HTPB 24.3

 

The ranks of the unbeaten and the winless took a big hit this week.  We had ten teams with goose eggs in a column in the standings and now we have 5. Power Rankings will debut next week.  Right now everyone is bunched up for the most part except Tinker Stinkers a clear #1 and The Loins a distant #14.

Hardcore Cabinet 112.65 defeats Blue Gatorade 88.52

(A smiling dad puts his failure bald son in the corner)

Hardcore Cabinet remains undefeated after picking up a third straight win over someone who has slept with one of Kevin's sisters.  Blue Gatorade's receiving core of McConkey and McLauren did McShitty totaling 12 points.  Hunter Henry led the way for Hardcore Cabinet overcoming yet another poor performance from #1 pick Alshon Jeanty and 2nd round pick Tee Higgins scored 1 point.  

Stabmybalzrepeatedly 105.37 defeats Bricklayers 91.99

(A man in a hoodie unleashes a team of 7 year old flag football players with giant steroid aided muscles to attack a man with a tiny head and tons of gel in his hair.)

Despite a big 21 points from Drake Maye and 26 from the Chiefs defense, Bricklayers couldn't crack 92 points.  Despite Bricklayers opponents having secured exactly zero wins against any other team, he has managed to put together only 1 win.  SMBR used a well rounded performance to pick up his first win of the season right before a tough schedule stretch over the next three weeks where his opponents have a combined record of 8-1.

The Collegians 144.70 defeats Eh Big Dude 95.22

(An mysterious wizard known as the schedule maker breaks off his relationship with a giant who has to face reality)

Eh Big Dude finally played someone who didn't have a terrible week and boy howdy did they over correct as the Collegians went nanners for 144 points.  The Collegians outscored their week 1 performance by 99.  EBD spent a majority of his FAAB on Jake Browning who left a giant brown something on the field this week.  When your team is led in scoring by a white running back not named CMC, it could be a dark stretch for EBD.  

Ogre's Death Squad 137.68 defeats Italian Stallions 98.77

(Shrek puts a stallion in a headlock while a lamb with his ankle in a cast cries.)

Geno Smith dropped a 30 spot to give ODS their first victory of the year. He's running a celebration sale on his onlyfans. The Italian Stallions are staring yet another toilet bowl this year especially after Lamb's early injury today.  Even JTT's 33 spot could not save the Stallions from their fate.  Can the Stallions avoid yet another terrible season?

Rush'n Missiles 124.65 defeats Bay-Bay's 82.63

(A coach chases off a Mountie making sure he is gets back.)

Bay-Bay's returned to where they feel the most comfortable, losing without breaking 100 this week.  RM was able to return to winning form as Josh Allen returned to form as well, getting 27 points.  James Conner was lost for the season for Bay-Bay's. Could Bay-Bay's fall of a cliff just like year after a hot start?   

Tinker Stinkers 132.05 defeats Dollars 126.28

(A dwarf smashes a zombie made of money with his bag of Arby's while a sad reporter takes notes on the changing battle.)

Tinker Stinkers used a whole heaping serving of Monday Night Magic to continue his steam rolling through the league through 3 weeks.  Both Lamar and Montgomery got over 30 points as Dollars tried to get his season of the mat behind two running backs who currently aren't splitting carries in Hampton and Mason.  Right now that all time winning percentage is taking a pretty big hit. Currently his playoff predictions are toilet bowl worthy as well as they have 2 teams that are currently in the top 7 for a combined 33% win percentage.  Take away HC's 3-0 record and the other 6 have a combined 4 wins. 

Los Zapatistas 108.50 defeat Big Nasty Express 103.84

(A man in a sombrero just edges out a train driven by Caleb Williams in a race called "Monday Night")

The BNE tried to pull of  the upset with Caleb Williams scoring a third of his team's points but the victory slipped through his painted nails.  The Zapatistas remained undefeated mainly thanks to the Colts are their horse based defense.   Will BNE still have a chance to make the playoffs when all of his injured guys return?  Will LZ ever lose?  Will I come up with something funny for this game? 

