RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (September 6/7, 2003)

                                                                        

Our announcers this week are Josh Matthews and thankfully for the second week in a row, Taz.  

                                                                             Match #1

                                                            Nunzio vs Billy Kidman

The cruiserweights trade lock ups.  Kidman dodges three strikes from Nunzio and stops short on a leapfrog attempt in a funny spot.  Kidman hits a head scissors and transitions immediately into 4 mounted corner punches.  He gets caught on the top rope by Nunzio who drapes his arm over the top rope.  Nunzio leg drops on the arm, and digs his knee into Kidman's elbow.  Kidman punches his way free but Nunzio takes back control with a single arm DDT on the injured wing for a 2 count.  He then locks in a hammerlock.  Kidman breaks loose again and hits a dropkick.  They trade forearms.  Kidman takes control of the match with a flying forearm, backdrop, and a shoulder tackle to net a 2 count.   He goes for the BK bomb but his arm gives out and eats a drop kick to the face.  Kidman gets a desperation roll up for 2 which Nunzio repays with a spike DDT for his own 2 count.  Kidman hits a nice enziguri heads to the top rope for a shooting star press.  Nunzio joins him at the job and lands some punches but Kidman fires back and hits a BK bomb from the top for the win in 5:37 (** 3/4)

                                                                            Match #2

                                                                                

  Orlando Jordan vs Sean O'Haire

O'Haire is already in the ring, but that may have been just the edit that I was able to find.  This match is the Tazz show.  He is just zinging one liners on Josh the whole time, and it was a good time for it as this match, was lots of rest holds and sloppy transitions.  So this match review is going to look a little different.  The match had 6 arm holds and 8 arm drags, 2 dropkicks, and partridge in a pear tree.  But on commentary, it was a great time.  

Josh Matthews: Jordan is a ladies man and that he beats the ladies off with a stick.

Tazz: He hits women with a stick? That's not right.

(After OJ goes for a cover in the first ten seconds of the match)

JM: Jordan trying to win early

Tazz: No, he's trying to wear his opponent out, forcing them to kick out, he knows he isn't going to win that early

JM: Maybe he wants to hurry up and get to the ladies.  

Tazz: Maybe you should be trust me about wrestling despite all of the matches that you had on Tough Enough that you lost.

(After OJ does the Johnson Shuffle to honor his trainer, Rocky Johnson)

Tazz: How do you shuffle your Johnson?

(During another rest hold by O'Haire)

Tazz: Josh, would you let me handle talking about the moves.  

JM: Well I made here with you so I must be doing something right.

Tazz: No you're here with me because I must have done something wrong.

Eventually O'Haire wins with his finisher reverse DDT from the shoulders. (Josh describes it as that) in 6:07. (1/2* match *** 1/4 commentary.)

                                                                    Match #3

                                                                                

                                        Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore (Carolina Connection per Tazz)

                                                                            vs

                                        Ultimo Dragon and Funaki (Tokyo Express per Tazz)

                        Matt Fact #1:  Matt and Shannon have more Mattitude than other teams

                        Matt Fact #2: Matt enjoys ginger root after eating sushi

    Shannon Moore and Ultimo Dragon start for their teams.  Moore yanks the Dragon down by his mask.  The two exchange some leap frogs and quick rope running and strike dodging.  They both tag their partners and Matt eats arm drags, dropkick and head scissors.  Moore grabs Funaki and pulls him out of the ring.  Funaki takes a beating outside.  Moore hits a swinging neck breaker on Funaki and then hangs him on the middle rope and hip attacks him.  Matt tags back in and for a side slam for a two count and quick tag back to Moore.  Moore hits a side suplex and get his own two count. He throws a tantrum.  Matthews says that Moore must not have taken his Ridilin.  Tazz asks what football helmets have to do with it.  Funaki dodges a splash in the corner and hits a bulldog.  Both men tag and the Dragon hits a drop kick and a leg lariat.  Quick kicks to Shannon Moore and then to Hardy.  SM gets nailed with an Asai DDT.  Dragoon escapes a twist fate attempt and super kicks to Matt Hardy in the mush.  Blind tag to Funaki who hits Matt with a crossbody off the top.  Funaki collides with Moore on the apron, which allows Hardy to hit a side slam for a pinfall broken up by Dragon.  Ultimo flew over the top rope at Moore to take both men out.  Funaki tries a school boy for 2. Matt Hardy hits a twist of fate to get the victory for his team in 5:20 (***)

                                                                          Match #4

                                                                                        

