Ruthless C Shows WWE Velocity 10/25/2003 & WWE Heat 10/25/2003 10/26/2003

To check out this week's Raw and Smackdown podcast "Ruthless" and all the fun that goes with that, just click this link.

This week Heat has been preempted on Sunday by Spike TV so it aired Saturday Night before Velocity. 

Saturday Night Heat with Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow

Match #1 

Hurricane/Rosey vs Arch Kincaid/Bobby Rude

Hurricane gives a mask to kid ringside.  Snow asks if it gave Coach flashbacks to when his parents would put a paper bag on his head.  Hurricane and Arch Kincaid start the action with Hurricane.  The super hero starts out with an arm bar, headlock, shoulder block combo and does the patented Hurricane pose.  Arch Kincaid hits a shoulder block and does a weird pose, apparently Kincaid wants to be known as the "Sexual Intellectual".  Hurricane hits another shoulder block and once again shows Kincaid the proper pose.  

Tag to Rosey, who locks in his own arm bar.  Kincaid tries several punches to Rosey's stomach but they have no effect, so he levels Kincaid with a clothesline.  A diving splash and falling headbutt leave Kincaid in a bad way. Kincaid rakes the eyes to tag in a bleach blonde Bobby Rude.  Rosey hits them with a double clothesline and tags in Hurricane for a top rope cross body for a two count.  Kincaid low bridges Hurricane and he topples to the outside. Back in the ring, Rude lays the boots.  Tag into Kincaid for a double suplex, and some weird soft heat butts to the ribs.  Tag back to Rude for a body slam, and jumping knee, and locks in a back stretch.  Hurricane hits a desperation tornado DDT.  They both crawl to make the tag.  Rosey's hot tag has clotheslines, a back body drop, sidewalk slam, body slam, super hero leg drop.  Rude attempts to break up the cover so Rosey moves and hits Kincaid.  Rosey stacks them in the corner for a double splash.  Hurricane hits a shining wizard.  The heroes hit their finish of a spinning Somoan drop combined with a neckbreaker combo to win in 6:39. (**)

Match #2

Tommy Dreamer vs Rico with Miss Jackie

They trade headlocks, til a Rico take down that allows him to ride Tommy like a pony.  Rico offers for Tommy to ride him now, but Dreamer kicks him in the gut.  Rico jumps into Dreamer's arms Bugs Bunny in a dress and Dreamer slams him after some playful eye contact.  Rico hits a back elbow and lots of kicks and rope added pin attempt fails.  Loud Rico sucks chants.  He hits a middle rope double ax handle.  While Rico distracts the referee, Miss Jackie comes in and hits a float over DDT.  A big clothesline from the top his blocked by Dreamer.  The Innovator of Violence gets an atomic drop and neck breaker for 2.  Rico avoids the death valley driver, but his powerbomb attempt is countered into a Spicoli driver.  Jackie puts Rico's foot on the rope to avoid the pinfall.  Dreamer hits a big DDT but Jackie runs in to stop the count and Dreamer plants a kiss on her.  He turns into spinning heel kick to pick up the win in 3:42. (*)

In the back, Rosey is about have a donut.  Hurricane flies in to stop him.  "This could be why you were stuck in a phone booth", The Hurricane informs his protégée. Rosey says that it's a protein donut.  John Heidenrich enters and says they are his favorite duo.  He wants a blurry jpeg photo of the three of them with his flip phone for Little Johnny.  They agree to the photo op.  Hurricane asks if Little Johnny wants to be in a photo, but Heidenrich says that little Johnny is camera shy and leaves.  Hurricane tells Rosey, no more donuts, so Rosey walks off dejected.  Hurricane takes a bite of the donut.

Johnathan Coachman is in the ring to announce his new role as the official book reviewer of Monday Night Raw.  He will begin with Lita' s book.  He says that it is a sham because she doesn't give him any credit for her come back from neck surgery even though he inspired her every week when they were the commentary team on Heat together.  The book should be in the fiction section.  Lita comes out, and says that Coach did inspire her.  She was inspired to quit broadcasting and get back into the ring because Coach was such a pain to deal with.  Coach says he's 6'4 230 pounds and she should watch what she says.  Leave and let him finish his business.  She asks to be allowed to apologize to Coach.  Words can't express how sorry she is so she would like to show him physically.  The gently touches coach's arm and then boots him in the gut which sends him between the ropes and to the floor.  

