Week 6 Wordle Matchups

Here is your Week 6 Wordle Club Schedule:

In a double dose of bad news for Nick, he is about to get a mudhole stomped in him and walked dry and it turns out he is a mutant.  Nick fucks around and finds out against me (owner of the least amount of guesses this season) Nick vs your author! Can you believe that I have been paid to write this dumb stuff before! 

One is undefeated and is clearly the best wordle player in multiple generations of her family.  The other services unbathed virgins on Friday nights.  Can Paulie play a level 4 google spell to stay on top of the standings.  Paulie vs Kevin!

The two newest members of Wordle club will do battle this week.  Ang seems to have found her groove like Stella.  While Steve continues to search for his grXXve.  Ang vs Steve!

It's the Reina of Google taking on the King of staying 500 feet away from schools.  Both should have to register and tell people they are near by in my opinion.  Linda vs Big E!

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They can be found next to each other in the standings straddling the playoff line and next to each other in bed straddling something else.  It's Bart vs Kenny.

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 8/9/03 Heat 8/10/03)

 

We hit the cold open with Bradshaw and Faarooq sitting at a table going through promotional head shots.  Faarooq is signing them and he asks Bradshaw what he is doing.  Bradshaw is trying to prove that Shaniqua is a man.  Bradshaw believes that Shelton Benjamin and Shaniqua are in fact the same person.  He says that Shaniqua is just Benjamin in a wig.  He has drawn long black hair on Shelton in sharpie.  

In a funny exchange Bradshaw defends his theory, "Clark Kent, Batman, Peter Parker and Doc Oct... you never see them in the same place."

Faarooq responds, "She has breasts."

Bradshaw: "So did Dusty Rhodes"

Faarooq says that some people thought Latoya and Michael Jackson were the same person but they aren't and Bradshaw is crazy.  The FBI approach and Bradshaw asks them their opinions because they are "Fruit Booties" and the heels remind them that they have match tonight and their focus is in the right place.

(I will give you one guess the only trait Bradshaw sees in common between them)

Match #1

Full Blooded Italians, Chuck Palumbo and Johnny the Bull Stamboli with Nunzio

vs

The APA, Faarooq and Bradshaw

We are greeted by our announcers, Josh Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller.  Josh informs us that this week in WWE has been "off the hook" so we know it is 2003.  APA chants before our first contact so the old Acolytes are still over.  Bull and Faarooq start off.  Faarooq hits a top rope shoulder block that Stamboli runs into like a goof.  Tag to Palumbo who runs into a drop toe hold.  Bradshaw is tagged in and floors Chuck with a shoulder block and a suplex for a quick 2 count.  Bradshaw sends Palumbo into the corner for some punches until a big right hand from Chuck allows for a tag to Stamboli.  Who runs into a side suplex for his second let me kick my own butt moment of the match.  Bradshaw tosses The Bull with the sack of shit fallaway slam.  

Faarooq tags back in and starts nailing some mounted punches in the corner.  Palumbo distracts the referee so Nunzio and hang Faarooq up on the top rope.  The FBI get some quick tags in to waylay Faarooq with punches, kicks, and stomps.  Palumbo sets up a chin lock.  Trash talk baits in Bradshaw for the phantom tag.  The Bull also hooks in a chin lock.  Faarooq starts to power out so The Bull heads to the top rope but gets caught for a spinning slam.  

Faarooq tags Bradshaw back in who cleans house.  The APA hit double team shoulder blocks and a duo neck breaker.  The Bashams are out on the stage with Shaniqua holding the sharpied head shot and they look none too pleased.  A double team power bomb to Stamboli to give the win to the APA after Faarooq was in the ring forever illegally in 5:45 (*3/4)  Shaniqua crumbles up the photo and holds her men back as I assume this story will continue on.  

