HTPB 25.4

 

Every team has finally picked up their first win but two teams still refuse to lose although this week it was luck pulling them to victory rather than performance.

Hardcore Cabinet 171.52 defeats 152.42

In a shootout reminiscent of the rice patties of Vietnam,  Hardcore Cabinet outlasted the Dudes thanks to a combined 31 receptions, 381 yards, and 3 touchdowns from CD Lamb and Tet McMillan.  Maybe EBD could have pulled out the win if he had not angered the fantasy gods, but he put his foot in the mouth too many times leading into a matchup with Hardcore Cabinet.  He said HC needed to make some moves to turn the season around, mocked his low projections, and awoke a team that had been staggering drunkenly through the season.  EBD falls to .500 on the season and 18 games under .500 for his career. However, in reality, Hardcore's team is not good.  It starts Jakobi Myers and Oronde Gadsen weekly without bye weeks. Yet they find themselves in 4th place.  I am just as confused as you.

Big Nasty Express 99.32 defeats Rush'n Missiles 95.61

If you are going to have the season of dreams, it is important to sometimes get lucky, which is what BNE needed to remain in first place. The Missiles continue to just be Josh Allen and with Moore and Barkley going down, things could be going down a dark road for the defending champ. Ollie Gordon scored 19 points or 0.28 points per FAAB dollar spent.  BNE hopes Caleb returns soon as Geno Smith managed 119 passing yards in a game they were losing the whole time.  

Ogre's Death Squad 102.57 defeat Ogre's Death Squad 68.58

Jamyr Gibbs couldn't do the heavy lifting for the ODS and Lions.  Maybe elevety million touches a game will wear you down.  Both McConkey and Rice got injured and put up goose eggs for the Squad. The victory catipulted The Collegians all the way up to still in last place.  While the loss put the ODS as the worst team in the 2-2 log jam.  

Bay-Bay's defeat 141.98 defeat Dollars 124.78

Dollars has put up point totals of 132, 139, 105, 124 and that has lead to one win.  If Dollars still lived off of Shorb you know he would be having some drywall knuckles. Bay-Bay's got Puka and Nico back which definitely sounds like a show on Disney Jr, and they gave the squad 48 points.  The Chiefs and Dollars continue to ride Kenneth Walker.  Probably riding him reverse cowboy style. Dollars schedule will ease up a bit as he has already faced the two 4-0 teams. Can he take advantage. As of right now, Dr. Dollars playoff predictions are sitting at 4-3.  

Blue Gatorade defeats Tinker Stinkers 87.05

Blue Gatorade got 15 points from each of his 3 running backs and it was enough to send the Stinkers to 1-3 on the season. This season has been a real kick in the head for the Stinkers.  Two members of the team didn't even break 2 points.  Blue Gatorade unlike the other undefeated team has not gotten a cheap one, with each week scoring at least xxx points. BG matches his win total from each of the previous two seasons with 4.  

Stabmyballzrepeatedly defeats Bricklayers 

SMBR finally gets in the win column, thanks in large part to the difference in points from Higgins to Chase in the trade made by Bricklayers the night before. (Yes I know that it wasn't enough to get the win since so many other players sucked but I thought the clip fit well)  David Montgomery's last three weeks still haven't managed to total his first week explosion.  

Italian Stallions 116.52 defeat Los Zapatistas 109.03

Los Zapatistas goes through quarterbacks like he goes through underpants next to pick up trucks, as yet another QB goes down injured in this one.  The Italians and Bijan Robinson continued to "Eat the Rich"  handing The Shoes their third straight loss.  Big games from Bijan and Flowers along with great kicking and defense helped IS overcome rough games for Watson, Schultz, and Wicks. Can LZ turn it around to avoid their first losing season since 2020?

This week the picks were no bueno.  The only picker to be above .500 was ODS going 4-3.  The Missiles were all scuds as he took the 0fer.  The performances were enough to remove ODS from last but not enough to remove RM from first although he has plenty of company now. Check it out here.

1. Italian Stallions 38-14

2. Dollars 37-15

3. BNE 35-17

4. Blue Gatorade 33-19

5. Bay=Bay's 31-21

6. Bricklayers 30-22

7. Hardcore Cabinet 29-23

8. Eh Big Dude 27-25

9. Los Zapatistas 26-26

10.  Rush'n Missiles 18-34

11.  SMBR 16-36

12.  Ogre's Death Squad 16-36

13. Tinker Stinkers 15-37

14. The Collegians 13-39

Hard to do analysis so early but on thing is very clear.  Dollars has been screwed royally. A 7 spot gap is ridiculous.  Otherwise 6/7 current playoff spots would be taken up by the top of the power rankings.  The wolves aren't lone as they are all together in the bottom 7.  

