HTPB 25.5

 

We have a new number 1 in Blue Gatorade. Spots 4-10 are all 3-2 or 2-3.  Long way to go. 

Blue Gatorade 170.13 defeats Hardcore Cabinet 72.43

All of the major quality AI image generators wouldn't create an image of pillow smothering of an old man with inured toes by a bald college student so we had to settle for the garbage one.  I stand my the idea and will not compromise the values of this flog. 

Blue Gatorade stayed unbeaten and doubled up Hardcore Cabinet.  The Cabinet had 5 players score under 4 points.  Every player for Gatorade had a big week who didn't get knocked unconscious by a cheap shot. Same guy who basically ended Nick Chubb's career.  Things don't get an easier for Hardcore as they face the other undefeated team next week.  Hardcore has petitioned the league to get Dwayne in the league because he can only beat people from that family. Can BG run the table? He seems to have spent all of his time this season on fantasy football and breaking things since he moved back home.  The list of items Max has broken since he moved into my basement include, the washing machine, a broom, and my will live.  

Big Nasty Express 130.28 defeats Los Zapatistas 96.98

The Express continues towards an attempt at an undefeated season. BNE got lots of junk time points from fill in QB Brissett while Ollie Gordon for now has been worth Ollie that FAAB cash.  The shoes continue to go down with the Colston Loveland ship. The injuries continue to mount for Los Zapatistas as the fantasy gods have come to claim their pound of flesh for cashing for 4 straight years.  That's right LZ has one less cash in the last 4 years than BNE has in franchise history. Considering the low stakes on the first two years when Nick cashed, and Big Cat's retirement.  BNE is most likely the franchise the deepest into the red in league history. 

Stabmybalzrepeatedly 115.73 defeats The Collegians 90.15

The Collegians returned to under 100 points and took his 4th loss of the season, in the toilet bowl game of the week.  Bucky Irving went crazy for 35 points on Thursday SMBR got a win with Austin Ekeler in his starting lineup in the year of our lord 2026.  The victory vaults SMBR several spots away from the toilet as the Collegians iron grip tightens.

Eh Big Dude 126.38 defeats Dollars 111.41

The Dude got big performances from his receiving corps with 46 points from Pickens and Nabers.  New Edition Ashton Jeanty was the only special teamer to struggle based on expectations. Jaylen Waddle continues to hang over Dollars like too many expresso martinis.  However despite the commissioner saying that Dollars were ruined by the schedule maker is not accurate as they were in the bottom half of point scorers despite the 111 points.  Stay in your lane, Commish.  

Ogre's Death Squad 137.24 defeats Rush' N Missiles 127

In a battle of two teams being mostly lifted by one player, Josh Allen's 32 spot was not enough to withstand the 38 from Gibbs.  RM managed to lose despite 48 points from his kicker and D.  What a kick in the D.  In the two weeks since trading Judkins for Metcalf, Judkins has gotten injured and Metcalf has scored 4 points for ODS.    The reigning champ falls below .500 and out of the current playoff mix.  

Italian Stallions 142.63 defeats Tinker Stinkers 106.97

Tinker Stinkers used 45 points from Drake Maye to vault his team to 106 points (42%) of the total.  The Loins keep on rolling and eating the rich and pasta. They have only played one team currently in the playoff picture so far.  Can the Stallions hold up against a tougher schedule the rest of the way?  Tinker Stinkers gets to go up against a much easier sledding the rest of the way as he has already played the top 3 teams in the standings.

Bricklayers 133.80 defeats Bay-Bay's 128.20

Puca tried to bring BayBay's a happy Canadian Thanksgiving with 31 points on Monday night.  Bricklayers used the very rare 54 points from Warren and Freirmuth from the Steelers and their disgusting inbred fans.  Why did the Cardinals draft a running back in the top of the draft when they are so terrible otherwise?  Bricklayers could go on a run here because after a big clash with BG, it's three straight bottom feeders.  While Bay-Bay's has played 1 team with a winning record and turned it into a 2-3 mark.  