We are show the Road Warrior Hawk tribute video.  

Match #3 

Val Venis vs Steven Richards with Victoria

Steven Richards comes out wearing a towel and mocks Val's entrance, but Val attacks before he can finish it.  Lots of punches, elbows, and kicks, until Val hits a Russian leg sweep.  Victoria grabs Val's leg which allows Richards to hit a DDT.  He heads to the top but Val hits the ropes to crotch him.  Val hits a clothesline, shoulder block, half nelson slam, and powerbomb for a 2 count.  Val goes up for the money shot but Richards gets the knees up.  Val gets the boot up on a charge and gets a fisherman suplex, but Victoria has the ref's attention.  Val makes camera motions because apparently he wants to film her for a movie made in the 1940's.  She goes to punch Val but he ducks and instead connects with Richards.  Val hits a spinebuster and then a leg lock that Richards has to tap out to because Victoria can't save him since she is very busy yelling at her fist in 4:54. (*1/4)

Velocity 

Josh Matthews as play by play and Michael Cole on color.

Michael spends most of the evening just being awful to Matthews to varying degrees of success.  But it is very weird and awkward.  Maybe we will get a similar Josh storyline on Smackdown that we got with Coach on Raw.

Match #1

Shannon Moore vs Orlando Jordon 

Orlando Jordon starts with a shoulder block and a hip toss.  Moore pokes the eyes and trips Jordon onto the ropes.  He starts laying in kicks to the head and chokes him.  Moore hits a snap suplex and a side back suplex.  OJ gets a boot up on a top rope flying nothing.  Jordon got the leg up with Moore even jumped so it looked extra stupid.  Jordon nails a flying forearm and follows it up with a back body drop and a Johnson shuffle series of punches to get a 2 count.  OJ gets caught on a corner charge with a boot by Moore who follows up with a leaping leg lariat from the middle rope.  Moore throws a tantrum after the 2 count.  He walks right into a swinging neck breaker for the win in 3:46. (*)

Match #2

Spanky & Paul London vs Rob Bagley & Mike Taylor

Spanky starts out with Bagley.  Both jobbers have platinum blonde bleached hair and served in the military.  Bagley hits a shoulder block but is quickly brought down with a drop toe hold.  He tags in Paul London who hits a sunset flip, but a kick to the guy allows for the tag to Mike Taylor.  London hits a monkey flip in the corner and Spanky nails a top rope cross body for 2.  Spanky hits a flip over drop kick on Taylor but Bagley catches him for a stun gun.  It's neck vise time.  Tag out to Bagley who locks in his own neck vise.  Riveting stuff.  Spanky rolls through to tag London.  London hits several drop kicks, avoids a double suplex.  Both jobbers are sent outside after suplexes and get hit with stereo suicide dives.  A STO shining wizard combo end it for the brand new team in 5:03 (**)

The APA are walking in the hall talking about how they wished Britney Spears would kiss Jenna Jameson.  They are aghast to see London and Spanky at their poker table.  The rookies want to celebrate their first big win.  Bradshaw is upset that they drank some of their beer and ate their popcorn.  He is so upset that he dumps other beer and popcorn on Spanky.  Bradshaw suggests that they should beat them up. Spanky begs for mercy.  Bradshaw lightens up a bit and says that in order to make in this business you have you bust your ass and Faarooq adds to drink your ass off.  Kendrick grabs a beer and pours it in his mouth.  He slumps over to the floor.  He must have had quite the head start.  The APA thinks he has some potential.  London says he doesn't drink but he'll try.  The camera pans to Faarooq who says, "Damn."

Match #3

Rey Mysterio & Ultimo Dragon & Kidman vs FBI

During the entrances Matthews says the FBI are an Italian Dream Team, the faces are an International Dream Team, Cole interrupts Matthews to say that Matthews' team is the Wet Dream Team.  What? 