Match #2

Ultimo Dragon vs Shannon Moore

Shannon Moore gets the advantage early with a headlock takeover.  Dragon successfully completes some leapfrogs and hits a leg sleep.  Ultimo Dragon locks in a surfboard pendulum swing move (see above) that I'm not sure what it is actually called but unlike Josh Matthews, I am 100% sure that it is not a modified camel clutch.  Shannon Moore kicks Dragon into the middle rope for the rare wrestler is in the 619 position that somehow happens in every Rey Mysterio match but not in 99% of other matches.  I was popped for this rare occurrence.  It was like seeing a unicorn.  Shannon Moore grinds the knee into the back rest hold on the Dragon.  Dragon breaks free and heads to the corner to dive back on Moore with a crossbody.  Moores eats an axe kick and then Dragon lands a flurry of Hai kicks.  Hai is Japanese for yes.  Moore goes for a backslide pin but Dragon flips out to a hurricanranna which Moore in turn rolls through for a roll up pin attempt for 2.  Ultimo Dragon tries a top rope jaw breaker but Moore shoves him off. Moore dives off the top for a spinning neck breaker for 2.  Moore is clearly frustrated and pounding the mat.  Ultimo Dragon takes advantage of the lack of focus to nail the Standing Shiranui (thanks google) for the win in 5:45. (***)

Match #3

Orlando Jordan vs Andy Anderson

We are shown Orlando Jordan back stage being flocked by three young ladies who have managed to get through security and are all about OJ.  Josh Matthews reminds you once again that this is 2003 by comparing Jordan's sex appeal to that of Ashton Kutcher.  We return to the ring where we have trading arm bars.  OJ cartwheels out.  Anderson fails on his third leap frog.  Jordan hits a few crisp arm drags.  Double A does not hit a spine buster to gain control unfortunately and locks in a chin lock.  Orlando powers out and catches a few drop kicks and a flying forearm.  The entire time Cat has been saying the Andy Anderson is Andy Griffith....incessantly.  Luckily Orlando Jordan hits the Black Ice to end the match and Cat's bit just like a not guilty verdict in a Matlock trial in 4:34 (*)  Andy Anderson is still out here grinding as he had a match April 6th, 2024 against Bradley Graham to a double count out at Pure Power Wrestling presents PowerSlam XIII in Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada. 

Match #4

World's Greatest Tag Team Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin vs Spanky and Funaki

Josh Matthew hypes the WGTT title defense next week against Kidman and Mysterio in St. Louis and warns all of the St. Lunatics as Spanky sprints to the ring, "faster than Michael Vick" in case you are just now turning in but weren't sure if it was 2003 or not. 

Shelton Benjamin starts out with Funaki and falls victim to a head scissors.  Quick tag to Spanky and the cruisers nail Benjamin with a camel clutch drop kick to the face combo.  Haas catches Spanky with an illegal clothesline from the apron to allow the heels to take over.  Haas tags in a heaves Spanky over with a belly to belly.  He chokes Spanky with the ropes and tags in Benjamin for a chin lock giving us the golden sombrero of chinlocks in the four matches tonight.  WGTT hits a double team hangman splash and now it's Haas' turn to lock in a chin lock.  Haas stops a hope spot by knocking Funaki off of the apron.  

Haas stands on Spanky's hair so Benjamin can come in and lay in some boots.  Spanky's kick is caught but he flips out of it and then hits a drop kick.  Hot tag to Funaki.  Funaki with back drops and an enziguri.  Benjamin goes for a powerbomb but Funaki rolls through to reverse for a roll up for 2.  Then a reverse DDT for a second near fall in a row.  Spanky is back and goes for a dive to the outside on Haas but crashes and burns.  Funaki goes for a top rope tornado DDT on Shelton but is caught in mid air by Haas, who holds him steady for a an absolutely dicaptiating super kick by Benjamin for the victory in 6:35. (***1/2)

Josh and the Cat remind us to tune into Smackdown next week to see the tag title match and we head off the air for WWE Confidential.

The next night on Sunday Night Heat we are greeted by Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow.  

Match #1

Test vs Tommy Dreamer with a Singapore Cane

Test hits reverse elbow smash but misses an elbow drop to start.  Tommy Dreamer takes advantage with a Russian Leg Sweep.  Dreamer clotheslines Test over the top and out of the ring and then baseball slides to give Test a kick to the mush.  Test comes back in and hits a sidewalk slam on Dreamer and starts doing body building poses.  I believe this pose is called the hypodermic needle.  Coach and Al Snow are making growling noises discussing several of Justin Timberlake's ex girlfriends.  A real who's who of 2003, Britney Spears, Alyssa Milano, Cameron Diaz.  Test hits a basic scoop slam and then does some jumping jacks to show how unconcerned he is with the Innovator of Violence.  

