HTPB 23.11

 

With Thanksgiving approaching, the members of HTPB took some time to give thanks.  So here they are.  

It's the big leagues. No flake ass shit. CTC/DOSP being it's own institution, the draft. Great times.

The 14 members & Big Cat

That I can get a response from owners for just posting something. Good or bad, it’s always good for me. Business is good. Go Dudes! Btw I’m not just going to give a boring unoriginal response. lol

That the league exists

How close it keeps us all.

Taysom Hill

Thankful for the good times and that HTPB gets us together

The longevity of the league

Torn ACL's and all around injuries

Kickers and Ruth Ferrell

This league is my socialization outlet. Two parties a year, a reason to gather. It is a creative outlet for my writing. An opportunity to make people laugh.

The absurd defense rules we have in the league this year that allowed me to beat Bricklayers last week and avoid the toiletries fingers crossed

Bigs and Ferrell's Energy and time and hard work

Getting to talk shit and have fun with all of you fellas!

I am thankful that Kevin and Big E are dicks, but really I am thankful for this league as it has been the tie that binds.  It's what keeps us talking, keeps us together.  

Bay-Bay's defeat Bricklayers

A mountie presents a man with a tiny head with a golden toilet. 

Bay-bay's snapped their 7 game losing streak by defeating Bricklayers.  Bricklayers has clinched the toilet trophy.   Please store it properly and not in a damp garage.  Keep in in your closet next to your leather bracelets and pencil ties but don't be dickhead and damage it.   I think maybe that toilet bowls could be used as tie breaker to determine who is the best when teams are tied for most championships. Bay-Bay's may be rubbing fine Canadians syrup on himself in celebration right now but that doesn't change the fact that the franchise has never made the playoffs and hasn't played a meaningful game past Thanksgiving.  The team is always monitoring players during the season and their health status, but apparently fails to do this level of research for the draft.  Insert dodgeball strategy meme.  

Blue Gatorade defeats the Collegians

A man is hoist on his own petard

The Collegians whose record is much better than it should be based on all numbers still decided to spit in the face of the fantasy gods and call his shot this week.  Without Burrow and Chase, the Collegians are nothing much, and fell to Blue Gatorade who scored the most points they have all season and have beaten Collegians twice this season.  I have filed to petition to the commissioner to ban Collegians from the post season, as losing to BG twice should be grounds for termination.  Can Burrow and Chase put together three straight rounds of great performances to carry Collegians to a title?

Dollars defeats Hardcore Cabinet

George Washington from the Dollar bill steals a trophy.

Dollars cruised to an easy win to avenge last year's Super Bowl and week 1.  Hardcore Cabinet has now lost two in a row to dim their first round bye hopes.  (I don't know how you people live like this.)  Dollars managed to put up 133 points with Kyler Murray not breaking double digits.  Hardcore Cabinet wasted a lot of points last week against ODS and should have saved some for this week.  Dollars still has a shot at the first round bye if he can run the table.  A tall order but possible.  

Italian Stallions defeat Eh Big Dude

Rocky Balboa stands victorious and steals a man's vape.

Saquon Barkley run all over Eh Big Dude to give the Loins the inside track to the first round bye.  Tua and Archane out double dipped Hurts and Brown.  It's been a dark road post week 10 for Eh Big Dude, as they have lost two in a row.  There is a thread the needle scenario where EBD could miss the playoffs.  Italian Stallions have scored over 100 points every single game this year.  Will this be IS crowning achievement with his best team yet?  Or will he be the 2016 Warriors and blow it in the playoffs.  Time will tell.

Stabmybalzrepeatedly defeats Tinker Stinkers 

A dwarf is held captive in a pole barn.

Brandon Allen was signed just before kickoff, but SMBR could have kept Brock Purdy in the lineup and defeated Tinker Stinkers who's playoff chances are now on life support. Josh Jacobs scored 3 TD's to lead the way for SMBR who can keep the league's longest active playoff streak alive if he finishes with 2 wins and a little help. He's barely paying attention and is ahead of four teams.  Time to look in the mirror.  On the bright side, Mahomes has made TS more respectable the second half of the season after finally finding a home after several trades. 

Ogre's Death Squad defeats Big Nasty Express

A feeble Shrek needs to use a walker to get past a red bearded hill person.

Ogre's Death Squad takes the ultimate schedule win with the second lowest points of the week.  Where was this last week?  (Stares in Taysom Hill).  Jayden Daniels scored 20% of the points in the entire matchup.  ODS is firmly in the muddle around the final playoff spot, while BNE will need to win out with impressive point totals to have a shot.  ODS does get to wind up the season with BB and BL which is about as soft of a landing as you can get.  Honestly not making the playoffs would be Big E ing this away.  

Rush 'n Missiles defeats Los Zapatistas

A wounded wolf in a sombrero is about to get hit with a missile strike.

