Welcome Flaggots! Week 2 saw the league return to form as 71% of the league is .500. In a crazy stat, the top three owners in the standings have all had sexual relations with a Johnson sibling. Hey Kevin, cherish your butt, I do.
A male nurse dumps out Blue Gatorade
Blue Gatorade tried to get his second win in a row with shit for points to go with his shit for brains, but Dollars said No No. Kyler realized that Marvin Harrison Jr is on the team and very good at football and gave Dollars 32 points which is significantly more than the negative 0.40 that Keon Coleman and Cade Otton combined for. Dollars have lost Cooper Kupp for awhile with an injury and Blue Gatorade lost his pride.
A man with a tiny head holds a sign that says I stand corrected.
The Collegians leapt out of last place and into all the way into XXX place. The squad was lead mainly by the Bills defense who scored 32 points. Bricklayers coaching staff seems to be at odds with the front office. The front office spent a good portion of the salary cap to bring in Alexander Mattison this week after being very disappointing the previous year. The coaching staff refused to play him, hell even the Raiders gave him only 1 carry. The early selection of Mahomes continues to be a point of concern for Bricklayers, as Mahomes comes in at the 11th highest scoring QB through two weeks. Bricklayers finishes the week in next to last place.
A man with three trophies attends the funeral of Christian McCaffery.
The Big Nasty Express derailed all over itself after he was rescued with touchdowns all over the place last week. But as BNE can tell you, that regression to the mean is a mother fucker. Christian McCaffery was put on IR but even if they put his ass on a rocket in the field, it would not have been enough to overcome the all time shit show the rest of the squad accomplished. I mean CMC being injured doesn't effect having Greg Dortch in your week 2 lineup. Josh Allen led the way with 10 points. 10! Hardcore could have started just JK Dobbins and Lamar Jackson and won the game. It is the lowest score in league history in the highest scoring era in league history. That's like having the least home runs during the steroid fueled 90s. Hardcore Cabinet didn't get far himself as JK Dobbins was the only position player to exceed projections but it was plenty enough to smash BNE and start the season unbeaten.
Shrek stomps on an Arby's bag full of roast beef.
Tinker Stinkers failed to break 60. It was so awful for TS this week that, Justin Jefferson's 97 yard touchdown catch was more points than anyone else on his roster scored the entire week. Might be time to get that monkey suit on and return to Mexico. Ogre's Death Squad was lead by Jordan Mason becoming the starter in place of CMC and was recharged from a weekend in the mountains with Milt. Unfortunately for ODS, his nut sack wasn't the only thing stretched beyond repair as St. Brown and Pacheco stretched some ligaments. There you go Bigs, that's how to write something up, you son of a bitch. Stay off my lawn. Do I lurk in little league stands? Do I sneak my cherry tomato toe into pictures? So as Cory would say. "Get the fuck back."
A wolf in a sombrero attacks a horse colored like the Italian Flag
The Shoes bounced back in a big way with a win over the Italian Stallions in the highest scoring matchup of the week. James Cook went touchdown crazy on Thursday night and got 44 points out of his kicker and defense. New rules! Italian Stallions still managed to have the third highest scoring week despite Tua Tangcanonlyeayjello getting yet another unsettling concussion. It is crazy that a lot of our understanding of concussions is thanks to 11 time World Champion Edge. Google Chris Nowinski if you don't know who he is or click here.
A man destroys another man's comic store and then marries his sister in the wreckage.
Rush 'n Missles took the lead in the Mike Johnson Cup with his victory over SMBR. Alvin Kamara brought back his 2020 HTPB Super Bowl energy and dropped 4 touchdowns and that was enough to get the win despite the rest of RM's Sunday position players putting up a robust 5 points a man. Breece Hall was the lone bright spot for SMBR. Who dodged the CMC bullet but that hasn't been enough for him to avoid an 0-2 start and Kevin should be mentally checking out of the season shortly. Rush n' Missiles is 2-0 for the first time in his 9 year history in the league.
Jason Vorhees establishes dominance over the family girly magazine shack.
Eh Bid Dude put up a ton of points yet again and this time pulled out a victory. EBD used the stack of Dimes and Nabers to narrowly miss out of the high score of the week. Stay tuned for a stat correction? Kyler Murray got on his tippie toes and peeked over the offensive line to see that Marvin Harrison Jr existed and it paid off. BB's had a high score but it was deceptive with 35 points or 30% of his total score came from kicker and defense. Bay-Bay's will try to refocus on what's important.
Week 2 Pick'em Results
The Loins and the Missiles went 4-3 to lead the way, while BB and SMBR brought the rear with 2-5 records. Season long totals? Available here.
Game of the Week
#1 Rush'n Missiles vs #4 Eh Big Dude
BB vs BG
BL vs IS
HC vs TC
LZ vs TS
Toilet Bowl Game of the Week
(and after week 2, it might be of the season)
#10 Big Nasty Express vs #14 Stabmybalzrepeatedly
We will see you next week in Floggotville with the debut of the power rankings!
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