1. no

2. yes

3. not really, this bit is weak

The top pickers went 5-2 this week, with SMBR, BNE, ODS, and EBD hitting those games correctly.  EBD has at least been tied for 1st all three weeks and is our overall leader.  Everybody else got 3 right except for TC who got 4. 

Here are the guys that everybody else was stupid for letting them fall in the draft

BNE- Shaheed

RM- Judkins

TS -Warren 

LZ- Egbuka

ODS- Ayomanor

BB-Javontae Williams

EBD- Diggs

$$- Tuten

IS- Etienne

HC- JCM

BL- Kraft

Too Shitty of a bench- BG,TC

Always fucking with me on the question: SMBR

Game of the Week

#2 Los Zapatistas vs Rush'n Missiles #4

HC vs SMBR

EBD vs BNE

IS vs BB

BG vs ODS

TS vs TC

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#13 Dollars vs #12 Bricklayers

Good luck to all next week! 

Click here for episode 1 of Ruthless.

HTPB 24.1

 

Welcome back HTPB fans!  It's time for season 24!  The Lone Wolves are the top three in the standings with actual lone wolves taking the next three spots.  Goons are 0fer, and AOE only has a win because one got to beat another. 

(A giant hammer drives a nail into a Stallion)

Hardcore Cabinet 105 defeats Italian Stallions 75

Death, taxes, and Hardcore Cabinet defeating The Loins.  For the 14th straight regular season, Italian Stallions lost to Hardcore Cabinet.  The Loins have been crowing about their victory in the third place game last season, but listen very closely to this finely crafted sentence that is 100% accurate.  The Italian Stallions have not defeated Hardcore Cabinet in a game that could have trophy implications since 2011.  Luckily, there is a chance at redemption for you later this season.  But unlikely.

(A man with a small head bullies a little girl basketball player while her bald brother gets ready to defend her.)

Blue Gatorade 112 defeats Bricklayers 100

Bricklayers began their Sunday by sicking their squad of older girls against a poor helpless little angel on the basketball court.  However like a good big brother, Blue Gatorade rushed to defend his little sister against such a bully.  With only 19 points combined out of the Jags stack in a good game for Jacksonville, it could be a long season for the Layers.  Blue Gatorade unlike that piece of cow dung, Jimmy Haslem, stuck with Baker Mayfield to the tune of 27 points.

(A mountie steals a toy train)

Bay-Bay's 100 defeats Big Nasty Express 87

In a matchup of two teams that have traditionally been the moveable object and resistible force, Bay-Bay's has made off with a win to start his season.  What week will the bottom fall out this year?  Stay tuned.  The Express got destroyed more in Primetime games than Primetime's toes and bladder.   Already losing Worthy for a significant stretch of time could spell another season sifting through BNE's fingers like sands of the hour glass. Things don't look to be getting any better for the BNE family as Alex was guillotined this week in the league that his father started.  Generational fantasy poverty is a problem in this country.  

(A homeless man clutches a football trophy in his cardboard box while a man in a sombrero laughs at him)

Los Zapatistas 120 defeat The Collegians 45

The Collegians championship defense started with a whimper.  Not a single player scored double digits for the The Collegians.  Hall and Herbert alone would have produced a win for The Shoes.  Zapatistas has cashed 3 years in a row and looks to continue his hot streak.  Can he overcome the Kittle injury?

(Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler having a slap fight while wearing sundresses.)

                                                                    I can’t create that image.

But if you’d like something fun and surreal in a similar playful spirit, I could make a picture of two generic dictators in vintage sundresses having a silly slap-fight cartoon style. That way you get the humor and absurdity without using real-world figures tied to atrocities.

Want me to make that version?

So I said yes and it literally gave me the exact thing it said I couldn't have.  

Eh Big Dude 98 defeats Dollars 72

The defenses did most of the light lifting that was needed in this matchup.  The D's accounted for 21% of the matchup's total points.  Dollars playoff predictions got off to a rocky start as well as Hardcore Cabinet was the only of his 7 to get a win in week 1.  EBD gets a win in week 1 despite retiring from the league after last season.    

(Dwarf wrapped in a meat blanket standing victorious over a beaten Comic Book guy from the Simpsons after an epic battle in the roman colosseum.)

