HTPB 22.3

 

Week 3 is in the books and every team has at least taken one L.  While two teams continue to wait for their first victory.  It was a nanners week with several games in the NFL being lopsided blow outs which led to some crazy scoring in HTPB.

Editor's note:  I was at cub scout camp and DJ'd a wedding and you guys were pretty quiet in the slack so not much to go on here.

The Buffalo Bills defense and kicker left scorched Earth in their wake.  7 of Sergio's 9 players reached double digits to give him the high score for the week. That was with a 49 point RB on the bench.  Los Zapatistas appear to be full shoes ahead in defense of their crown and Hardcore Cabinet looks to regroup after taking a mild bad luck loss and continue his strategy of waiting for Kupp and praying.

Jeremy's Brother lost his Chubb but was able to stay in the game using the Eagles D. Whew that was a lot of erection references for a single sentence or as Big E calls it, the best sentence. Although neither QB could throw the ball through the tire, JB was able to get the win and in be in the top half of the league in scoring.  If you told me that JB would win with no Chubb and 2 points out of Henry, I would have said, "Oh he must be playing Italian Stallions this week."  

(If the district championship was the toilet bowl)

Rushin' Missiles defeated Italian Stallions in their 3rd good week in a row to earn his first win.  He was able to meet the cure to any bad stretch, the Italian Stallions.  Davante Adams outscored 6 of Italian Stallions players on his own.  Italian Stallions started a defense that gave up 70 points!

Dollars remained winless and was nearly beaten by Tua and Tyreke on their own.  He didn't get much of any other scoring but luckily for BB he did not need it.  Dollars finally played the 70 dollar man Puka and this week got 5 catches.  Is Alvin Kamara going coming off suspension going to be enough to turn around Dollars season? Dollars having not broken 100 yet this season.

Joe Burrow remains one passing TD ahead of Keenan Allen in the race to 50. BNE got 7 TD's a lost.  SMBR took a well rounded performance as only Taysom Hill pulled a Burrow.  Here's some footage of BNE drafting all the Bengals high this year.  Shades of the Derek Anderson/Jamal Lewis debacle of over a decade ago. 

The Collegians walked wounded team was able to defeat Blue Gatorade and end their run of winning while not doing shit narrowly.  Collegians was able to sneak by a point and avoided Mixon getting some clock killing carries at the end of Monday Night Football.  Blue Gatorade was one ten yard run from Mixon to being in first place but is now all the way down to 9th.  

EBD watching the Cowboys defense this week.

The two teams that ended the week at the top of standings battled this week, with Bricklayers ending up on top. Mike Williams left it all on the field as his season ended with a 19.05 point week. The magic of Dallas' defense struck midnight this week and EBD was unable to compensate to pull of the victory. EBD has seemed to have discovered Sam LaPorta as a key contributor.  Anybody remember Matt LaPorta? He was the big pickup when Cleveland traded CC Sabathia. If you don't remember him...he sucked. Bricklayers is leading the league with a 90.4% start accuracy percentage.  That means he has put the best possible roster lineup almost completely.  No bench regrets for BL.

(Spaces intentional for grouping)

1. EBD 30-9

2. BL 27-9

3. LZ 26-13

4. RM 23-16

5. SMBR 22-17

6. BNE 21-18

7. ODS 20-19

8. BB 18-21

9. HC 18-21

10. JB 18-21

11. TC 18-21

12. BG 13-26 

13. $$ 12-27

14. IS 7-32

Luckiest Team: Jeremy's Brother is 4 spots higher than deserved

Rushin Missiles is a whopping 7 spots lower than they deserve. 

Weekly Pick em

The weekly winner was RM with a record of 6-1 only missing on Collegians defeated BG

EBD and HC pulled up the rear with 2-5 records.

Pick week 4 here.

This week's matchups are highlighted by #1 EBD vs #7 ODS

BL vs BNE

BG vs RM

HC vs BB

LZ vs TC

$$ vs SMBR

Toilet Bowl 

#14 IS vs #6 JB
 

 

HTPB Weekly Wrap up 22.2

 

Welcome to Week 2 Electric Boogaloo. Week 2 was all about family as the older brothers prevailed and Dom was bested again by his daddy.  

For the 12th straight year, Hardcore Cabinet defeated the Italian Stallions.  The streak began way back in 2012. The last IS defeated HC was also in week 2 in 2011.  The top song in America was this, the top movies at the box office that Sunday were.  This season it seemed like Dom would finally stand up for himself and be a man, with Hardcore Cabinet down 4 different receivers, starting two different players signed out free agency, plus no Dom went full BOHICA.  Despite the two Jalen Hurts pushed in 1 yard touchdowns, the only thing that got pushed in during this matchup was Dom's shit. Look at this list of names that were involved in the matchup the last time Dom beat me.

