Dr. Dollars' Playoff Predictions 2024

 

2024 HTPB Playoff Picks Think we are in for another season of parity. I don’t really see a bad team in the league. Much like last year teams are going to be battling for a playoff spot till the very end. These are my playoffs picks based off of my opinions on players and how I viewed them leading up to the draft. That being said I do draft players I like and therefore pick myself for a playoff spot. These are the other 6 teams I think will make the playoffs. I was pretty confident about the first 4 picks but there were 5 teams in consideration for the last 2 spots

Eh Bid Dude 

Choosing to shake up the Draft from the jump by selecting Bjan Robinson at #1 overall. Definitely a player with overall #1 upside, an exciting start to a solid draft! Marvin Harrison Jr fell past his ADP to the 2-3 turn where EBD picked him and fellow rookie WR Malik Nabers. The appeal of the unknown is there! Both WRs should be number one targets on their respective teams. QB Jordan Love following a top 10 fantasy QB campaign is back for year 2 with a slew of weapons at his disposal. K. Walker, R. Mostert and J. Brooks are excellent group behind Bjan and should be strong flex plays. Does Kyle Pitts finally come through for fantasy? I’m not sold but see the path with Captain Kirk as his QB.

Italian Stallions 

Mostly taking great values and my players the Stallions put together what looks to be a playoff contender. Saquon playing for the best team he’s ever played for (The Eagles not the Stallions) is very intriguing. I believe he has top 5 RB upside. Three picks later he chose lightning in a bottle De”Von Achane who also has top 5 RB upside. After starting RB/RB he loaded up on WR with his next 4 picks. Such good value on each. N. Collins in the 3rd D. Smith in the 4th C. Ridley in the 5th and C. Godwin in the 6th. I even like the value he got on T. Locket 9th and D. Mooney 12th great depth! QB T. Tagovailoa has the weapons and has had previous fantasy success. TE is a position he could use an upgrade

Los Zapatistas 

With the 11th pick LZ chose WR Garrett Wilson. The targets were there last year but he failed to meet expectations but those expectations are back to top 5 WR with a healthy A. Rogers at QB. Having Waddle fall to him in the 4th and getting great value on T. McLaurin in the 6th has his WR group looking above average. In the 2nd and 3rd rounds he added two stud ppr RBs. K. Williams and J. Cook anchor this RB group with Z. Moss, C. Hubbard and M. Lloyd providing some week to week support. At TE George Kittle an under appreciated fantasy asset. QB could be a problem if J. Herbert doesn’t return to form and the rookie C. Williams can’t get it going.

Ogre's Death Squad 

Drafting four WRs in the first five rounds worked out well for ODS. PPR consistency king Amon-Ra in the 1st. Amazing value on former PPR consistently king D. Adams in the 3rd! Followed by DK in the 4th and G. Pickens in the 5th. All 4 should lead their respective teams in targets. In the 2nd ODS took Isiah Pacheco, the guy I was praying would fall to me after I traded down. Pacheco is one of my favorite picks from the 2nd round and think he has top 5 upside at the RB position. Last year ODS took the draft day value on rookie mobile QB A. Richardson. A plan that looked like it might’ve worked had it not been for injury. Jayden Daniels is his rookie mobile QB of choice this year and I like it!

The Collegians 

Deciding to start the draft with three WRs laid the foundation for a solid ppr team. J. Chase from the 8 spot was nice value. C. Olave in the 2nd and M. Evans in the 3rd make this WR group top 5 in the league. Completing the stack in the 4th by selecting 55 Tuddy Joey Burrow, one of my favorite stacks in the league. J. Ferguson TE red zone target for what looks to be a good Cowboys offense should provide some useful scoring weeks. Selecting his first RB J. Conner in the 5th, perhaps my favorite pick in the 5th. Health is a bit of a concern but the risk is worth it, he’s be great in Arizona! Z. White and D. Singletary are two non exciting RBs that will be useful due their projected volume.

Securing the last spot by the narrowest of margins

Bricklayers Taking the second QB in the draft Patrick Mahomes early in the 2nd round. He was disappointing for fantasy last year but I’m a believer he bounces back in a big way (#1 QB). R. Rice a big reach in the 3rd round according to ADP. However, I think he was properly priced here and can push to finish top 12. Mahomes/Rice is another one of my favorite stacks in HTPB this year. AJ Brown, Z. Flowers, and JSN round out an above average WR group. Dalton Kincaid could lead his team in targets and has good chance to finish Top 3 at TE. J. Ford will be a solid first half of the season RB. Bricklayers will need one or two of his 4 other RBs to establish some sort of fantasy relevance to have some depth

RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (September 20/21, 2003) Pre Unforgiven Heat edition

 

We have Josh Mathews and Taz on the commentary again so I believe Ernest Miller is thankfully gone from role. 