Congratulations to Dollars on the 7-0 week in pick em, which is tough to do in a week in which you lose but when you stare at the draft board for that long, you have to know the league.  LZ and RM took up the rear at 2-5.  Always voting for the Wolves when they are a combined 4-11 is a recipe for disaster.  Dollars is the overall leader at 21 wins while EBD and LZ are currently at the bottom at 14.  See your spot here.

1 Italian Stallions 50-15

2 BG 46-19

3 BNE 44-21

4 $$ 41-24

5 BL 40-25

6. BB 39-26

7 EBD 33-32

8 HC 29-36

9 LZ 28-37

10 ODS 27-38

11 RM 25-40

12 SMBR 21-44

13 TS 18-47

14 TC 14-51

Dollars should sue the schedule maker, who is actually the one who is stealing his playoff spot.  

Game of the Week

#1 Blue Gatorade vs #4 Bricklayers 

BL leads 5-4

#8 HC vs #2 BNE

BNE leads 15-13

#7 BB vs #9 RM 

2-2

#11 Dollars vs #3 IS

Dollars leads 12-8

#5 EBD vs #14 TC

TC leads 11-10

#6 ODS vs #9 Tinker Stinkers

TS leads 5-4

Toilet Bowl of the Week

#12 Los Zapatistas vs #10 Stabmyballzrepeatedly

LZ leads 7-3

Hope everyone has a great week.

HTPB 25.4

 

Every team has finally picked up their first win but two teams still refuse to lose although this week it was luck pulling them to victory rather than performance.

Hardcore Cabinet 171.52 defeats 152.42

In a shootout reminiscent of the rice patties of Vietnam,  Hardcore Cabinet outlasted the Dudes thanks to a combined 31 receptions, 381 yards, and 3 touchdowns from CD Lamb and Tet McMillan.  Maybe EBD could have pulled out the win if he had not angered the fantasy gods, but he put his foot in the mouth too many times leading into a matchup with Hardcore Cabinet.  He said HC needed to make some moves to turn the season around, mocked his low projections, and awoke a team that had been staggering drunkenly through the season.  EBD falls to .500 on the season and 18 games under .500 for his career. However, in reality, Hardcore's team is not good.  It starts Jakobi Myers and Oronde Gadsen weekly without bye weeks. Yet they find themselves in 4th place.  I am just as confused as you.

Big Nasty Express 99.32 defeats Rush'n Missiles 95.61

If you are going to have the season of dreams, it is important to sometimes get lucky, which is what BNE needed to remain in first place. The Missiles continue to just be Josh Allen and with Moore and Barkley going down, things could be going down a dark road for the defending champ. Ollie Gordon scored 19 points or 0.28 points per FAAB dollar spent.  BNE hopes Caleb returns soon as Geno Smith managed 119 passing yards in a game they were losing the whole time.  

Ogre's Death Squad 102.57 defeat Ogre's Death Squad 68.58

Jamyr Gibbs couldn't do the heavy lifting for the ODS and Lions.  Maybe elevety million touches a game will wear you down.  Both McConkey and Rice got injured and put up goose eggs for the Squad. The victory catipulted The Collegians all the way up to still in last place.  While the loss put the ODS as the worst team in the 2-2 log jam.  

Bay-Bay's defeat 141.98 defeat Dollars 124.78

Dollars has put up point totals of 132, 139, 105, 124 and that has lead to one win.  If Dollars still lived off of Shorb you know he would be having some drywall knuckles. Bay-Bay's got Puka and Nico back which definitely sounds like a show on Disney Jr, and they gave the squad 48 points.  The Chiefs and Dollars continue to ride Kenneth Walker.  Probably riding him reverse cowboy style. Dollars schedule will ease up a bit as he has already faced the two 4-0 teams. Can he take advantage. As of right now, Dr. Dollars playoff predictions are sitting at 4-3.  

