It's the 38th Reliaquest Bowl! Shake off that hangover and watch the Wisconsin Badgers (7-5 3rd in the Big Ten West) battle the Louisiana State University Tigers (9-3 3rd SEC West). Enjoy watching Heisman Trophy winner Jayden Daniels stand on the sideline. Will he be wearing a hoodie, a sweatsuit, a jersey with no pads? The suspense in killing me. Despite Garrett Nuismeir making his first start in his three year career, the Tigers are 10.5 point favorites. Unfortunately you won't be getting any blooming onions in the former Outback Bowl but maybe you'll get a free MS DOS game as that is what Reliquest sounds like to me.
It's the 53rd VRBO Fiesta Bowl! Go for a vacation in somebody's guest room or watch the Liberty Flames (13-0 Conference USA champs) battle the Oregon Ducks (11-2 runner up Pac-12) Neither of these teams have lost a single game against anyone not name Washington. Liberty is this year's Group of 5 New Year's Six invite. Last year Tulane won so maybe Liberty has a chance despite one of the worst the strength of schedules in the country. I assume Liberty is going to get bent over like former religious university president of Liberty Jerry Fallwall Jr's pool boy who both his Falwell and his wife banged.
It's the 78th annual Cheez-It Citrus Bowl! Cheez-It's come in original, Puff'd, Snap'D, Grooves, Duoz, Snack Mix, extra toasty, extra cheesy, cheddar jack, Big, white cheddar, whole grain, four cheese, hot and spicy, reduced fat, buffalo wing, and Scooby Doo which apparently tastes like a cartoon Great Dane and weed. But do you know how many Cheez-It varieties are citrus based. Fucking zero. No orange, no lime, no lemon. Nothing. Anyhow it's the Iowa Hawkeyes (10-3 Big Ten Runner up) vs Tennessee Volunteers (8-4 3rd SEC East). This bowl gets two fun facts! The Citrus Bowl before the playoff was where the SEC runner up went and Steve Spurrier said that you can't spell Citrus without UT. I have always found that funny.
It's the 110th Rose Bowl presented by Prudential. Prudential makes me think about NBA on NBC and the halftime show sponsored by Prudential with Pat Riley. Back when you got one game a week and you were glad to have it. Even if it was that stupid ass hat Michael Jordan every time. The Michigan Wolverines (13-0 Big Ten Champs) vs the Alabama Crimson Tide (12-1 SEC Champs). This game is stupid. It's not even the last one for one of them. Is there a Rose that the players eat? Does somebody get covered in a condiment? Is the field blue?
Its' the 90th Allstate Sugar Bowl! It's the 13-0 Pac-12 Champ Washington Huskies vs the 12-1 Big 12 Champion Texas Longhorns. See above. Who gives a shit.
It's the 56th Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl! It's a New Year's 6 Bowl game as the Ole Miss Runnin' Rebels (10-2 2nd in the SEC West) take on the Penn State Nittany Lions (10-2 3rd in the SEC East). The only teams that beat these two squads this year are Alabama, Georgia, Ohio State and Michigan. Luckily this game is on a Saturday or you wouldn't be able to eat Chick-Fil-A while watching the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl. There is a law in the works in New York to make all restaurants in state run turnpike rest stops to be open on Sunday. So maybe next year you can get Chick-Fil-A from the 7 Chick-Fil-A's on New York's turnpike on Sunday.
It's the 25th Transperfect Music City Bowl! The Maryland Terrapins (7-5 4th in the Big Ten East) vs Auburn Tigers (6-6 5th in the SEC West). Don't worry Jason, you are allowed to watch this game as Transperfect is a company that does translation services for companies expanding into global markets. I have fallen in love with this game graphic that looks like a Godzilla vs Gamera style battle. So please donate to my GoFund me to make my Aubie the Tiger vs Testudo destroy Nashville movie project. You know you would watch that.
