We are welcomed in by Josh Mathews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller.
Smackdown this past week actually featured a decent amount Velocity regulars in Kris Kanyon and Jaime Noble so I am curios to see who we get to show up tonight.
Match #1
Funaki is kicking off the show tonight. And in a pleasant surprise we get the doctor of Thuganomics, John Cena in a Golden State Warriors throwback shootaround shirt.
I dominate Saturday Nights
from the second I hit the green screen
to wearing thongs and fake afros on Confidential with Mean Gene.
Hospitals are packed with wrestling fans, they're getting Saturday Night Fever.
I'm scared of getting mad cow, that's why all I eat is beaver.
and yo, I'm the best thing you can see on the weekends.
Josh, you were scaring me backstage doing those naked knee bends.
Yo, you stole my style last week,
That's the reason I got hot, bro.
I'm the best poetic genius since Leaping Lanny Poffo.
I;m so over the top, I'm giving censors fits.
Forget the match, let's go to Hooters so we can grab some....
Cena doesn't finish the line but I assume that he was going to say, "some over priced, poorly seasoned wings"
Cena proceeds to unload on Funaki with a series of punches and kicks. Some rope chokes and rest holds, until Funaki hits a swinging DDT. Cena quickly nails the shoulder block, 5 knuckle shuffle, and the FU for the win in 4:44. It's worth watching to see rapper Cena, the match is replacement level.
Orlando Jordan is shown warming up backstage shadow boxing.
Match #2
A-Train vs Orlando Jordan
Commentary is talking up Orlando who has been a hot streak since debuting and picking up wins, I believe at this point Orlando has been exclusive to Velocity. A-Train starts chucking chairs and steps because he is cranky about losing to Jordan in the past. Orlando is out going with the smiley happy babyface look. Jordan starts with an arm bar. A-Train dodges some moves and nails a shoulder block and starts manhandling Jordan in the corner. Every come back is shot down by A-train. It's Bear Hug Time! Eventually Jordan gets out and hits a dropkick which gets A-Train laying on the ropes. Some neat Cody from Step by Step kickboxer offense, followed by a swank drop kick escape from the Baldo Bomb. Jordan goes to the top rope, crossbody for the near fall. More Cody attacks until a kick to the stomach, DeRailer. 1-2-3 A-Train wins (4:52). It's a fine C show match.
Backstage Matt Hardy talks to the Basham Bros and tells them to make sure they beat the heck out of his MFers, Shannon Moore and Crash Holly because they need a lesson. Shaniqua appears and scolds the Bashams for talking to others. Matt says he doesn't need what Shaniqua offers because he has Mattitude.
Match #3
Matt Hardy vs Paul London (jobber edition)
Matt Facts
#1: Matt digs tortilla soup
#2: Matt has wrestled on 4 continents.
Josh has never heard of tortilla soup, The Cat tells him it is good. Tweet your opinion with the hashtags #Joshmatthewsisrightwhattheheckistortillasoup
#Ernestthecatmilerisrighttortillasoupistasty
Pretty simple process.
Matt Hardy thumps on London and heels to the crowd to begin. Matt eventually hits an inverted airplane spinning neck breaker. It was pretty cool. Can't see that was a move that I have seen him bust out before. London gets the advantage and goes for a shooting star press but nobody was home. Matt uses the advantage to hit a Twist of Fate. He gives the "I'm so angry and evil face" Boom hits a second Twist of Fate. 1-2-3 (5:27) This was worth watching for the unique move and the shooting star miss.
Match #4
Doug and Danny Basham with Shaniqua vs Crash Holly and Shannon Moore
Crash has Matt Hardy's book and the Bashams pass it around before Shaniqua's starts ripping pages out of it. Apparently the M in S & M doesn't stand for Mattitude. Crash is distracted by this and gets attacked. Crash gets the beating for a while and is our face in peril. We get the always crowd pleasing ref is distracted partners keep turning the small package spot. Moore finally gets the tag and hits some fast paced moves. Crash goes for a dive out of the ring and himself and burns to the floor. The Bashams hit a Russian leg sweep clothesline combo for the victory at 5:16. A little post match research led me to discover that this was Crash's last televised WWE match so give it a watch.
The announcers hype Smackdown's from Madison Square Garden with the main event of Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, and Mr. America vs Big Show, Shelton Benjamin, and Charlies Haas.
Enjoy Confidential everyone!
Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow on commentary.
Match #1
Out first is Jacqueline as our special guest referee. Our first competitor is Val Venis. As he makes his way to the ring, they repeatedly show two girls in the front row wearing the 2003 girl tank top with the 2003 girl hair. I am going to go out on a limb and assume they are plants because it's 2003 and they are swooning over Val Venis.
Rosey and Val proceed to have a match that involves Val trying to get the big man up for slams but he can't. Eventually Val hits a side suplex that is so awful that commentary calls it more of a quarter suplex. Val hits the money shot for the win in 3:13. This was legitimately awful.
Match #2 Hurricane vs Michael Shane
Coach tells us that Michael Shane is popular on the indies and in Japan. Thanks to Highway to the Impact Zone on Place to be Nation, I know that Shane ends up in TNA and is related to Shawn Michaels. Please remember that he is related to Shawn Michaels. I thought we were going to get some high flying cruiserweight action but that did not happen. It starts with some chain wrestling at a snail's pace. Shane was in slow motion and this apple fell really far from the tree. The whole match seemed to be happening in quicksand. Hurricane picks up the win with the shining wizard at 3:43. Avoid unless you too are related to Shawn Michaels.
Match #3
Trish Stratus vs Molly Holly
The match begins with trading arm bars. Moly attempts the backflipping elbow blast in the corner which Trish reverses into a electric chair rollup in a cool spot. Molly kicks out of the chick kick. Molly climbs to the top rope and absoulutly crushes Trish with a 360 seated senton. for the pin at 4:38. It made me say whoa out loud. Go seek this match out. Heck of a match for the 2003 women's division.
Backstage Steven Richards tells Victoria that tonight will be the beginning of new era, as tonight begins, Stevie Night Heat. Goldust approaches and tells Stevie that he wears pink panties and that he needs to get his, "whore whore whore, hormones under control." This is our main event but I have no access to this match so my review ends here. If you have a link please place it in the comments for me. Thanks for reading.
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