The Full Blooded Italians Johnny the Bull Stamboli and Chuck Palumbo

vs 

Jaime Noble and Billy Gunn

The Bull and Gunn start off Gunn requests that Chuck start with him.  At no point during the match do Tazz and Josh mention that Billy and Chuck were former tag champs together.  Chuck offers a handshake to Billy, when Billy goes for it, Chuck slaps him.  The pair exchange heavy fists, Gunn clotheslines Chuck over the top rope.  Both men tag out.  The Bull overpowers Noble for a bit until the craft Noble picks the leg and lays in some stomps.  The Bull ducks out of harms way and rolls to the outside.  Palumbo heads in and fights off quick thigh kicks from Noble to send him into the ropes, where the Bull yanks him out for a beating.  After being tossed back in, Palumbo hits a buckle bomb.  At this point the Bashams and Shaniqua come out on the ramp to watch.  On Smackdown the Thursday before Shaniqua came out and laid waste to Torrie Wilson and Nidia, the faces' love interests.  

Jaime Noble hits a desperation jaw breaker but gets cut off before he can make the tag.  He gets a storm of quick tags and boots in the corner by the FBI.  Noble rolls out of danger and gets the hot tag to Mr. Ass.  Gunn clears house, eventually setting up for the famouser but gets caught in mid air by both FBI members for the Bada Bing.  Noble breaks the count, but gets creamed by a super kick from Chuck.  This time Gunn hits the famouser after Palumbo misses giving Gunn a super kick of his own to gain the victory in 6:21 (**).  The Bashams continue to look on from the ramp but they decline Gunn's offer to come down for a fight.  Tune into Smackdown for the parking lot brawl between John Cena and Eddie Guerrero.  

As we flip the day forward to Sunday, we are joined by the new heel duo of Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow. 

                                                                            Match #1

Val Venis vs Slater Vain

The match starts off with the wrestling school intro of irish whips, drop downs, missed clotheslines etc....  It ends in dueling hip tosses to a face off to no reaction.  Vain offers his hand but quickly clotheslines Val's head off.  He drops several double axe handles.  Vain follows them up with a body slam and a suplex for a 2 count.  Vain locks in a stretch on Val's back.  He breaks the hold with a kick to the spine.  Val gets back into it with a shoulder block and some clotheslines.  He goes for a suplex but his back gives out.  Vain goes off the ropes and Val catches him with a spine buster.  He heads up top and hits the Money Shot for the victory in a quick 3:56 (3/4*).  Coach and Snow mostly talk about themselves and their actions from Raw and pay the match little attention.  Hopefully they were just getting the explanation out of the way, because that will be tough for the entire episode.  

La Resistance is shown in the back looking at the newest episode of RAW magazine which has the Dudley's on the cover.  They are disgusted that the Dudleys are on the cover and not them.  The Master of Disguise that was been helping them approaches.  He is also upset at the cover choice. They head off to the ring while Coach tells up we will see the debut of Rob Conway next.  Which I believe is the first time you have ever heard his name.  

                                                                              Match #2

Spike Dudley vs Rob Conway with La Restiance (Sylvan Grenier and Rene Dupree)

Spike attacks prebell and hits a top rope double ax handle to the outside.  He then runs on Conway's chest in the corner.  A USA chant breaks out.  Conway drapes Spike over the top rope and hits an impressive swinging neck breaker.  Conway starts nailing some punches in the corner but Spike wriggles free and uncorks a few of his own.  Conway sends Spike hard into the corner and then gets kneed in the face.  Spike gets head scissors on a corner charge and rams Conway's head into the corner.  Spike heads to the top rope but Conway joins him.  Spike bites Conway on the hand and pushes him back to the canvas and hits a top rope stomp.  The runt of the Dudley litter, hits some headbutt battering rams but gets caught with a hangman on the top rope.  He recovers and tries to hit a Dudley Dog but Rob Conway reverses it into a spinning neck breaker for the win in 4:14 (*).

Match #3

Tommy Dreamer vs Jimmy Yang

An ECW chant breaks out before the action starts as both competitors push and shove each other.  Tommy Dreamer catches Yang's crossbody attempt into a fallaway slam and a suplex.  Yang snares Dreamer with a drop hold to smash his face on the middle turnbuckle.  Yang charges and hits a hip splash that takes him over the top rope and then immediately pulls himself back in Royal Rumble style.  He then locks in an interesting leg choke (above) that the ref forces him to break.  Yang puts a few boots to a downed Innovator of Violence and heads over to Dreamer's kendo stick and breaks it. This fires of Tommy who hits a clothesline, swinging neck breaker, and sit down spine buster for 2. He goes for the Death Valley Driver but Yang reverses it with a DDT.  Yang heads to the top and crashes and burns on corkscrew moonsault.  Tommy takes advantage and plants Yang with a DDT sold like a million bucks to win in 3:30 (* 1/2).