It's the 90th annual Capital One Orange Bowl! Another New Year's Six game. What's left of the Florida State Seminoles (13-0 1st ACC Champ) take on the Georgia Bulldogs (12-1 Runner-up in the SEC). This game is going to be a massacre like Hardcore Cabinet's victories over Ogre's Death Squad and Big Nasty Express. It won't be close like Hardcore Cabinet's victory via Latavius Murray over Tinker Stinkers. Blue Gatorade...THIS FILE HAS EXCEEDED MAXIMUM CHARACTER LIMIT.
It's the 8th Barstool Sports Arizona Bowl! The Wyoming Cowboys (8-4 5th in the Mountain West) who have been in 3 out of the past 5 Barstool Arizona Bowls vs the Toledo Rockets (11-2 MAC runner-up). This game will air on Barstoolsports streaming service and the CW network which in our market is CW43 WUAB. Barstool is sports show network that feels like if Spike TV from back in the day became a sports network. This game has struggled to find a television partner and I feel like a proud papa now that it has found a home on the CW. Wyoming is a 3.5 point favorite.
It's the 79th Gator Bowl from that shithole Jacksonville, Florida. The Clemson Tigers (8-4 7th in the ACC) coached by that insufferable wind bag Dabo Sweeny faces the Kentucky Wildcats (7-5 4th in the SEC East). TaxSlayer is an online tax filing services and I wonder how much Dabo had to pay in taxes for modeling Clemson in NIL, the Name Image and Likeness of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as we all know, Jesus super cares if Clemson can cover 4 points in the Tax Slayer Gator Bowl especially against godless heathens like the Kentucky Wildcats.
It's the 90th Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl! This game is must see if for no other reason than the amazingly beautiful stadium in El Paso Texas. It is built into the side of a mountain.
It's the 65th Autozone Liberty Bowl! The Memphis Tigers (9-3 4th in the American) invite the Iowa Hawkeyes (7-5 4th in the Big 12) and their Perry graduate head coach Matt Campbell to their home stadium. If you blow your engine pistons getting too psyched for this matchup you can head to your local Autozone and get a replacement engine to install it yourself, which everyone reading this can totally do. My replacement engine at Autozone would cost $5,362 for my Hyundai Tucson. Comment below with your replacement engine cost.
It's the 34th Guaranteed Rate Bowl! The Kansas Jayhawks are 13 point favorites (8-4 8th in the Big 12) over the University of Nevada Las Vegas Running Rebels (9-4 runner up in the Mountain West). The game is played in Chase Field, home of the Arizona Diamondbacks which is always a fun visual. Chase Field has pool in the stands so maybe somebody will get tackled into it. It's a long shot but a possibility. The Jayhawk is not a real bird, it's actually an insult combining Blue Jay (because they steal other bird's nests) and a sparrow hawk (because they are deadly silent hunters) for the people who came to Kansas through Oklahoma to fight to make Kansas anti-slavery. The anti-slavery faction took it as a badge of honor and eventually pushed out the pro-slavery faction and Kansas became a free state. Suck it slavery!
It's the 14th annual Military Bowl presented by Gobowling.com. The Military Bowl played in Annapolis, Maryland, home of the Naval Academy features the Virginia Tech Hokies (6-6 5th in the ACC) face the Tulane Green Wave (10-2) runner up in the American Conference. Despite a great season, Tulane's coaches and players have all hit the transfer portal and interim coach, Slade Nagle, college football win 0 name wins all of them, looks to guide the Green Wave to the upset win (+10.5) Can a turkey outlast a wave at the naval academy? Tune in Wednesday at 2:00 to ESPN to find out.
It's the 22nd Duke's Mayo Bowl. The winning coach will be doused in a bucket of mayonnaise. Will it be Mack Brown of the North Carolina Tarheels (8-4 6th in the ACC) or Neal Brown of the West Virginia Mountaineers ( 8-4 6th in the Big 12). Either way we are getting a Brown covered in white. Here is South Carolina coach Shane Beamer being honored.
It's the 44th Directv Holiday Bowl. This game is on FOX one of the handful that don't air on ESPN. If this game was played over the summer, I couldn't watch this game on directtv as they were in a dispute with WJW for months, and currently are in a dispute with WKYC but do you think I saved a penny on my bill. Of course not. I keep paying DirectTV so I can watch the Cavs and Guardians, but I hate them. Anyhoooooo, it's the Louisville Cardinals (10-3 2nd in the ACC) as 7 point favorites vs the University of Southern California Trojans (7-5 6th in the Pac-12) without presumptive #1 overall draft pick Caleb Williams.