Yeah I know it's more Chief Wiggum than Comic Book Guy, but boy howdy check out that meat blanket.

Tinker Stinkers 142 defeats StabmyBalzrepeatedly 137

A high scoring matchup featuring fantasy studs like Mahomes and Henry vs Jackson and CMC led to lots of fireworks.  Both squads have planted their flags in the ground to be reckoned with this season.  Tinker Stinkers put up a league high point total with only 4 TD's.  Impressive and should be giving the rest of the league night terror sweats to go with Jason's usual meat sweats.  

(A shirtless Vladimir Putin rides Shrek like a pony)

Rush'n Missiles 125 Ogre's Death Squad 124

In a finally margin smaller than the space between ODS's front teeth, but so was the margin in LZ vs TC.  Josh Allen's huge day led the way for RM as he raked in 40 points.  ODS QB Fields also had a big day but that feels less sustainable.  Did ODS waste his opportunity to capitalize like just missing the ice cream truck?  Not for the cool sugary refreshments but for the conglomeration of children.  RM breaks his 100 point cherry early.  

 

To recap last year, HC won with 65 LZ was last with 45

This year's records can be found here.

Our Clubhouse leaders are EBD and LZ with 5-2 records. The real story is the amount of zeros.  $$$, BNE, and IS all went winless.  They are also 3 of the bottom 4 of the standings after 1 week.  Coincidence?  I think not.  

No power rankings yet, but put your bets in what week BNE and BL complain that their team FEELS like it's better than the data says so they get offended, but rest easy you two, both in real life and in math you deserved to lose this week.  

Game of the Week 

#1 Tinker Stinkers vs #4 Blue Gatorade

#2 RM vs #5 HC

#9 ODS vs #11 BNE

#6 BB vs #14 TC

#13 $$ vs #3 LZ

#7 EBD vs #8 SMBR

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week featuring ironically the last two Toilet Bowl "winners"

#10 Bricklayers vs #12 Italian Stallions

Good luck next week.

If you enjoy my take in fake football, you may also enjoy my takes on fake fighting.  This Friday my very own podcast on the North South Connection Network debuts.  So check out Ruthless as I take a week by week look at wrestling 20 years ago, with the same humor you have come to know here. 

HTPB 23.11

 

With Thanksgiving approaching, the members of HTPB took some time to give thanks.  So here they are.  

It's the big leagues. No flake ass shit. CTC/DOSP being it's own institution, the draft. Great times.

The 14 members & Big Cat

That I can get a response from owners for just posting something. Good or bad, it’s always good for me. Business is good. Go Dudes! Btw I’m not just going to give a boring unoriginal response. lol

That the league exists

How close it keeps us all.

Taysom Hill

Thankful for the good times and that HTPB gets us together

The longevity of the league

Torn ACL's and all around injuries

Kickers and Ruth Ferrell

This league is my socialization outlet. Two parties a year, a reason to gather. It is a creative outlet for my writing. An opportunity to make people laugh.

The absurd defense rules we have in the league this year that allowed me to beat Bricklayers last week and avoid the toiletries fingers crossed

Bigs and Ferrell's Energy and time and hard work

Getting to talk shit and have fun with all of you fellas!

I am thankful that Kevin and Big E are dicks, but really I am thankful for this league as it has been the tie that binds.  It's what keeps us talking, keeps us together.  

Bay-Bay's defeat Bricklayers

A mountie presents a man with a tiny head with a golden toilet. 

Bay-bay's snapped their 7 game losing streak by defeating Bricklayers.  Bricklayers has clinched the toilet trophy.   Please store it properly and not in a damp garage.  Keep in in your closet next to your leather bracelets and pencil ties but don't be dickhead and damage it.   I think maybe that toilet bowls could be used as tie breaker to determine who is the best when teams are tied for most championships. Bay-Bay's may be rubbing fine Canadians syrup on himself in celebration right now but that doesn't change the fact that the franchise has never made the playoffs and hasn't played a meaningful game past Thanksgiving.  The team is always monitoring players during the season and their health status, but apparently fails to do this level of research for the draft.  Insert dodgeball strategy meme.  