Tommy Dreamer tries to fire out of a headlock but gets taken back down.  Dreamer yanks Test off the top rope to give himself some time to recover.  The two future pay per view ECW title challengers trade punches until Tommy hits a swinging neck breaker.  Tommy escapes the pump handle slam and hits a pop up powerbomb! Test kicks at 2.  Test hits his pump handle slam but Dreamer kicks out!  A frustrated Test misses a big boot attempt and crotches himself over the top rope.  Dreamer bounces Test on the rope to give him a chance to sing alto.  Dreamer hits his DDT but Test kicks out as well!  Dreamer does up to the top rope and the announcers and anyone else with eyes can see how awkward dreamer looks up there.  Test kicks the ref into the top rope to speed up what gravity was already starting to do which is to knock Tommy off of the top rope and landing him on the turnbuckle.  Test goes to get him off but Dreamer fights back with some punches.  Dreamer tries again with a top rope attack but eats a big boot and Test gets the pin in 6:35. (** 1/2)

Backstage, Val Venis is on his flip phone making sure the person on the other end is sending a Puerto Rican and Mexican girl to his room after the show.  He stops his phone call when Miss Jackie walks by.  Val pitches to her that she should make a Val Venis productions video.  He wants to take test shots (I assume he means photographs and not steroid shot in the buttocks like Test).  He poses her and gives her a banana.  He then goes to get two tennis balls to finish the shot but when he turns around Rico is now here with his lady.  Val reminds Rico that it is twice he has ruined his work with Jackie.  Rico says that good things happen in threes.  Val storms off presumable to where the sex trafficker he was speaking to has sent the girls.  Rico feeds the banana to Miss Jackie and I assume this scene was sent off to the Emmy committee for their consideration.  

Match #2

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade vs Buddy Wayne and Tony Kozing

Jindrak starts with Wayne.  Jindrak grabs Wayne and puts him on the top rope like a child.  Wayne does look like a child next to Jindrak as Wayne's head barely clears the top rope.  Wayne dives off the top hits drop kick that Jindrak no sells.  Cade is tagged in and floors Kozing with a clotheline.  Kozing dodges a few blows from Jindrak once he tags back in but gets caught on a cross body.  Wayne hits a flying leap off the top onto both of them.  Korzigs drops a few elbows and the local competitors quickly tag in and out trading stomps and punches to the prone Jindrak repeatedly.  Finally Jindrak can escape and make the tag to Cade.  Cade hits a back body drop and bulldog, before the lifting assisted drop kick picks up the win although it is less impressive of feat since the drop kick isn't very high on the tiny local competitors in 4:14. (1/2)

Match #3

Ivory and Maven vs Stevie Richards and Victoria

The men start out with some punches and chops from Richards.  Maven blocks a biel throw and retaliates with one of his own.  The women enter the ring with out tags, Victoria gets Irish whipped butt first into Stevie's face and then they are both sent into the other corner, this time with Victoria getting squished.  Stevie falls to all fours with Victoria falling on top of him in a spot that appears to be intended for comedy but misses.  Maven and Ivory pick them up and smack their heads together.  Maven celebrates and it costs him as he eats a Stevie kick which sends him flying out of the ring.  

Stevie brings Maven back in and hits him with a scoop slam.  Victoria nails an amazing slingshot corkscrew leg drop.  Stevie returns to nailing some chops in the corner.  He puts on his pink bucket hat and yells, "I'll show you!"  But misses his charge attempt and crotches himself in the corner.  Maven back body drops Victoria.  Ivory hits a cross body to both opponents from the top rope. Then Ivory hits a back elbow, drop kick and then a neck breaker.  She nails an X-Factor on Victoria but the referee misses the pin attempt trying to get the men out of the ring.  Richards hits a Stevie T Impaler with a shocking amount of height, rolls Victoria on top for the cover and the victory in 3:24. (* 3/4)

Coach and Snow ask us to tune in tomorrow to see what Shane, Kevin Nash, and Kane will be doing and that's the broadcast.

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 8/2/03 Heat 8/3/03)

                                                         

Unfortunately I was unable to find this full show anywhere and if you have access please leave a comment as to where I find it.  I could only find the main event.  

The APA and Funaki vs The Basham Brothers with Shaniqua and Sean O'Haire.