Match #1

The Big Show vs Pat Cusick/Murray Happer

Big Show hits some punches and chest slaps.  He stacks both guys in the corner and beats on them some more.  Big Show slams the local competitors a bit mixed in with a few clotheslines.  He hands out back to back chokeslams to pick up the win in 50 seconds.

Match #2

Matt Hardy vs Joey Matthews

Matt Fact #1: Matt hates waiting in lines. 

Matt Fact #2: Matt tailgates slow cars in the passing lane.

Josh tells us that both men were in the local Omega promotion where they were rivals.  This match is in North Carolina and Matt is wrestling as a face and has the crowd behind him.  They trade arm bars.  Matt Hardy hits a hip toss and 9 mounted corner punches before a tenth super windup punch when Matthews staggers out of the corner.  Hardy heads to the top but Mathews rolls out of the ring.  Hardy tries to pull him back into the ring by the hair, but Mathews snaps Hardy's neck over the top rope.  Mathews goes on offense with a neck breaker and a mid rope choke. 

 Tazz asks Josh if he is related to Joey.  Josh says that his name only has one T.  Tazz says that he has one T in his name too.  Josh reminds him that he has two Z's in his name.  Tazz says he used to have 2 Z's in a funny aside.  

 

Hardy comes back with a decapitating clothesline, followed by a back elbow and a leg drop.  Mathews pushes Hardy into the turnbuckle and locks on a desperation sleeper.  Hardy escapes via side slam.  Hardy then does a clothesline and a leg drop over the second rope.  Mathews escapes the side effect.  He comes back off the ropes but gets caught by the side effect this time.  Mathews kicks out of the pinfall attempt.  Mathews tosses Hardy into the turnbuckle again and follows it up with a top rope clothesline for a 2 count.  Mathews tries a charge into the corner but Hardy gets the boot up.  Matt hits the V1 downfall leg drop and twist of fate for the victory in 5:36

Match #3

Chuck Palumbo with Nunzio and Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli

vs. Orlando Jordan

Palumbo starts out knees to the stomach and heavy strikes to the back.  The FBI jumps up on the apron and are immediately ejected.  Jordan comes back with some quick punches and a back slide attempt. Palumbo leap frogs Jordan and hits a super kick to the back of the head.  Jordan flies through the ropes to the outside.  Jordan is dead weight and Palumbo can't get him up, goes back in to break the count and then comes back outside to throw Jordan back in.  Weird sequence.  He drives his shoulder into the midsection of Jordan in the corner.  He floors Jordan with a belly to belly suplex.  Then locks in a bear hug.  When that doesn't get a submission, he brings Jordan to the corner and hangs him in the tree of woe so he can lay some boots in.  The ref backs him off and frees Jordan.  Palumbo charges and misses only connecting with the steel post.  Jordan lands his shuffle punches from his mentor Rocky Johnson.  He lands a flying forearm.   "Shades of Tito Santana." Says Josh.  Jordan hits a drop kick and a back body drop.  "Shades of Rick Martel.  Not really I just wanted to talk about an old guy too." says Tazz.  Jordan goes for a cross body off the top. "It's time for some Strike Force." says Josh.  Palumbo rolls through the cross body and gets a two count.  Sloppy missed clothesline by Chuck and Jordan uses the momentum for a roll up for 2.  Palumbo grabs Jordan and lets go for no reason.  Jordan then hits the Black Ice neck breaker to get the victory in 5:37. (1/2 *)

Match #4

Billy Kidman vs Shannon Moore

Moore backs Kidman into the corner and taunts Kidman.  "It's all about me!" Kidman charges Moore who runs to the opposite corner and has the ref back Kidman off.  Kidman hits a tilt a whirl head scissors and follows it up with mounted punches.  Moore slips out and hits a really devastating looking hip toss into the turnbuckles.  Moore hangs Kidman on the middle rope and lands the leg over his back.  Shannon plants Kidman with a body slam followed up with a rear chin lock.  Kidman gets whipped hard into opposite corners.  Shannon snap suplexes Kidman and locks in a back stretch.  Kidman fights out and hits a drop kick.  Kidman lands a hurricanrana, back body drop, death valley driver into a neck breaker for a 2 count.  Shannon Moore gets control with a spinning leg lariat.  Kidman misses a corner splash and Moore hits a turnbuckle launching spinning dive for a 2 count.  Moore starts to pound the mat like he is a toddler throwing a tantrum.  Kidman captilizes with a BK bomb.  Kidman lands a shooting star press to gain the vicrtory in 5:31. (** 3/4). 

Since it is pre Unforgiven we get Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler on commentary which if they lose tonight to Coach and Al Snow will be our new Heat commentary team.  

We did get a change to the 6 man table match as Spike Dudley can't compete so it is now a handicap match according to Co GM Eric Bischoff, but Co GM Steve Austin makes it for the tag titles.  