Ultimo Dragon and Nunzio start out.  Nunzio gets on a kick attempt for a leg sweep.  Double back elbows as tags are made.  Kidman squares off his Johnny the Bull now.  Kidman gets an arm drag, head scissors, and clothesline for 2.  Chuck Palumbo pulls Kidman down from the apron so the heels can take advantage.  Polumbo is tagged in and starts beating Kidman in the corner, a snap mare, and spinal tap kick, neck vise.  Kidman escapes for a drop kick but gets squished with a somoan drop quickly to stop Kidman from tagging.  Kidman is able to get a hurricanrana and tags in Rey.  Nunzio is in now and gets hit with flying cross body, flapjack, and a drop kick.  Johnny the Bull comes in and sent out.   A seated senton to Palumbo.  Nunzio is kicked to the middle rope but The Bull pulls Nunzio away from the 619 and Palumbo crushes Rey.  We have a unicorn rarity moment, and two segment match on Velocity!

We're back with Rey being picked apart in the corner by the FBI.  Johnny the Bull chokes Rey.  Nunzio is in for boots and starts doing taunting jumping jacks. He locks in a neck vise.  Mysterio escapes and gets a bulldog but Palumbo runs in and pulls Rey away from making the tag and irish whips Rey hard into the corner.  Nunzio and Johnny the Bull pull Reys legs to crotch him against the ring post.   It's Nunzio and Ultimo Dragon in the ring now and Nunzio tries to back body drop him but Dragon lands on his feet and tees off on Nunzio with a series of lightning fast kicks.  He gives Palumbo a drop kick and a head scissors for Stamboli and a springboard moonsault to Nunzio.  The bigger FBI guys catch the Dragon for a double team slam.  Kidman breaks up the cover.  Johnny the Bull holds Kidman but Kidman ducks and Palumbo decks The Bull.  Springboard dropkick to Palumbo in the corner by Mysterio. Kidman baseball slides into his yambag, and immediately planchas onto Stamboli outside.  Dragon hits a series of kicks on Nunzio, goes for a running move of some sort but we'll never know as Palumbo mows him down with a huge kick.  Nunzio covers for the win in 10:22.  (**3/4)

HTPB 24.11

 

Here we go!

Big Nasty Express 112 defeat The Collegians 93

A college graduate with a bindle is tossed from a moving train called BNE

BNE got almost 80 points from the three headed law firm of Robinson, McBride, and McMillan, which was almost enough to beat the The Collegians combined effort.   The Collegians have lost 6 of 7 and will be duking it out for the toilet.  I wonder how many times he can think of a reason to send a picture of that to the chat.  Big Nasty Express finds itself with a 6-5 record and two games against other playoff level record teams.  They can pave their own way to the playoffs, and they will need to because the point total isn't winning tiebreakers.

Stabmybalzrepeatedly 93 defeat Dollars 64

A man in a beard and hoodie steals an 18 pack for Miller Lite from a male nurse in dollar sign scrubs.

SMBR may have picked up a shaky win to get even with the fantasy gods for so many tough losses earlier in the year, but at what cost? He might have to sell a few more games and cards to make up on the lost playoff revenue. He may have lost Josh Jacobs and Jaylen Warren.  SMBR has more red letters on his squad than a can of Spaghetti O's A to Z.  Dollars has resigned to Joe Burrow to play him for one week before he season ends after week 14 and spend the summer thinking about what might have been.  Although Dollars has averaged 18 points from the QB position since the Burrow injury so maybe it wouldn't have been much better. 

Bricklayers 107 defeat Ogre's Death Squad 101

Shrek chokes on a brick while a man with large hair prevents EMT's from saving him.

TreVeyon Henderson finally paid of Bricklayers and looks to be a good player for the squad going forward, luckily we are dynasty league.  Although it may be enough to keep the Layers out of the toilet for the second consecutive season. Aaron Rodgers broke his wrist and Sam Darnold may be turning back into a pumpkin, so ODS' year long saga at QB may be hitting rock bottom at the wrong time.  With a final schedule that includes 3 current playoff teams, it could be an epic Big Eing away of this season.  