Our announcers, Josh Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller, are unsure who the Bashams partner will be and that their opponents called Shaniqua a man.  O'Haire is the mystery partner because he is freaky as well according to the Cat. 

Bradshaw and Danny Basham start out.  Bradshaw start off with a shoulder block, chops, and forearms.  Danny comes back with a swinging neck breaker but is quickly cut down with a big boot.  Funaki is tagged in for a camel clutch drop kick double team with Bradshaw.  Doug takes over with after Funaki gets distracted trying to get a high five. Eventually Funaki comes back with head scissors but Basham grabs the ropes to avoid a dropkick.  

Doug Basham and Faarooq enter the fray.  Shaniqua distracts Faarooq whom had Doug up for the dominator.  Doug capitalizes with a Russian leg sweep. O'Haire is tagged in and nails Faarooq with several quick knees to the face.  Faarooq gets triple teamed in the corner.  Bashams hit a double suplex, the ref misses the cover because he is being distracted by Bradshaw.  Tag team specialist at work.  Faarooq hits a huge spine buster.  Both men crawl to their corner and Funaki and O'Haire get the tags.  Funaki hits O'Haire with a dropkick and an enziguri.  O'Haire catches Funaki and military presses him until Funaki wiggles free and catches O'Haire with the scorpion death drop.  The benches clear and Bradshaw crushes a Basham with a Clothesline from Hell.  After O'Haire and Funaki are the only guys left in the ring, Funaki hits a bulldog and goes for the cover.  Shaniqua pulls him out off of O"Haire.  Using the distraction, O'Haire picks up Funaki and hits him with a Razor's Edge to pick up the win. 

 (** 3/4)    

Our announcers are once again Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow.

                                                                             Match #1

                                                            Rodney Mack vs Tommy Dreamer

      Rodney Mack heads to the ring without Theodore Long.  Mack grabs the mic and tells us that Long is missing because whitey got ahold of him and he needs medical attention because of it.  Mack will now beat up whities to honor Long.  

   

        They trade Irish whips into the corner. Dreamer hits a hip toss but when he goes to follow up, Mack dumps him out of the ring.  Mack pursues and sends Tommy into the stairs.  Once back into the ring, Mack hits a shoulder breaker and transitions into a arm bar.  Mack locks in a standing cobra clutch.  Tommy runs him into the turnbuckle to break it and uses the opportunity to hit Mack with a DDT.  Mack gets his foot on the rope to avoid a three count.  Tommy heads out and grabs a Kendo stick.  He heads to the top rope but eats a clothesline.  Mack relocks in the cobra clutch but this time in a prone position.  Tommy works towards the ropes but the ref doesn't see despite Tommy working towards the ropes and someone already using the ropes earlier in the match.  Mack wins by submission in 3:36 (*1/4)

                

    

          We are shown footage from the locker room from Monday on Raw, with Stevie Richards icing his midsection after being speared and beaten by Goldberg.  There is a young worker loading strips of shredded paper that is all over the floor.  Victoria runs in with a microphone and gives it to the worker and tells him to interview Stevie.  Stevie says that if fought Goldberg on Stevie Night Heat, that he would have won.  The young employee says that Stevie still would have beaten his ass.  Stevie does a Vince McMahon impersonation and fires the young guy.  Al Snow walks up and finishes the interview.  

Stevie says that on Stevie Night Heat he will battle his most insubordinate opponent, while Victoria throws all the paper in the air while trying to get Stevie's attention because it looks like snow. Stevie puts on a Goldust mask and pretends to be both competitors while Victoria pours the shredded paper on his head.  The shredded paper is not explained.  

                                                                                Match #2

                                                                Maven vs Aaron Stevens

The matchup begins with Maven tripping Stevens a few times and then locks in a headlock.  Stevens leaps over Maven in the corner into a backstabber.  Hard Irish Whip into the corner takes Maven down again.  Stevens holds onto the rope to avoid a Maven dropkick.  Stevens with a suplex and transitions into the Mike Rotunda Hall of Famer abdominal stretch. Maven hip tosses Stevens to get out and then a jawbreaker.  Flying elbow for 2, Maven goes to the top rope, Steven hits the ropes to crotch him.  Stevens goes for a superplex.  Maven throws off Stevens and then hits a crossover DDT for the victory in 3:52. (**)