The one and only match

Stevie Richards with Victoria vs Maven

We begin with a collar and elbow tie up, that Maven turns into this barrage of offense: headlock, shoulder block, leapfrogs, clothesline, fireman's carry, drop kick.  Stevie bails from the ring but Maven pursues.  Victoria grabs Maven's foot on the way back in.  Stevie drops an elbow to take his first advantage of the match.  Stevie distracts the referee so Victoria can hit her spinning leg drop off the top rope.  Stevie unleashes his own flurry of a neck breaker, rope splash, snap mare, full nelson.  Maven reverses the hold into a suplex.  Maven lands a barrage of fists, reverse elbows, spinning elbows, spinning heel kick, and finally a neck breaker. Maven to the top rope but Victoria grabs his foot and the delay allows Richards to move out of the way of Maven's drop kick.  Stevie goes for a double arm DDT, but Maven resends him over with a back body drop.  Maven heads back to the top rope and nails his float over neck breaker for the win in 5:15 (**).

RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (September 13/14, 2003)

 

This week we are once again graced with the presence of Taz instead of Ernest Miller with play by play man Josh Matthews. 

Match #1

Jaime Noble with Nidia vs Kanyon

Kanyon starts of with an armbar but Noble quickly reverses in into a hammerlock.  Noble hits a drop toe hold and a hip toss.  Kanyon lands some shoulder blocks in the corner.  Noble regains the lead with another hip toss and series of drop kicks.  Kanyon backs into the corner and begs for mercy but Jaime Noble gives him no quarter and lays in some stomps.  Noble lands a cross body.  He lowers his head for a back body drop but Kanyon catches him and throws him shoulder first in the ring post. He then applies a top rope Boston crab.  Kanyon suplexes him back into the ring.  Noble rolls out of a back stretch and kicks Kanyon in the mush.  Noble goes for a cross body but gets caught in mid air, that Kanyon transitions into a suplex.  Kanyon hits a sit down powerbomb Alabama slam for a 2 count.  Noble gets sling shotted head first into the ring post.  Noble reverses a suplex attempt into a rollup withe the tights to steal the win in 5:33 (***)

Match #2

The Basham Brothers with Shaniqua vs Scott Vantastic and Poker Face

Before the bell rings the Bashams get down on all fours and get whipped by Shaniqua.  Scott Vantastic starts off against Doug.  Vantastic gets a head lock on a blind tag is made and one wicked clothesline later, Scott Vantastic's offense for the match is over.  The Bashams tag in and out landing some punches and clotheslines.  Doug hits a Vader bomb but Poker Face breaks up the pinfall.  Vantastic is able to make it to the corner for a hot tag to Poker Face. Poker Face hits an eziguri and few drop kicks.  He tries a rollup but the ref gets pulled out of the ring.  Shaniqua enters and flattens Poker Face with a powerbomb.

Can't read my, can't ready my

She's got me like nobody
Can't read my, can't ready my
She's got me like nobody
Can't read my, can't ready my
She's got me like nobody
Can't read my, can't ready my
She's got me like nobody

Bashams win in 3:48 (3/4*)

Post match Vantastic gets a top tope for spinebuster for existing.

Match #3

WWE Tag team Champions, the World's Greatest Tag Team Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas vs Ultimo Dragon and Funaki in a non title match.

Charlie Haas and Ultimo Dragon start off.  Dragon hits some quick kicks but Haas lands some blows in the corner.  Ultimo Dragon comes back with a handspring elbow.  Both men tag their partners.  Benjamin hits deep forearms and rakes Funaki's face across the top rope.  The Dragon cheap shots Benjamin with a kick to the back of the head when he comes off the ropes.  Funaki hits a tilt a whirl head scissors and drop kick for 2.  Funaki tags to Dragon but gets caught with an elbow to the back of the head.  Shelton tags in and the Dragon hits a bunch of quick kicks.  They both hit a big boot to the head at the same time as both are down as we head to a MID MATCH COMMERCIAL BREAK ON VELOCITY WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!?!?!

Shelton Benjamin body slams Dragon on Haas' knee as we return from commercial.  The World's Greatest Tag Team switches on an abdominal stretch behind the ref's back a few times.  Dragon nails a jumping back kick to create some space and then a leg sweep to Haas.  Hot tag to Funaki.  Funaki hits several drop kicks and Matthews says, "Shades of Poker Face from earlier tonight."  This line kills Taz and your author.  Funaki gets a two count on a DDT.  All four competitors are in the ring.  The Dragon back body drops both Benjamin and Haas over the top rope.  Funaki gets caught going for the cross body to the outside.  Dragon hits an Asai Moonsault onto all 3.  Funaki tosses Haas back into the ring.  He goes to the top for another cross body...again...and he gets caught...again...  Benjamin comes in and superkicks Funaki in the head being held by Haas who then immediatly drops Funaki with a World's Strongest Slam for the win in 7:44 (***).

