HTPB 23.10

                                                       

Week 10 in HTPB is here so everybody pack it in. EBD has won the championship.  Also trade him players that you have that aren't good for players that he has that are amazing.  If you don't take this trade, immediately his opinion on both players changes.  Try to keep up, bozos.

Also all of HTPB thanks Jesse for his service, while all of HTPB except Sergio thanks Dan for his service.  We didn't thank you enough to let you guys win this week, but still thanks.

                                                          Los Zapatistas defeat Blue Gatorade

All a man gets on his birthday is a pack of wolves wearing sombreros.  

Los Zapatistas found the cure for his season long losing streak, which is the cure for anyone's losing streak, a matchup with Blue Gatorade.  BG was able to beat his projection to come in with a robust score of 90, but all he got on his birthday was a spanking.  The league was thrilled to watch the all time QB matchup.  We witnessed Drake Maye (12) "outduel" Danny Dimes (10).  The two teams head into the stretch run with very different goals, but it is important to have goals even if they are just trying to avoid the Toilet Trophy.  

Eh Big Dude defeats Bricklayers

EBD's week 10 has finally arrived.  Jalen Hurts continues to score from the land and air and CMC returned to lineup for the first time all season to massacre Bricklayers. Now that week 10 is over, hopefully we can stop hearing about it.   Just like we had to hear how stupid we all are for not trading for Kelce, but that doesn't mean EBD was stupid for trying to trade him.  Got it? Good. The nightmare season for Bricklayers continues as they still only have a single victory.  Bricklayers may have been caught looking ahead to a week 11 Titanic Toilet matchup with Blue Gatorade.  A game that will likely decide who takes home the coveted golden bowl.  

The Collegians defeat Rush 'N Missiles

Jamar Chase eats a bowl of Rush 'n Missiles O's

This game was over before it started as The Collegians received an astounding 90 points from Burrow and Chase on Thursday night.  Baker put up his first stinker of the year, only netting the Missiles 10 points.  The Collegians were able to waltz to an easy victory despite the three headed TE monster barely cracking double digits combined.  The Collegians now sit at a surprising 7-3 record to sit at the big boys table.  Do we have a big 5 now?   RM hopes to desperately cling the final playoff spot.  

Stabmybalzrepeatedly defeats Ogre's Death Squad

Shrek chokes on a pile of Magic the Gathering cards

The Death Squad had a chance to jump into playoff contention with every team around him in the standings losing, but instead, true to form, ODS Big E'd the opportunity away.  Brock told ODS that he had a purdy mouth and led SMBR with 25 points in CMC return.  While Jayden Daniels only have ODS 7 points.  Both teams still have the longest of long shots at the playoffs but will likely need to win out to do so.    

Big Nasty Express defeats Bay-Bay's

A train barrels down the tracks about to run over a Canadian Mountie

In a game that was played for pride, Big Nasty Express bested Bay-bay's thanks to Justin Herbert returning to form of past years and the Eagles getting to play a high school offense in the Cowboys.  The result leaves both teams not mathematically but logistically eliminated from the post season or as Dan calls it, the only thing he has ever known.  This is nothing to BNE however, as he has now gone over 20 years of wandering the desert without winning the championship.  That's half a Moses!    

Tinker Stinkers defeats Dollars

Kyler Murray sits on a bench while an Air Force Veteran is buried under Arby's curly fries.

Dollars say that an expansion pack for Call of Duty was released so he benched his tiny quarterback for a huge conspiracy theorist.  The move did not go well. The move cost Dollars the win in what was supposed to be the easiest game remaining on his schedule.  Dollars could be a verge of an epic collapse that was built on the power of the schedule maker.  Don't look now, but Tinker Stinkers have won 3 games in a row and sit one spot out of the playoff picture.  All he needs is that seat to get a little higher over the final month, a booster seat if you will.  

Hardcore Cabinet defeats the Italian Stallions for the 13th straight year.

A champion wins a race against 13 Stallions

You author assumed that this was the year that the streak was over.  The Loins were having their best season since the streak began.  The Loins had the best two players in the matchup on Monday night.  So much so that I in fact created this video memorializing the streak.  But Tua and Achane repeatedly stalled out and those lead to long field goals for Sanders and that recipe was enough for the Monday Night Magic.  The victory allows Hardcore Cabinet to REMAIN IN FIRST PLACE NOT JUST THIS WEEK, COMMISH! It is Hardcore Cabinet's 6 win in a row which is the longest of the season in HTPB. On the bright side for Italian Stallions, they are primed for their first playoff run in years and can lose to Hardcore Cabinet in the Super Bowl to extend the streak, but get two more bites at the apple next year.  

