HTPB 25.6

 

Everyone got hurt.  Big Nasty Express and Blue Gatorade continued to win.  Meat was smoked.

Big Nasty Express 102 defeats Hardcore Cabinet 56

The Express continues to chug along undeterred towards an undefeated season.  The squad got Caleb Williams back but wasn't set back his pedestrian 16 points. Through 6 weeks, Hardcore Cabinet has either been the highest or lowest score in 66% of the weeks. Hardcore Cabinet is a desolate wasteland left behind by God and any with enough good sense to leave.  Those left behind are doomed to an eternity of gang rapes and tales of the before time.  

Tinker Stinkers 120 defeats Ogre's Death Squad 67

Without Gibbs Ogre's Death Squad had as much chance of victory as he does in a closest aligned teeth contest.  Even with Cam Skattebo not being given a single touch, the Stinkers were able to steam roll the Ogre behind Drake Maye and the Steelers defense.  The Stinkers have been Tinkering with several trades and have hopes to turn their season around.  

Eh Big Dude 102 defeats The Collegians 97

The Collegians continue to plummet towards a toilet season, failing to break 100 even with 21 points from Tre Tucker.  Eh Big Dude continues to rise in the standings but things look to get much harder for the Big Fella as his schedule so far has not included a single team with currently with a winning record.  

Los Zapatistas 120 defeats Stabmybalzrepeatedly 76

Stabmyballzrepeatedly lost his QB to a blood cot and his backup to brain rot.  Los Zapatistas finally got a well rounded performance from his team and it lead him to the winner's circle.  Maybe he can rebuild on the season going forward. He gets three straight weeks of team's without a winning record to try and bounce back off his 4 game losing streak. SMBR has still yet to play IS, BG, and BNE so that combined with the quarterback situation could have already ended his season.

Dollars 128 defeats Italian Stallions 102 

Bijan Robinson was held in check and Italian Stallions could not overcome. Dollars hasn't scored below 100 points in a game and got his second win on the season.  Waiver wire pickup Germie Bernard brought in 21 points and Kenneth Walker continued to dominate.  Dollars looks to put himself back into the playoff picture.  Speaking of playoff spots, Dollars predictions currently have 5/7 correct.  

Bay-Bays 119 defeats Rush'n Missiles 73

Bay-Bay's picks up a big win as Huntley outscores Ward, he also won his fantasy matchup.  BB's continues his strong run to the upper half of the league, but the schedule gets a lot more difficult the rest of the way.  Was last year's playoff berth an aberration or is BayBay's here to stay.  The follow up season to the title has been a disaster for RM. He's 2-4 entering Josh Allen's bye week and with Judkins and Barkley injured the season may be in do or die mode.  

Blue Gatorade 124 defeats Bricklayers 79

The double tight end have Bricklayers 2 total points and with Love and Montgomery both out with injuries there was little hope.  Bricklayers haven't been this embarrassed by a kid in college since somebody impersonated Cie Grant in New Philadelphia.  Blue Gatorade continues to steam roll and pick up wins, while not even paying attention on Sundays as they sleep off the weekend.  The Browns shut down Derrick Henry but the rest of the squad led picked up all the slack and more.  At 6-0 and with tons of points, it would be an epic collapse for Blue Gatorade to make the playoffs ending his two year sucktastic stretch.  

Blue Gatorade's essay submission

The ghost of Hulk hogan comes out of one of the houses and yells racial slurs. Some spooky night. Quick, reach for the “flying elbow drop.” All of a sudden, the ghosts of hulk hogan and Randy savage are fighting at the center of the cul de sac like it’s 1989 at Trump Plaza in Atlantic City. All 14 members of HTPB are gathering around. Blue Gatorade, dressed as stone cold Steve Austin for the night, gets into character and just gets shitfaced ringside. Sergio is confused thinking the match is a bull fight and jumps into the ring with a red flag. In a flash, he is hit with an atomic leg drop. Los Zapatistas is rendered unconscious for the remainder of the night. At this point, it’s been a very even matchup between the ghosts. Just as the macho man starts to pull away, failbmfa, clutching his hulk hogan stuffed plush toy, jumps to action. No way! He’s on the top rope! What is he ever to do up there! He yells out to Randy savage, “Whatchu gonna do when hulkamania runs wild on you??!!” He takes to the sky off the top rope and misses Randy savage entirely blowing out both of his knees upon landing. Did you guys really expect anything different? While the crew deals with the injury, we cut to a commercial break. An advertisement for next week’s cul de sac clash appears as it’s the biggest night of the year! It’s Tinker Stinkers in…midget wrestling! He tries to defend his Arby’s gift certificate from hornswoggle in this epic bout. Now back to the action, some of the HTPB guys around the ring have noticed that one of the houses belongs to bloodfart Bart. He’s apparently trying to make his way to the action but he can’t figure out how to open his sliding glass door. Well, nobody’s gonna help him. He’s a grown ass man. Randy and Hulk in the ring is a blood bath. It’s gotta be over soon for all of our sanities. Hulk hogan hits Randy savage with an axe bomber that’ll surely seal the deal. He pins him, the ref shouts 1, 2, …and out of nowhere is hit from behind by none other than DIRTY DOM! He hasn’t made an appearance since before Blue Gatorade was even born! Dirty Dom now snaps to pinning Randy savage and he has won the hypothetical 1989 WWF championship belt between a racist ghost, a not so macho man, and cameos from middle aged men who at one point actually did this shit! It’s unbelievable! We all get to go home now.

Tinker Stinkers' Essay

Mason- wearing some sort of mask(he thinks he’s too cool for halloween; he’s definitely not Luke- Men in black agent(we are borrowing our one friends pug that looks just like the one in the first movie) Karter- not sure yet he might just wear his josh Allen jersey(he was smart and picked a different team to like instead of suffering being a browns fan) Mason is confused on that street and says this is a confusing as when dad decides to draft zero receivers every year and then trades his whole team season after season for very mediocre ones Karter is also, confused but feels like it’s a chance to get more Candy once we figure it out so he want to keep trying to get to those last three houses. Luke is the smartest person in the family I expect big things from him one day, so he says I don’t know why this is as confusing as dad staring at an Arby’s menu trying to figure out what to order. So he suggests how about we just turn around to the normal street and leave. So that’s what we do and get out of the time loop.

BG, BL, and $$ went 6-1 to get the win for the week.  SMBR comes in with the 1 spot to take the basement.  Dollars is our overall leader and The Loins and SMBR are at the bottom.  Check it out here.

#1 Blue Gatorade 58-20

#2 IS 57-21

#3 $$ 54-24

#4 BNE 50-28

The top four have been pretty consistent this year.  It's been these 4.

#5 BB 48-30

#6 BL 44-43

#7 EBD 41-37

Our fairly solid teams

#8 LZ 38-39-1

Sergio

#9 HC 29-49

#10 TS 28-49-1

#11 ODS 28-50

#12 RM 27-51

#13 SMBR 24-54

Not good teams

#14 The Collegians 19-55

Trash

Games of the Week

#5 Bay-Bay's vs #2 Big Nasty Express

BB 4-2

#4 Eh Big Dude vs #3 Italian Stallions

Series tied 15-15

#11 RM vs #12 HC

HC 6-4

#13 SMBR vs #1 BG

Series tied 4-4

#7 ODS vs #8 $$

$$ 13-9

#6 BL vs #9 LZ

BL 13-9

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#10 Tinker Stinkers vs #14 The Collegians 

TC 5-4

See you next week!