Sunday Night Heat is once again being lead by Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow a mere week before their match at Unforgiven for the RAW commentary duties against JR and Lawler.

Match #1

Maven vs Static

They start with a collar and elbow tie up, which Maven drops down out of and hits a drop toe hold, hip toss and transitions into an armbar.  We are told that Static was trained by the American Dream Dusty Rhodes.  Can't wait til Static finishes the story.  Static hits an enziguri to break up Maven's advantage.  He misses a corner charge and has his shoulder rammed into the ring post and experiences some white noise.  Maven hits a spinning heel kick for a 2 count.  Static gets laid out with a top rope bulldog/DDT something or other that seems botched for the win in 3:15. (1/2*)

(Your guess is as good as mine on what this was supposed to be.)

Match #2

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade vs Alan Steele and Rude

At no point during this match do Al Snow or Coachman differentiate between the two local competitors so I can't tell you who it who.  Cade starts and gets irish whipped into the corner where the gentleman who are trying to make a name for themselves double team the big Texan.  Cade battles out and hits a drop kick.  Tag to Jindrak who nails a splash in the corner and a flyover rollup in which he doesn't even attempt a pin and just lets the guy go.  The other fellow enters the ring so he can be clotheslined at the same time as his partner.  Jindrak tags back in Cade and they hit a double suplex.  Cade sends "the guy" into the ropes but "his partner" grabs him so Cade drops kicks air and lands hard.  I used the "" because that is what Snow calls them.  WHO IS WHO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! DO YOUR JOBS!  Cade gets a beating in the corner again.  The hit a double back elbow to Cade.  Cade sweeps the leg to get a hot tag to Jindrak.  Each unnamed grappler takes a beautiful high drop kick to the mush.  Cade clotheslines out one of our new friends and then hoists up the remaining man to be hit with a 6 feet in the air drop kick power bomb combo that is so amazingly impressive.  Jindrak and Cade get the win in 3:22 (*1/4)

Teri catches up with Val before his title match in the main event. Val says as much as they have pleasured each other in the past, (Remember Val had relations with her to upset born again Dustin Rhodes.) something is missed from his waist area...  You see it's not what you think, he's referring to the Intercontinental championship.  It was not a sexual reference you pervs. He wants the Intercontinental belt around his waist for a third time.  I would have guessed he had only had it once.  He won the title from Ken Shamrock at St. Valentine's Massacre in February 1999 and then again in July 2000 on an episode of Smackdown.  Each reign was about a month.  Val says like all of his costars, tonight Christian will be left flat on his back. He's going to win the title and then head to after party with Teri, because the Big Valbowski is cocked locked and ready to explode.  

Match #3

Christian defends the Intercontinental Championship vs Val Venis.

We start off with a collar and elbow and tie up, and Christian grabs an arm bar.  Val reverses and lands a shoulder block, hip toss, back elbow, spring board cross body, after each he attempts a quick pin attempt.  Val wants that after party!  Some elbows give Christian the advantage until he charges Val who side steps the champ.  Christian flies out of the ring like a goober.  He comes back into the squared circle and is not pleased.  He slaps the challenger.  Now it's Val's turn to be angry.  Val hits some hard chops, knees to the gut, and a Russian leg sweep.  Christian hangs Val on the top rope in desperation.  Christian lands several punches and stands over Val while mocking his taunt.  Val rolls Christian up for a near fall.  Christian chokes Val on the middle rope and goes for a splash but Val moves.  Both competitors are down as we head to commercial.  

Val is in control when we return to the action hitting a series of shoulder block, vice grip slam, spine buster, and mounted punches.  Val heads up for the money shot but Christian cuts him off with some fists.  Christian goes for a superplex but gets pushed down to the mat.  Val comes off the top for the money shot, but Christian gets the knees up.  He hits Val with a scorpion death drop for a near fall.  Christian is frustrated and argues with the ref.  Val nails Christian from behind and the champ collides with the ref.  Val grabs Christian and lays him out with a powerbomb but the ref is delayed getting to the count and the few extra seconds are enough to save Christian's title.  Christian ducks a clothesline attempt and hits the unprettier to retain the Intercontinental Title in 7:12.  (*** 1/4)

RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (September 6/7, 2003)

                                                                        

Our announcers this week are Josh Matthews and thankfully for the second week in a row, Taz.  