Blue Gatorade defeats Tinker Stinkers 87.05

Blue Gatorade got 15 points from each of his 3 running backs and it was enough to send the Stinkers to 1-3 on the season. This season has been a real kick in the head for the Stinkers.  Two members of the team didn't even break 2 points.  Blue Gatorade unlike the other undefeated team has not gotten a cheap one, with each week scoring at least xxx points. BG matches his win total from each of the previous two seasons with 4.  

Stabmyballzrepeatedly defeats Bricklayers 

SMBR finally gets in the win column, thanks in large part to the difference in points from Higgins to Chase in the trade made by Bricklayers the night before. (Yes I know that it wasn't enough to get the win since so many other players sucked but I thought the clip fit well)  David Montgomery's last three weeks still haven't managed to total his first week explosion.  

Italian Stallions 116.52 defeat Los Zapatistas 109.03

Los Zapatistas goes through quarterbacks like he goes through underpants next to pick up trucks, as yet another QB goes down injured in this one.  The Italians and Bijan Robinson continued to "Eat the Rich"  handing The Shoes their third straight loss.  Big games from Bijan and Flowers along with great kicking and defense helped IS overcome rough games for Watson, Schultz, and Wicks. Can LZ turn it around to avoid their first losing season since 2020?

This week the picks were no bueno.  The only picker to be above .500 was ODS going 4-3.  The Missiles were all scuds as he took the 0fer.  The performances were enough to remove ODS from last but not enough to remove RM from first although he has plenty of company now. Check it out here.

1. Italian Stallions 38-14

2. Dollars 37-15

3. BNE 35-17

4. Blue Gatorade 33-19

5. Bay=Bay's 31-21

6. Bricklayers 30-22

7. Hardcore Cabinet 29-23

8. Eh Big Dude 27-25

9. Los Zapatistas 26-26

10.  Rush'n Missiles 18-34

11.  SMBR 16-36

12.  Ogre's Death Squad 16-36

13. Tinker Stinkers 15-37

14. The Collegians 13-39

Hard to do analysis so early but on thing is very clear.  Dollars has been screwed royally. A 7 spot gap is ridiculous.  Otherwise 6/7 current playoff spots would be taken up by the top of the power rankings.  The wolves aren't lone as they are all together in the bottom 7.  

Game of the Week

#2 Blue Gatorade vs #4 Hardcore Cabinet 

BG 6-3 

#1 BNE vs #11 LZ

BNE 13-9

#10 $$ vs #7 EBD 

$$ 16-7

#5 BB vs #6 BL

BL 3-2

#3 IS vs #13 TS 

IS 5-4

#9 ODS vs #8 RM

RM 8-4

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#12 Stabmyballzrepeatedly vs #14 The Collegians

SMBR 6-5

We are 30% done with the regular season already!!

 

HTPB 25.3

It's week 3 and surprising group is at the top of the standings.  It is the upside down or will the league return to traditional form?

Blue Gatorade 120.10 defeats Dollars 105.85

No QB? No problem.  As Blue Gatorade overcomes Daniels' arm turning inside out last week and replaced him 13 points from Bryce Young.  Derrick Henry who has been scoring touchdowns since before BG was born, brought in 21 points.  Brock Purdy has been scorching hot for Dollars who has been the hard luck loser so far for the season.  Dollars is 4th in points and the reverse cowboy has managed to squeeze 1 win out of it.  We'll get a better look at it all in the power rankings in a few weeks.

Big Nasty Express 126.27 defeats Tinker Stinkers 90.45

The Stinkers showed how quickly they will sell out their deeply held personal beliefs over the stupidest thing ever if a pretty girl asks them to, and also showed that much like Kyle Pitts, he was left on the editing room floor.  The Big Nasty Express continues to shock and amaze with their 3-0 start.  The Express hasn't had a winning record since 2020.  Could this be the season of dreams? Could BNE collect more winnings than his entry fee for the first time since 2003?