Match #4

Mark Henry and Rodney Mack with Theodore Long vs Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak

Mack and Cade start off the festivities, with Cade getting the advantage with a bevy of punches or elbows.  He tags in Jindrak who hits a few flying forearms and big drop kick.  However he misses a splash in the corner, allowing Mack to take over.  Mack beats the youngster about the head and neck and his a spinning slam.  Mack locks in a headlock.  Eventually Mack throws Jindrak into the corner but he hits a springboard clothesline and gets the hot tag to G-Unit, which is want Al Snow says that the guys call him in the locker room in case you weren't aware that it was 2003. Cade hits a knee lift and a running forearm.  He goes for a second one but Henry clubs him in the back of the head from the outside.  Henry officailly enters the match for the first time and chucks Cade across the ring and then splashes him in the corner.   Jindrak comes in to stop the bleeding and gets wiped out instead.  Henry plants Cade with a huge World's Strongest Slam for the dominant win in 3:56 *1/4.

Tune in tomorrow night for Kane vs Rob Van Dam inside a solid steel cage which will kick off the show at 9 PM Eastern. 

                    

RuthlessCEE Aggresive: Heat and Velocity reviews (August 30/31, 2003)

 

We get a treat this week as filling in for The Cat tonight on Velocity is Tazz.  He will repeatedly accidentally calls Josh Matthews, Cole.  It felt like genuine slip ups and not a running gag. 

Match #1

Billy Gunn with Torrie Wilson vs Doug Basham with Danny Basham and Shaniqua

Billy Gunn attacks as the Bashams make their way to the ring.  This allows them to double team the Assman legally because the match hasn't started yet.  Jaime Noble and Nidia make their way down to even the odds.  They trade punches and kicks, until Doug hits a springboard elbow, running clothesline, and knee drop.  This gets the crowd to chant for Torrie.  Doug has a chinlock and Tazz says that it is an S & M move.   Tazz then also informs Josh that he agrees with Bradshaw that Shaniqua and Benjamin are the same person.  Billy Gunn hits a back suplex to both me down.  Go behind by Doug who sets up a very sexualized pump handle slam.  Bully Gunn rolls through and kicks Doug in the mush.  He hits One and Only which is cobra clutch slam.  Tazz mocks Josh for losing to Shaniqua on Tough Enough.  Josh says that were on the different seasons.  Tazz, "Oh yeah, it was Nidia who beat you."  

Gunn hits a series of clotheslines and tilt a whirl slam for a 2 count.  Billy hits a splash in the corner and hits the Famousser.  Shaniqua tosses a chair into the ring.  This distracts the ref.  Noble runs over but eats a huge boot from Shaniqua.  Danny sneaks in behind the ref's back and hits Gunn with Shaniqua's whip, and switches places to get the pin in 5:21 ** 3/4.

In the locker room, The World's Greatest Tag Team is trying to get Shelton Benjamin over being called Shaniqua.  Haas says that he knows that Benjamin isn't Shaniqua but he wants to prove it to Shelton, so he gives Shelton a black long haired wig to try on.  Haas says this will work because he is a scholar and Bradshaw is dumb because he went to Albaline Christian.  Haas laughs at him when Benjamin has his back turned but goes back to serious when he isn't hidden.  Haas offers lipstick as well to make sure and while this is being negotiated Bradshaw walks past them in the doorway.  He calls over Faarooq and Bradshaw starts taking pictures.  The champs yell at the APA to leave and Bradshaw cackles and runs off to get the pictures developed.  Faarooq lingers but does not drop at "damn" much to my surprise.  Orlando Jordan walks by and says, "Hi Charlie, Hi Shaniqua."

Match #2

Shannon Moore vs HD Yates

Moore gets out the of the initial hammer lock with a reverse elbow.  Shannon has new tights and new tattoo according to Josh.  Moore hangs Yates on the middle rope and hits a running knee while on the apron.  That'll get Yates seeing in high definition.  Moore strikes with a back handspring escape into a swinging neck breaker.  Yates again is placed on the middle rope this time allowing Matt Hardy to yell "VEEEEE Onaaa" in his face before Moore serves up a knee to the back.  Now Mathew uses a High Definition joke, which I had beaten by one move sequence in write up time but he beat me in real time by 21 years so let's call it a draw.  Yates gets his first offense of the match with a flurry of punches by Yates and powerslam for a 2 count.  Shannon Moore gets back advantage with a corner corkscrew for a two count.  Moore throws a tantrum.  Moore lands a few boots to the face and climbs to the top for a float over neck breaker for the win in 5:12.  *1/2