Blue Gatorade defeats the Collegians

A man is hoist on his own petard

The Collegians whose record is much better than it should be based on all numbers still decided to spit in the face of the fantasy gods and call his shot this week.  Without Burrow and Chase, the Collegians are nothing much, and fell to Blue Gatorade who scored the most points they have all season and have beaten Collegians twice this season.  I have filed to petition to the commissioner to ban Collegians from the post season, as losing to BG twice should be grounds for termination.  Can Burrow and Chase put together three straight rounds of great performances to carry Collegians to a title?

Dollars defeats Hardcore Cabinet

George Washington from the Dollar bill steals a trophy.

Dollars cruised to an easy win to avenge last year's Super Bowl and week 1.  Hardcore Cabinet has now lost two in a row to dim their first round bye hopes.  (I don't know how you people live like this.)  Dollars managed to put up 133 points with Kyler Murray not breaking double digits.  Hardcore Cabinet wasted a lot of points last week against ODS and should have saved some for this week.  Dollars still has a shot at the first round bye if he can run the table.  A tall order but possible.  

Italian Stallions defeat Eh Big Dude

Rocky Balboa stands victorious and steals a man's vape.

Saquon Barkley run all over Eh Big Dude to give the Loins the inside track to the first round bye.  Tua and Archane out double dipped Hurts and Brown.  It's been a dark road post week 10 for Eh Big Dude, as they have lost two in a row.  There is a thread the needle scenario where EBD could miss the playoffs.  Italian Stallions have scored over 100 points every single game this year.  Will this be IS crowning achievement with his best team yet?  Or will he be the 2016 Warriors and blow it in the playoffs.  Time will tell.

Stabmybalzrepeatedly defeats Tinker Stinkers 

A dwarf is held captive in a pole barn.

Brandon Allen was signed just before kickoff, but SMBR could have kept Brock Purdy in the lineup and defeated Tinker Stinkers who's playoff chances are now on life support. Josh Jacobs scored 3 TD's to lead the way for SMBR who can keep the league's longest active playoff streak alive if he finishes with 2 wins and a little help. He's barely paying attention and is ahead of four teams.  Time to look in the mirror.  On the bright side, Mahomes has made TS more respectable the second half of the season after finally finding a home after several trades. 

Ogre's Death Squad defeats Big Nasty Express

A feeble Shrek needs to use a walker to get past a red bearded hill person.

Ogre's Death Squad takes the ultimate schedule win with the second lowest points of the week.  Where was this last week?  (Stares in Taysom Hill).  Jayden Daniels scored 20% of the points in the entire matchup.  ODS is firmly in the muddle around the final playoff spot, while BNE will need to win out with impressive point totals to have a shot.  ODS does get to wind up the season with BB and BL which is about as soft of a landing as you can get.  Honestly not making the playoffs would be Big E ing this away.  

Rush 'n Missiles defeats Los Zapatistas

A wounded wolf in a sombrero is about to get hit with a missile strike.

After a 6 game win streak, the Shoes have lost 4 out of 5.    Rush N'  Missiles is currently in the final playoff spot and is projected by Yahoo to keep it.  Can RM hold on or will it slip through his fingers like the final leg of late night rebound based parlay on the West coast.  RM does have an easy schedule the rest of the way with two teams barely clinging to life in BNE and TS.  RM has won every game this year that his opponent hasn't scored more than 103 points and that's been a tall order for those two this season so RM would totally choke if he doesn't make it.  Have I said that both RM and ODS are total choke artists if they both don't take the one remaining spot. You're god damn right I did.  The 40 points scored by RM kicker/defense was enough to combine with a well rounded attack to sweep the leader of the Wolves this season.  Could there be a new alpha of the wolf pack?  Or maybe the head Beta. 

EBD and IS took home the win this week with 5-2 record, while LZ took home a smelly 1-6 record.  He is in last place overall, 6 whole wins behind next to last.  HC holds a one game lead over TC and two over BL.  Since BL only picks the higher projected, Yahoo does know what it's talking about I guess.  

