The chat was dead but the games were crazy. Most of the scoring was contained in two matchups as those two games contained our top 4 scoring teams of the week. Hopefully I was able to bring enough insight, math, and chuckles to the league this week, Mr. Commissioner.
Big Nasty Express 112 defeats Dollars 90
A man with a red beard holds on to a steam engine to escape after robbing a male nurse of his burlap sack with a dollar sign on it.
Joe Flacco tried to carry Dollars from the morass but he couldn't overcome the second time this season that Dollars was involved in a Jamar Chase and Brock Bowers trade the and the other one exploded. Dollars started Emanuel Wilson at the running back position and reaped a splendid 2 point performance. Dollars has used duct tape and guile to get to 4 wins this season but it may be too much to make the playoffs with this squad. The Express is somehow 5-4 could get this team into the playoffs but with a schedule that includes, TS, RM, and SMBR that may be a tall order.
Hardcore Cabinet 94 defeats Bricklayers 87
A man with 3 football trophies is next to a sad man with multiple golden toilets and giant gelled hair.
Despite Rome Oduze getting a goose egg and Jordan Love only getting 7 points, Hardcore Cabinet was able to use his championship instincts to get the win. Bricklayers have lost Kraft for the season it's appropriate as this has been a box mac and cheese level season for Bricklayers. Hardcore Cabinet (173) now pulls within one win of the Bricklayers (174) for the most wins in league history.
Los Zapatistas 143 defeat Tinker Stinkers 137
A wolf in a sombrero takes a dwarf in a birthday hat into the woods to eat him and his plate of meat.
The game of the week did not disappoint as haymakers were tossed from Lamar and CMC against Herbert and London. Unfortunately for the birthday boy he didn't have anyone crack the 20 point barrier like LZ's Monangai filling in for an injured Swift. Tinker Stinkers shouldn't worry however that despite the 4 losses their schedule that is easier than league average the rest of the way and an impressive point total, the playoffs seem easily attainable. Los Zapatistas look to get that bye locked down with an upcoming meeting with fellow 7-2 squad Hardcore Cabinet.
StabmyBalzRepeatedly 111 defeat The Collegians 91
A man dressed in for a Hawaiian Luau whispers into the ear of a bearded man in a black hoodie while a college graduate cries in the background.
SMBR wins their fourth in a row and with a remaining schedule that includes BG, $$, IS, and BNE that streak will be favored to extend for awhile. He was able to overcome the 8 points from Mahomes with 6 double digit performers including 18 from our broken ass kicker scoring system. The Collegians haven't given up becoming the first repeat champ in league history and with a remaining schedule of BL, BNE, BG, $$, and IS a late run into the playoffs isn't out of the question.
Rush n' Missiles 139 defeat Eh Big Dude 137
Vladamir Putin is riding a tank firing missiles at an army of anthropomorphic trees which are running in fear.
Brock Bowers tried to pull off the win 37 points in his first game back on EBD, but Jayden Daniels missed out the likely 2 points from junk time because his injury. Puka returned to the lineup for RM and then left it with another injury but not before getting 18 points. Jared Allen continues to rack up rushing touchdowns, that should have been James Cook. (Am I doing this right, Steve?) The win leaps RM ahead of EBD in the standings but still hold the final two playoff spots.
Ogre's Death Squad 119 defeat Bay-Bay's 105
Shrek has Adam Cole in a gorilla press in a wrestling match.
AI thought a gorilla press was bear hug and put a Teddy Bear in it, but I like it. Do you want to learn the difference between a gorilla press and a bear hug and enjoy the humor you read here? Check out the Ruthless podcast available here.
ODS has won 6 of 7 games to find themselves in 3rd place which has got to be on of the best commissioner performances in league history. Speaking of all time performances, BB's is two wins away from his best season ever, which yes is just a .500 record. Just average. Sam Darnold threw more TD's in the first half than BB's whole team scored in the game. ODS hasn't made this playoffs since 2020 and BB's has never done so. Could this be the year?
Blue Gatorade 99 defeat Italian Stallions 85
A herd of stallions are being washed down a raging river of blue sports drink while a hairless college kid cackles from the inside of a dumpster.
Blue Gatorade was led by Jacoby Brissett, yes Jacoby Brissett and the Titans defense, yes the Titans defense to get the win over Italian Stallions. The Loins may have finally broken the curse of Hardcore Cabinet last week but he may have unleashed the black magic to be absorbed by the son to wreck havoc about the Loins for another decade. The battle for the toilet just got interesting with these two and also featuring Bricklayers plus a special cameo appearance by the Collegians. The bottom of standings are going to be interesting the rest of the way.
This week Los Zapatistas had high score, is in first place, and went 7-0 in picks. Even being the only owner to call the BG upset. Speaking of BG, he came in last again with only 2 correct. All it took was four straight weeks of getting 2 or less for BG to finally fall into last place in pick em as well. EBD maintains his overall lead over SMBR. Check out all your weeks here.
1. LZ 85-32
2. TS 81-36
3. RM 70-47
4. SMBR 69-48
5. EBD 63-54
6. TC 61-567. ODS 60-57
8. HC 56-61
9. BB 55-65
10. $$ 52-65
11. IS 48-69
12. BNE 48-69
13. BL 43-74
14. BG 31-86
Hardcore Cabinet has been the luckiest being 6 spots ahead and should be just outside the playoffs, while TC should be in the playoffs but TC all over the place season with sky high highs and cratering lows may be malfunctioning the system. A solid score in HTPB is 100-110. TC has fallen into that range just 3 times. Nuts.
Our computer overlords have decreed that these teams have a 90%+ chance of making the playoffs
LZ, SMBR, HC, TS
80%+
RM, ODS
coinflips
EBD, BB
life support
BNE, TC, $$
infinitesimal
IS, BL
BG
Game of the Week
#1 Los Zapatistas vs #3 Ogre's Death Squad
#2 HC vs #7 EBD
#8 BB vs #4 TS
#9 BNE vs #6 RM
#14 BG vs #5 SMBR
#10 $$ vs #11 IS
Toilet Bowl Game of the Week
#13 Bricklayers vs #11 The Collegians
On to week 10!