Rush'n Missiles 123 defeat Italian Stallions 108

A football coach shouts "Get Back" while stomping on a birthday present meant for a sad horse.

Dak and CD Lamb attempted an epic Monday Night comeback, but came up short.  It was hard to beat Josh Allen with 46 points and 6 touchdowns.  He needed all of those points as nobody else had a notable day and required a tight end to get a 35 yard rushing touchdown.  The Missiles seemed poised for the playoffs and the Loins are trying to avoid the toilet for however many time, it's a lot.  

Los Zapatistas 106 defeat Hardcore Cabinet 101

A wolf in a sombrero throws a pretender of the throne of footballs

Los Zapatistas has the number one seed in his grasp and would likely have to go 1-2 down the stretch to have in slip through his manos.  The disgusting and stupid Steelers defense netted 31 points including two touchdowns to overcome Sunshine Herbert having a cloudy day.  It was enough to beat Hardcore Cabinet's meh performance from the squad as Jeanty let the team down coming 9 points short of his projection.  It was Hardcore Cabinet's one shot at stealing the bye and he blew it like poseur. 

BayBay's 89.73 defeat Blue Gatorade 89.54

A mountie defeats a bald college kid in a wheelchair race.

In a matchup that somebody had to win and came less 0.2 of actually having no one win, Bay-Bay's tied his franchise record of 6 wins.  Will BB be able to go 2-1 and get his first winning record? He must get that against HC, EBD, and BL.  You know your quarterback is shitty when he sets the NFL record for completions in a game and only nets you 22 points.  How many years in a row will Blue Gatorade continue to suck?

Eh Big Dude 114 defeats Tinker Stinker 110

A tree gives unwanted advice to a dwarf regarding Lamar Jackson

EBD was able to use a well rounded attack led by George Pickens' 23 to get the win over The Stinkers.  Christian McCaffery continues to the only 49 who hasn't gotten injured and continues to rake in the points.  It seemed like CMC's hamstring was falling off the bone like one of TS's smoked meats, but no he's been completely healthy.  Hasn't missed any time.  Both teams round out the season, with a hard game, a solid opponent, and cupcake.

This week was won by Tinker Stinkers with 6-1.  Presumably only missing his own game.  The rear was loaded with 2's from BL, ODS, and BNE.  Coincidentally, the people who made me send a reminder to.  Karma? EBD is the overall leader while $$ has leapt over BG to put Max in last place everywhere. 

The Wolves who have good squads but may be shaky on the definition of the word "Lone"

1. LZ 103-40

2. TS 101-42

3. RM 91-52

Could make waves

4. ODS 79-64

5. EBD 78-65

6. SMBR 77-66

Frisky

7. IS 69-74

8. HC 67-76

9. TC 67-76

Not very good

10. BNE 63-80

11. BL 60-83

12. BB 54-89

13. $$ 53-90

Awful

14. BG 39-104

#1 Seed

LZ 77% HC 13% RM 5% ODS 2% TS 1%

Playoffs 99% and up LZ, RM, HC

90% and up ODS, TS 

66% and up SMBR, EBD

Holding out for a hero

BB 33%, BNE 28%

Also still participating less that 1%

BL, $$, TC, IS, BG

Game of the Week

#2 Hardcore Cabinet vs #8 BayBay's

#4 ODS vs #7 EBD

#9 BNE vs #5 TS

#10 BL vs #1 LZ

#11 $$ vs RM #3

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#13 The Collegians vs #14 Blue Gatorade

Great luck to all this week.  

HTPB 24.10

 

Happy Veteran's Day and big thank you to Jesse and Dan.  What a couple of unpatriotic American hating assholes Dom and Jason are.  In other playoff based news, Blue Gatorade, Bricklayers, Collegians, and Italian Stallions have been mathematically eliminated from getting a first round bye but spots 2-7 are still possible.  