Match #3

#1 Contender's Match for the Cruiserweight Championship

Billy Kidman vs Tajiri

(Full disclosure: I can't keep up the pace of the match)

The match begins with chain wrestling with each trading control.  Kidman hits a head scissors and an arm drag.  Tajiri hits one of his own and they stare off.  The crowd applauds.  Kidman catches Tajiri with a drop toe hold and then lands several hard elbows to the back of Kidman's neck.  A corkscrew elbow gets a 2 count and Kidman locks in a headlock.  Tajiri breaks free to hit a jumling spinning heel kick for a 2 count.  They trade chops.  Tajiri goes for a hand spring elbow but Kidman catches him with a drop kick which elicits an "ooohh" from the crowd.  Tajiri misses a kick attempt and Kidman tries to roll him up.  He throws Tajiri hard into the corner but the Japanese buzzsaw comes back with a super kick. His Michinoku driver only gets a nearfall.  Tajiri slaps Kidman hard in the chest which leads Tazz to start talking about nipples for awhile.  About Tajiri can slap your nipples clean off your chest and leave your ariolas damaged.  He says your nipples make this sound when Tajiri slaps them, and makes a foghorn sound.  Kidman hits a springboard elbow but Tajiri locks in the tarantula.  Kidman hits a powerbomb and an enziguri.  Kidman tries to drag Tajiri in position for the shooting star press, but Tajiri kicks him in the head. Kidman falls back and cracks heads with the referee.  While the ref is getting his bearings back, Tajiri blows green mist in Kidman's face and rolls him up for the win in 6:38 *** 3/4. Josh tells us to tune in this week on Smackdown to see Tajiri challenge Rey Mysterio for the title.  

Match #4

The World's Greatest Tag Team vs APA

Bradshaw and Charlie Haas start off.  Haas gets a drop toe hold and headlock, Bradshaw works free with a back body drop and then hits a suplex.  Haas tags in Shelton but he eats a couple of shoulder blocks.  Bradshaw tags in Faarooq.  A double team move of a body slam into a shoulder tackle by Faarooq.  Faarooq sends Haas hard into the turn buckle and a powerslam.  Haas hits a drop kick to the knee.  WGTT both attack the knee.  Faarooq eventually gets the tag.  Bradshaw gets a kick to the head and a swinging neck breaker.  Both men tag their partners.  Faarooq hits a power slam and a spinebuster.  The APA hit a double shoulder block to Shelton.  Outside the ring Shelton sends Bradshaw into the post.  Benjamin reenters the ring and kicks Faaroo1 in the mush allowing Haas to roll up Faarooq for the win in 5:59 ** 3/4.

I could not find the entire episode. It's probably being kept hidden because it is probably too hot for TV with newly heel Coach on commentary.  

Match #1 to me

Test with a reluctant Stacy Keibler vs Derrick Neikirk

Test enters the ring like Stacy normally does and when Stacy tries to enter the ring, Test won't allow it.  Test slaps Neikirk but the local competitor fires back with his own slap, a flurry of right hands, and flying foreman.  Test immediately lands several big clotheslines in the corner.  This gives him the chance to show Stacy his buttocks.  She is not pleased.  He makes Stacy get up on the apron to towel his sweaty brow.  When Test turns around he catches a drop kick in his now dry forehead.  Test grabs him and goes for a power bomb that gets reversed into a rollup for 2.  Test is through playing around and decapitates Neikirk with the big boot to win in 2:59. *

Earlier Today

Al Snow is backstage sitting on a production crate looking at a magazine centerfold.  Stevie Richards shows up and shover a microphone in his hand and pretends Al is here to interview him.  Stevie says that here on Must Steve TV, that Stevie Night Heat has combined with Stevie Corp to create the most amazing show.  At this point Ivory comes over to say hello.  Stevie thanks her for work on his show and caresses her shoulder.  Ivory is disgusted and warns Stevie to keep his hands off of her.   Victoria now joins her man and Stevie says that Ivory is trying to get into his pants.  Victoria snaps and calls Ivory a hussy.  "You are the village bicycle and everyone has had a try.  If you want my man you have to have me too."  Stevie lights up and says, "Really?!?!?!"  Victoria drags Stevie off by the hair.  Snow and Ivory exchange confused glances.  Up next it is Ivory and Tommy Dreamer vs Victoria and Stevie Richards.  