Match #3

Lance Storm vs Spike Dudley

Lance tells the crowd that he is not boring.  Guess what, Lance is not boring.  Lance complains about the lack of response from Hollywood a few weeks ago.  Spike Dudley's music hits and out comes the runt of the Dudley litter yawning.  The bout starts out with some forearms being exchanged.  Lance gets the edge with a backbreaker and then stomps a Canadian mudhole in Spike or would it be Dudleyville mudhole.  Lance holds Spike vertical for about 30 seconds until dropping him with a suplex.  Spike gets his first sustained offense of the match from a hurricanrana, reverse atomic drop, and the corner stomps that appear as if Spike is running on Lance's chest.  Spike goes for the hurricanrana again but this time, Lance catches and tosses him like a 150 pound sack of laundry.  Spike goes for what appears to be a Russian leg sweep setup, but rolls forward with Lance's legs wrapped and rolls him up for the surprise win in just 2:33. (*1/2)

                                                                            Match #4

                                                    Stevie Richards with Victoria vs Goldust

The bout begin with some closed fists being exchanged until Stevie rakes the eyes.  Stevie starts kicking Goldust but he fires back with a butt bump, bulldog, and clothesline to the outside. He follows the owner of Stevie Night Heat to the outside, where Stevie runs the golden one into the ring apron twice to regain control.  Goldust gets thrown upside down into the turnbuckles.  Stevie copies Goldust's chest rub taunt.  He locks in a headlock and nails a neck breaker for a 2 count.  Goldust comes back with his own neck breaker to put both men down.  Stevie chases Goldust around the ring landing punches while Goldust appears to be "Turreting Up", it's like Hulking up if it made fun of a disability.  Goldust drops down and hits the slap and a reverse atomic drop, ura nage, for a two count.  Goldust starts hitting the 10 count mounted punches in the corner.  Stevie slips free before the 10 and Goldust lands an awkward diving punch which sends Stevie reeling into the opposite corner. Goldust sets up Shattered Dreams, but Victoria enters the ring and charges.  Goldust catches her with a drop toe hold which causes her to fall head first into Stevie's groin.  A staggered Richards wanders into Goldust's grasp and he hits the Curtain Call for the win in 4:46. (*3/4)

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 7/26/03 Heat 7/27/03)

 

We are welcomed to the show by Josh Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller, just 1 day before Vengeance like and exclusively on pay per view. 

Match #1

Nunzio vs Orlando Jordan

    Orlando starts out hot with some leapfrogs, a back body drop, and a drop kick to get a 2 count.  Then he hits a few arm drags, a fireman's carry and locks in an arm bar.  Nunzio hangs on to the top rope to get out and lands a slingshot elbow for a 2 count and locks in a chin lock.  A devastating looking mule kick for 2 by Nunzio.  He then goes to his second rest hold in this short match with a neck vise.  The ref catches Nunzio grabbing the rope for leverage.  While the leader of the FBI is complaining to the ref, Orlando catches him with an electric chair, Nunzio gives us the "No, please, No" in Italian I would presume which is "no, per favore, no".  

    Orlando comes back with some TaeBo punches and a back body drop for a 2 count.  Nunzio gets caught trying to come off the top rope, but punches Orlando Jordan off of him, to hit a violent looking dropkick from the top to Orlando's chest.  Nunzio is bleeding above his left eye at this point.  Jordan nails Black Ice out of nowhere for the 1-2-3 in 5:18. (** 1/2 mostly for the great drop kicks from both guys).

                                                                            Match #2

                                                                Kanyon vs Ryan Sakoda

    Sakoda gets going quickly with some arm drags, shoulder block, backslide, and cross body.  Kanyon begs off in the corner and suckers the rookie in and lands some punches in the corner.  Kanyon nails a second rope leg assisted bulldog and the a 2nd rope inside out super plex for 2.  Both moves were pretty unique and Josh rightfully calls Kanyon and offensive innovator.  Sakoda gets his boots up to stop a charge. Kanyon heads to the outside to clear the cobwebs and Sakoda peruses.  On the way back in, Kanyon catches Sakoda with a swinging neck breaker.  Kanyon hits a side slam and cinches in a head lock.  Sakoda lands a back drop to get out and then a pre Kofi Kingston S.O.S. for two.  The rookie heads to the top rope and gets caught with Flatliner on his dive for a 3 count in 4:52. (**).