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10U1yZLxPBRtqUHSNx8yUlUHe2l8aNko6d5y9UO14BRI/edit?usp=sharing

#1 LZ 116-40

#2. EBD 114-42

#3 HC 109-47

#4 IS 107-49

It's been these 4 teams all season, if you didn't know that, you haven't been paying attention.  So Kevin doesn't know this.

#5 $$$ 86-70

Dollars stands alone in the above average leagues

#6 RM 76-80

#7 TC 75-81

Smedium Teams

#8 ODS 69-87

#9 BB 68-88

#10 BNE 66-90

#11 TS 64-92

#12 SMBR 60-96

Still alive if even if braindead on a machine for some

#13 BL 45-111

#14 BG 37-119

BG has tightened this up but they are both legendarily shitty. 

The bye week is IS to lose with 94% probability.  HC 3% $$ 1%

Playoff Odds

100% Club

IS, HC, TC, $$, 

Basically in but chaos could happen

LZ 99%

EBD 95%

Fighting for that last spot

RM 67%

ODS 27%

SMBR 8%

Terri Schiavo

TS 0.52%

BNE 0.17%

Thanks for Playing

BB, BG, BL

Game of the Week

 #1 Italian Stallions vs #3 Dollars 

2 HC vs 6 EBD

8 ODS vs 12 BB

11 BNE vs 7 RM 

13 BG vs 9 SMBR

14 BL vs 5 LZ

4 TC vs 10 TS

Every game still has playoff implications and as of right now so does next week so keep up on those rosters BB, BL, and BG.

HTPB 23.11

 

The big 4 had a rough week overall and the race for the final playoff spot tightened up even more.  Plus we have a clear leader in the race to the bottom.

Big Nasty Express defeats Eh Big Dude

The King of a trailer park surrenders but has his fingers crossed behind his back.

Big Nasty Express kept their glimmer of playoff hopes alive with a come from behind win over EBD.  This whole time we assumed EBD evil plan was from week 10 to until the end of the season, but turns out it may have been just week 10.   Spencer Shrader and Travis Kelce took the afternoon off allowing the Will Dissly and Cody Dicker combo to give EBD a double dicking   EBD has a playoff seed sown up but is going to need to do a bit of work to get the coveted first round bye.  

Ogre's Death Squad defeats Hardcore Cabinet

In the highest scoring matchup of the season, Ogre's Death Squad kept their playoff hopes alive with 3 last minute garbage time TD's by Daniels, St. Brown, and Hill.  The Browns rolled over and died so that Hill could run amok and keep ODS' playoff hopes alive.  There were 13 total TD's in this game or as Blue Gatorade calls that a whole season.  Can this big win propel ODS to a playoff spot or most likely like most ODS seasons, not amount to much of anything.

Dollars defeats Rush N' Missiles

Rush N' Missiles got almost 50 points from the double brownie stack of Winston and Jeudy which had to be a best case scenario and still lost by double digits.  RM was given an opportunity to climb up the playoff ladder by defeating the team directly above him, but instead was chewed up and spat out like a lip full of dip at the scoring table at youth sporting event.  Dollars had a trio players cross the goal line twice and rode them to victory.  Next week Dollars looks to cement their playoff berth and gain revenge against Hardcore Cabinet after failing in back to back games in the Super Bowl and week 1.  

Italian Stallions defeat Tinker Stinkers

A tiny man is upset by an Italian horse eating his smoked meats

Tinker Stinkers blamed their lineup choices with 6 TD's on the bench, but Italian Stallions can only beat who shows up.  Who did show up for Tinker Stinkers, you say?  Ah well Ricky Pearsall who had a big hole in his body and scorecard with a 0.  Also showing up, the old washed Browns backfield.  Were Metcalf and Kevin Mack, Crack attack not available?  The Loins were the only member of the big 4 to get a win this week, but they were unable to get into pole position for the bye.  Tinker Stinkers has been getting better production of late from Mahomes.  Did I include that sentence just because of this video that I found?  Yes.