Rush'n Missiles 119 defeat Big Nasty Express 101

(A red bearded hill person attempts to set his computer to auto draft but accidently launches a barrage of cold war era missiles.)

The Express lost the game and Kincaid, while leaving a giant 28 performance by the Jets on the bench.  One would have to ask one's self, "Self, if I'm not playing the Jets against the Browns, why pray tell are they on my roster?"  RM won despite a zero from DJ Moore, which you can do with 44 points from the defense/kicker combo from the Pugent Sound.  RM now enters a Charmin soft stretch in his schedule of Loins, $$, BG before wrapping up the year with SMBR.  Not making the playoffs would be an epic collapse.  

Hardcore Cabinet 108 defeats Eh Big Dude 101

A flat bed truck from Hardcore Lumber hauls away cutdown trees with Jason masks

Eh Big Dude has now gone 0-3 since saying that his remaining schedule which hasn't even included the two teams he said were good.  Hardcore Cabinet continues to eke out victories with middling point totals to the point where he has landed in first place. With games against both of the 3 loss teams remaining could the black magic continue to give him a first round bye or will reality finally come calling?

Italian Stallions 143 defeat Dollars 79

Johnathan Taylor runs through a mass of male nurses and when he hits them dollar bills go flying.

Johnathan Taylor continues to just lay waste to the league with his 4th three touchdown game, this time to the tune of 56 points.  If only the rest of the team was better, IS could be a force, but don't look now, IS is only two games back of the final playoff spot.  But do look now at Taylor on a bye next week and a tough stretch of RM, SMBR, and LZ, it seems unlikely. It's becoming a race to the bottom to see which will have a worse season, Dollars or Dollar picks.  Dollars winning percentage is 40% and Dollars playoff picks are at 28%.

Ogre's Death Squad 144 defeat Los Zapatistas 131

Shrek defeats a man in a sombrero in boxing match, the man in the sombrero should have a brown liquid on his shorts and lower back. 

Can you imagine ODS if they have consistent QB play?  The Seahawks got out to such a quick huge lead that they only ran 5 pass plays the final 3 quarters.  ODS didn't need it with 79 points from Achane and Gibbs.  Los Zapatistas continues to put massive point totals, having only score less than 120 once since week 4.  With a huge game for the bye next week, can LZ pick up the win and cruise to a week off in the playoffs?

Blue Gatorade 113 defeats StabmyBalzrepeatedly 105

 A bald college kid celebrates on a bar with a 21st birthday hat, while a man in a hoodie opens up Magic the Gathering packs with a single tear streaming down his face.  

Don't look now but Blue Gatorade is riding a two game winning streak to take him all the way to still last place.  Brissett logs 21 points in junk time and the Miami defense signing shortly before kickoff gave him 21 as well. 21 is the number of the week as BG turned 21 on Monday and proof of life has not been confirmed as of the time of publication.  Penix played like his last letter was "s" in place of Mahomes snapping SMBR win streak.  The point total should win any tie breaks SMBR to make the playoffs but still needs to get some more wins.  

Tinker Stinker 123 defeats Bay-Bay's 73

A tiny man runs with a tray of meat and a stolen Canadian flag while a unit of pathetic Mounties give chase.

Bay-Bay's was more Ew, Canada this week.  Can BB's finally make the playoffs.  Yahoo doesn't think so.  Could another failure season be in the books for the team with the most seasons in league history without a playoff appearance?  Tinker Stinkers snaps a three game slide to get his playoff footing on sturdier ground, but 3/4th of TS remaining games are against teams with playoff hopes.  

Bricklayers 123 defeat Collegians 90

A college graduate sadly must exchange a football trophy for a golden toilet at on Pawn Shop run by a man with giant gelled hair called Mary Ann's Pawn Shop: "We buy your dreams for Boston Creams"

Bricklayers knows what The Collegians are going through with a terrible season right after winning it all for a third time.  Hardcore has made the playoffs every season since getting #3 so it is possible.  Bo Nix has been turning back into a pumpkin and the rest of the Collegians including first round letdown Brown couldn't pick up the slack.  Bricklayers looks to avoid back to back toiletries but his banged up squad facing an absolute gauntlet the next few weeks of ODS, LZ, and TS.  