                                  Match #3 Spanky and Funaki vs The Basham Brothers with Shaniqua

*** I am watching this on Youtube pre HD.  I can't tell the Bashams apart so if the announcers don't mention which one it is, I am at a loss ***

The Bashams stop in the aisle to give Shaniqua's boots a licking.

Funaki and a Basham trade some basics, arm wrenches, roll throughs, etc... The other Basham is tagged in for more of the same.  Funaki hits a flipping head scissors to create space.  Tag to Spanky and then connect on a drop toe hold, camel clutch, drop kick to the face shades of Kai en tai sequence with Josh name dropping Taka Michinoku. 

Spanky goes hits a Tiger Mask into a drop kick coming out of the corner.  He heads off the ropes but Shaniqua trips him up.  This leads to a conversation about Shaniqua's magic stick and Josh and The Cat debate whether the song was done by 2Pac or 50 Cent.  I will let you guess which announcer had which rapper on that one. A Basham nails Spanky with a flapjack and the crowd starts a Spanky chant to motivate him while Kendrick eats some forearms to the mush.  Doug hits a Vader Bomb style elbow drop.  The announcers inform us that Sable has been hosting Slammin' Saturday Night on Spike TV which I remember being Velocity, Confidential and third non WWE show that is escaping me.  If you know what it is please tell me in the comments.  

The Bashams hit their slingshot bulldog combo (Meat Curtain) on Spanky and Funaki breaks up the count.  Spanky eats a running knee in the corner, but finally breaks free with a jawbreaker out of a headlock and an enziguri kick to finally get the tag to Funaki.  Funaki hits a bulldog and the other non bulldog victim Basham breaks up the count.  Spanky is back up and hits a drop kick from the top rope.  The cruiserweights hits stereo drop kicks.  Spanky heads to the apron to scale the turnbuckles but Shaniqua trips him again and he face plants on the steps in a good spot.  Funaki gets hit with the Ball and Gag for the 3 count in 7:08.  (***)

We head of the air and reminded to purchase Vengeance. 

Pre Vengeance Heat July 27, 2003.  In storyline, Vince McMahon ordered Smackdown to take over Heat this week.  

Announcers: Tazz and Michael Cole

Match #1 and only

Ultimo Dragon vs Kanyon

(Double Kanyon weekend baby!!!)

Kanyon is already in the ring and gets the jobber entrance.  Dragon starts with a head lock, trip up, series of stiff kicks for 2.  Kanyon comes back with a reverse face buster for his own near fall.  Then a backbreaker, body slam, knees to the back, and headlock.  This brings a Kanyon sucks from the crowd.  Ultimo fires back and nails a crossbody.  He goes for a second one but Kanyon catches him and hits a table top suplex.  Kanyon hauls the Dragon up to the top rope for what appears to be an elevated Papoose to Go/White Noise from the top, but the Dragon has no intentions of being murdered on a C show and wiggles out to powerbomb Kanyon off the top.  Dragon starts kicking repeatedly in buttocks, giving Kanyon the Forrest Gump in Vietnam treatment.  They trade some hard kicks until Dragon hits a for lack of the proper term a turnover death drop for the win in 4:06.  (**1/2).

Vengeance starts in a minute so hurry up and order!

I'll see you next week. 

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 7/19/03 Heat 7/20/03)

 

We are welcomed into the 7/29/03 Velocity by our hosts Josh Matthews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller.  

Match #1

The FBI (Chuck Palumbo and Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli with Nunzio vs Spanky and Funaki

Spanky and Funaki hit several quick strikes on Chuck with fast tagging in and out.  Double team drop kicks.  Chuck finally gets the edge via a vicious clothesline.  Palumbo and Stamboli tag in and out, nailing Spanky with fists and boots.  Nunzio holds Spanky's arm and pulls him halfway out of the ring so Chuck can kick his head off in a nasty looking spot.  The FBI continues to tag in and out and beat on Spanky with power moves.  Spanky hits both with a desperation drop kick.  Funaki gets the hot tag.  Drops both Itatlian big men wiht drop kicks.  Spanky is right back in the fight and perfectly fine seconds after taking minutes of beating from two larger men.  Spanky gets swatted away on a drop kick and tossed out of the ring.  A possible double team move is set up by the FBI (see above) but Spanky is quick to break it up from the outside.  Still perched on the ropes, Stamboli hits a bulldog on Spanky.  Funaki has recovered and nails his own top rope tornado DDT to get the pin on Johnny the Bull, in a surprising outcome in 4:56.  Surprising that two guys who are Velocity mainstays would get the win against the FBI who have been featured on Smackdown lately.  (** 3/4) 