It's the 17th Tax Act Texas Bowl! See the Texas A&M Aggies (7-5 4th in the SEC West) face the Oklahoma State Cowboys (8-4 runner up in the Big 12) in Houston Texas in the same stadium that the Browns just their 10th win. Texas AM beat Ok St in the Texas Bowl in 2019, can the Cowboys get revenge. The Cowboys coach is Mike Gundy, he is a man, he is 40. Something Max can't say. You ain't even close to Mike Gundy or his mullet.
It's the 2nd Wasabi Fenway Bowl! As the Boston College Eagles (6-6 10th in the ACC) invite the Southern Methodist Mustangs (11-2 champion of the American Conference) in a Methodists vs Catholics Holy War! The Wasabi Fenway Bowl is going to send back relations decades. It won't mean shit what Pope Francis has tried to do. So get some Japanese takeout and see if SMU can cover 10 points 11 am on ESPN.
It's the 13th Pinstripe Bowl! The Rutgers Scarlet Knights (6-6 5th in the Big Ten East) cross over the bridge into NYC to face the Miami Hurricanes (7-5 9th in the ACC). The Hurricanes have won all 11 previous meetings between the former Big East rivals. When you have a game between two teams with vastly different levels of resources and the higher resourced team is vastly under performing, it just makes too much sense to have the game played in Yankee Stadium. The Scarlett Knights are favored by a single point, so make sure to get your lawn mowed before 2:15 on ESPN.
It's the 34th Pop Tarts Bowl! This bowl has had a ton of names over the years, Blockbuster, Carquest, MicronPC, Tangerine, Champ Sports, Russell Athletic, Camping World, Cheez-It and now the first incarnation of the Pop Tarts Bowl. The North Carolina State Wolfpac (9-3 3rd in the ACC) will play the Kansas State Wildcats (8-4 in 5th in the Big 12). Nothing on the field matters as there will be a person inside an edible Pop Tarts mascot roaming the sidelines during the game that the winning team will according to Pop-Tarts press release will get to "feast on".
It's the 31st Valero Alamo Bowl! The Arizona Wildcats (9-3 3rd in the PAC-12) face off against the Oklahoma Sooners (10-2 3rd in the Big 12). Come celebrate the Mexican army slaughtering a bunch of Texans including Daniel Boone and Sam Bowie with some pigskin action. The Oklahoma Sooners were scared of playing the Arizona Wildcats as they joined the SEC to play Alabama, Auburn, Ole Miss etc.. instead of having to battle incoming Arizona. Watch Oklahoma cower in fear at 9:15 on ESPN.
It's the 17th Birmingham Bowl! The Duke Blue Devils (7-5, 8th in the ACC) and interim coach Trooper Taylor which sounds like a character on Paw Patrol battles the Troy Trojans (11-3, 1st in the Sun Belt West) and interim coach Greg Gasparato who sounds like a defensive coordinator who got promoted to head coach for the bowl game, I mean it's a spot on name, can't mess with perfection. The game is being played at Protective Stadium which sounds like where they put kids when Big E moves within 500 feet of a school. So gas up in the morning in Steubenville which has the closest 76 station and be home by noon on ESPN to see if Troy can cover as a 7 point favorite on ABC.
It's the 21st Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl! The James Madison University Dukes (11-1 champion of the Sun Belt East) are in their first bowl and must face the Air Force Falcons (8-4 4th in the Mountain West). The Falcons are playing in their record, 7th Armed Forces Bowl. Seems like an unfair advantage for Air Force to be playing in the Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl like when Ohio State played in Midwestern Tree Nut Bowl. However JMU is a 2 point favorite.
It's the 27th Famous Idaho Potato Bowl! The Georgia State Panthers (6-6 5th in the Sun Belt East) head to the blue field in Boise to battle Utah State Aggies (6-6 7th in the Mountain West). Can the Aggies stop the Blue Panther party like Forest Gump raging out after witnessing some domestic violence? Since the game is at 3:30 on ESPN 2017 MVP can watch the game to see if the Aggies can cover 1 point before before his game that evening.