After a 6 game win streak, the Shoes have lost 4 out of 5.    Rush N'  Missiles is currently in the final playoff spot and is projected by Yahoo to keep it.  Can RM hold on or will it slip through his fingers like the final leg of late night rebound based parlay on the West coast.  RM does have an easy schedule the rest of the way with two teams barely clinging to life in BNE and TS.  RM has won every game this year that his opponent hasn't scored more than 103 points and that's been a tall order for those two this season so RM would totally choke if he doesn't make it.  Have I said that both RM and ODS are total choke artists if they both don't take the one remaining spot. You're god damn right I did.  The 40 points scored by RM kicker/defense was enough to combine with a well rounded attack to sweep the leader of the Wolves this season.  Could there be a new alpha of the wolf pack?  Or maybe the head Beta. 

EBD and IS took home the win this week with 5-2 record, while LZ took home a smelly 1-6 record.  He is in last place overall, 6 whole wins behind next to last.  HC holds a one game lead over TC and two over BL.  Since BL only picks the higher projected, Yahoo does know what it's talking about I guess.  

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10U1yZLxPBRtqUHSNx8yUlUHe2l8aNko6d5y9UO14BRI/edit?usp=sharing

#1 LZ 116-40

#2. EBD 114-42

#3 HC 109-47

#4 IS 107-49

It's been these 4 teams all season, if you didn't know that, you haven't been paying attention.  So Kevin doesn't know this.

#5 $$$ 86-70

Dollars stands alone in the above average leagues

#6 RM 76-80

#7 TC 75-81

Smedium Teams

#8 ODS 69-87

#9 BB 68-88

#10 BNE 66-90

#11 TS 64-92

#12 SMBR 60-96

Still alive if even if braindead on a machine for some

#13 BL 45-111

#14 BG 37-119

BG has tightened this up but they are both legendarily shitty. 

The bye week is IS to lose with 94% probability.  HC 3% $$ 1%

Playoff Odds

100% Club

IS, HC, TC, $$, 

Basically in but chaos could happen

LZ 99%

EBD 95%

Fighting for that last spot

RM 67%

ODS 27%

SMBR 8%

Terri Schiavo

TS 0.52%

BNE 0.17%

Thanks for Playing

BB, BG, BL

Game of the Week

 #1 Italian Stallions vs #3 Dollars 

2 HC vs 6 EBD

8 ODS vs 12 BB

11 BNE vs 7 RM 

13 BG vs 9 SMBR

14 BL vs 5 LZ

4 TC vs 10 TS

Every game still has playoff implications and as of right now so does next week so keep up on those rosters BB, BL, and BG.

HTPB 22.6

 

It was a week of the upset, and not the normal kind of upset when somebody doesn't remember the rules and just gets mad, but the kind of upset when the lower seed wins.  6/7 of the games were won by the lower seed in week 6.

In the one matchup that didn't feature an upset, the Italian Stallions bucked the trend of upsets and the last place go off week. The Stallions spent $31 on Demercado who got two carries which was less carries than Ingram (10), Williams (8), Dobbs (7), and Rondale Moore (a WR with 3).  But don't worry IS, McCaffery got hurt, so now you can play the corpse of Ezekial Elliot.  Speaking of corpses, the Bengal combo of Higgins and Burrow continued to be not so great for BNE, but he was able to pull out the win behind, Mr. Taylor Swift and Raheem Mostert who won BNE the $5 for the position contest.

Jason wining again despite losing yet another player to injury.

The Los Zaptistas trotted out quite the terrible lineup featuring Quinton Johnston and Johnathan Mingo.  They produced so little they allowed Jeremy's Brother to win despite Fields dislocating his thumb trying to hitchhike his way away from this shit show.  It's JB second win of the season without scoring 100 points.  

Speaking of shit matchups, ODS defeated Dollars without breaking 100. You know things are getting dark when you are trotting out 3 members of the Saints vaunted offense.  Both squads only managed 2 touchdowns each.  These teams have been so bad that even after winning, ODS leap frogged Dollars in the standings and landed in 12th place.   Things might not be looking good for Dollars going forward as he has already played 75% of the bottom 4 of the standings, and he can't play himself.  

Hardcore Cabinet got the high score of the week and defeated Bricklayers, handing him a hard luck loss.  40 points from the Rams duo of Kyren Williams and Cooper Kupp, assisted, the Vikings defense which was claimed off of waivers after the Loins released them this week, was too much for Bricklayers.  The layers were let down by their running backs as the three of them combined for less than 30 points.  

In the closest game of the week, Blue Gatorade defeated Eh Bid Dude led by 32 points from the players that BG got for an injured Justin Jefferson.  I was going to make fun of Roy for starting both Colts running backs but it gave him the most possible points this week. So instead I will make fun of Roy for having a team that currently requires both Colts running backs to be started to maximize their points.  Eh Big Dude leads the league in points but has lost 3 out of their last 4 or as Dom calls it, a hot streak.

Stabmyballzrepeatedly actually set a full lineup this week and that's all he needed to dispose of the Collegians. The Collegians only had two players break double digits.  Both David Montgomery and Deebo Samuel left injured during this matchup.  The Collegians currently find themselves outside of the playoffs looking in.  Maybe if their coach spent less time questioning the roster building of other teams in the league, their season would be going better.

