To check out this week's Raw and Smackdown podcast "Ruthless" and all the fun that goes with that, just click this link.
This week Heat has been preempted on Sunday by Spike TV so it aired Saturday Night before Velocity.
Saturday Night Heat with Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow
Match #1
Hurricane/Rosey vs Arch Kincaid/Bobby Rude
Hurricane gives a mask to kid ringside. Snow asks if it gave Coach flashbacks to when his parents would put a paper bag on his head. Hurricane and Arch Kincaid start the action with Hurricane. The super hero starts out with an arm bar, headlock, shoulder block combo and does the patented Hurricane pose. Arch Kincaid hits a shoulder block and does a weird pose, apparently Kincaid wants to be known as the "Sexual Intellectual". Hurricane hits another shoulder block and once again shows Kincaid the proper pose.
Tag to Rosey, who locks in his own arm bar. Kincaid tries several punches to Rosey's stomach but they have no effect, so he levels Kincaid with a clothesline. A diving splash and falling headbutt leave Kincaid in a bad way. Kincaid rakes the eyes to tag in a bleach blonde Bobby Rude. Rosey hits them with a double clothesline and tags in Hurricane for a top rope cross body for a two count. Kincaid low bridges Hurricane and he topples to the outside. Back in the ring, Rude lays the boots. Tag into Kincaid for a double suplex, and some weird soft heat butts to the ribs. Tag back to Rude for a body slam, and jumping knee, and locks in a back stretch. Hurricane hits a desperation tornado DDT. They both crawl to make the tag. Rosey's hot tag has clotheslines, a back body drop, sidewalk slam, body slam, super hero leg drop. Rude attempts to break up the cover so Rosey moves and hits Kincaid. Rosey stacks them in the corner for a double splash. Hurricane hits a shining wizard. The heroes hit their finish of a spinning Somoan drop combined with a neckbreaker combo to win in 6:39. (**)
Match #2
Tommy Dreamer vs Rico with Miss Jackie
They trade headlocks, til a Rico take down that allows him to ride Tommy like a pony. Rico offers for Tommy to ride him now, but Dreamer kicks him in the gut. Rico jumps into Dreamer's arms Bugs Bunny in a dress and Dreamer slams him after some playful eye contact. Rico hits a back elbow and lots of kicks and rope added pin attempt fails. Loud Rico sucks chants. He hits a middle rope double ax handle. While Rico distracts the referee, Miss Jackie comes in and hits a float over DDT. A big clothesline from the top his blocked by Dreamer. The Innovator of Violence gets an atomic drop and neck breaker for 2. Rico avoids the death valley driver, but his powerbomb attempt is countered into a Spicoli driver. Jackie puts Rico's foot on the rope to avoid the pinfall. Dreamer hits a big DDT but Jackie runs in to stop the count and Dreamer plants a kiss on her. He turns into spinning heel kick to pick up the win in 3:42. (*)
In the back, Rosey is about have a donut. Hurricane flies in to stop him. "This could be why you were stuck in a phone booth", The Hurricane informs his protégée. Rosey says that it's a protein donut. John Heidenrich enters and says they are his favorite duo. He wants a blurry jpeg photo of the three of them with his flip phone for Little Johnny. They agree to the photo op. Hurricane asks if Little Johnny wants to be in a photo, but Heidenrich says that little Johnny is camera shy and leaves. Hurricane tells Rosey, no more donuts, so Rosey walks off dejected. Hurricane takes a bite of the donut.
Johnathan Coachman is in the ring to announce his new role as the official book reviewer of Monday Night Raw. He will begin with Lita' s book. He says that it is a sham because she doesn't give him any credit for her come back from neck surgery even though he inspired her every week when they were the commentary team on Heat together. The book should be in the fiction section. Lita comes out, and says that Coach did inspire her. She was inspired to quit broadcasting and get back into the ring because Coach was such a pain to deal with. Coach says he's 6'4 230 pounds and she should watch what she says. Leave and let him finish his business. She asks to be allowed to apologize to Coach. Words can't express how sorry she is so she would like to show him physically. The gently touches coach's arm and then boots him in the gut which sends him between the ropes and to the floor.
We are show the Road Warrior Hawk tribute video.
Match #3
Val Venis vs Steven Richards with Victoria
Steven Richards comes out wearing a towel and mocks Val's entrance, but Val attacks before he can finish it. Lots of punches, elbows, and kicks, until Val hits a Russian leg sweep. Victoria grabs Val's leg which allows Richards to hit a DDT. He heads to the top but Val hits the ropes to crotch him. Val hits a clothesline, shoulder block, half nelson slam, and powerbomb for a 2 count. Val goes up for the money shot but Richards gets the knees up. Val gets the boot up on a charge and gets a fisherman suplex, but Victoria has the ref's attention. Val makes camera motions because apparently he wants to film her for a movie made in the 1940's. She goes to punch Val but he ducks and instead connects with Richards. Val hits a spinebuster and then a leg lock that Richards has to tap out to because Victoria can't save him since she is very busy yelling at her fist in 4:54. (*1/4)
Velocity
Josh Matthews as play by play and Michael Cole on color.