In pick em this week, Blue Gatorade finally won something going 6-1.  However their one loss that kept them from the first perfect week this season, was picking his own shit squad to win.  Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, young man.  Italian Stallions takes up the rear with an awful 2-5 record.  Overall HC remains a top both sets of standings, while EBD moves into last place one win behind ODS and LZ.

1. LZ 108-22

He remains atop the power rankings alone but the gap has closed a tiny bit.

2. EBD 97-33

3. HC 92-38

4. IS 86-44

The big four still lords over the rest of the league.

5. TC 68-62

Earlier I asked if there is now a big 5.  No there is not.  

6. BB 64-66

7. $$ 64-66

8. RM 60-67

The middle of the pack.  Mediocre teams but some will make the playoffs and anything can happen.

9. TS 56-74

10. BNE 55-75

11. ODS 54-76

Not very good but still alive for the playoffs because of the mediocre level above.

12. SMBR 43-87

13. BL 42-88

These teams are 2024 awful.

14. BG 22-108

This team is all time awful.  May Be Fat bad.

First round bye 

LZ 48% HC 43% EBD 3% IS 2% TC 2%

Make the playoffs

LZ and HC 100%

EBD, TC, IS 99%

$$ 82%

RM 57%

TS 31%

ODS 13%

BB 8%

BNE 4%

SMBR 1%

Toilet Bowl 

BG 57%

BL 42%

BB 0.19%

Game of the Week

#1 Hardcore Cabinet vs #9 Ogre's Death Squad

12 BB vs 5 TC

10 BNE vs 4 EBD

6 $$ vs 7 RM

3 IS vs 8 TS

2 LZ vs 11 SMBR

The Toilet Bowl game of the Millennium

#13 Blue Gatorade vs #14 Bricklayers

This game will determine the winner of the toiletries.  Will it end up in a college apartment to be sullied with bong smoke and fecal matter? Or will it end up getting tarnished in a garage by an asshole? 

At this time next week, we should have a pretty clear view of the post season.  Can your squad make a move?  

HTPB 21.6

 

                                                                                

The biggest matchup of the week turned into a walkover as SMBR decided not to show up and Bricklayers went on to stay undefeated.  SMBR put up their lowest score of the season with only one player hitting over projections. Bricklayers continues to avoid injuries and losses.  The schedule turns much more difficult for Bricklayers the rest of the way. Maybe Bricklayers should take a week and focus on the fact that he can't seem to read texts.  Where is this link?  What day is the draft?  How the fuck do you write a book while reading at first grade level?  Try to figure out who actually wrote his book by purchasing it here. Or maybe here.

The league's only tough luck loser this week was Jeremy's Brother who fell to the suddenly resurgent Italian Stallions.  Despite the high scores both legendary QB's put up stinkers and the question needs to be asked.  Are they washed, Russell Wilson style?  The key to the victory was the Patriots defense and Rhamondre Stevenson who ruined Jason's day twice as they slaughtered the Browns and Jeremy's Brother. Luckily Taysom Hill and the FAAB breaking $74 dollars was there to keep the game close with 4.43 points ranking him as the 22nd highest tight end. The Italian Stallions won $10 this week most likely tripling their winnings over the last decade.

I'm trying to figure this out by Rush n' Missiles.  Complain about how Joe Woods should be fired and the Browns defense is terrible.  Then put that same defense in your lineup.  The lone point for the Browns really hurt the Missiles.  RM has some heavy hitters with Fournette and Cupp, but after that the drop off is steep.  RM is as top heavy as body builder who skips leg day.  Hardcore Cabinet moves to 4-2 on the season with another steady win despite only having two touchdowns.  Don't worry too much RM as the other player yet to adjust to the quality of this league comes to town, the Bay-Bay's.  After next week, HC will have played all of the top 7 teams except one.  

Los Zapatistas had the second highest score of the week but blew game four of the ALDS and to pour salt in the wound, Jason didn't even mention in either thread how Sergio was scoring alot of points cementing that it is a one way dick suck relationship.  Congratulations Jason.  Blue Gatorade can't get the quarterback position right as it continues to collapse his team all the way to 1-5.  Los Zapatistas gains his third win of the season, defeating the murders row of Bay-Bay's, The Collegians, and Blue Gatorade who have combined for 5 wins.  Time will tell what LZ does after completing the XFL portion of his schedule.   