(Tua fucking a Missile)

After a few solid weeks, Rushin Missiles put up a stinker week and fell in the standings, after being pummeled by Bay-Bay's who used the time tested strategy of immediate white flagging.  Josh Allen wasn't able to score 50 points and bail out RM on Sunday night.  The Tua and Tyreke combo got off to a slow start but were able to turn it on late to pull away. Bay-Bay's is already close to tying his win total from last year with 6 wins or as Dom calls 6 wins, a dream season. 

It's the debut of the Skynet Playoff odds!!!

1. EBD 51-27

2. BL 48-30

3. LZ 47-31

4. BNE 45-33

5. RM 45-33

6. BB 42-36

7. JB 41-37

8. HC 38-40

9. TC 38-40

10. BG 34-44

11. SMBR 31-47

12. ODS 31-47

13. $$ 29-49

14. IS 26-52

The Luckiest team by over two times, the next luckiest team is JB.  The most unlucky teams are EBD and BL as losing this week with the 4th and 5th highest scores were tough losses. 

This week HC and TC split the top spot with 4-3 records.  Dollars took the first 0fer of the season getting every single game wrong. Pick week 7 here.

The Game of the Week

#2 Bay-Bay's vs #5 Bricklayers

HC vs RM

$$$ vs BNE

SMBR vs LZ

IS vs EBD

TC vs JB

Toilet Bowl of the Week

(Not featuring Dom for the first time in three weeks)

#11 Blue Gatorade vs #12 Ogre's Death Squad

Have a great week 7, gentleman.

HTPB Week 20.2

The theme of the week was massacres and disappointing comeback hopes.

 

Week 2 seemed like we may get some fireworks after only 1 close game in week 1, but 3 chances at  Monday Night miracles only led to 1 come from behind victory although with 3 guys going a only a short lead to overcome, Los Zapatistas win against Bricklayers was expected.  Los Zapatistas was able to overcome 1.85 points from Laviska Shenault which was still more than his keeper Brandon A Yuk (trademark pending, bite me Dom).  Cooper Kupp continues to be an island unto himself on Bricklayers squad who is struggling with their Super Bowl hangover.

It was the week of Rush'n Missiles as 72 points from the Monday night stack of Rodgers and Jones gave RM, the high score and the position bet for the week.  $$ managed to put up only 67 points and that's with Tampa's two defensive TD's giving him 19.  Usually when a team puts up that shit of a score, the defense usually puts up 2 points or less. It takes an entire lineup crap performance to lose by 99 points.  Dollars had 99 problems this week and sleeping through inactives wasn't one. 

The second molly whopping of the week was Hardcore Cabinet's decimation of Ogre's Death Squad.  Kyler Murray and Derrick Henry outscored ODS' entire squad completely by themselves.  In a match-up of what is currently the first place and highest scoring team and the last place lowest scoring team, such a beat down should have been expected. 

In the closest match up of the week, Tinker Stinkers outlasted Eh Bid Dude by 6 points.  A recount of the points was asked for since EBD was supposed to win in quite the rout per EBD's proclamation Yahoo probably missed those two TD's Matt Prater tossed.  It may be too much to overcome tier jumping receiver, Courtland Sutton's 9 for 159.

In another lopsided affair, SMBR took BNE out behind the shop and put a level 45 Elvin Mage of Summoning beat down on BNE.  Lamar Jackson had more rushing yards than both running backs for BNE (James Robinson and Kareem Hunt) combined. These two teams appear to be headed in opposite directions as SMBR bounced back from their tough luck loss last week.

The Collegians hoped for a Monday Night Miracle from MVS but MVS stood for "much vacant scoring".  Blue Gatorade used a well rounded performance from his team to knock Collegians off their one week stay at the top of the standings.  BG managed to put up an impressive 123 points despite 1 point combined from his kicker and tight end. 

Both Big Cat Crushers and Tom Brady have found the fountain of youth as the Year of Big Cat continues.  The final year undefeated season of dreams stayed alive with a 48 point spanking of Italian Stallions.  Dak Prescott avoided the end zone like IS avoids reading and it cost IS.  

There were no bad beats this week as the top 7 scorers all won, leading to only 1 bad beat all season which is very low.  This gives extra credence to the Bill Parcells line, "You are what your record says you are."  AOE was more AO Ewwwww as all took L's.  The Buffoon Squad is holding down the bottom of the standings. It has been a good time to be unaffiliated as the 3 teams that don't do the silly group thing an individual competition have a combined record of 5-1. The Week 2 Power Rankings (minus luck rankings because there is not enough data yet)

1. HC 24-2

2. BCC/SMBR 20-6

4. TC 19-7

5. TS/BG/IS 14-12

8. RM/EBD 13-13

10. LZ 9-17

11. BL 8-18

12. $$ 6-20

13. BNE 5-21

14. ODS 3-33

Looking ahead to week 3.  

The Matchup of the Week is HC vs TC as two teams that have been atop the standings face off.

ODS vs BCC

BNE vs BG

EBD vs IS

LZ vs TS

RM vs SMBR

The Toilet Bowl Match of the week is $$ vs BL.  

Make your picks here  https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/14389/pickem