Velocity 6/28/03
Our hosts are once again, Josh Mathews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller from Madison Square Garden but they don't mention it.
Match #1
Billy Gunn comes out with Torrie Wilson. He's no longer the one but is back to Mr. Ass. Kanyon is out second and our opener is underway. This is an actual interaction between Matthews and The Cat during the feeling out at the start of the match.
Josh, "Tonight we have your mother's favorite, A-Train."
Cat, "My momma thinks he looks like Denzel"
Josh, "Your momma needs to change her cataracts."
Josh, "My momma sees fine, she can see you are a dork."
This four sentence interaction let's the viewer know, The Cat's mom is physically attracted to large hairy bald men. Josh doesn't know what cataracts is because he thinks, it is something that needs changed to improve your vision like getting a prescription changed. The Cat's momma is a good judge of a Josh.
Kayon hits a Russian leg sweep and holds on and rolls into a a face buster. Fun move. Kanyon stays in control and repeatedly cuts off Gunn's hope spots and the crowd is into it. Kanyon goes to the top and was apparently going for the leaping nothing as he catches the boot to the face after coming down. Billy Gunn hits the Famouser for the win at 5:27. (**)
Afterwards Billy Gun talks Torrie into showing off his theme song.
Match #2
Spanky vs John Xavier
All ideas that this man was once Brian Kendrick are gone. His opponent is a local competitor who happens to be the former Ring of Honor Champion, Xavier. They trade arm control spots. The announcers mention that Matt Hardy has put back on the weight and has left the cruiserweight division. Xavier hits knees to the face from the top rope in the corner in a cool spot. The crowd starts a "Let's go Spanky" chant. Xavier hits a suicide dive and then back in the ring a rotating power slam and a neck breaker. Kendrick gets the knees up for the 450 splash, takes Xavier for the middle rope sliced bread #2 and gets the pin. (6:27 ***)
Match #3
A-Train attacks before the bell and then just beats the tar out of Knight for 2:50 seconds before getting the win with the Trainwreck. During this match The Cat keeps calling Knight, Pee Wee Herman, and says his trunks are pulled up so high they are a turtleneck. He's dying laughing the whole time and it's infectious. (*)
Match #4
The announcers hype the Big Show vs Zach Gowen and Stephanie McMahon handicap match next week.
Heat 6/29/2003
Match #1
Rosey vs Garrison Cade
It's the Bloodline!! Here comes Rosey fresh off losing to Val Venis last week, but he still has the swank 3-minute warning entrance theme despite being solo. His opponent is rookie Garrison Cade who is coming off a win on Raw two weeks ago over Lance Storm via Stone Cold Steve Austin snoring distraction.
Big slap takes Cade down. Side slam squishes Cade. Cade hits a drop kick and then a running knee to pick up the win. (2:19 *) The training camp where Cade learned to wrestle loves teaching that finisher apparently.
Rico's Runway Sizzling Summer Spectacular.
Rico is going to show his fabulous summer looks with the help of his lovely assistant. A normal looking lady is standing there. Rico flips out on "Jan" because she is the behind camera assistant and should not be seen. Then Rico introduces Miss Jackie, to model a cocktail dress. Rico reminds us to don't finger that remote and stay tuned for more styles.
Match #2
Val Venis vs Roman Zachako
Val cuts his Hello Ladies spiel in a sponsored bit for Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines where his movie is Testosterone 3: Rise of the Big Valbowski. This is a complete quick squash. The crowd sounds being pumped in is very obvious in this one as the fans are sitting on their hands. Val wins with the Money Shot. (*)
We head back to Rico. He is ready to show off his salsa outfit. Miss Jackie comes out in the outfit and they begin to dance. Jan enters the screen with maracas and giant sombrero and is dancing. She is once again yelled at for being plain and on camera. She runs off upset. Rico promises to show Tommy Dreamer some fashion sense in the ring. Since Mr. Dreamer has been wearing t-shirt's and black track pants for thirty years, I don't think he got the message.
Match #3
Rico vs Tommy Dreamer
Dreamer gets a big reaction here in MSG. A big "Rico's Gay" chant breaks out and Coach and Snow have to mention it. Rico rubs Tommy's chest. Rico runs the ropes and then does a Bugs Bunny jump into Dreamer's arms and plants a kiss on his cheek. I laughed. Dreamer hits his DDT but Miss Jackie puts his foot on the ropes. Dreamer goes after Jackie and chases her into the ring. Jackie slaps him and Dreamer goes nuts. He grabs her for what will be the Dreamer piledriver and the crowd goes nuts for it, but Rico nails Dreamer with a spin kick for the win. (2:37 * 1/2)
Teri is brought to the men's room by Victoria because Stevie has a big huge reveal. He is in the stall and eventually comes out in his new "Stevie Night Heat" tights.
Our Rewind segment is brought to us by T:3 Rise of the Machines shows Stevie beating Goldust last week thanks to Goldust being distracted by forcing a kiss on Victoria.
Match #4
The ladies start the match and in this match man on woman is legal. When Goldust tags in her crushes Victoria with a running butt jump, and then forcing another kiss on her. When he has finished his sexual assault based offense. Tags Trish back in and Victoria hits a sidewalk slam. Swinging neck breaker by Trish and both are down. Hot tags and Goldust cleans house. Goldust shakes Victoria down from the top rope. Trish tosses her off with the handstand hurricanranna. Goldust hits shattered dreams on Victoria. Trish hits chick kick on Victoria and is setting up for Stratusfaction but Stevie sneaks in and rolls her up for the win. (5:17 ** 1/2)
The heels celebrate and we are invited to turn into Raw but nothing is as of yet announced.
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