                                                                             Match #1

                                                            Nunzio vs Billy Kidman

The cruiserweights trade lock ups.  Kidman dodges three strikes from Nunzio and stops short on a leapfrog attempt in a funny spot.  Kidman hits a head scissors and transitions immediately into 4 mounted corner punches.  He gets caught on the top rope by Nunzio who drapes his arm over the top rope.  Nunzio leg drops on the arm, and digs his knee into Kidman's elbow.  Kidman punches his way free but Nunzio takes back control with a single arm DDT on the injured wing for a 2 count.  He then locks in a hammerlock.  Kidman breaks loose again and hits a dropkick.  They trade forearms.  Kidman takes control of the match with a flying forearm, backdrop, and a shoulder tackle to net a 2 count.   He goes for the BK bomb but his arm gives out and eats a drop kick to the face.  Kidman gets a desperation roll up for 2 which Nunzio repays with a spike DDT for his own 2 count.  Kidman hits a nice enziguri heads to the top rope for a shooting star press.  Nunzio joins him at the job and lands some punches but Kidman fires back and hits a BK bomb from the top for the win in 5:37 (** 3/4)

                                                                            Match #2

                                                                                

  Orlando Jordan vs Sean O'Haire

O'Haire is already in the ring, but that may have been just the edit that I was able to find.  This match is the Tazz show.  He is just zinging one liners on Josh the whole time, and it was a good time for it as this match, was lots of rest holds and sloppy transitions.  So this match review is going to look a little different.  The match had 6 arm holds and 8 arm drags, 2 dropkicks, and partridge in a pear tree.  But on commentary, it was a great time.  

Josh Matthews: Jordan is a ladies man and that he beats the ladies off with a stick.

Tazz: He hits women with a stick? That's not right.

(After OJ goes for a cover in the first ten seconds of the match)

JM: Jordan trying to win early

Tazz: No, he's trying to wear his opponent out, forcing them to kick out, he knows he isn't going to win that early

JM: Maybe he wants to hurry up and get to the ladies.  

Tazz: Maybe you should be trust me about wrestling despite all of the matches that you had on Tough Enough that you lost.

(After OJ does the Johnson Shuffle to honor his trainer, Rocky Johnson)

Tazz: How do you shuffle your Johnson?

(During another rest hold by O'Haire)

Tazz: Josh, would you let me handle talking about the moves.  

JM: Well I made here with you so I must be doing something right.

Tazz: No you're here with me because I must have done something wrong.

Eventually O'Haire wins with his finisher reverse DDT from the shoulders. (Josh describes it as that) in 6:07. (1/2* match *** 1/4 commentary.)

                                                                    Match #3

                                                                                

                                        Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore (Carolina Connection per Tazz)

                                                                            vs

                                        Ultimo Dragon and Funaki (Tokyo Express per Tazz)

                        Matt Fact #1:  Matt and Shannon have more Mattitude than other teams

                        Matt Fact #2: Matt enjoys ginger root after eating sushi

    Shannon Moore and Ultimo Dragon start for their teams.  Moore yanks the Dragon down by his mask.  The two exchange some leap frogs and quick rope running and strike dodging.  They both tag their partners and Matt eats arm drags, dropkick and head scissors.  Moore grabs Funaki and pulls him out of the ring.  Funaki takes a beating outside.  Moore hits a swinging neck breaker on Funaki and then hangs him on the middle rope and hip attacks him.  Matt tags back in and for a side slam for a two count and quick tag back to Moore.  Moore hits a side suplex and get his own two count. He throws a tantrum.  Matthews says that Moore must not have taken his Ridilin.  Tazz asks what football helmets have to do with it.  Funaki dodges a splash in the corner and hits a bulldog.  Both men tag and the Dragon hits a drop kick and a leg lariat.  Quick kicks to Shannon Moore and then to Hardy.  SM gets nailed with an Asai DDT.  Dragoon escapes a twist fate attempt and super kicks to Matt Hardy in the mush.  Blind tag to Funaki who hits Matt with a crossbody off the top.  Funaki collides with Moore on the apron, which allows Hardy to hit a side slam for a pinfall broken up by Dragon.  Ultimo flew over the top rope at Moore to take both men out.  Funaki tries a school boy for 2. Matt Hardy hits a twist of fate to get the victory for his team in 5:20 (***)

                                                                          Match #4

                                                                                        

The Full Blooded Italians Johnny the Bull Stamboli and Chuck Palumbo

vs 

Jaime Noble and Billy Gunn

The Bull and Gunn start off Gunn requests that Chuck start with him.  At no point during the match do Tazz and Josh mention that Billy and Chuck were former tag champs together.  Chuck offers a handshake to Billy, when Billy goes for it, Chuck slaps him.  The pair exchange heavy fists, Gunn clotheslines Chuck over the top rope.  Both men tag out.  The Bull overpowers Noble for a bit until the craft Noble picks the leg and lays in some stomps.  The Bull ducks out of harms way and rolls to the outside.  Palumbo heads in and fights off quick thigh kicks from Noble to send him into the ropes, where the Bull yanks him out for a beating.  After being tossed back in, Palumbo hits a buckle bomb.  At this point the Bashams and Shaniqua come out on the ramp to watch.  On Smackdown the Thursday before Shaniqua came out and laid waste to Torrie Wilson and Nidia, the faces' love interests.  