Los Zapatista repeatedly felt the wrath of the "Gay Bengals" this week. Which is the highest form of Sergio insult, right up with his go to, "No, you are"  Big Nasty Express used a well rounded gay attack from Joe "50 tuddys and 50 blumpkins" Burrow, Tee "Bag" Higgins, Raheem "In the Butt" Mostert, Mike "leather hot pants" Evans, and the whole Big Gay Squad.  Even Cody "No Nickname Needed" Dicker dropped 10 points.  When asked to comment, Coach Nick Webb said, "Everything went FABULOUS!" 

Rush'n Missiles this year decided a different strategy from previous seasons.  In years past, RM would use the lose and score hardly any points gameplan. This season the new coaching staff has enacted a new score over 100 points and lose.  Bricklayers were unable to comment because of their refusal to get with the times.  Bricklayers seen here trying to send a message in Slack.  Bricklayers put up 134 despite a goose egg from his defense and for his head.  RM was so upset with the loss that Cory and his "Hard R" sunglasses took to social media and reached out to Alexander Mattison to complain about his performance Thursday night.

This week on the Royller Coaster, we have escalated in 7 days from saying he isn't watching and enjoying life to critiquing all lineups and demanding that people tell him how good his team is slack.  Where will his mental state land in 7 days time?  Denouncing God and demanding golden statue made in his image or telling all TAWP or whatever that initials things he says is or maybe the Blue Streak.  We will cover it all here.  Bay-Bay's appreciated the Red Path Messenger* gift from his brother after receiving the biggest beatdown of the week, which will happen when no player on your squad breaks 13 points.  

* The first car manufactured in Canada in 1903

Blue Gatorade won for the second week in the a row without being at the top of the league in points. This of course is the only way he gets lucky because Max "Friend Zone" Evans can even blow 12-1 odds.  But you can do that when your opponent a guy spends $77 in FAAB on , but doesn't play them despite Puka going for 22.75 without a TD.  Like an old lady with plastic on the couch and won't let anyone sit on it, Dollars is keeping his new Puka nice for later.  I mean do you know how much he spend on him?  Dollars can't be using him in games and wearing him out.  He's got a slightly used backup running back to use up first.  I mean why waste Puca, when you can be carried by a QB who can't hold onto the ball because his hands are slippery from massage oil and victims' tears.

All the Collegians got for their birthday was a beating with some injuries, just like he got growing up because Big Cat ain't going to raise no bitch and gave his ass something to cry about.  Waddle, Metcalf, Montgomery, which now sounds like a personal injury law firm team, went down.  Ogre's Death Squad remains undefeated and hopes to continue his dreams of having a second undefeated season, where you actually win a playoff game.  ODS may have a quarterback controversy between Richardson and Jones and just like Big E's fingers when wiping his ass, not sure which one to put in the slot.

SMBR and Jeremy's Brother decided to be where running backs go to die as Nick Chubb and Saquon Barkley went down.  SMBR was able to overcome Cam Akers not being active and still pull out a 20 point victory.  Will Jeremy's Brother be able to overcome the Chubb injury like a Jeremy or will he fold under the loss like a Jason.  It's just really hard to tease about the Chubb injury because as I type this at 7:36 AM on September, 19th, I am still actively sad about it.  So Fitzpatrick took away Chubb and my revealing in Jason's loss.  God damnit! Fuck you, Steelers.  

Power Rankings to debut next week!

Yahoo fantasy medal update.  EBD is in the lead with 13 while IS, BG, and RM have four at the bottom.  This numbers will change later today.  Check it out here.

This week's winners went BG 5-2.  Limping into last place was JB with a 1-6 finish.  Make your week 3 picks here.

Game of the Week 

#1 EBD vs #4 BL

HC vs LZ
ODS vs JB

BB vs $$

BNE vs SMBR

BG vs TC

Toilet Bowl Matchups

They being attracted to Kevin's sisters and an aversion to wins

#14 IS vs #12 RM

Good luck to all next week!

HTPB Weekly Recap 22.1

 

    Live through the magic of the internet, it's the 22nd season of the House that Plook Built. It was a good week for brothers as both sets of brothers went undefeated this week.  I am not referring to the kind of brothers Roy talks about with a hard letter at the end.  It's a long season and for most members of the league engines were not started.  There is still plenty of time to turn things around or maybe run the table in the regular season only to blow it in the playoffs.  Who knows?  Lots of possibilities.  

