edited when yahoo updates, this is a quick scan)

Top picker Blue Gatorade 5 wins

Worst Picker TC with a goose egg

Worst Person: Bricklayers, I mean seriously what the fuck.  You can't take two minutes out of your beauty regimen to do this.

Week 2 Preview

Game of the Week 

Hardcore Cabinet vs Stabmyballzrepeatedly only matchup of undefeated teams

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

ODS VS RM the only matchup of winless teams

Dr. Dollars' playoff predictions 2022

 

Dollars 2022 HTPB playoff picks

Here we go boys, another HTPB season about to kick off.  Last year was a tough year not only for my squad but my playoff picks as well.    Congrats to the 2021 champ The Collegians who was not one of my playoff picks.  Not that these players would have changed my mind but Hunter Renfrow and Amon-ra St Brown were both wavier wire pick ups who tore it up down the stretch.  A great example of how a few GM moves during the year can make all the difference.  Who will be that GM this year?  Luckily I haven’t had any of my drafted players season end yet.  That being said I’m back to picking myself for a playoff spot like I always have except for last year.  These picks are my bias take on teams according to how I view the players each team drafted in combination with how I perceive GM involvement/capabilities.  

Eh Bid Dude

Received my highest draft day grade A-

CMC is one of the biggest reasons, I can’t get the 20+ point per game entire season out of my head.  No TD! doesn’t matter CMC still had 20+ was crazy to see.  He’s gotta be healthy by now right?  Mahomes is another player that can go Nuts on the scoreboard staked with CEH who I’m betting will see an increase in receiving work.  Pitts, a phenom at TE who has #1 TE potential.  Keeper WR Mike Williams  who had some monster games last year, no reason not to expect more of the same.  RBs 2&3 Montgomery and CEH, solid volume plays that should get a good amount of rushing and receiving work.  WR 2 is a question mark, will one of his drafted rookies step up?  EBD is a GM that will make moves if necessary.  Just a scary team overall, feel like he can out score anyone any given week!

Italian stallions 

Draft day grade B as he snatched 3 of the players I was targeting in the first 4 rounds.  QB Russel Wilson who I so badly wanted this year!  I would be surprised if he doesn’t end the season as a top 5 QB.  WR Michael Pittman who I think will finish top 10 at the position drafted in the 2nd round and I thought I could possibly get him in the third!  Stupid mock drafts….   Anchored by RB Dalvin Cook a player who has serious top 3 finish upside.  Love AJ Dillon a strong RB2.   Keeper RB Rhamondre Stevenson is nice flex play/depth piece.  He used 6 of his 7 picks in rounds 5-12 and selected WRs.  Of the bunch I especially like Rashod Bateman, a strong breakout candidate.  The Depth at WR should give him flexibility though out the long fantasy season.  According to ADP he definitely had some reaches but I think I liked every one of them.  

The Collegians

Defending champ,  draft day grade B-

Really like Joe Mixon and his situation coming into this season.  Keeper James Connor is a very nice RB2, not particularly high on him myself but he’s in a good offense and is projected to do well again this season.  Solid group of WRs,  my favorite of which is Mike Evans who has my QB throwing to him so I’m hoping for another big year.  Other WRs include Terry McLaurin, Amari Cooper, and Jakobi Meyers are all #1 WR for their teams, and should provide consistent fantasy points.  However, none of them are in great offenses.  TE Kmet who should see heavy volume and score more than 0 TDs this season but another player not on the greatest offense.  A Good fantasy QB who I feel neutral about.  Dak Prescott who I believe has never finished outside the top 10 amongst QBs when healthy. Overall a solid team that just isn’t very sexy.  

Hardcore Cabinet 

Draft day grade B.  Started his draft off with one of my favorite 1st and 2nd round pick combinations.  Kamara and Javonte Williams will be the catalysts that make this team go.  Loaded with a bunch of solid, young, on the rise WRs.  Keeper Waddle, Moony, St.Brown and Marquise Brown.  Also, an additional 4 WRs for a total of 8 WRs!  Can start four each week if he needs to.  Great depth and flexibility for a long season.  Trendy late round QB pick Trey Lance who has tremendous upside with his ability to make plays with his legs and a savvy offensive play caller.  Mediocre TE Zach Ertz had a nice stretch of fantasy production last year.  Could receive that extra volume again during Hopkins’ suspension.  