Bricklayers 125.27  defeats Eh Big Dude 101.05

Things turned bleak for the Dudes after the first three roster spots of Burrow, Williams, and Chase, knocking them from the ranks of the unbeaten.  The Layers were fueled by Juwan Johnson to the victory in this AOE inessential matchup.  Bricklayers establishes himself as the standard, the Chuck D for AOE if you will and EBD continues his role as the Flava Flav hype man.  

Italian Stallions 154.62 defeat Hardcore Cabinet 106.70

Italian Stallions continues to upset God by defying his will by defeating Hardcore Cabinet yet again. The Stallions got 8 TD's on their way to high score for the week.  While Italian Stallions have finally broken through to get victories over the hammer, each of those victories came during a season, that Hardcore Cabinet also got a victory in the series.  Does this mean HC is going to turn it around and get a playoff win over the Loins?  No, traditionally teams that are ass don't make the playoffs. Have things finally flipped in this rivalry?

Ogre's Death Squad 128.93 defeats Los Zapatistas 89.70

if you would have told me that Los Zapatistas would have managed to get 23 points out of Watson, I would have told you that he would have broken 90 points.  Several members of the shoes were untied as 6 members failed to reach double digits. Ogre's Death Squad continues to be buoyed solely by Jahmyr Gibbs.  Congratulations to Tinker Stinkers who are getting the win on Gibbs' bye in week 6.

Bay-Bay's 130.95 defeats The Collegians 76.32

Bay-Bay's didn't get his injured players back but it didn't matter as he had good weeks up and down the roster to nearly double the Collegians.  The Collegians haven't broken 80 yet this season and have been the worst team in the league by an epic margin.  The Collegians also have now lost Etienne and Justin Jefferson to injury.  The teams was sludge when healthy, what diabolical layer of hell is about to be unleashed for Steve now?  Don't worry, there are ways to work through this hard time.

Rush n' Missiles 86.68 defeats Stabmybalzrepeatedly 84.95

SMBR lost more than first round pick Achane for the season, as they lost their fantasy matchup yet again.  That .09 loss in week 1 looms large.  Thankfully for SMBR, The Collegians exist.    Rush n' Missiles have been riding Josh Allen and little else so far this season.  The knee injury might keep Allen in check for a few weeks and that could see some issues from the defending champ.  But for now he can talk mad shit at Thanksgiving with a 2-0 record against his brother in laws.  

This week was led by several teams with 4 correct picks (LZ,TS, RM, BB, EBD, BL) and the rear was brought up by SMBR and HC with 2.  Kudos to our overall leader RM, who has been tied for the best score each week. BNE, ODS, and EBD bring up the bottom of the overall standings so far. See your spot here.

Game of the Week

#1 Big Nasty Express vs #5 Rush'n Missiles

Series tied 5-5

#4 BL vs #13 SMBR

Series tied 7-7

#3 IS vs #9 LZ

LZ leads 14-7

#10 BB vs #8 $$

$$ leads 3-1

#2 BG vs #11 TS

TS leads 6-3

#7 EBD vs #12 HC 

HC leads 15-10

Toilet Game of the Week

#6 Ogre's Death Squad vs #14 The Collegians

TC leads 11-10

Will someone separate form the pack this week?  Will ODS pop his champagne?  Will SMBR and TC finally pop their cherries? 

HTPB 25.2

 

It was a week of blowouts in HTPB.  Just like when Jason would try to talk to his parents when Jeremy was around.  It was ass beating time.  Know your place. 

                Bricklayers 121.15 defeat Ogre's Death Squad 75.10

The stack of Amon Ra St. Brown and Goff  were enough to route Ogre's Death Squad and bring both teams to the .500 mark. Ogre's Death Squad was once again mostly Gibbs and nothing else.  Maybe putting all your eggs in the Chargers basket who have fallen to 0-2 against the Cardinals and Raiders was a poor choice.  