Stabmybalzrepeatedly defeats Los Zapatistas

A Magic the Gathering style card of a Slayer of Mexican Wolves

Don't look now but Los Zapatistas has lost 3 out of 4 with lone win being over Blue Gatorade which shouldn't even count.  Like Big E in the third inning of a Little League World Series game, has The Shoes climaxed prematurely?  LZ finally did not break the 100 point mark thanks to absolute shit performances from everyone but James Cook and new edition of his candy girl, Justin Herbert.    SMBR still has some faint playoff hopes.

The Collegians defeat Bay-Bay's

Adam Cole dressed as a Mountie getting attacked by a Bengal tiger

Bay-Bay's has now lost 7 in a row after a 3-1 start.  Things have not gone well the past two months for Bay-Bay's shown in his season highlights. Haven't heard any of that AOE drunken recruitment pitches in quite some time.  The Collegians continue to win almost solely on the backs of Joe Burrow and Jamar Chase.  It's hard banking on them for three straight rounds in the playoffs.  Can the Collegians jump ahead in the standings despite being far behind in the power rankings?  Time will tell.  Next week we will see if Collegians jynxed themselves and hoist on his own petard against Blue Gatorade this week.  

Blue Gatorade defeats Bricklayers

A bald teenager pours bricks into a toilet

Blue Gatorade has now put a bit of breathing room between himself and Bricklayers for the toilet trophy.  Bricklayers will have to win at least two games in his final 3 against Bay-Bay's, Los Zapatistas, and Ogre's Death Squad.  Blue Gatorade was aided by Cooper Rush being terrible and the Texans defense scoring a whopping 33 points to get BG $5 so the season hasn't been total wash.  Bricklayers may complain that yet another team had a better than their average week against him, but if you lose to a team that starts Ray-Ray McCloud regularly, it's time for a long look in the mirror. Also I know you aren't a teenager any more Max but AI doesn't really hone in on young man.  

1. LZ 109-34

2. HC 104-39

3. EBD 104-39

LZ has company at the top of the power rankings for the first time this season.

4. IS 94-49

The cheese so nice, stands alone.

5. $$ 74-69

6. TC 72-71

The rest of the playoff teams

7. ODS 67-76

8. RM 65-78

9. BNE 65-78

10. BB 64-79

Teams with playoff hopes and BB's.

11. TS 58-85

12. SMBR 52-91

Their actual records are giving them hope but they have not been good teams this season.

13. BL 45-98

Toiletries in coming

14.  BG 28-115

How the fuck he has lined up those 3 wins in that 28 possible is amazing.  

This week The Collegians took home the honors with an impressive 6-1 week.  Scores were low all around but LZ and RM took home the shit cake with 1-6 record.  TC has moved into a tie with HC atop the standings and LZ brings up the abajo.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10U1yZLxPBRtqUHSNx8yUlUHe2l8aNko6d5y9UO14BRI/edit?usp=sharing

HTPB 23.8

 Week 8 has established the have and the have nots and even some of the haves, have a lot more.

The Collegians defeat Dollars

A man hides under the covers from the number 100.

Dollars has faced an opponent who scored over 100 four times this season and he has lost three of those times.  Cade Otton and his 25 points were able to pick up for a sub par Burrow game who thankfully for the Collegians connected to Jamar Chase for his lone TD.  Cooper Kupp returned to the lineup for Dollars and got into the end zone.  The silver lining for Dollars, is that losing with 117 points will lower how lucky he has been this season.    

Italian Stallions defeats Big Nasty Express

A train robbery led by Mario and Luigi on horseback.

Big Nasty Express put up their second cripplingly shitty week destroying any chance of any tie breaker win for the Express and their multiple decade odyssey for a championship.  The Loins got back on the winning side after a blip loss last week, however they will fall a spot in the standings.  Jordan Love got injured an apparently the rest of his team took him to the hospital as single digits ruled the day for the Express with only Marvin Harrison rocking a number in the tens place. The Stallions got a boost with Tua's return who helped stabilize his quarterback position and gave Achane some room to work. Italian Stallions will try to lead a playoff push and maybe win money for the first time since 2011.  You know what else hasn't happened since 2011.....