Match #2 to me

Tommy Dreamer and Ivory vs Stevie Richards and Victoria

The ladies start things off, Ivory tries to rotate over Victoria for a move but slips.  She quickly sweeps the leg to recover.  Ivory hits a suplex and goes for the cover but only gets a 2.  Victoria lands a few knees to the stomach and tags in Stevie.  He taunts Ivory in the corner but she dodges his clothesline attempt.  She lights Stevie up with a few chops to the chest.  Ivory ducks and rolls through to tag Dreamer in to avoid another Stevie clothesline attempt.  Tommy hits a clothesline on Stevie.  Stevie is quickly up and misses a dropkick and Dreamer comes down with an elbow drop. Ivory comes in and Tommy picks her up and slams her on Stevie for another leg drop.  Dreamer then adds one of his own.  Stevie goes for a crossbody but Tommy catches him.  Victoria comes from behind and chop blocks Tommy.  Victoria hits a spinning leg drop onto Tommy's knee in the corner.  Then stomps it a few times.  She tags Stevie back in.  He mocks Dreamer's taunt.  The heels go for a double suplex but Dreamer reverses and suplexes them both.  Ivory cames in with a dropkick to Richards.  Both heels get placed in the corner and Dreamer squishes them with a splash.  Ivory hits a top rope cross body to Victoria while Dreamer lays out Richards with a spinebuster.  Victoria climbs on Tommy's back but is snap mared off.  Dreamer dodges a Stevie Kick and Ivory lands a bulldog on Stevie.  Dreamer blocks a Victoria punch and then puts her head between her legs for a move but we will never know what the Innovator of Violence had planned as Stevie cleans his clock with a Stevie kick that Dreamer didn't see coming. Victoria covers for the win in 4:15.  (**)

I have not been able to locate Scott Steiner vs a young Mike Knox and Val Venis vs Rico.  If anyone has access to that please let me know.  Thanks

RuthlessCEE Aggresive SummerSlam weekend Heat and Velocity reviews (August 23/24, 2003)

 

                    (Look I know it isn't the correct year, but this image includes Heat, Summerslam and Kevin Nash is about to head out for his final match on Summerslam.  It fits pretty well.)

Our announcers are Josh Matthews and after a one week hiatus Ernest "The Cat Miller" has returned.

Match #1

Match #1

Shannon Moore vs Billy Kidman

The bout starts with a Shannon Moore snap mare, into a headlock.  Kidman breaks free and they exchange clothesline misses.  Kidman gets in some punches in the corner and attempts to charge Moore but Moore counters with a hip toss that sends Kidman over the top rope.  Kidman crashes hard to the floor.  Shannon heads out and gets a few shots in to Kidman down on the floor.  He rolls him into the ring for a body slam and pin attempt that gets a 2.  Moore transitions into a back stretch to really bring home the high flying cruiserweight action.  Kidman breaks free and hits a lightning quick in succession, dropkick, corkscrew back elbow, and death valley driver for a near fall.  Kidman hits and enziguri for a glancing blow that The Cat calls out for only a 2 count.  Moore bounces back with a springboard crossbody and a second rope neck breaker.  Moore gets frustrated and starts to pound the mat and have a mini tantrum.  Josh suggests that the MFer forgot to take his ritalin this morning.  Moore puts Kidman on the top turnbuckle to set up a move but Kidman counters into a sunset flip powerbomb for the win in 5:56 (***)

Match #2

Sean O'Haire vs Funaki

Funaki tries to toss his Smackdown shirt out of the ring.  It gets caught on the rope and O'Haire heads over and grabs it and blows his nose in it.  O'Haire takes control with a shoulder block and then places Funaki on the apron of the ring by his hair.  He then grabs Funaki and chucks him across the ring before laying him out with a massive clothesline. Sean O'Haire mantains control with knees to the arm and back, hammerlock, shoulder breaker, arm bar, and a corner choke.  Funaki hits a kick to the knee and tries to make a comeback.  O'Haire catches Funaki on a crossbody, but the Japanese superstar wriggles free and hits a reverse DDT.  O'Haire benches Funaki off on the pin attempt.  Funaki tries a tornado DDT but O'Haire catches him and lifts him up and hits his finisher, called the Widowmaker, which is an inverted Death Valley Driver for the win in 4:02. (*1/2)

We head to the back where Shelton Benjamin confronts Bradshaw for weeks of saying that Benjamin and Shaniqua were the same person.  Bradshaw says there are a lot of freaks out there.  Shelton says that, "I'm not a woman and I've had enough."  Direct and to the point.  Haas thinks a long time about whether Benjamin is in fact Shaniqua.  Shelton decides to pull out his penis in order to show that he is in fact a man.  Instead it is decided that they will have match to determine if Benjamin is a man or woman and all genitals are kept hidden away. Haas drinks some beer and Faarooq asks if it is Benjamin's "Time of the month"