Big Nasty Express 116.85 defeats the Collegians 76.55

The Collegians went to their happy place with Laveranues Coles and tried to move past the  JSN three touchdowns.  Big Nasty Express lost Caleb Williams to the same injury that took Sergio down, anal bleeding.  Can he bounce like Sergio does with a special chair pillow?  Is BNE's season of dreams just a two week blip.  The Collegians appears to heading for their second straight garbage season.

Dollars 139.41 defeats StabmyBallzRepeatedly 81.50

Brock Purdy got to play the fantasy elixir known as the Miami Dolphins and got 30 points to go with 21 for Kenneth Walker.  Walker has approximately elevety billion carries over two weeks. Andy Reid is going to wring that sponge dry. Every player for SMBR missed their projections except Bucky Irving by .2 and Chubba Hubbard by 2.  SMBR falls to the 0-2 abyss.

Eh Big Dude 113.60 defeats Tinker Stinkers 99.58

The Stinkers got a 52 from Mahomes and CMC and still managed to not break the century mark.  EBD got his first Burrow to Chase hookup to go with his Aubralance with 16.  EBD goes to 2-0 and can't wait to start meddling with his own success.  Check those text messages and you better respond quickly. Roy doesn't have a lot toes or time to wait.

Hardcore Cabinet 120.20 defeats Bay-Bay's 68.98

Hardcore Cabinet had a huge jump up from week 1, thanks mainly to the Dak and Lamb stack.  Bay-Bay's had several minor injuries knock players out for a week and Makai Lemon, Jalen Nailor, Konata Mumpfield were just not able to hold up on the weight of carrying a subpar performance by Lamar Jackson.  Bay-Bay's comes in with the lowest score of the season.

    `        Blue Gatorade 150.75 defeats Los Zapatistas 100.30

Travis Kelce turned back the clock to help over come Jayden Daniels turning back his elbow to lead Blue Gatorade to a 2-0 start.  Los Zapatistas has virtuousa performances up and down the roster from Olave and Taylor but Colston Loveland's 1 catch for 3 yards over two weeks could be a problem going forward.  I've got nothing to say to make this video make sense, but for real, why does this exist.   Jaxson Dart took a dart in the knee so this loss could stick with The Shoes like a piece of gum.

Rush n Missiles 136.36 defeat Italian Stallions 102.60

Mike Johnson has chosen his favorite son in law as Josh Allen and Davante Moore have huge weeks to lead the champ to the win in the brother in law battle.  Trevor Lawrence couldn't keep pace after last week's performance and come in with a 4.9 score.  A 40 chasm between QB is not a way to get a victory and a 2-0 start, Dom.  Rush n Missiles continues to ride Josh Allen like a golf cart at a Canton South golf tournament, to high heights.  

We've got a full participation week in the books which was taken down by several teams going 4-3. (RM, TS, SMBR, BG, $$, EBD)  The Death Squad killed his picks by managing to go 0-7 and getting his sphincter penetrated by Deshaun Watson.  Our overall leader is RM and the caboose is EBD.  Check out your standings here. 

Week 3 features some matchups that have traditionally been one sided and couple of even stevens.

Game of the Week 

#4 Dollars vs #2 Blue Gatorade 

$$ 5-3

#10 HC vs #7 IS

HC 23-8

#9 TS vs #1 BNE 

TS 6-3

#5 BL vs #3 EBD

BL 18-11

#8 RM vs #12 SMBR

Series tied 5-5

#11 ODS vs #6 LZ

ODS leads 16-8

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#13 Bay-Bay's vs #14 The Collegians 

Series tied 2-2

We'll be back next week with all the action!

HTPB 25.1

 

It's time for the 25th season of House That Plook Built and the 6th season of the Flog.  It looks like I will have plenty of time to write this season, as my team is a total Murdoch.  