Bay-Bay's and the Miami Dolphin twosome of Tua and Tyreke led the league in scoring and smashed BNE into a fine paste.  Bay-Bay's also won the position bet as Garrett Wilson found paydirt as well. 

After the game, BNE refused questions from reporters but did release this statement.   Bay-Bay's had spent the offseason flying from Newfoundland down to Miami to scout for the draft and so far so good.  The Nick checked out the Bengals practice facility under a highway, saw Joe Burrow sitting with his leg wrapped in ice, and said I gotta get on this train.  The week one Bengals train ran as smoothly down the tracks as the Big Nasty Express has for the last two decades.  

Despite Johnathan Taylor being injured/contract dispute and JK Dobbins' Achilles imitating a window shade, Eh Bid Dude was able to defeat SMBR behind 8 touchdowns including two from his defense.  This matchup of toy buyer and toy seller didn't lead to a close game.  This reporter is going to track the Royller Coaster that is fantasy football season, so far he is not paying attention much this season because he is living life, but he also said he scouted MULTIPLE defenses and secured them in the draft. Stay tuned as this story develops.  

Bricklayers continues to play chess, while the rest of the league plays checkers.  How do you fix going undefeated in the regular season and then losing your first playoff game?  You lose the first game so that doesn't happen again.  You gotta be a problem solver, friends.  Jeremy's Brother rode his power backs (Henry, Chubb) to victory instead of riding his power bottom which is the norm. (Henry's Chub)  

Ogre's Death Squad fought off his old boy, Josh Allen and Rush 'n Missiles.  RM was a hard luck loser scoring in the top half of the league in points but coming away with a loss, which is much different for RM who usually is just a regular loser. ODS was prancing around with new young rebound QB, Anthony Richardson, while Allen through 3 interceptions and got stuck with the kids.  Can Josh Allen turn it around in a "Stella got her groove back" scenario?  Or has Cory's stink destroyed another promising career?

Blue Gatorade took a break from partying in college to out slap fight Hardcore Cabinet.  Hardcore Cabinet bench scored only 3 less points that the starters, showing that coach may need replaced.  Step payment has been placed on all tuition checks until the rematch later in the season.  Killing Max's education like the nerve endings in Cooper Kupp's leg.  Reports are that BG had a party at his townhouse the night before the game that was 10 girls and himself so maybe he has already learned all he needed to at college.  

    

                                    (A fight scene from the 2017 film: Goon- Last of the Enforcers)

                                                        It's on Netflix if you hate yourself.

The Collegians were actually able to work around their top of the draft running back and rode that to a victory over the Italian Stallions. The combined 1.4 points from their tight ends was a real chef's kiss of suck.  More like loose ends am I right?  It doesn't appear that things will get any easier for the Italian Stallions next week as they battle a team they haven't beaten since 2011.*

* editorial note: Gotta get that in now because my team is hella bad right now. Also make sure that you are talking smack and whatnot so your matchup write up is more than this one.  

The Shoes began defending their title with an impressive defeat of Dollars.  What's more Breece Hall looks great Monday Night so Zapatistas isn't' pulling a 1998-99 Chicago Bulls. Dollars mostly soberly drove his new truck into a good week but couldn't parallel park that thing in the winners circle as Dollars is the top loser of the week. The most important take away here is Sergio brought home a win from Cleveland and followed all ashtrays signs at the draft. Two notorious draft day drunken stumblers, walked out with dignity.   

Congratulations to the Triple Threat of ODS, BB, JB for winning the league pick'em this week by going 5-2.  And a massive shout out to SMBR going 1-6.  

Week 2 picks can be made here.

The Game of the Week 

Brother Battle 

#1 BB vs #2 EBD

Good but less good 

Brother Battle

#3 ODS vs #5 Collegians

JB vs SMBR

BL vs RM

BG vs $$$

BNE vs LZ

Toilet Bowl Game of the Week

#13 Hardcore Cabinet vs #10 Italian Stallions

Have a great week and on to week 2!

Doctor Dollars Dollars Playoff Predictions and draft grades 2023

 HTPB 2023 playoff picks.

First off I’d like to congratulate our 2022 Champ The team formally known as Los Zapatistas. An incredible 7th seed run. The odds of Beating a AoE member in every round of the playoffs had to be 1000 to 1 at best. Truly a feat among feats! Again congratulations! These picks are my opinions so obviously I like the players I drafted. No surprise I pick myself as a playoff team. That being said I don’t feel as confident as I usually do. Hands down this has been the closest top to bottom draft grades I’ve ever given, it’s almost embarrassing how close I view everyone’s teams. I will reveal draft grades at the end. To help me narrow it down to my other 6 playoff picks I bumped a couple teams down after some post draft news came out. HTPB The 14 team big leagues , pretty much everyone has some holes. Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!!