This week BG went from pathetic to first with a 6-1 record.  It moved him out of last place overall and returned Dollars to the basement.  Dollars likes being down there anyhow so he can play Call of Duty in his night vision goggles with Kyler Murray.  Several teams finished 3-4 this week, and EBD holds off SMBR to maintain his overall lead.  See the full standings here.

The favorites

1. LZ 96-34

2. TS 91-39

A reasonable shot

3. RM 78-52

4. SMBR 74-56

5. ODS 73-57

A punchers chance

6. EBD

7. TC 63-67

8. HC 62-68

9. IS 60-70

Bad

10. $$ 53-77

11. BB 52-78

12. BL 52-78

13. BNE 52-78

Won two in a row and still is epically far behind

14. BG 38-92

(Fun fact BG is leading the league with getting 97% of his roster's maximum points.  So this is the most anyone could have gotten out of this roster.  So great coaching job, if only the GM wasn't so terrible. 

Skynet says LZ is 100% lock.  Other squads with an above 97% playoff likelihood are HC, ODS, TS, RM.

Other playoff odds

SMBR 88

EBD 51

BB 37

BNE 18

TC 3

$$ 3

IS 1

BL/BG infinitesimal

Toilet Odds

BG 47 BL 22 IS 12 TC 11 $$ 5

It's not usually that many teams with a shot at it with a month to go.

Game of the Week

#1 Hardcore Cabinet vs #2 Los Zapatistas

#3 ODS vs #13 BL

#9 BNE vs TC #12

#10 $$ vs #6 SMBR

#7 EBD vs #4 TS

#11 IS vs #5 RM

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#8 Bay-Bay's vs #14 Blue Gatorade

 

HTPB 24.9

    

The chat was dead but the games were crazy.  Most of the scoring was contained in two matchups as those two games contained our top 4 scoring teams of the week.  Hopefully I was able to bring enough insight, math, and chuckles to the league this week, Mr. Commissioner.  

Big Nasty Express 112 defeats Dollars 90

A man with a red beard holds on to a steam engine to escape after robbing a male nurse of his burlap sack with a dollar sign on it.

Joe Flacco tried to carry Dollars from the morass but he couldn't overcome the second time this season that Dollars was involved in a Jamar Chase and Brock Bowers trade the and the other one exploded.  Dollars started Emanuel Wilson at the running back position and reaped a splendid 2 point performance.  Dollars has used duct tape and guile to get to 4 wins this season but it may be too much to make the playoffs with this squad. The Express is somehow 5-4 could get this team into the playoffs but with a schedule that includes, TS, RM, and SMBR that may be a tall order.  

Hardcore Cabinet 94 defeats Bricklayers 87

A man with 3 football trophies is next to a sad man with multiple golden toilets and giant gelled hair.

Despite Rome Oduze getting a goose egg and Jordan Love only getting 7 points, Hardcore Cabinet was able to use his championship instincts to get the win.  Bricklayers have lost Kraft for the season it's appropriate as this has been a box mac and cheese level season for Bricklayers.  Hardcore Cabinet (173) now pulls within one win of the Bricklayers (174) for the most wins in league history.  

Los Zapatistas 143 defeat Tinker Stinkers 137

A wolf in a sombrero takes a dwarf in a birthday hat into the woods to eat him and his plate of meat.

The game of the week did not disappoint as haymakers were tossed from Lamar and CMC against Herbert and London. Unfortunately for the birthday boy he didn't have anyone crack the 20 point barrier like LZ's Monangai filling in for an injured Swift.  Tinker Stinkers shouldn't worry however that despite the 4 losses their schedule that is easier than league average the rest of the way and an impressive point total, the playoffs seem easily attainable.  Los Zapatistas look to get that bye locked down with an upcoming meeting with fellow 7-2 squad Hardcore Cabinet.  

StabmyBalzRepeatedly 111 defeat The Collegians 91

A man dressed in for a Hawaiian Luau whispers into the ear of a bearded man in a black hoodie while a college graduate cries in the background.