Jaime Noble hits a desperation jaw breaker but gets cut off before he can make the tag.  He gets a storm of quick tags and boots in the corner by the FBI.  Noble rolls out of danger and gets the hot tag to Mr. Ass.  Gunn clears house, eventually setting up for the famouser but gets caught in mid air by both FBI members for the Bada Bing.  Noble breaks the count, but gets creamed by a super kick from Chuck.  This time Gunn hits the famouser after Palumbo misses giving Gunn a super kick of his own to gain the victory in 6:21 (**).  The Bashams continue to look on from the ramp but they decline Gunn's offer to come down for a fight.  Tune into Smackdown for the parking lot brawl between John Cena and Eddie Guerrero.  

As we flip the day forward to Sunday, we are joined by the new heel duo of Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow. 

                                                                            Match #1

Val Venis vs Slater Vain

The match starts off with the wrestling school intro of irish whips, drop downs, missed clotheslines etc....  It ends in dueling hip tosses to a face off to no reaction.  Vain offers his hand but quickly clotheslines Val's head off.  He drops several double axe handles.  Vain follows them up with a body slam and a suplex for a 2 count.  Vain locks in a stretch on Val's back.  He breaks the hold with a kick to the spine.  Val gets back into it with a shoulder block and some clotheslines.  He goes for a suplex but his back gives out.  Vain goes off the ropes and Val catches him with a spine buster.  He heads up top and hits the Money Shot for the victory in a quick 3:56 (3/4*).  Coach and Snow mostly talk about themselves and their actions from Raw and pay the match little attention.  Hopefully they were just getting the explanation out of the way, because that will be tough for the entire episode.  

La Resistance is shown in the back looking at the newest episode of RAW magazine which has the Dudley's on the cover.  They are disgusted that the Dudleys are on the cover and not them.  The Master of Disguise that was been helping them approaches.  He is also upset at the cover choice. They head off to the ring while Coach tells up we will see the debut of Rob Conway next.  Which I believe is the first time you have ever heard his name.  

                                                                              Match #2

Spike Dudley vs Rob Conway with La Restiance (Sylvan Grenier and Rene Dupree)

Spike attacks prebell and hits a top rope double ax handle to the outside.  He then runs on Conway's chest in the corner.  A USA chant breaks out.  Conway drapes Spike over the top rope and hits an impressive swinging neck breaker.  Conway starts nailing some punches in the corner but Spike wriggles free and uncorks a few of his own.  Conway sends Spike hard into the corner and then gets kneed in the face.  Spike gets head scissors on a corner charge and rams Conway's head into the corner.  Spike heads to the top rope but Conway joins him.  Spike bites Conway on the hand and pushes him back to the canvas and hits a top rope stomp.  The runt of the Dudley litter, hits some headbutt battering rams but gets caught with a hangman on the top rope.  He recovers and tries to hit a Dudley Dog but Rob Conway reverses it into a spinning neck breaker for the win in 4:14 (*).

Match #3

Tommy Dreamer vs Jimmy Yang

An ECW chant breaks out before the action starts as both competitors push and shove each other.  Tommy Dreamer catches Yang's crossbody attempt into a fallaway slam and a suplex.  Yang snares Dreamer with a drop hold to smash his face on the middle turnbuckle.  Yang charges and hits a hip splash that takes him over the top rope and then immediately pulls himself back in Royal Rumble style.  He then locks in an interesting leg choke (above) that the ref forces him to break.  Yang puts a few boots to a downed Innovator of Violence and heads over to Dreamer's kendo stick and breaks it. This fires of Tommy who hits a clothesline, swinging neck breaker, and sit down spine buster for 2. He goes for the Death Valley Driver but Yang reverses it with a DDT.  Yang heads to the top and crashes and burns on corkscrew moonsault.  Tommy takes advantage and plants Yang with a DDT sold like a million bucks to win in 3:30 (* 1/2).

Match #4

Mark Henry and Rodney Mack with Theodore Long vs Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak

Mack and Cade start off the festivities, with Cade getting the advantage with a bevy of punches or elbows.  He tags in Jindrak who hits a few flying forearms and big drop kick.  However he misses a splash in the corner, allowing Mack to take over.  Mack beats the youngster about the head and neck and his a spinning slam.  Mack locks in a headlock.  Eventually Mack throws Jindrak into the corner but he hits a springboard clothesline and gets the hot tag to G-Unit, which is want Al Snow says that the guys call him in the locker room in case you weren't aware that it was 2003. Cade hits a knee lift and a running forearm.  He goes for a second one but Henry clubs him in the back of the head from the outside.  Henry officailly enters the match for the first time and chucks Cade across the ring and then splashes him in the corner.   Jindrak comes in to stop the bleeding and gets wiped out instead.  Henry plants Cade with a huge World's Strongest Slam for the dominant win in 3:56 *1/4.