Eh Big Dude defeats Ogre's Death Squad

Michael Myers from Halloween meets Michael Myers from Shrek

Ogre's Death Squad left two twenty point scorers on the bench but it wouldn't have mattered as EBD dropped 146 points on him.  Jalen Hurts scored 4 TD's, 3 of which were on the ground while ODS scored 2 TD total.  Eh Big Dude keeps trying to get closer to week 10 for his grand plan.  Now that his team of traded for injured players are healthy can they stay that way?  Since being voted the trick or treat team most likely to make the playoffs, ODS has lost three in a row, and failed to break 90 points. 

 

Stabmybalzrepeatedly defeats Bricklayers

An evil clown with a red shirt with a K on his shirt smashes through a brick wall.

After ensuring not having the first winless season in league history, Bricklayers went back to their losing ways.  The Allen/Kincaid super stack came through but it wasn't enough as SMBR rolled. Goff had an insane stat line, 85 passing yards with 3 touchdowns and 20 fantasy points.  Bricklayers is trying to avoid trying to get his name on the toilet trophy for the second time in 5 years.    And 3rd overall.  

Hardcore Cabinet defeats Los Zapatistas

A man chases a pack of wolves off his porch with a broom.

Hardcore Cabinet won this battle of the last two former champions and swept through the Wolves this season.    Hardcore Cabinet has scored the most points in the league the each of the last two weeks.  HC got 8 touchdowns compared Los Zapatistas 5 in hard luck loss.  Caleb Williams was traded Josh Downs for 8 points.  Is it a good strategy to be tied to two rookie QB's and trying to guess which one will suck less? This may be what unties the shoes.  Don't look know but Hardcore Cabinet is going to be in the mix for back to back champions.  I'm sure he'll never mention that if he goes back to back.  Not even once.

Tinker Stinkers defeat Bay-Bay's

(A small man attacks a mountie with smoked meats)

Bay-Bay's took his 4th straight loss as it is beginning to look like BB's streak of never having made the playoffs in his career looks to continue.  CJ Stroud has been no bueno lately, which will happen when all your receivers are hurt.  Patrick Mahomes has been passed around this season but he has settled in with the Stinkers with his first multiple TD pass game since week 3.  The Stinkers have brought together Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt to saddle up once again to ride together.  Can either of these teams make a run to the playoffs sitting two games back from the final spot? Both of their schedules ease up a bit the rest of the way.  

Rush'N Missiles defeat Blue Gatorade

A Get back coach yells at a teenager.

This game existed and Rush 'N Missiles picked up another lucky win.  Blue Gatorade has only broken 100 points once this season.  The only thing that can be done for this team is to make Blue Gatorade comfortable and give the other flavors of sugary sports drinks time to say their goodbyes.  RM traded away Jalen Hurts just in time for him to finally out perform Baker Mayfield so he can continue to get less out of the position that he should.  RM has 4 straight games against teams in the top 6 of the standings so he might find himself, getting the fuck back in the standings.  

SMBR takes home the vicotry in week 8 going 6-1 while a host of losers went 3-4, EBD, LZ, BNE, IS and BG.  HC is our new overall leader and EBD is our new last place picker. Full totals can be seen here.

1.  LZ 91-13

He's been a bulldozer all year.  

2. EBD 76-28

3. HC 72-32

4. IS 67-37

These teams are really good, at this point it would be a big upset if somebody not in the top four wins the Big Cat.

5. BB 55-49

Much like being the lone Canadian, BB is the lone team in this tier and has been by far the unluckiest.

6. $$ 51-53

7. TC 50-54

8. RM 49-55

There records may be winning in the standings but have been lucky to be 5-3

9. BNE 43-61

10. TS 41-63

11. ODS 40-64

12. SMBR 37-67

13. BL 36-68

They have point totals in the 700's and losing records.  The playoffs will be a long shot.

14. BG 20-84

How the fuck does he have two wins.  This team is one of the shittiest in league history.

Game of the Week

#1 Los Zapatistas vs #4 Eh Big Dude

#2 HC vs #14 BL

#9 ODS vs #13 BG

#8 BB vs #6 $$

#11 SMBR vs #5 TC

#3 IS vs #7 RM 

(Winner takes the Mike Johnson Cup)

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#12 Big Nasty Express vs #10 Tinker Stinkers

Enjoy the Week.