SMBR wins their fourth in a row and with a remaining schedule that includes BG, $$, IS, and BNE that streak will be favored to extend for awhile.  He was able to overcome the 8 points from Mahomes with 6 double digit performers including 18 from our broken ass kicker scoring system. The Collegians haven't given up becoming the first repeat champ in league history and with a remaining schedule of BL, BNE, BG, $$, and IS a late run into the playoffs isn't out of the question.  

Rush n' Missiles 139 defeat Eh Big Dude 137

Vladamir Putin is riding a tank firing missiles at an army of anthropomorphic trees which are running in fear.

Brock Bowers tried to pull off the win 37 points in his first game back on EBD, but Jayden Daniels missed out the likely 2 points from junk time because his injury.  Puka returned to the lineup for RM and then left it with another injury but not before getting 18 points.  Jared Allen continues to rack up rushing touchdowns, that should have been James Cook.  (Am I doing this right, Steve?)  The win leaps RM ahead of EBD in the standings but still hold the final two playoff spots. 

Ogre's Death Squad 119 defeat Bay-Bay's 105

Shrek has Adam Cole in a gorilla press in a wrestling match.  

AI thought a gorilla press was bear hug and put a Teddy Bear in it, but I like it.  Do you want to learn the difference between a gorilla press and a bear hug and enjoy the humor you read here?  Check out the Ruthless podcast available here.

ODS has won 6 of 7 games to find themselves in 3rd place which has got to be on of the best commissioner performances in league history.  Speaking of all time performances, BB's is two wins away from his best season ever, which yes is just a .500 record.  Just average.  Sam Darnold threw more TD's in the first half than BB's whole team scored in the game.  ODS hasn't made this playoffs since 2020 and BB's has never done so.  Could this be the year?

Blue Gatorade 99 defeat Italian Stallions 85

A herd of stallions are being washed down a raging river of blue sports drink while a hairless college kid cackles from the inside of a dumpster.

Blue Gatorade was led by Jacoby Brissett, yes Jacoby Brissett and the Titans defense, yes the Titans defense to get the win over Italian Stallions.  The Loins may have finally broken the curse of Hardcore Cabinet last week but he may have unleashed the black magic to be absorbed by the son to wreck havoc about the Loins for another decade.  The battle for the toilet just got interesting with these two and also featuring Bricklayers plus a special cameo appearance by the Collegians.  The bottom of standings are going to be interesting the rest of the way. 

This week Los Zapatistas had high score, is in first place, and went 7-0 in picks.  Even being the only owner to call the BG upset.  Speaking of BG, he came in last again with only 2 correct. All it took was four straight weeks of getting 2 or less for BG to finally fall into last place in pick em as well.  EBD maintains his overall lead over SMBR.  Check out all your weeks here.

1. LZ 85-32

2. TS 81-36

3. RM 70-47

4. SMBR 69-48

5. EBD 63-54

6. TC 61-56

7. ODS 60-57

8. HC 56-61

9. BB 55-65

10. $$ 52-65

11. IS 48-69

12. BNE 48-69

13. BL 43-74

14. BG 31-86

Hardcore Cabinet has been the luckiest being 6 spots ahead and should be just outside the playoffs, while TC should be in the playoffs but TC all over the place season with sky high highs and cratering lows may be malfunctioning the system.  A solid score in HTPB is 100-110.  TC has fallen into that range just 3 times. Nuts.

Our computer overlords have decreed that these teams have a 90%+ chance of making the playoffs

LZ, SMBR, HC, TS

80%+

RM, ODS

coinflips

EBD, BB

life support

BNE, TC, $$

infinitesimal 

IS, BL

No possible world
 BG

Game of the Week 

#1 Los Zapatistas vs #3 Ogre's Death Squad

#2 HC vs #7 EBD

#8 BB vs #4 TS

#9 BNE vs #6 RM 

#14 BG vs #5 SMBR

#10 $$ vs #11 IS

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#13 Bricklayers vs #11 The Collegians

On to week 10!