Match #2

Doug and Danny Bashams with Shaniqua vs Johnny Jeter and Matt Cappotelli

The Bashams entertain the crowd with some boot licking and whipping of her team.  The crowd is not impressed.  Matt Cappotelli is one of the winner's of Tough Enough 3.  Tough Enough was constantly mentioned during the the first two seasons, but this is the first I am even hearing about it and the show is already over.  Very odd and bad for some old fashioned brand synergy.  Doug and Matt tie up.  Doug works over the rookie's arms.  A missed clothesline gives Cappotelli a chance to hit a drop kick.  Matt follows him out and Shaniqua gets in his way allowing, the Bashams to take control again.  Doug and Danny tag in and out taking turns roughing up Matt.  Double clothesline into a snapmare with a drop kick to the back of the head.  The Bashams tag and we get another snapmare but this time it is followed up by an elbow drop.  

The Bashams hit a move commentary calls the "Meat Curtain"  which is a double team slingshot into a top bulldog.  It's a nice tag team move but that name is nightmare juice.  Assumed that was going to be the finish but the pin is broken up by Jeter.  We get a headlock, tag and then another head lock.  I can't tell if the story of the match are the Bashams are so in sync that they are doing the same moves after tags or Cappotelli only knows how to a few moves.  Cappotelli dropped down to turn the headlock into a jawbreaker.  

Hot tag to Johnny Jeter, as he hits an enzuigury and a slingblade.  Cappotelli comes in with a cross body out of nowhere.  Shaniqua gets on the apron and distracts the ref which allows the Bashams to hit the Ball and Gag which is a clothesline Russian leg sweep combo for the win in 8:83.  It was a really long squash match. (*).

We return from commercial and Matt Cappotelli is in the back talking to fellow Tough Enough 3 winner John Hennigan (the future Johnny insert last name here).  The APA come by and invite the rookies to join in on their APA Barroom Brawl Invitation at Vengeance sponsored by Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness.  The rookies accept although it doesn't seem like it was a choice.  

Match #3

A-Train vs Orlando Jordan

A fan has a A-Train Shaving Station with an arrow pointing down.  Does that mean this fan wants A-Train to sit on his lap while he shaves A-Train? The announcers act like this is the fan insulting the Train but I would in fact argue that this is a true sign of love.  This person is A-Train's biggest fan.  Train tosses the steps and Josh jumps into the crowd.  This has been going for a few weeks and I wonder if we will see Josh in the ring at some point.  Velocity is brough to us by the new movie S.W.A.T.  starring Colin Farrell, Burger King, and Truth anti smoking campaign so you know this is 2003.  

Train starts with some power control moves.  Jordan hits a drop kick, but A-Train comes back with a single arm DDT to regain control.  Train doles out some corner knees and kicks until Jordan lands an enzuigury, (enzuigury, the official plucky underdog comeback move of this July 19th, episode of Velocity).  Jordan hits a few more nice looking drop kicks and then a flying forearm for a 2 count.  Train powers out of the corner and nails a huge bicycle kick for 2. He picks up Jordan for the Trainwreck for the win in 4:08. (*1/2)

Match #4 

Dawn Marie vs Nidia

Before the match Dawn Marie gets the microphone and taunts Nidia for Jaime Noble offering money to spend a night with Torrie Wilson.  The bell rings and Nidia charges for a corner attack but comes up empty.  Dawn hits a reverse atomic drop follows that up with chops in the corner.  Dawn tries a corner springboard but Nidia hits the ropes and Dawn falls into the tree of woe.  Nidia hits a dropkick to the upside down Dawn Marie but it is only enough for a 2 count.  Nidia chokes her on the ropes.  Dawn reverses an Irish whip and hits a cross body from the top, back elbow, and a body slam.  A missed Vader Bomb gives control back to Nidia and then a sequence of sloppy pin combos, Nidia grabs the rope but doesn't actually apply any more pressure to the pin using the "extra leverage" for the win in 3:54.  (1/2 *)

We are welcomed to Sunday Night Heat by our announcers Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow. 