Michael spends most of the evening just being awful to Matthews to varying degrees of success. But it is very weird and awkward. Maybe we will get a similar Josh storyline on Smackdown that we got with Coach on Raw.
Match #1
Shannon Moore vs Orlando Jordon
Orlando Jordon starts with a shoulder block and a hip toss. Moore pokes the eyes and trips Jordon onto the ropes. He starts laying in kicks to the head and chokes him. Moore hits a snap suplex and a side back suplex. OJ gets a boot up on a top rope flying nothing. Jordon got the leg up with Moore even jumped so it looked extra stupid. Jordon nails a flying forearm and follows it up with a back body drop and a Johnson shuffle series of punches to get a 2 count. OJ gets caught on a corner charge with a boot by Moore who follows up with a leaping leg lariat from the middle rope. Moore throws a tantrum after the 2 count. He walks right into a swinging neck breaker for the win in 3:46. (*)
Match #2
Spanky & Paul London vs Rob Bagley & Mike Taylor
Spanky starts out with Bagley. Both jobbers have platinum blonde bleached hair and served in the military. Bagley hits a shoulder block but is quickly brought down with a drop toe hold. He tags in Paul London who hits a sunset flip, but a kick to the guy allows for the tag to Mike Taylor. London hits a monkey flip in the corner and Spanky nails a top rope cross body for 2. Spanky hits a flip over drop kick on Taylor but Bagley catches him for a stun gun. It's neck vise time. Tag out to Bagley who locks in his own neck vise. Riveting stuff. Spanky rolls through to tag London. London hits several drop kicks, avoids a double suplex. Both jobbers are sent outside after suplexes and get hit with stereo suicide dives. A STO shining wizard combo end it for the brand new team in 5:03 (**)
The APA are walking in the hall talking about how they wished Britney Spears would kiss Jenna Jameson. They are aghast to see London and Spanky at their poker table. The rookies want to celebrate their first big win. Bradshaw is upset that they drank some of their beer and ate their popcorn. He is so upset that he dumps other beer and popcorn on Spanky. Bradshaw suggests that they should beat them up. Spanky begs for mercy. Bradshaw lightens up a bit and says that in order to make in this business you have you bust your ass and Faarooq adds to drink your ass off. Kendrick grabs a beer and pours it in his mouth. He slumps over to the floor. He must have had quite the head start. The APA thinks he has some potential. London says he doesn't drink but he'll try. The camera pans to Faarooq who says, "Damn."
Match #3
Rey Mysterio & Ultimo Dragon & Kidman vs FBI
During the entrances Matthews says the FBI are an Italian Dream Team, the faces are an International Dream Team, Cole interrupts Matthews to say that Matthews' team is the Wet Dream Team. What?
Ultimo Dragon and Nunzio start out. Nunzio gets on a kick attempt for a leg sweep. Double back elbows as tags are made. Kidman squares off his Johnny the Bull now. Kidman gets an arm drag, head scissors, and clothesline for 2. Chuck Palumbo pulls Kidman down from the apron so the heels can take advantage. Polumbo is tagged in and starts beating Kidman in the corner, a snap mare, and spinal tap kick, neck vise. Kidman escapes for a drop kick but gets squished with a somoan drop quickly to stop Kidman from tagging. Kidman is able to get a hurricanrana and tags in Rey. Nunzio is in now and gets hit with flying cross body, flapjack, and a drop kick. Johnny the Bull comes in and sent out. A seated senton to Palumbo. Nunzio is kicked to the middle rope but The Bull pulls Nunzio away from the 619 and Palumbo crushes Rey. We have a unicorn rarity moment, and two segment match on Velocity!
We're back with Rey being picked apart in the corner by the FBI. Johnny the Bull chokes Rey. Nunzio is in for boots and starts doing taunting jumping jacks. He locks in a neck vise. Mysterio escapes and gets a bulldog but Palumbo runs in and pulls Rey away from making the tag and irish whips Rey hard into the corner. Nunzio and Johnny the Bull pull Reys legs to crotch him against the ring post. It's Nunzio and Ultimo Dragon in the ring now and Nunzio tries to back body drop him but Dragon lands on his feet and tees off on Nunzio with a series of lightning fast kicks. He gives Palumbo a drop kick and a head scissors for Stamboli and a springboard moonsault to Nunzio. The bigger FBI guys catch the Dragon for a double team slam. Kidman breaks up the cover. Johnny the Bull holds Kidman but Kidman ducks and Palumbo decks The Bull. Springboard dropkick to Palumbo in the corner by Mysterio. Kidman baseball slides into his yambag, and immediately planchas onto Stamboli outside. Dragon hits a series of kicks on Nunzio, goes for a running move of some sort but we'll never know as Palumbo mows him down with a huge kick. Nunzio covers for the win in 10:22. (**3/4)
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