Tune in tomorrow night for Kane vs Rob Van Dam inside a solid steel cage which will kick off the show at 9 PM Eastern. 

                    

RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (August 30/31, 2003)

 

We get a treat this week as filling in for The Cat tonight on Velocity is Tazz.  He will repeatedly accidentally calls Josh Matthews, Cole.  It felt like genuine slip ups and not a running gag. 

Match #1

Billy Gunn with Torrie Wilson vs Doug Basham with Danny Basham and Shaniqua

Billy Gunn attacks as the Bashams make their way to the ring.  This allows them to double team the Assman legally because the match hasn't started yet.  Jaime Noble and Nidia make their way down to even the odds.  They trade punches and kicks, until Doug hits a springboard elbow, running clothesline, and knee drop.  This gets the crowd to chant for Torrie.  Doug has a chinlock and Tazz says that it is an S & M move.   Tazz then also informs Josh that he agrees with Bradshaw that Shaniqua and Benjamin are the same person.  Billy Gunn hits a back suplex to both me down.  Go behind by Doug who sets up a very sexualized pump handle slam.  Bully Gunn rolls through and kicks Doug in the mush.  He hits One and Only which is cobra clutch slam.  Tazz mocks Josh for losing to Shaniqua on Tough Enough.  Josh says that were on the different seasons.  Tazz, "Oh yeah, it was Nidia who beat you."  

Gunn hits a series of clotheslines and tilt a whirl slam for a 2 count.  Billy hits a splash in the corner and hits the Famousser.  Shaniqua tosses a chair into the ring.  This distracts the ref.  Noble runs over but eats a huge boot from Shaniqua.  Danny sneaks in behind the ref's back and hits Gunn with Shaniqua's whip, and switches places to get the pin in 5:21 ** 3/4.

In the locker room, The World's Greatest Tag Team is trying to get Shelton Benjamin over being called Shaniqua.  Haas says that he knows that Benjamin isn't Shaniqua but he wants to prove it to Shelton, so he gives Shelton a black long haired wig to try on.  Haas says this will work because he is a scholar and Bradshaw is dumb because he went to Albaline Christian.  Haas laughs at him when Benjamin has his back turned but goes back to serious when he isn't hidden.  Haas offers lipstick as well to make sure and while this is being negotiated Bradshaw walks past them in the doorway.  He calls over Faarooq and Bradshaw starts taking pictures.  The champs yell at the APA to leave and Bradshaw cackles and runs off to get the pictures developed.  Faarooq lingers but does not drop at "damn" much to my surprise.  Orlando Jordan walks by and says, "Hi Charlie, Hi Shaniqua."

Match #2

Shannon Moore vs HD Yates

Moore gets out the of the initial hammer lock with a reverse elbow.  Shannon has new tights and new tattoo according to Josh.  Moore hangs Yates on the middle rope and hits a running knee while on the apron.  That'll get Yates seeing in high definition.  Moore strikes with a back handspring escape into a swinging neck breaker.  Yates again is placed on the middle rope this time allowing Matt Hardy to yell "VEEEEE Onaaa" in his face before Moore serves up a knee to the back.  Now Mathew uses a High Definition joke, which I had beaten by one move sequence in write up time but he beat me in real time by 21 years so let's call it a draw.  Yates gets his first offense of the match with a flurry of punches by Yates and powerslam for a 2 count.  Shannon Moore gets back advantage with a corner corkscrew for a two count.  Moore throws a tantrum.  Moore lands a few boots to the face and climbs to the top for a float over neck breaker for the win in 5:12.  *1/2

Match #3

#1 Contender's Match for the Cruiserweight Championship

Billy Kidman vs Tajiri

(Full disclosure: I can't keep up the pace of the match)

The match begins with chain wrestling with each trading control.  Kidman hits a head scissors and an arm drag.  Tajiri hits one of his own and they stare off.  The crowd applauds.  Kidman catches Tajiri with a drop toe hold and then lands several hard elbows to the back of Kidman's neck.  A corkscrew elbow gets a 2 count and Kidman locks in a headlock.  Tajiri breaks free to hit a jumling spinning heel kick for a 2 count.  They trade chops.  Tajiri goes for a hand spring elbow but Kidman catches him with a drop kick which elicits an "ooohh" from the crowd.  Tajiri misses a kick attempt and Kidman tries to roll him up.  He throws Tajiri hard into the corner but the Japanese buzzsaw comes back with a super kick. His Michinoku driver only gets a nearfall.  Tajiri slaps Kidman hard in the chest which leads Tazz to start talking about nipples for awhile.  About Tajiri can slap your nipples clean off your chest and leave your ariolas damaged.  He says your nipples make this sound when Tajiri slaps them, and makes a foghorn sound.  Kidman hits a springboard elbow but Tajiri locks in the tarantula.  Kidman hits a powerbomb and an enziguri.  Kidman tries to drag Tajiri in position for the shooting star press, but Tajiri kicks him in the head. Kidman falls back and cracks heads with the referee.  While the ref is getting his bearings back, Tajiri blows green mist in Kidman's face and rolls him up for the win in 6:38 *** 3/4. Josh tells us to tune in this week on Smackdown to see Tajiri challenge Rey Mysterio for the title.  

