HTPB 21.3

Week 3 in HTPB was filled ass beatings and low scores. The league has started to separate itself with 3 unbeatens and 4 winless teams all of which are the goon squad but don't be too hard on them.  They haven't had a chance to play any shit teams like each other yet.   

 Jeremy's Brother tasted defeat for the first time today and I'm sure it tasted like a Beef 'n Cheddar with a side of curly fries.  Despite losing David Montgomery early in the game, EBD was able to hold one and remain unbeaten and unable to install an antennae.  JB made the right decision in benching Rodgers but sadly was unable to bench and replace most of the rest of his roster.  Jason clearly deserved this after slandering mentally handicapped people earlier in the week.  Jason felt he could make fun of mentally handicapped children and believed they should be subject to mocking because he mistakenly thought he had volunteered in the classroom in high school, but I have received word that it was trial placement that didn't work out.  When reached for comment, Mr. Toney said, "Jason tried really hard but he really wasn't up to the snuff we expect here. plus we didn't have any desks his size."

         (Josh Allen sprouts out of Ogre's Death Squad)

Lamar Jackson continued to lead Stabmyballzrepeatedly in his quest to regain the top stop in the standings.  The Ravens QB played a level 7 rushing quarterback attack aided by a fire mage elf protection spell or some other unbathed weirdo bullshit.  This was enough to lead him to the highest score for the second week in a row.  Ogre's Death Squad got three good performances that were surrounded by shit, which was like watching flowers grow out of garbage.  ODS has had some bad luck as the power rankings will show, but that is not what this blog is about.  It's about shaming people.  Maybe give up whatever time you are spending managing this team and focus on not letting your daughter wear Steelers shit.  You too Sergio.  Terrible fucking parents.  Yes, yes, I know Max sucks ass but he was bitch when I met him when he was 6 years old.  Too far gone. 

The Collegians have fallen quickly since their championship run last year.  Steve has been run through this season by injuries, suspensions, and this guy  At least Armani helped the Browns beat your niece's favorite team. The Shoes has yet to face an opponent who has broken 100 this season, and his two victories are over the worst two teams in the league.  Next week he gets to play the winless ODS.  

    

    

                           (Bricklayers so far this season)

Bricklayers continued stomping mudholes in teams this week, derailing the Big Nasty Autodraft.  What's an analogy for an unstoppable force. Bricklayers has had teams like this before but nobody remembers him for it.  Jalen Hurts could be a league winner while BNE would settle for a game winner.  Might be time for BNE to downgrade the level of transportation.  The offensive defensive coordinator was finally able to not lose the defensive matchup, managing to tie this one and pull his defensive record to 0-2-1.

Hardcore Cabinet has increased his winning streak against the Italian Stallions to 11 straight years.  The dominance continues although not at the usual level of destruction as you can see by examining the extensive list of beat downs.

2012 108-.78 - 83.60

2013 104.62 - 86.67

2014 130.18 - 102.98

2015 140.30- 115.28

2016 109.23 - 103.62

2017 122.12 - 85.60

2018 148.23 - 80.47

2019 146.92- 106.65

2020 108.97- 100.03

2021 162.59 - 148.08

Russell's Restaurant should change his name Russell's Laundromat because that dude is washed.  Or maybe Matt Ferrell presents the Italian Stallions because I own this team. 

                                                                        

The youngest two members of the league tangled this week, as RM beat Blue Gatorade.  Jefferson and Taylor have struck out for BG more than Max trying to find a date to homecoming.  I'm gong to a homecoming dance this year and I'm 40, plus I know I'll get laid because I've been fucking Dom for 11 years now, since he’s my date.  Maybe if you keep talking to your mommy about how to get a girl to talk to you, you'll figure out something. Rush n' Missiles hopes his 2-1 start allows him to do something he has never done before, no not make his father proud, I'm talking about winning a playoff game. That's a recap where I manage to slam both teams and get an additional dig in on Dom.  Let me take a bow.

Dollars vs Bay-Bay's was ugly as the Bay Bay's set fantasy football back a few centuries back to the caveman days or as Dan calls it, the mirror. The Bay-Bay's started Herbert with busted ribs and so far his all in on the Chargers plan had been a low battery plan.  The level of confidence Dan had at the draft combined with his early season lack of success leads me to believe that Dan has won tons of 6 man leagues with auto drafts.  Bay Bay's pulled the double dip of low total score and lowest defense this week.  Dollars has let him know that this is in fact the big leagues.  

                                                        Power Rankings and data by Nick

                                                                                    

	PWR
TIERS	RANK	W	L	+/-
1	BL	34	5	-1
	SMBR	32	7	1
2	EBD	29	10	0
	ODS	26	13	-7
3	BNE	22	17	-7
	TS	21	18	2
	HC	21	18	1
	BG	19	20	-1
	CB	18	21	3
	LZ	16	23	3
	$$	14	25	3
4	BB	9	30	2
	IS	8	31	0
$$	TC	4	35	0

Fun Facts:

Average score only 98 points, lowest this year

SMBR Second consecutive week as top scorer

Wolf Pack so lucky

ODS/BNE so unlucky.

BG dropped 4 places, the largest faller and mover overall

LZ went up 2 places, biggest increase.

Avg Rank		OVR ALL	WEEK 1	WEEK 2	WEEK 3
3	BL	2	3	3	2
3	SMBR	1	8	1	1
4	EBD	3	4	4	5
5	ODS	5	5	8	3
7	BNE	6	2	11	7
7	TS	4	9	2	10
7	HC	7	7	5	9
8	BG	8	1	9	13
8	CB	9	11	7	6
9	LZ	10	12	10	4
9	$$	11	14	6	8
11	BB	13	6	13	14
11	IS	12	10	12	12
13	TC	14	13	14	11

BL and EBD have been in the top half of the league each week.