Match #3

The Full Blooded Italians Chuck Palumbo and Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli with Nunzio

vs

Eric Young and Bobby Rude

Josh theorizes that Eric Young is Sting's little brother, I guess because of the bleach blonde spiky hair?  Bull and Rude start out the match with Stamboli locking on a headlock and then hitting a shoulder block.  Rude sweeps the leg and tries a crucifix pin.  Quick tag to Young who hits a double axe handle on the way into the ring.  The Bull grabs Young and tosses him into the corner.  The FBI make the tag and Palumbo lays in some punches and kicks.  Young tries a surprise rollup and gets a Samoan drop and a buckle bomb for his troubles.  The FBI gets some quick tags and start in with the following sequence:  Stamboli punches, Chuck kicks, Stamboli kicks, tags in Palumbo who comes in and does literally nothing and tags back to Stamboli.  Bull trips Young and Palumbo hits a big boot.  Young kicks out at two.  Chuck is tagged back in to lock in a chinlock.  Young fights out but gets cut off.  He is held for The Bull to slap him from the apron twice.  A desperation mule kick sets Eric Young free who finally tags in Rude.  Rude hits a pair of dropkicks on the FBI followed up by a Russian leg sweep.  Roode eats a kick from the Bull to the face and then an immediate kick to the back of the head by Palumbo to pick up the win for the Full Blooded Italians in 4:57. (** 1/2)

Match #4

Shelton Benjamin with Charlie Hass vs Bradshaw with Faarooq

Shelton understandably attacks at the bell but Bradshaw fires back with hard punches and a shoulder block.  Benjamin takes back control with a neck breaker.  Benjamin gets caught and Bradshaw delivers the Last Call falling toss for 2.  Benjamin pokes Bradshaw in the eye but gets shoulder tackled out of the ring by the blinded Texan.  Charlie Haas distracts Bradshaw on the outside.  This allows Benjamin to hit a kick, send Bradshaw into the ring post and then into the stairs.  Back in the ring, Shelton gets a Northern Lights Suplex for 2.  Cloverleaf is applied by Shelton while Josh tells us that "Zach Gowen has broken his leg in two places from the attack from Brock Lesnar on Smackdown"  Rare to get specific Smackdown information on Velocity.  Bradshaw pulls himself to the ropes to break the hold.  Bradshaw gets a flash DDT to even things up again.  Once they are both back to their feet, Bradshaw goes on a flurry of a big boot, multiple corner clotheslines, and a back suplex for a near fall.  Bradshaw has Benjamin up for a second Last Call, but Haas trips Bradshaw from the outside and holds Bradshaw's legs for a fun false finish.  Faarooq comes over and blasts Haas.   Shelton baseball slides Faarooq.  Ref is distracted with Benjamin and Faarooq, while Haas sneaks into the ring and hits a clothesline.  Shelton reenters and misses a splash in the corner.  Clothesline from Hell! Bradshaw picks up the win in 6:47. (** 3/4)

It's the pre SummerSlam edition of Sunday Night Heat so we get a treat of Michael Cole and Tazz on commentary.

Matt Hardy declares himself winner by forfeit over Zach Gowen who was destroyed by Brock Lesnar on Smackdown.

The one and only real match

Rey Mysterio defends the Cruiserweight Title vs Shannon Moore

Shannon Moore who lost less than 24 hours before has someone earned a title match.  Moore starts things off with a punch to Rey and then stands there taunting the champion.  Mysterio unloads on him with punches and a head scissors.  Moore hits a hip toss into the corner and side suplex for a two count.  Rey takes back advantege with a roll through drop kick, springboard senton.  Moore hits a corkscrew out of nowhere for a 2 count and starts to throw a tantrum. Tazz says that it reminds him of a current AEW star, Hook who is four years old.  The tantrum allows Rey to head scissors Moore into the middle rope.  Mysterio with a 619 and then badly botches the west coast pop but gets the win anyhow in under 3 minutes.  (*1/2)

We are heading into SummerSlam baby only on Pay Per View!

RuthlessCee Aggressive Velocity 8/16/03 and Heat 8/17/03

 

We are welcomed to Velocity by Josh Matthews and ...... Michael Cole.  Cole is filling in for The Cat who couldn't get a flight to the show because of a power outage along the East Coast.

                                                                                Match #1

                                                                        Nunzio vs Funaki

The cruiserweights naturally start out with a test of strength.  Funaki gives Nunzio a few arm drags.  Nunzio leapfrogs Funaki and then takes a back body drop.  Funaki tries a springboard but is caught in the air by a drop kick.  Nunzio takes over and lays in some punches and kicks.  Nunzio cuts short a hope spot with a short arm clothesline.  They both trade missing moves until Funaki uses a backslide for a two count.  Nunzio hits a backdrop, lowers his knee pad for knee drop, and hits some chops in the corner.  Nunzio misses a top rope drop kick.  Funaki follows up with a enziguri kick to the back of Nunzio's head for a near fall.  Funaki goes for an arm bar but Nunzio reverses it and grabs the tights on a roll up for the win in 4:59 (**1/4).