Game of the Week

#2 Blue Gatorade vs #4 Hardcore Cabinet 

BG 6-3 

#1 BNE vs #11 LZ

BNE 13-9

#10 $$ vs #7 EBD 

$$ 16-7

#5 BB vs #6 BL

BL 3-2

#3 IS vs #13 TS 

IS 5-4

#9 ODS vs #8 RM

RM 8-4

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#12 Stabmyballzrepeatedly vs #14 The Collegians

SMBR 6-5

We are 30% done with the regular season already!!

 

HTPB 25.3

It's week 3 and surprising group is at the top of the standings.  It is the upside down or will the league return to traditional form?

Blue Gatorade 120.10 defeats Dollars 105.85

No QB? No problem.  As Blue Gatorade overcomes Daniels' arm turning inside out last week and replaced him 13 points from Bryce Young.  Derrick Henry who has been scoring touchdowns since before BG was born, brought in 21 points.  Brock Purdy has been scorching hot for Dollars who has been the hard luck loser so far for the season.  Dollars is 4th in points and the reverse cowboy has managed to squeeze 1 win out of it.  We'll get a better look at it all in the power rankings in a few weeks.

Big Nasty Express 126.27 defeats Tinker Stinkers 90.45

The Stinkers showed how quickly they will sell out their deeply held personal beliefs over the stupidest thing ever if a pretty girl asks them to, and also showed that much like Kyle Pitts, he was left on the editing room floor.  The Big Nasty Express continues to shock and amaze with their 3-0 start.  The Express hasn't had a winning record since 2020.  Could this be the season of dreams? Could BNE collect more winnings than his entry fee for the first time since 2003?

Bricklayers 125.27  defeats Eh Big Dude 101.05

Things turned bleak for the Dudes after the first three roster spots of Burrow, Williams, and Chase, knocking them from the ranks of the unbeaten.  The Layers were fueled by Juwan Johnson to the victory in this AOE inessential matchup.  Bricklayers establishes himself as the standard, the Chuck D for AOE if you will and EBD continues his role as the Flava Flav hype man.  

Italian Stallions 154.62 defeat Hardcore Cabinet 106.70

Italian Stallions continues to upset God by defying his will by defeating Hardcore Cabinet yet again. The Stallions got 8 TD's on their way to high score for the week.  While Italian Stallions have finally broken through to get victories over the hammer, each of those victories came during a season, that Hardcore Cabinet also got a victory in the series.  Does this mean HC is going to turn it around and get a playoff win over the Loins?  No, traditionally teams that are ass don't make the playoffs. Have things finally flipped in this rivalry?

Ogre's Death Squad 128.93 defeats Los Zapatistas 89.70

if you would have told me that Los Zapatistas would have managed to get 23 points out of Watson, I would have told you that he would have broken 90 points.  Several members of the shoes were untied as 6 members failed to reach double digits. Ogre's Death Squad continues to be buoyed solely by Jahmyr Gibbs.  Congratulations to Tinker Stinkers who are getting the win on Gibbs' bye in week 6.

Bay-Bay's 130.95 defeats The Collegians 76.32

Bay-Bay's didn't get his injured players back but it didn't matter as he had good weeks up and down the roster to nearly double the Collegians.  The Collegians haven't broken 80 yet this season and have been the worst team in the league by an epic margin.  The Collegians also have now lost Etienne and Justin Jefferson to injury.  The teams was sludge when healthy, what diabolical layer of hell is about to be unleashed for Steve now?  Don't worry, there are ways to work through this hard time.

Rush n' Missiles 86.68 defeats Stabmybalzrepeatedly 84.95

SMBR lost more than first round pick Achane for the season, as they lost their fantasy matchup yet again.  That .09 loss in week 1 looms large.  Thankfully for SMBR, The Collegians exist.    Rush n' Missiles have been riding Josh Allen and little else so far this season.  The knee injury might keep Allen in check for a few weeks and that could see some issues from the defending champ.  But for now he can talk mad shit at Thanksgiving with a 2-0 record against his brother in laws.  

This week was led by several teams with 4 correct picks (LZ,TS, RM, BB, EBD, BL) and the rear was brought up by SMBR and HC with 2.  Kudos to our overall leader RM, who has been tied for the best score each week. BNE, ODS, and EBD bring up the bottom of the overall standings so far. See your spot here.

Game of the Week

#1 Big Nasty Express vs #5 Rush'n Missiles

Series tied 5-5

#4 BL vs #13 SMBR

Series tied 7-7

#3 IS vs #9 LZ

LZ leads 14-7

#10 BB vs #8 $$

$$ leads 3-1

#2 BG vs #11 TS

TS leads 6-3

#7 EBD vs #12 HC 

HC leads 15-10

Toilet Game of the Week

#6 Ogre's Death Squad vs #14 The Collegians

TC leads 11-10

Will someone separate form the pack this week?  Will ODS pop his champagne?  Will SMBR and TC finally pop their cherries?