(Ye Olde Fashioned Nudie Mag Shed)

Bay-Bay's wanted revenge against his older brother for not being invited to the beat off shed by Roy and Duane but unfortunately for Bay-Bay's they were not able to mainly based on the fact that the team is shitty.  It also doesn't hurt to trade your best player to your opponent for a bag of fertilizer.  Bay-Bay's did win a brand new Honda, by doubling up his score.   Both Eh Bid Dude and Bay-Bays are in trophy contention this year, just two very different trophies.  Eh Bid Dude wanted me to talk more about how good his team is but I'll let him handle that since he does it constantly anyhow.  Just stay tuned to both threads to hear all about Roy's genius. Also commentary on moves even involving kickers.  Maybe share some of that with Dan before next season.  

                                                                            

Two teams who have been riding opposite ends of the luck spectrum this season met and neither one wanted to win.  Dollars benched his newly acquired quarterback and rode Kirk Cousins to the victory.  While ODS hoped that just Josh Allen would be enough, but it wasn't. The big win for Dollars could play a pivotal role in determining the last playoff spot at the end of the season  Dollars has extended his winning streak against that well known coward ODS.  All of the non Josh Allen members of ODS stunk.  Marcus Valdez Scantling? 3 names 0 points. DJ Moore? needed moore than 7 yards, Eno Benjamin? E-no way. Is only two points Gould? Etc Etc...

Big Nasty Express got their first win of the season vs The Collegians.   In this trash fight of the game, new edition to the BNE, Christian McCaffery was held to 18 points.  BNE was able to get their first defense cooridinator win bringing Nick's record to 1-4-1.  Dax is coming back soon and the extra ten points a game will get Steve right into that sweet spot of the 80 points a week range.  Which will be high living for the Collegians.  The win vaulted BNE all the way up in the standings to still in dead fucking last.  It seems like TC infects their opponent each week like a virus lowing their opponents score as well.  An investigation into this virus has been launched by virus expert Aaron Rodgers. 

Skynet playoff odds (Skynet doesn't take into account byes)

BL 100

EBD 100

SMBR 99.17

HC 97.48

JB 93.45

$ 60.87

LZ 57.08

ODS 42.13

BG 25.45

IS 19.55

BNE 2.32

RM 2.2

BB 0.28

TC .03 ( Congratulations for the first time all season, Skynet thinks there could be a scenario where TC makes the playoffs.)

                                                                Weekly pick 'em results

Hardcore Cabinet won this week with a 6-1 record buoyed by the second one vote win of the season.  Several teams went 5-2 (6), but bringing up the rear in points this week and pick em was Bay-Bay's 1-6.  But the real loser is Dollars who didn't make his picks this week. Jason still leads overall with a one win lead over several competitors.  Pick Week 7 here

                                                     

  

    

                                                      Dollars Playoff Predictions

        Dollars is currently hitting 5 of the 7.  It think the Collegians pick is a goner and Italian Stallions has a bit of life. Los Zapatistas and Jeremy's Brother are crashing the party.  

                                                        (Tiers by BNE)                                                                                

	PWR
TIERS	RANK	W	L	+/-
Top Dogs	EBD	63	15	-1
	BL	62	16	1
	SMBR	53	25	0
Playoff Contenders	TS	47	31	-2
	HC	46	32	1
	ODS	45	33	-2
fecal matter	BG	44	34	-6
	LZ	40	38	1
	BNE	35	43	-5
	IS	32	46	1
dog fecal matter	$$	30	48	6
	CB	25	53	2
	BB	14	64	2
$$ tier	TC	10	68	2

TC hasn't scored more than 86 points…and has 2 wins

$$ is 6 spots higher in the standings than his Power Ranking points dictate.

Blue Gatorade is 6 spots lower

IS jumped up 4 spots

Lowest scoring week yet. Avg score was 92.21

The Spreadsheet Master has determined that BG and LZ are fecal matter, while this data analyst would have them listed in the higher group. I would also include BB in the $$ tier as they are much closer to the TC than they are CB.    

                                                                    Game of the Week 

                        This week there is a mathematical tie for best matchup as the top four teams battle this week. 

                                                #1 Bricklayers vs #4 Hardcore Cabinet

                                                #2 Eh Bid Dude vs #3 Stabmyballzrepeatedly

                                                                ODS vs BG

                                                                    $$ vs LZ

                                                                    RM vs BB

                                                                    TC vs JB

                                                   Toilet Bowl Matchup of the Week

                                                              #14 BNE vs #9 IS

Good luck to all next week.