Bricklayers 

Draft Day Grade B-  I’m betting on Travis Kelce to continue his domination at the TE position to put the Layers into the playoffs.  RB is not currently the strength of this team but I do really like the potential of Etienne, Pollard, D Henderson and D Pierce.  Think there is good chance that at least 2 of the 4 finish within the top 25 at RB.  With his first and third round picks he selected 2 WRs I absolutely love this year Diggs and Sutton.  Followed them up with some later round WRs I like as well Gallup, Aiyuk, Isaiah McKenzie and Josh Palmer all of which play on above average offensives.  Fantasy experts hotness pick At QB Jalen Hurts.  I myself was not as sold on him but he has been really good for fantasy and adding a weapon like AJ Brown does boost his potential upside.  Just a sexy above average team!

Ogre’s Death Squad

Draft day grade C+ The Grade should have been higher on draft day.  Keeper in the 4th QB Josh Allen who seems to put up big points every week and I think has been the #1 Fantasy QB each of the last 2 years.  Derrick Henry with his first round selection seems nerve-racking to rely on after last year.  However, it was just a foot injury and he was back by years end.  A dominant fantasy RB1 to pair with Josh Allen!  His top 3 WRs are very good and consistent fantasy contributors.  I don’t believe any of them go out and win you a week on their own but that’s Josh Allen and Derrick Henry’s role on this team.  I’m not impressed with Kareem Hunt as his RB2 but he has been a serviceable RB2 and should continue to be.  TE Freiermuth had a nice rookie season and could be even better this year if the Steelers have decent QB play.  

Auction Keeper Format

 In order to switch formats and not lose what people have planned, here is my proposal to switch to a auction while allowing keepers from the previous year and into infinity and beyond.

I went to Yahoo's draft suggestions and averaged the players salaries into groups of 14. These salaries would be what you would pay for a player using our old keeper rules for this year only.  Keepers using our previous rules and keeper values sent by the commish. You may still only keep one player.  Players kept from 2021 to 2022 roster are ineligible to kept in 2023.

Based on a $200 cap

1. $62

2. $38

3. $28

4. $21

5. $13

6. $10

7. $9

8. $6

Going forward after the auction draft; you would be able to keep as many players as you wanted while paying a 10% kicker to that player's salary.  Under this format your team can be managed your way.  Do you want two studs this year and next at 70% of your total cap?  Go nuts.  Do you want to have two or three future bets on some young guys? Go nuts?  Does your team suck and you want to scrap it? Go nuts. 

Free Agents can't be kept any value, to keep a 2022 player in 2023 you must buy their services on draft day or trade for a drafted player.  

This allows teams to plan ahead and build for two or three years into the future or if a team wants to blow it up there aren't behind the 8 ball because they will have more available budget come draft time.  I think it is the best of both worlds.  

To prevent somebody finding somebody for $1 who turns into an amazing guy that they can keep forever for dirt cheap, the minimum keeper price is $10 for a maximum of 3 additional years. 

Sunday Night Heat April 7th, 2002 (First heat post brand split)

 

    After the brand split, we've got a whole new Heat.  It's taped before RAW instead of Smackdown and our announcers are Johnathan "Coach" Coachman and Ra "Raven" ven.

    Really surprised to see Scott Hall walk out here for a Heat match.  The nWo has fallen real fast in 6 weeks from their debut.  Even more surprised that Hall is battling Crash Holly of all people.  Raven says the show is going to be mundane but he will make it better with his commentary.  Way to get me invested, Johnny Polo.  Scott Hall played the hits, fall away slam, abdominal stretch, second rope fall away slam, Razor's Edge.  1-2-3.  Crowd popped for Hall calling for the Razor's Edge because they are smart.  