                                                                                Match #2

                                                                 Sean O'Haire vs Ken Anderson

  It's the future Ken Kennedy being billed as Ken Anderson despite his trunks having the double K logo on them already.  Maybe this whole time it's not a K and a reversed K, but has some other meaning all together.  Maybe it a signal to future alien overlords or and ancient dark order. No time to think about it because O'Haire starts the match by digging deep into his bag of tricks and starts the match with a headlock.  Cole tells us that Anderson has tremendous martial arts background including stick fighting and 6 years in the armed forces.  Anderson uses all of that training to get chucked across the ring and then mounted and choked.  O'Haire hits some knees to the ribs while unleashing deep unsettling grunt sounds. O'Haire goes to the deadly, headlock, kick to the back, headlock, kick to the back, headlock a third time combo.  Anderson gets a foot under the bottom rope to stay alive after a pin attempt.  Anderson hits a drop kick but is quickly cut down with a clothesline.  O'Haire nails a military press into a widowmaker to get the win in 3:54 (*).

                                                                            Match #3

                   Slater Vain and Steve Fender vs Chuck Palumbo and Johnny the Bull Stamboli

As we return from break, Cole and Matthews are hyping St. Anger by Metallica as the theme for SummerSlam.  Josh, "I love Metallica."  Cole, in a screeching yell cry combo, "Metallica Rules!"  It was unsettling.  

Stamboli and Slater begin and the Bull locks in a headlock and tags in Chuck so he can lock in his own headlock.  Vital opening sequence right there. Shoulder block, punch, chucked into the corner.  Tag to Stamboli and FBI unloads some New Day Unicorn stomps in the corner.  Palumbo decapitates Slater Vain with a kick.  Stamboli locks in another headlock.  The referee misses a tag to Fender, and while he complains, the FBI double teams.  Fender escapes and gets a warm tag.  It was awkward as Fender slowly walks to the corner with hands on his knees.  Then he raises his arm high to tag and waits for the crowd pop that never comes.  Vain hits some quick dropkicks, but gets creamed by a Palumbo kick and Stamboli covers for the win in 4:37 (*1/2)

                                                                        Match #4

                                        Matt Hardy with Shannon Moore vs Orlando Jordan

Matt Facts

Matt sleeps on his side.

Matt's fortune cookies always predict success.

Jordan starts the match with an armbar to headlock.  Hardy backs him into the corner and yells V1 and does the hand gesture to Jordan's face.  Jordan just decks him to drop Hardy.  Orlando hits a shoulder block while Cole tells us that he wrestling at Boise State and was trained by Rocky Johnson which means he definitely got money stolen out of his bag.  Hardy gets momentum and throws Jordan out of the ring where Moore gets a few kicks in. Back in the ring a cross body by Hardy into a side effect for a near fall.  Orlando powers out of a headlock and hits a desperation clothesline. Then some boxing punches which Cole says is shades of his trainer Rocky Johnson.  Orlando with a up and over reversal of the Hardy charge and hits a twisting powerslam.  Hardy takes control again and has his Twist of Fate reversed and Jordan hits a crossbody.  An impressive delayed vertical suplex by Orlando.  Then Jordan gets some air off the top rope for a cross body for 2.  It was good near fall as both the crowd and yours truly bit on it.  Moore grabs Orlando's leg as he heads to the top again.  The delay gives Hardy time to roll out of the way.  Immediately transitioning into the twist of fate which Jordan sells with a huge bounce off the mat.  Jordan's athleticism was really put on display here.  Hardy picks up the win in 5:29. (**)

We are now greeted by Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow for the weekly dose of Heat.  

Match #1

Maven vs Steve Fender

I was waiting for a spot to put a Fender bender joke but Al gets one in as soon as the bell rings so I won't plagiarize.  I'm not Carlos Mencia.  Maven hits a hip toss and drop kick which I think Maven is legally required to start all of his matches with a drop kick.  Fender comes back with a neck breaker and then a missed top rope leg drop.  Maven hits a spin kick and then misses his own top rope drop kick.  Fender goes for a boot in the corner but Maven leaps off the turnbuckle for something Coach and Snow calls a "flying reverse DDT"  but it sure looked like a "botched bulldog" to pick up the win in 3:46 (*).