Match #4

The World's Greatest Tag Team vs APA

Bradshaw and Charlie Haas start off.  Haas gets a drop toe hold and headlock, Bradshaw works free with a back body drop and then hits a suplex.  Haas tags in Shelton but he eats a couple of shoulder blocks.  Bradshaw tags in Faarooq.  A double team move of a body slam into a shoulder tackle by Faarooq.  Faarooq sends Haas hard into the turn buckle and a powerslam.  Haas hits a drop kick to the knee.  WGTT both attack the knee.  Faarooq eventually gets the tag.  Bradshaw gets a kick to the head and a swinging neck breaker.  Both men tag their partners.  Faarooq hits a power slam and a spinebuster.  The APA hit a double shoulder block to Shelton.  Outside the ring Shelton sends Bradshaw into the post.  Benjamin reenters the ring and kicks Faaroo1 in the mush allowing Haas to roll up Faarooq for the win in 5:59 ** 3/4.

I could not find the entire episode. It's probably being kept hidden because it is probably too hot for TV with newly heel Coach on commentary.  

Match #1 to me

Test with a reluctant Stacy Keibler vs Derrick Neikirk

Test enters the ring like Stacy normally does and when Stacy tries to enter the ring, Test won't allow it.  Test slaps Neikirk but the local competitor fires back with his own slap, a flurry of right hands, and flying foreman.  Test immediately lands several big clotheslines in the corner.  This gives him the chance to show Stacy his buttocks.  She is not pleased.  He makes Stacy get up on the apron to towel his sweaty brow.  When Test turns around he catches a drop kick in his now dry forehead.  Test grabs him and goes for a power bomb that gets reversed into a rollup for 2.  Test is through playing around and decapitates Neikirk with the big boot to win in 2:59. *

Earlier Today

Al Snow is backstage sitting on a production crate looking at a magazine centerfold.  Stevie Richards shows up and shover a microphone in his hand and pretends Al is here to interview him.  Stevie says that here on Must Steve TV, that Stevie Night Heat has combined with Stevie Corp to create the most amazing show.  At this point Ivory comes over to say hello.  Stevie thanks her for work on his show and caresses her shoulder.  Ivory is disgusted and warns Stevie to keep his hands off of her.   Victoria now joins her man and Stevie says that Ivory is trying to get into his pants.  Victoria snaps and calls Ivory a hussy.  "You are the village bicycle and everyone has had a try.  If you want my man you have to have me too."  Stevie lights up and says, "Really?!?!?!"  Victoria drags Stevie off by the hair.  Snow and Ivory exchange confused glances.  Up next it is Ivory and Tommy Dreamer vs Victoria and Stevie Richards.  

Match #2 to me

Tommy Dreamer and Ivory vs Stevie Richards and Victoria

The ladies start things off, Ivory tries to rotate over Victoria for a move but slips.  She quickly sweeps the leg to recover.  Ivory hits a suplex and goes for the cover but only gets a 2.  Victoria lands a few knees to the stomach and tags in Stevie.  He taunts Ivory in the corner but she dodges his clothesline attempt.  She lights Stevie up with a few chops to the chest.  Ivory ducks and rolls through to tag Dreamer in to avoid another Stevie clothesline attempt.  Tommy hits a clothesline on Stevie.  Stevie is quickly up and misses a dropkick and Dreamer comes down with an elbow drop. Ivory comes in and Tommy picks her up and slams her on Stevie for another leg drop.  Dreamer then adds one of his own.  Stevie goes for a crossbody but Tommy catches him.  Victoria comes from behind and chop blocks Tommy.  Victoria hits a spinning leg drop onto Tommy's knee in the corner.  Then stomps it a few times.  She tags Stevie back in.  He mocks Dreamer's taunt.  The heels go for a double suplex but Dreamer reverses and suplexes them both.  Ivory cames in with a dropkick to Richards.  Both heels get placed in the corner and Dreamer squishes them with a splash.  Ivory hits a top rope cross body to Victoria while Dreamer lays out Richards with a spinebuster.  Victoria climbs on Tommy's back but is snap mared off.  Dreamer dodges a Stevie Kick and Ivory lands a bulldog on Stevie.  Dreamer blocks a Victoria punch and then puts her head between her legs for a move but we will never know what the Innovator of Violence had planned as Stevie cleans his clock with a Stevie kick that Dreamer didn't see coming. Victoria covers for the win in 4:15.  (**)

I have not been able to locate Scott Steiner vs a young Mike Knox and Val Venis vs Rico.  If anyone has access to that please let me know.  Thanks