    Jerry Lawler is backstage interviewing Jazz, about her title defense tonight against Jackie.  Jazz says Jackie has no chance because she is a skank.  Jackie steps into screen to ask, "Who are you calling a skank, skank?" Jazz seems surprised by her appearance even though she was clearly only a few feet away when the interview began.  Jazz informs Jackie that is was indeed, Jackie herself that Jazz was calling a skank and that she should know that because she does not stutter.  Jazz thumps the belt of off Jackie's head and the brawl is on.

    Here comes Tommy Dreamer, who has won all of two televised matches in his WWF career to this point.  He has defeated Tajiri and Kai En Tai during September on this here very Sunday Night Heat.  Someone needs to sit Tommy Dreamer down and ask him why Japanese people really fire him up.  Tommy has some soul searching to do.  His opponent, Sean Stasiak, not Japanese so my money is on Staskiak.  This is both of their first matches on TV since the Invasion.  It's the movable object vs resistible force.    Coach and Raven are giving this match all of the respect it deserves, by talking about Eddie Guerrero attacking RVD and Undertaker being named the #1 contender by Flair until it was changed to Hogan by Vince on Smackdown.  All things I would rather be thinking about too.  Raven finally talks about the match in that Tommy Dreamer is tough from all of their battles in ECW.  Coach adds that Stasiak isn't the most intelligent but this abdominal stretch is effective.  Dreamer sells a right side injury, but continues to bring the attack to Stasiak to the silence of the crowd.  Dreamer's ribs give out on a maneuver and Stasiak capitalizing for the victory. 

    We get a recap of Flair and Vince trying to talk Austin into signing with their shows, which led to Austin signing with Raw and stunning both Vince and Flair.  

    We've got our Women's Title match on deck, sponsored Castrol GTX and Nissan.  Coach and Raven mention that the Forcible Entry compact disc has debuted at #3.  #1 you ask?

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYDE0MeAOAk&list=PLqf3vdDTch5eM9SWPvNXKag22XOW6x8En

This banger of a 2002 time capsule.  Jaxz attempts to take a powder but Jackie brings her back to the ring where a distracted ref misses a pin by Jackie, which Jazz turns into a tights aided rollup to retain the title.  

    Now it's time for our Tough Enough season 2 recap.  Matt Morgan has to bow out of the compeition beause of knee injury.  The rest of the cast head to see a live WWF event and then cut their own promos which are all generic and bad.  

Be sure to order WWF Backlash to see Triple H defend against Hulk Hogan.

It's main event time.  Big Show vs Goldust.  Raven mentions that last year at Backlash he had this banger.

Big Show tosses Goldust into the ring post but Show gets caught coming in the ring.  Coach speculates what kind of mood, Steve Austin will be in tomorrow night on Raw.  I'm going to take a guess and say fun and fancy free.  Goldust has taken show down to his knee with sleeper hold.  Raven mentions that he is member of MENSA for the fourth time tonight.  Big Show powers out, chucks around Goldust and then holds Goldust in the air during the finishing chokeslam for an impressive amount of time.  

Year in Review: 2021

                                                                         

 Before I get into this yearly report if I could be indulged for a moment.  Please watch this video.   This takes time and things have been shitty at work so shove it up your butts.  

The league began on a beautiful Saturday in Big E's backyard and it ended with stuff shoved up my backyard with the unluckiest season in league history.  Speaking of the draft let's take a look back at that faithful day. 

The best first round pick was the last one, Johnathan Taylor has led SMBR to a first round bye. 

Honorable Mention: Austin Eckler

 The worst first round pick was Patrick Mahomes based on a points per game relative to his position.  Outhouse Mahomes while 5th in the league for QB scoring is only 5 points a game more than Teddy Two Gloves which is not what you are aiming for when you dislocate your shoulder reaching in the first round. While first round picks McCaffery and Henry missed a large portion of the year, they produced while healthy.  Heck Henry is still the 9th highest scoring running back in fantasy.  

Honorable Mention: Saquon Barkley who finished in scoring this season between Devin Singletary and Mike Davis.  