LZ, IS, and TC have never been in the top half of the league

Above: average rank is average weekly scoring rank. Yellow means top 4, red bottom 4. overall is total points

Weekly Pick'em Results

For the second week in a row we had someone go 7-0.  Congratulations to Roy.  Although Jason remains in first place overall with his unique waist high perspective. Not only are the goons winless in the league, they had three members tie for last at 1-6 as ODS, BNE, and TC only got one right.  The remaining goon was head and shoulders above his brethren with a 2-5 record. Steve keeps his stranglehold on last place as he has gotten 3 games right all season.  Click here for week 4.

The Skynet computer simulation of the remainder of our season and playoff calculator.

If you can't zoom in on this, Skynet believes that BL, SMBR, EBD are in and TC, IS, BB are out.  HTPB version of the playoff computer $$$ has 3 (BL, EBD, HC) of his playoff predictions currently in the top 7.

Week 4 Preview

Three top half of the league matchups make the coming week a big deal for HTPB

Game of the Week

                                                                    #1 SMBR vs #4 JB

                                                                        HC vs $$$$

                                                                        BL vs RM

                                                                        ODS vs LZ

                                                                        BG vs EBD

                                                                        BNE vs BB

                                                                                

                                                         Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

                                                                    #13 IS vs #14 TC

From Crossing the Line to Barely Legal:

 

Until the start of the Extreme Three Way Dance Podcast, I had never watched ECW other than a few clips here and there, but as an avid original fan of the PTBN and NoSo Network, I followed along on the journey.  I knew ECW had crazy moments and a rapid fan base but I didn't really know what I was getting into.  So here are my thoughts on three years of watching the promotion starting with The Night the Line was Crossed which I review here up until ECW's pay per view debut Barely Legal.

The Taz and Sabu feud, with Taz calling out Sabu for months without a response for months, didn't make any sense to me at first, but I loved Taz being a badass and killing dudes while Fonzie being the most devious insane heel manager ever was great.  Taz started out dressing like a savage and being under the tutelage of Kevin Sullivan.  His transformation into a fight camp bad ass has been such an amazing improvement.  Sabu says nothing and his matches are car crashes.  In a 2022 lens his work isn't that impressive but in mid 90s lens, this is shit crazy cool.  Sabu spent most of the time in random matches until his feud into partnership into maybe another feud with Rob Van Dam.  Since it's the 1990s, I will rate these two over three years with this Bill Clinton:

Shane Douglas continues his long battle against the Pitbulls after taking Francine away from them.  In the three years, I have been watching minus a quick failed WWF run, Shane Douglas has been so freaking evil.  At the beginning he was a Ric Flair wannabe who just made pot shots at Ric Flair, he came back evil, angry and amazing.  Every match you want him to be destroyed and he gets away.  The Pitbulls went from insane creatures managed by Jason to insane creatures managed by Francine to slightly less insane creatures with human names occasionally.  I miss Jason so much and his insane character so much.  He was so bad he was great.  I hope he comes back.  Both of these acts reach their peaks with Francine with them.  The Pittbulls now have "the masked man" who may reveal himself.  It's Rick Rude and nobody is pretending otherwise.

  

The tag team division has been a story of a dominant team ruling the division taking all comers from the Public Enemy, to DA Gangstas, to the Eliminators, the tag division has been fun but also victim of the champs being entertaining centerpieces who each have their own brand of the same match, over and over again.  The Eliminators have been my personal favorite, but each team made you clearly aware of who they were and what they were motivated by.  The current tag champs, The Dudleys are very confusing to me. The Dudley's transformed from a collection of misfits in Raven's Flock to feuding with estranged Brother D-Von to Buh buh reuniting and turning evil for no discernable reason.  I haven't been a fan of the new Buh Buh and D-von unit and they defend the titles against the former champs, The Eliminators at Barely Legal.

  

The World Title has been held in strangle hold by Raven other than his month stay in rehab has been in strangle hold by Raven.  Raven has burned and churned through flock members but Stevie Richards has been by his side since the beginning.  As Stevie gained popularity  and independence, Raven would make sure to put Stevie back into his place.  Stevie and his own cronies, the Blue Meanie and Nova would begin parodying other groups both musical and wrestling based, and when they parodied the nWo with the bWo, Stevie took off in popularity.  I honestly haven't figured out why this is so popular as I believe Stevie has been more entertaining his whole run than he is as the bWo. Raven also messed with Sandman, by taking his title, his ex-wife and his son.  His shoot 7 year old son, in an ECW ring, with a bloody Raven.  It's been a crazy ride that like most ECW feuds went a little longer.  Terry Funk is middle aged and crazy, fought to win the NWA title one last time, the grizzled old gun fighter heading in for final battle.  Raven thinks Funk needs to go away, because Funk reminds Raven of his father that molested him.  Funk doesn't care about the molestations and Raven needs to get over it. Raven's three rival meet in a 3 way dance to determine the #1 contender for Raven's title later in the night. 

The one thing that I heard over the years, when ECW was being discussed was how everyone had their strengths focused on their weaknesses hidden.  That is so accurate.  I can't think of a single character that I haven't enjoyed for a while.  From Jason to Malenko, to Ron Simmons, to the FBI, to Mikey Whipwreck.  I enjoyed every character.  Some would over stay their welcome because they were so one dimensional but that single dimension was a fun place to to be. I have loved the ride way more than I thought I'm pumped for the PPV and to see where ECW goes from here.  And if you ain't ready to ride with this bunch deeper into 1997, then you going to have to answer to 'ol Slick Willy himself.