Match #2 Tommy Dreamer vs Stevie Richards

Stevie Richards with "Flower" which is Victoria in a shower cap and pink bathrobe, find "Al Stone" in catering earlier today.  Stevie shoves a mic into Snow hand and says, "So you want an exclusive interview with Stevie Night Heat?"  Tommy Dreamer is at the table with Snow and continues to eat.  Stevie says that the show is Must See Stevie.  Tommy smiles at this referecne with causes Stevie to start in on the innovator of violence.  Stevie rips on him for eating too much and being fat.  He asks him where all of his extreme friends are? Al says, "I'm right here" Richards starts in again, "Hey Tommy, are you going to eat your way to stardom?  He should be like Foley.  He was fat and wrote a book.  Dreamer should try to write a book.  Dreamer dumps his food into Stevie's hat and says, "Have a nice day."

In the ring, Richards jumps Dreamer as he comes through the ropes, but gets caught on a cross body and Dreamer tosses him with a fall away slam.  Dreamer chases Victoria outside of the ring, now sans shower camp and bathrobe.  Coach says this interaction makes him want to say, "Boinga Boinga"  whatever is going on in Coach's head.  Dreamer tosses Richards into the barricade.  Dreamer gets jumped for the second time in a couple of minutes coming through the ropes.  

Stevie gives Tommy a body slam, and then Victoria or Flower, I've lost the point, hits a leg drop on Dreamer.  Stevie mocks Dreamer's arm extended yell before missing an elbow drop.  Tommy hits a sit out powerbomb and then death valley driver to Stevie but Victoria distracts the ref so the count can't be made.  Dreamer grabs Victoria and forces a kiss upon her in a sexual assault attack.  Dreamer turns around to eat a Stevie Kick for the 1-2-3 at 3:17. (**)

Match #3

Special Referee Jacqueline

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade vs Slater Vain and Ken Anderson

Vain gets a few shoves in and unleashes some maniacal laughs.  Cade starts laying in chops to silence Vain, and tags in Jindrak but Jindrak gets sneak attacked by Ken Anderson.  Jindrak hits one of his sky high drop kicks.  He gets sneak attacked again and then Anderson gets in some choking.  Vain tags back in and gets a rope choke and a back suplex.  The local competitors get even more offense in with a snap mare and a headlock.  Cade breaks free and gets the hot tag to Jindrak.  Jindrak cleans house and hits an impressive spring board reverse clothesline.  Anderson eats the dropkick from Jindrak while Cade lifts him in an always feat of athleticism by Jindrak to pick up the victory in 5:07 (** 1/2)  Jacquline had no role outside of a regular referee.  Seemed just an excuse to get her on television.  

Match #4

Test vs Val Venis

They trade arm bars to start.  Test hits a slam and mocks Val with some jumping jacks.  Val appears behind him and lays him out with a clothesline.  Test powers back and lays some boots into Venis.  The each clothesline each other to get a standing ten count from the referee.  Test pulls the ref in and thumbs Val in the eyes.  Test tries to hit the pump handle slam, but Venis wriggles out and nails a spinning powerbomb.  He heads up top for a money shot attempt, but Test uses his foot to push the ref into the ropes causing Val to fall and straddle the ropes an hurt his Venis.  Test goes up to suplex Val off the top but Val fights him off.  He tries Money Shot #2 but Test gets the knees up.  Test misses the big boot and Val goes hits a Jinder Mahal style Khallas for a near fall.  Val comes off the ropes to continue on the offensive but gets caught with a boot to the mush for the victory in 5:50 (**1/2)

Coach and Al ask us to tune in tomorrow night to RAW to see Test vs Steiner with Stacy on the line and a hair match between Kevin and Nash and Christ Jericho.

For more follow me on X formerly known as Twitter on @ferrellcomedy

    

Week 6 Wordle Matchups

Here is your Week 6 Wordle Club Schedule:

In a double dose of bad news for Nick, he is about to get a mudhole stomped in him and walked dry and it turns out he is a mutant.  Nick fucks around and finds out against me (owner of the least amount of guesses this season) Nick vs your author! Can you believe that I have been paid to write this dumb stuff before! 

One is undefeated and is clearly the best wordle player in multiple generations of her family.  The other services unbathed virgins on Friday nights.  Can Paulie play a level 4 google spell to stay on top of the standings.  Paulie vs Kevin!

The two newest members of Wordle club will do battle this week.  Ang seems to have found her groove like Stella.  While Steve continues to search for his grXXve.  Ang vs Steve!

It's the Reina of Google taking on the King of staying 500 feet away from schools.  Both should have to register and tell people they are near by in my opinion.  Linda vs Big E!

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They can be found next to each other in the standings straddling the playoff line and next to each other in bed straddling something else.  It's Bart vs Kenny.