The Collegians First round pick RB Austin Ekeler leads a top 5 RB stable. No doubt PPR stud Ekeler pushed

this groups grade as a whole higher then otherwise would have been. Damian Pierce and

David Montgomery are not flashy but do have history of some solid fantasy production. 

Unlike some of the other teams with top RB stables I actually like the Collegian’s WRs. 

Waddle, DK Metcalf, Dionte Johnson and couple young WRs with potential on his bench. 

Definitely an above average bunch. TE Goedert has top 5 upside at the position in that high 

scoring offense. As a Kirk Cousins owner last year I must say he left me wanting more but 

he is capable of putting up some very nice weeks. All that said TC tied for my highest 

draft grade.

Italian Stallions

Got to love sitting at the 3rd pick this year and having Christian McCaffery fall in your lap! 

Paired with Khalil Hebert a projected 3 down RB for the up and coming Chicago Bears

offense puts this RB stable on the cusp of top 5, definitely top half of league.

Admittedly I don’t love what he has at RB behind them but I’ve seen worse.

Dual threat Jalen Hurts at QB top 3 at the position last year all while sitting out some

4th quarters blowouts! Mark Andrews a perennial stud at the TE position in fantasy.

C Godwin, C Watson, G Davis and Juju head this WR corps that I view as top 8/above average.

All in all I see a team with no major holes and some absolute studs at QB,TE and RB.

The Stallions tied for my highest Draft Grade

Bricklayers Starting the draft WR/WR helped secure a top 5 WR corp for the Bricklayers.

Combine that duo with wild card Jaxson Smith-Njiba and boom or bust chargers 

WR Mike Williams who is a juicy stack for him. QB Justin Herbert who is coming

off of a down fantasy season due to some lingering injuries was a nice value in the draft

and is expected to bounce back in a big way this season. I wanted him but these top QBs

went off the board quicker than any mock draft I took part in and I think for good reason! 

Hockenson at TE is one of my least favorite picks by the Bricklayers but he is projected 

Top 5 at the position. I do like James Cook but those RBs as a unit are bottom 8. 

Brick tried to sell me on Swift, no sale. I honestly don’t know how the eagles 

backfield is going to play out. 

Stabmybalzrepeatedly

This team and the next team deployed the tried and true “wait on your QB” strategy and 

I like both of their draft results. In Kevin’s case he ended up with great value at the position 

Dak Prescott. Deebo, Keenan, Jerry Jeudy and Pittman form a strong WR corp which as a 

whole has a chance to finish top 5 amongst the league. Don’t think there is a more injury prone

WR corp but I assume health for all players unless already injured. Fantasy football has always

seemed primarily centered around The RB position and Kevin has that covered! Saquon, 

Josh Jacobs and Cam Akers. This looks like a top 3 group of RBs especially in a PPR format. 

This team reminds me of one of those classic Big Cat drafts where he just sat back and took 

the values that came to him.

Los Zapatista’s Sergio also decided to wait on his QB and selected Geno who surprised everyone in fantasy

last year. He has the weapons to be very serviceable once again. I’m really not sold on Kyle Pitts 

and his situation but he definitely has the physical tools to be a stud. Kincaid rookie flier backup 

TE in a great offense. Love Diggs and Amon-Ra as his starting 2 WRs but a steep cliff after them.

Quentin Johnston is interesting but reports have Josh Palmer still ahead of him on the depth chart.

The 4 solid RBs in combination with his 2 stud WRs is what made him a playoff pick for me.

Breece Hall who the jets may bring along slowly but his potential ceiling is very high! 

Aaron Jones, James Conner and Antonio Gibson are also gonna have the opportunities 

needed for solid fantasy output .

Big Nasty Express This guy does the do not draft a QB and a TE within your first 5 picks. BNE says no, 

I’ll do that with my first 3 picks! Yet he made it work in my opinion. RB is a concern 

but it looks like he only plans on starting one. Pacheco has a chance to be good on that offense

but I see them more likely using rotation. Perine and Mostert will likely have some useful fantasy

days but overall RB is the teams weakness. Travis Kelce, the fan

Italian Stallions B+

Bricklayers B Blue Gatorade B- Ogre’s death Squad B- Bay Bay’s B- Big Nasty Express B Eh Bud Dude B- Hardcore Cabinet B- Jeremy’s Brother B- Sergio B Rush missiles B- Stabmybalzrepeatedly B The collegians B+