Record Book

High Score BNE 180.75 Week 5

Low EBD 44.37 Week 10

Points from drafted players: Most SMBR 1536.23 (94.7% of total) 

Least BL 767.38 (53.9% of total)

Most TD in a week RM 12 Week 2 

Least TD in a week, once each for HC/BCC

Most this season RM 84 Least $$$ 48

Most rushing yards per game: SMBR 265.71

Least rushing yards per game: BCC 92.07

Most receiving yards per game TC 332.71 Least LZ 212.28

FG: Season BL 32     RM least 16

Biggest Blowout RM beat $ by 99.47 in Week 2.  

Closest game: BL over TC by .04

Final Rankings 

1. TC 120-62

2. SMBR 116-66

3. CB 113-69

4. HC 109-73

5. BG 109-73

6. BNE 104-78

--------------------------------

7. BCC 92-90

8. LZ 88-94

9. BL 82-100

10. IS 82-100

-------------------------

11. TS 77-105

12. ODS 71-111

13. EBD 67-115

---------------------------

14. $$$ 49-133

The unluckiest based on this metric was HC being 5 spaces behind their spot in the standings. Although BCC had his playoff spot in his final season stolen by the Lone Wolves as well.  Bricklayers was also very unlucky but so unlucky to cost him a playoff spot.

The luckiest was TS gaining 4 spots and a playoff berth in the standings. The Shoes also is undeserving of their playoff spot based on this metric. 

Wins against the mean. This metric takes into account Pure schedule luck.  How many weeks did you score in the top 7.

1. TC/RM 10

3. HC/BG 9

5. SMBR/BNE/BCC/LZ 8 (LZ didn't deserve his playoff spot here on point total but at least it is defensible) 

9.  BL/IS/TS 6-8  (TS is one of the luckiest playoff teams in the history of the league by both metrics)

12. ODS/EBD 4

14. $$$ 2

Although it didn't affect his spot in the standings, Dollars should have clinched the toilet bowl several weeks ago.  

                                                                            

Tinker Stinkers stole my spot. By every mathematical measure. His tiny hands have grabbed what his team did not deserve.  This will haunt me until next season.  Please destroy him, Steve.  

Sergio won league pick em with a record of 57-41; edging out the Erics by 1.  Jason was last with a record of 44-54.  Pick the playoff games here

Math website playoff first round predictions, I can't do beyond that because Yahoo lists me as a playoff team which fucking sucks.  I can't wait for all of the notifications to set my roster. Fucking stupid.

BNE 47% vs RM 52.43%

BG 64.68 vs LZ 35.53

TC 69.1 vs 30.9

Since it calculated it SMBR 52.37 vs HC 46.73

My hopes for the playoffs.

HTPB Week 20.13

 

Week 13 has been the end of the season for decades here in HTPB and it still was for Big Cat Crushers and Eh Bid Dude as they were eliminated from playoff contention.  It's starting to settle out as the last week of the regular season is upon us.  

SMBR established themselves as the team to beat in HTPB this year as he ended the season and career of Big Cat Crushers.  The fifth highest score of the week was not enough for Big Cat as the twenty year run of bad luck continued.  In frightening news for HTPB, Lamar Jackson has been kind of shitty for a month and in 4 out of the last 5 weeks, he's broken 130 points with a low score of 109 or as Dollars would call it a monster week.  SMBR just needs to beat Dollars to clinch the first round bye, so allow me to be the first to congratulate SMBR on the first round bye.  

"Big Cat still had a good week."

-Cory

Eh Bid Dude welcomed a child into the world this week and was beaten by one.  EBD season was put to rest this week barring a miracle of epic proportions.  EBD was able to make it close due to his kicker and defense combining for 30 which EBD has said this season means your team is shitty. BG didn't listen to a wise sage who said Minshew Mania was a better option than Teddy Two Gloves and narrowly survived his ignorance.  BG is one of two teams that can have the first round bye.  Eh Bid Dude did clinch the highest place of his AOE Human Centipede buddies.  Live look at the playoff race for AOE this year.  Enjoy the sidelines fellas.

