Week 10 in HTPB is here so everybody pack it in. EBD has won the championship. Also trade him players that you have that aren't good for players that he has that are amazing. If you don't take this trade, immediately his opinion on both players changes. Try to keep up, bozos.
Also all of HTPB thanks Jesse for his service, while all of HTPB except Sergio thanks Dan for his service. We didn't thank you enough to let you guys win this week, but still thanks.
Los Zapatistas defeat Blue Gatorade
All a man gets on his birthday is a pack of wolves wearing sombreros.
Los Zapatistas found the cure for his season long losing streak, which is the cure for anyone's losing streak, a matchup with Blue Gatorade. BG was able to beat his projection to come in with a robust score of 90, but all he got on his birthday was a spanking. The league was thrilled to watch the all time QB matchup. We witnessed Drake Maye (12) "outduel" Danny Dimes (10). The two teams head into the stretch run with very different goals, but it is important to have goals even if they are just trying to avoid the Toilet Trophy.
Eh Big Dude defeats Bricklayers
EBD's week 10 has finally arrived. Jalen Hurts continues to score from the land and air and CMC returned to lineup for the first time all season to massacre Bricklayers. Now that week 10 is over, hopefully we can stop hearing about it. Just like we had to hear how stupid we all are for not trading for Kelce, but that doesn't mean EBD was stupid for trying to trade him. Got it? Good. The nightmare season for Bricklayers continues as they still only have a single victory. Bricklayers may have been caught looking ahead to a week 11 Titanic Toilet matchup with Blue Gatorade. A game that will likely decide who takes home the coveted golden bowl.
The Collegians defeat Rush 'N Missiles
Jamar Chase eats a bowl of Rush 'n Missiles O's
This game was over before it started as The Collegians received an astounding 90 points from Burrow and Chase on Thursday night. Baker put up his first stinker of the year, only netting the Missiles 10 points. The Collegians were able to waltz to an easy victory despite the three headed TE monster barely cracking double digits combined. The Collegians now sit at a surprising 7-3 record to sit at the big boys table. Do we have a big 5 now? RM hopes to desperately cling the final playoff spot.
Stabmybalzrepeatedly defeats Ogre's Death Squad
Shrek chokes on a pile of Magic the Gathering cards
The Death Squad had a chance to jump into playoff contention with every team around him in the standings losing, but instead, true to form, ODS Big E'd the opportunity away. Brock told ODS that he had a purdy mouth and led SMBR with 25 points in CMC return. While Jayden Daniels only have ODS 7 points. Both teams still have the longest of long shots at the playoffs but will likely need to win out to do so.
Big Nasty Express defeats Bay-Bay's
A train barrels down the tracks about to run over a Canadian Mountie
In a game that was played for pride, Big Nasty Express bested Bay-bay's thanks to Justin Herbert returning to form of past years and the Eagles getting to play a high school offense in the Cowboys. The result leaves both teams not mathematically but logistically eliminated from the post season or as Dan calls it, the only thing he has ever known. This is nothing to BNE however, as he has now gone over 20 years of wandering the desert without winning the championship. That's half a Moses!
Kyler Murray sits on a bench while an Air Force Veteran is buried under Arby's curly fries.
Dollars say that an expansion pack for Call of Duty was released so he benched his tiny quarterback for a huge conspiracy theorist. The move did not go well. The move cost Dollars the win in what was supposed to be the easiest game remaining on his schedule. Dollars could be a verge of an epic collapse that was built on the power of the schedule maker. Don't look now, but Tinker Stinkers have won 3 games in a row and sit one spot out of the playoff picture. All he needs is that seat to get a little higher over the final month, a booster seat if you will.
Hardcore Cabinet defeats the Italian Stallions for the 13th straight year.
A champion wins a race against 13 Stallions
You author assumed that this was the year that the streak was over. The Loins were having their best season since the streak began. The Loins had the best two players in the matchup on Monday night. So much so that I in fact created this video memorializing the streak. But Tua and Achane repeatedly stalled out and those lead to long field goals for Sanders and that recipe was enough for the Monday Night Magic. The victory allows Hardcore Cabinet to REMAIN IN FIRST PLACE NOT JUST THIS WEEK, COMMISH! It is Hardcore Cabinet's 6 win in a row which is the longest of the season in HTPB. On the bright side for Italian Stallions, they are primed for their first playoff run in years and can lose to Hardcore Cabinet in the Super Bowl to extend the streak, but get two more bites at the apple next year.
In pick em this week, Blue Gatorade finally won something going 6-1. However their one loss that kept them from the first perfect week this season, was picking his own shit squad to win. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, young man. Italian Stallions takes up the rear with an awful 2-5 record. Overall HC remains a top both sets of standings, while EBD moves into last place one win behind ODS and LZ.
1. LZ 108-22
He remains atop the power rankings alone but the gap has closed a tiny bit.
2. EBD 97-33
3. HC 92-38
4. IS 86-44
The big four still lords over the rest of the league.
5. TC 68-62
Earlier I asked if there is now a big 5. No there is not.
6. BB 64-66
7. $$ 64-66
8. RM 60-67
The middle of the pack. Mediocre teams but some will make the playoffs and anything can happen.
9. TS 56-74
10. BNE 55-75
11. ODS 54-76
Not very good but still alive for the playoffs because of the mediocre level above.
12. SMBR 43-87
13. BL 42-88
These teams are 2024 awful.
14. BG 22-108
This team is all time awful. May Be Fat bad.
First round bye
LZ 48% HC 43% EBD 3% IS 2% TC 2%
Make the playoffs
LZ and HC 100%
EBD, TC, IS 99%
$$ 82%
RM 57%
TS 31%
ODS 13%
BB 8%
BNE 4%
SMBR 1%
Toilet Bowl
BG 57%
BL 42%
BB 0.19%
Game of the Week
#1 Hardcore Cabinet vs #9 Ogre's Death Squad
12 BB vs 5 TC
10 BNE vs 4 EBD
6 $$ vs 7 RM
3 IS vs 8 TS
2 LZ vs 11 SMBR
The Toilet Bowl game of the Millennium
#13 Blue Gatorade vs #14 Bricklayers
This game will determine the winner of the toiletries. Will it end up in a college apartment to be sullied with bong smoke and fecal matter? Or will it end up getting tarnished in a garage by an asshole?
At this time next week, we should have a pretty clear view of the post season. Can your squad make a move?
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