The season is already 1/4 gone and we only have two teams remaining with goose eggs in the standings. Plus the gaggle of group think goobers, seem to have bunched up in the standings, with Wolves at the high end, Goons in the middle, and AOE in the bottom tier.
Hardcore Cabinet 166.08 defeats StabmyBalzrepeatedly 126.10
(Comic book guy opens a cabinet labeled Hardcore, that emits a powerful blinding light as if the power of the heavens as been unleashed.)
SBMR got off to a rough start with Warren a late scratch over in Ireland. It doesn't appear to matter has Hardcore led the league in points behind 10 touchdowns and two 30 points scorers. This is SMBR second hard luck loss of the season, which looks great in the power rankings, but not in the standings. Hardcore Cabinet remains undefeated and has been in the top half of scores each week so far this season, having swept the entire Johnson clan already this season.
Bay-Bay's 114.53 defeat Italian Stallions 105.33
(A football coach Sylvester Stallone is a dunce cap looks on sadly as Daniel Jones throws a football badly.)
The Stallions benched Dak Prescott and his 34 points in exchange for Daniel Jones' 10 points. This move cost him causing the Stallions to still be searching for their first win of the season. While Bay-Bay's were able to overcome the loss of Malik Nabors to a likely torn ACL to go 3-1, in what has been the best start of the franchise's history. BB's lack of a bench looms large without Nabors and the bye weeks beginning.
Ogre's Death Squad 91.55 defeats Blue Gatorade 76.08
(A bald college kid runs away with a golden toilet, while saying "Not getting away from me this time" in the style of a Sunday newspaper comic)
The return of Chris Godwin and his 4 points was not enough to let BG break 76 points. After deserving but avoiding the Toilet Bowl Trophy last season, Blue Gatorade is trying to right that wrong with an even worse team this year. Ogre Death Squad will take advantage with the lucky win. The three headed monster of Geno, Sam Darnold, and Justin Fields continues to be predictably awful. ODS' schedule gets much harder the rest of the way, can he make the playoffs for the first time since 2020?
(an anthropomorphic wolf with a water bottle full of brown liquid and whistle around his neck, saying "Get the F back" will standing victoriously over a anthropomorphic wolf wearing a sombrero)
Los Zapatistas were let down by Justin Herbert in an otherwise solid team performance to narrowly lose to the top heavy performance of Allen, Puka, and Judkins who scored 65% of RM total points. RM emerges from a brutal opening to the season schedule that had 4 of the top 6 in the standings, (he's one of the other 2) and finished 3-1. RM takes the early lead in the Alpha wolf standings.
(a college graduate in cap and gown playing original Nintendo and on the tv the video game boss being defeated is a dwarf.)
The Collegians got all of the players' bad weeks over the first game of the year as they have been steadily increasing their point totals each week. Bo Nix gave the Collegians a Bo-ner with a big night Monday and Lions defense feasted on our god awful offense. The Stinkers have been racking up points in the early season, but Lamar's hamstring injury could be cause for some concern as the schedule will get much tougher down the line. Tinker Stinkers first 5 opponents have somehow only managed to combine for 5 wins on the season.
Big Nasty Express 102.79 defeats Eh Bid Dude 102.45
For the second week in a row, BNE needed Monday Night Magic and this time he got it, narrowly edging out EBD. Caleb Williams came back to Earth and Tyreke Hill got his knee turned inside out, but it was enough for BNE to squeak out the victory. EBD has two victories having not broken 104 points in week. But his next four weeks are against the bottom four teams in the standings. Maybe EBD can continue to get wins against the soft underbelly of HTPB. Maybe the slow start is because of the zero trades so far.
(an evil dictator smacks a small evil dictator with a tiny head with a wad of cash)
Chase Brown and Brian Thomas continue to struggle mightily for Bricklayers. Dollars used three giant body blows from Wentz, Pickens, and Hampton as he gets the first win of the year behind his revamped team as he tries to rebuild his team post Burrow injury. This matchup between active leaders in wins and win percentage was rough as it so far has been a down trodden year for both. While the team in second place in both categories has been perfect and gaining ground.
1. Tinker Stinkers 46-6
In a class by himself this year, in school that was because of his special needs but now it's because of his special team.
Really good teams
3. Los Zapatistas 35-17
4. The Collegians 34-18
4. The Collegians 34-18
5. Rush'n Missiles 33-19
Basic Ass Bitches
6. SMBR 27-25
7. BB 25-27
8. ODS 24-28
9. BNE 24-28
10. $$ 22-30
Diaper Pails
11. EBD 16-36
12. BL 16-36
13. BG 15-37
14. IS 11-41
Power Rankings tie breakers is total points. So far SMBR has been the unluckiest and EBD has been the luckiest.
Our high draft picks that could give us issues
Gibbs, Evan Engram, Denver's D, McConkey, Harrison Jr, DJ Moore, Drake London, Chase Brown, Jeanty, Burrow, Tyreke (what did Nick know and when did he know it), Kelce,
one person I think misunderstood the question and SMBR sent a middle finger.
For the fourth week in a row 5 was the highest number of correct picks and for the fourth week in a row, EBD was at least tied for the best record. He was joined this week by BL, HC, TC, ODS, and BNE. Bringing up the rear were LZ and $$. Overall EBD is obviously in 1st and the IS are in 14th. Full results can be found here.
Game of the Week
(This week is mostly haves vs have nots)
#1 Hardcore Cabinet vs #8 Big Nasty Express
#6 ODS vs #7 TC
#5 BB vs #11 $$
#12 BL vs #3 RM
#12 BL vs #3 RM
#14 IS vs #2 TS
#4 LZ vs #10 SMBR
Toilet Bowl Game of the Week
#9 Eh Bid Dude vs #13 Blue Gatorade
Bye weeks begin so it's things are about to get weird. Enjoy week 5!
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