                                                            (photoshop credit: Nick Webb)

                                                            (hilarious idea credit: me like fucking always) 

In a matchup of the two lowest scores of the week (weak), Italian Stallions defeated Tinker Stinkers, 91-64.  While this game made eyes bleed it did save Italian Stallions from the Toilet Bowl and put Tinker Stinkers on the brink of elimination.  David Montgomery and Chris Godwin were the only people not to suck in this game.  So many people sucked, both quarterbacks sucked, AJ Green and Kendrick Bourne sucked, Jason and Dom sucked.  

ODS kept his slim playoff hopes alive (literally 0.13%) as he defeated BL.  Bricklayers finally got the game from Javonte Williams that he traded Cooper Kupp for, as Williams scored 26 of Bricklayers' 92 points. (Kupp has pedestrian 20.45)  Bricklayers is one of two teams that can still get toiletries as he tries to complete the toilet, champion, toilet sandwich.  

The closest game of the week saw Rush'n Missiles finally get into the playoffs for the first time in career as he edged out The Collegians.  Without his four Packers, RM still managed to pack TC's shit.  The Collegians were unfairly put behind the 8 ball with their players not scoring every touchdown that occurred in the NFL. Both of these two teams are locked into the playoffs and can't get the bye.  Taysom Hill played the shittiest 22 point game of all time.  

It seemed like earlier in the week that Dollars would be getting Kamara, Brown, and Cooper back. Nope. The Shoes took advantage of playing Dollars, a secured the victory which puts him at the precipice of a playoff berth.  Led by his defense and Sony Michel being the lead back for a week, Los Zapatistas scored 130 points to get the win.  Dollars hopes to finally get healthy the final week as he looks to keep SMBR out of the number one seed but will try to do so without Antonio Brown who has been suspended for brain damage. 

Hardcore Cabinet kept his playoff hopes alive but lost two more players to injury. BNE clinched a playoff spot with the loss. Justin Herbert lost the duel to a returning Kyler Murray and set up Hardcore Cabinet to control their own destiny.  BNE thought Gallup would be the X-Factor but it turns out the X-Factor was Urban Meyer hating James Robinson and not giving him any carries until the game was over.  Hardcore Cabinet lives to fight another day in a defacto playoff game vs the Shoes. 

Power Rankings (which team is the best)

1. SMBR 116-53

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2. BG 108-61

3. TC 107-62

4. HC 104-65

5. CB 101-68

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6. BNE 91-76

7. BCC 88-81

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8. LZ 81-88

9. BL 72-97

10. TS 69-100

11. IS 68-101

12. ODS 65-104

13. EBD 65-104

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14. $$ 46-123

Tied for unluckiest are HC/BCC/BL who each are 4 spots below where they are projected, and ODS is now the luckiest being 3 spots higher.

Record against the mean which is based purely on schedule.  Basically the bad beat meter and which teams got screwed out of the playoffs. Tie breakers by total points

9-4 HC, BG, TC, CB, 

8-5 SMBR, BCC, 

7-6 BNE, LZ

5-8 BL, IS, TS

4-9 ODS, EBD

2-11 $$$

This analysis shows that BCC in his final season has been screwed as he is one of the 7 best teams by either metric.  TS and ODS should be thanking their lucky stars to be alive in the last week of the season and if either of them makes the playoffs it won't be deserved and will be stealing Big Cat's valor. 

Weekly pick em.  HC went 6-1 (will be updated once yahoo does the math) next week can be done at this link.

Final week projections:  Yahoo projects Tinker Stinkers will miss the playoffs, SMBR gets the bye, and $$$ gets the Toilet.

The site that simulates the rest of the season 10,000 times projections these playoff percentages.

Bye SMBR 90.05%  BG 9.95%

Toilet $$$ 90.78%   BL 9.23%

Playoffs

Tinker Stinkers 70.05%

Los Zapitistas 66.62%

Hardcore Cabinet 63.21%

ODS 0.13%

Next Week's Schedule

Games that can affect who makes the playoffs

HC vs LZ (Biggest game of the season) 

TS vs BL

ODS vs IS

Bye and Toilet Games

BG vs RM

SMBR vs $$$

Seeding 

BNE vs TC

For Pride

BCC vs EBD

Good luck to everyone but Sergio!!!