It's 25th 68 Ventures Bowl! It's our 3rd bowl game in Alabama today alone! The Eastern Michigan Eagles (6-6 3rd in the MAC West) who have never won a game in the state of Alabama will play the South Alabama Jaguars (6-6 4th in the Sun Belt West). The 68 Ventures Bowl will not require the Jaguars to venture even once as the game is being played in their home stadium. The home field advantage makes them a 17 point favorite. 68 Ventures is a construction company that is working to improve the Gulf coast but the Gulf Coast doesn't need any improvements since the 68 Ventures Bowl.
It's the 31st Las Vegas Bowl! We all are hitting the jackpot as the Northwestern Wildcats (7-5 2nd in the Big Ten West) battle the Utah Utes (8-4 5th in the Pac-12). Northwestern bounced back from a win 1 season and having to fire the greatest coach and player in program history for allowing dudes to put things in other's dude anuses as punishment. Kyle Wittingham, the Utes head coach, has as of yet not be implicated in any sort of butthole shenanigans and looks to remain as head coach as the team transitions to the Big 12 as a 6 point favorite.
It's the 20th Hawaii Bowl and only the second one not played on Christmas or Christmas Eve. The San Jose State Spartans (7-5 3rd in the Mountain West) will face off with the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (7-5 3rd in the Sun Belt East). Easy Post sponsored the game and sponsored Coastal's coach's wife shipping all his shit out of the house after he deleted the cheerleader beach pic. The Spartans are 9 point favorites in the game and the divorce proceedings.
It's the 15th Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl! It's the most important game named after a fictious pirate this entire year. The University of Central Florida Golden Knights (6-6 9th in the Big 12) will play the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (6-6 4th in the ACC) in a stadium with pirate ship right there. Amazing coincidence. This is different from the ReliaQuest Bowl played later in bowl season but is not pirate based although there still will be a pirate ship at the stadium. Everybody got that? Central Florida is a 4.5 favorite.
It's the 6th Scooter's Coffee Frisco Bowl! The Frisco Bowl is played in the MLS stadium outside of Dallas. The Frisco Bowl is the only bowl won by Kent State in the school's history so you know it is super important. In this year's edition the Marshall Thundering Herd (6-6, 6th in Sun Belt East) take on the University of Texas Road Runners (8-4) who finished 3rd in the American Conference. Who will join former Kent State quarterback Denny Crum as game MVP and parlay it into a Canadian Football League Career with 16 touchdowns for the Ottawa Redblacks which is way more CFL TD's than any of you have. UTSA is an -11.5 favorite, but when it comes to Scooter's Coffee Frisco Bowl, the favorite is us, because a new Scooter's Coffee location has opened up in nearby Ridgeville, Ohio.
It's the 10th Roofclaim.com Boca Raton Bowl! The South Florida Bulls (6-6 finished 5th in the American Conference) head a little South to conference mate Florida Atlantic's stadium. There are three Florida schools in the American conference, Florida Atlantic, Florida International, and South Florida. South Florida is the most Northern most of the three. Also joining them are the Syracuse Orange (6-6 and 11th in the ACC). Syracuse this season had a win streak of 4 games and then a losing streak of 5 games. They didn't beat a winning FBS team all season. But the Roofclaim.com Boca Raton Bowl is sponsored by a storm damage insurance company so you will have a Hail of a time. The Cuse are favored by 1.5.
It's the Famous Toastery Bowl! It's in place of the Bahamas Bowl which this season isn't happening because the stadium is being remodeled. So instead of a trip to the Bahamas the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (7-5, 4th in Conference USA) and the Old Dominion Monarchs (6-6, 4th in the Sun Belt East), get a trip to Charlotte, North Carolina. Famous Toastery is a Charlotte based breakfast and lunch restaurant. Luckily this game kicks off at 2:30 pm on ESPN because Famous Toastery closes at 3. So enjoy your omelet and plenty of alcoholic drinks because this eatery that closes at 3 pm has a full liquor license, baby!!! The Old Dominion Monarchs are 2.5 point favorites but the my favorite is the Sausage Gravy with two eggs and flight of mimosas, chased by an appointment with my cardiologist.