Ogre's Death Squad 104.52 defeats Hardcore Cabinet 74.73

Gibbs and little else was enough to beat Hardcore Cabinet in a week 1 romp for the commisioner.   The stack of Herbert and McConkey came through for a score but Herbert also got McConkey killed with a good old fashioned hospital ball.  What can be said about Hardcore Cabinet that hasn't been said about the Black Death.  It's going to be a long season.

Eh Bid Dude 92.92 defeats Rush'n Missiles 91.02

The defending champ didn't defend much as his Buffalo Bills stack had over 50% of his points and it wasn't enough to defeat EBD despite his Bengals stack being abysmal.  Luckily EBD won or he would have stormed out of week 1 like he did the draft.  RM still high off his championship last year thought he would trot out the Titans defense instead of  the Bronocs or Patriots and it cost him the win.  Unlike his Saturday nights when he take 3 d's, RM has to chose which of three D's to use on Sunday. 

Italian Stallions 135.57 defeat Bricklayers 130.87

The Italian Stallions rode horse look alike Trevor Lawrence to a high scoring victory over the Layers.  David Montgomery found pay dirt 3 times.  This matchups had 14 touchdowns.  That's 31% of the total points in the game, which could mean a heavy regression to the mean in the coming weeks. Zay Flowers could be out for a bit and Lawrence doesn't get to play the Browns again, so the Loins are happy to get our of Bricklayer stadium with a victory.  

Big Nasty Express 179.30 defeats Dollars 132.53 

Big Nasty Express arrives on time every 25 years like clockwork.  The Bears QB and RB combined for 72 points without a single double up.  BNE injured his thumb throwing so many TD gifs into the thread. This is a day BNE will tell his grandchildren about around a tire fire one day. Dollars got several solid performances from his squad, but could not withstand the onslaught from BNE.  

Los Zapatistas 148.82 defeat Bay-Bay's 124.03

Los Zapatistas was able to have both Dart and Olave play an entire game without getting concussed and was able to romp to victory over Bay-Bay's as NAFTA exploded like the Mega Powers.   On the bright side for our Canadian friend, Lamar Jackson actually ran the ball making him usable after last year's poor performance.  

Tinker Stinkers 111.63 defeats Stabmybalzrepeatedly 111.52

So you're telling me that Jeremy has a brother and he eked out a .11 victory in week 1? It was the 8th closest game in league history. The narrow margin was narrower than Jason's arteries after a hearty meat sesh.   The Stinkers were able to over come Maye and Pitts combining for 10 points to get the win. SMBR got 38 total points from NFC South running backs, which is quite the accomplishment.  A big difference in this game is the 3 extra points in the kicking game.

Blue Gatorade defeats The Collegians

Derrick Henry who may have been in the league since before Blue Gatorade was born, racked up 35 points.  This along with the Raiders who were started in week 1 for the time since 2005 or something was enough to continue The Collegians post championship swoon.  In fact the last three champions all lost this week.  Justin Jefferson was able to use Carson Wentz to have a solid day but he was the only position player to score above their projections on Sunday. 

This week was late submitted so thanks for getting your picks in quickly.  Winners were HC, RM, and BL with 6.  So if you have teaching license you know this league clearly.  While pulling up the rear of particiapants were SMBR and BB with 3.  EBD did not participate.  Season long results kept here.

Game of the Week 

#4 Blue Gatorade vs #2 Los Zapatistas 

BG leads all time 4-2

#9 BL vs #6 ODS

All time BL 16-12

#1 BNE vs #13 TC

All time BNE 12-11

#8 $$ vs #11 SMBR 

All time $$ 7-3

#7 EBD vs #5 TS 

All time EBD 5-4

#3 IS vs #12 RM 

All time RM 7-3

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#10 Bay-Bay's vs #14 Hardcore Cabinet 

All time BB 3-1

The season is early but boy howdy are the standings from the Bizarro World.  All three time champions lost and traditional doormats, BNE, IS, and BG are 75% of the top 4.  Will the world return to proper order or have the have nots come to eat the rich?