Picks can be made here at this link.
Saturday December 16th games
It's the fourth annual Myrtle Beach Bowl! The 6-6 Georgia Southern Eagles finished last in the Sun Belt East and haven't won since before Halloween. The Ohio Bobcats finished second in the MAC East and beat Iowa St this season but MAC player of the year QB Kurtis Rouke has entered the transfer portal. Nothing better than a little gambling before noon. We kickoff at 11 am on ESPN with Canton's own Dustin Fox on the call. Plus this game is played on a BLUE FIELD!!!!!! Sit back and crack open your a cold one but make it a light beer because we've got 6 games today.
Georgia Southern is favored by 3.5
Picks can be made here at this link.
It's the 9th Avocados from Mexico Cure Bowl! Flip the channel over to ABC at 3:30 because if you don't that means you are pro cancer. How can you be on the side of cancer? It's the Miami of Ohio Redhawks (11-2) won the MAC this year and will battle the (8-5) Appalachian State Mountaineers finished 2nd in the Sun Belt East. App State has won 5 straight games and knocked off previously unbeaten James Madison in their last game, making them favorites by 5.5 Sneaky good matchup here. Plus avocados are rich in fiber, healthy fats, vitamins C and E and B6!
It's the 18th Isleta New Mexico Bowl! The New Mexico State Aggies (10-4) finished 2nd in Conference USA and have had their best season in decades are rewarded with a game in the same desert wasteland they are already in! Let this be a lesson to never try to get better fellas. Hard work does not payoff. They will face off with the Fresno State Bulldogs (8-4) who finished 6th in the Mountain West. This game is sponsored by a Native American Tribe called the Isleta. So in exchange for living on stolen land you white devils, watch the Isleta New Mexico Bowl at 5:45 on ESPN. The Aggies are 3.5 favorites.
It's time for the 47th Independence Bowl presented by Radiance Technologies. The California Golden Bears (6-6) finished 7th in the PAC-12 and will battle the 6-6 Texas Tech Red Raiders who finished 7th in the Big 12. We've got a crowd pleaser in our night cap kicking off at 9:15 on ESPN as both teams are the rare and delightful two named mascots, always a crowd pleaser. Califonia despite their mediocre record only lost to teams that were ranked at the time and a road loss at Auburn. It's rematch of the 2004 Holiday Bowl and we all remember that classic. Can Texas Tech cover as three point favorites? Can your buttocks heal from the bed sores of sitting on the couch for over 13 hours of football?
It's the 9th Quick Lane Bowl! It's featuring the only team with a losing record Minnesota Golden Gophers (5-7 5th in the Big 10 West) who take their best graduation rate of any 5 team in the nation to Detroit to battle the Bowling Green Falcons (7-5 3rd in the MAC East). Minnesota is a 3.5 point favorite probably because they are so smart. The Bobcats have already proven that they can defeat a mediocre power 5 team with a victory over Georgia Tech. A fun way to pass the post Christmas blues is discussing with your family which will be higher the number of minutes it takes to get a full service at your local Quick Lane at Diehl in Massillon or Harold Fannin Jr receiving yards. Let me know your pick in the comments sections below. It helps with traction.
It's the 14th ServPro First Responder Bowl! The Texas State Bobcats (7-5 second in the Sun Belt West) will face the Rice Owls (6-6 6th place in the American--oh no the Rice Owls have the mark of the beast. That's why owls heads can turn all the way around!! It's Satan!!!) Rice University was founded by a Massachusetts business man named William Marshall Rice that decreed that his wealth would be used to start a school in Texas. WMR was murdered by his lawyer and butler and changed his will that they got all the money. Their plot was discovered because the lawyer wrote a huge check to himself from WMR the day he died and spelled the name wrong. They chloroformed him to death in his sleep. After the arrest the money went back to founding Rice University which led directly to these two Texas schools playing in Texas giving you something to do at 5:30 on Tuesday. Texas State is favored 4.5 over the chloroform Owls.
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