Match#1

La Resistance vs Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade 

Sylvan Grenier attacks Mark Jindrak.  Jindrak quickly gets the advantage back with a couple of drop kicks and locks in an arm bar.  Sylvan elbows his way free and tags to Rene Dupree who takes a few shoulder blocks.  Punches are exchanged, Sylvan catches Cade with a knee to the back coming off the ropes and the heels take control.  Cade takes a beating outside and is tossed into the barricade. Jindrak makes it in to save Cade from the pinfall.  Sylvan chokes Cade with the ropes and tags in Dupree for a headlock.  Cade drops down for a jawbreaker for the hot tag.  We had the exact sequence in the Bashams match last night.  Jindrak lands a couple of back body drops and a springboard clothesline.  Cade lifts Sylvan and Jindrak hits a beautiful dropkick for the upset win at 3:45.  The height was impressive.  (** 1/4 a whole star added for the finishing move).  It was a non title match but this should lead to a title shot one would assume.

Al Snow interviews Stevie after his loss in the 6 man match this past Monday.  He wants to know why Stevie is so happy despite losing to Kevin Nash.  Stevie says that he is happy because millions of people watch RAW and the exposure will mean that millions of people will watch Stevie Night Heat.  This will corollate to higher ratings and more money.  That will mean raises for some of the Stevie Night Heat staff.  Al Snow wants that money but doesn't think Coach should get a raise.  Stevie announces that next week he will take on Goldust for the millions of fans.  Al reminds Stevie that he suspended Goldust indefinity. Stevie says ok then, he's lifting the suspension.  He wants everyone to forget the name Goldust and remember Stevie Richards.

Match #2

Tommy Dreamer vs Nick Dinsmore

Tommy Dreamer starts off with a snapmare into a headlock.  Dinsmore forces the Innovator of Violence into the corner and lands some punches and kicks.  Dinsmore misses a corner leap and eats some punches and bails out.  Dreamer lifts him back to apron by his hair and suplexes him back into the ring.  Dreamer misses a charge into the corner and posts his shoulder.  Dinsmore starts to work on his arm and lays him out with a body slam.  Dreamer gets the boot up to block the top the rope flying nothing.  Dreamer hits a neckbreaker, punches, back body drop combo.  A sit down spine buster gets two and then a Death Valley Driver gives the win to Tommy Dreamer for the win in 3:21. (*)

Match #3

The Hurricane vs Rob Conway

Snow and Coach inform us that we have the same sponsors as Velocity this week.  Hurricane offers a handshake but Conway hits him with a cheap shot kick to the stomach.  He sends Hurricane into the ropes but the super hero catches himself and mocks Conway.  Hurricane low bridges Conway on a charge to take advantage on the outside.  Conway nails Hurricane on the way back in to get into control.  He chokes away in the corner.  A knee and a swinging neck breaker for 2.  Conway digs his knee in the small of the back of Hurricane to try to get the submission.  Hurricane escapes and nails a flying clothesline to even out the odds. Hurricane with a reverse knee drop, a headlock drop (hey I don't know alot of moves names, but hey what a maneuver), and a running neck breaker.  Conway gets his foot on the rope to stop the pinfall.  Hurricane plants him with a rotating DDT and then the Shining Wizard for the win in 3:39. (**)

Miss Jackie in catering and drops a coffee stirrer.  Val Venis comes in a leers at her buttocks.  He would like to get Jackie to work for his video company and would like to put a little extra milk in her coffee.  <shudder> Rico appears and informs Val that he would like to star in Val's videos.  Val says he doesn't make those kind of videos.  Rico thinks that Val thinks he is more of a man that him.  Val looks into his tights and confirms that yes he thinks he is more of a man than Rico.  Rico challenges him to a match tonight. 

Match #4

Val Venis vs Rico with Miss Jackie

Val's prematch spiel is interrupted by Rico's music after Hello Ladies.  Jackie removes the bright neon green pants of Rico to reveal a much more reasonable purple leopard print pants.  Val is uncomfortable from Rico's flamboyance.  Rico gets an audible "Rico sucks" chant.  Rico gooses Val and skips away.  He then jumps into Val's arms and plants the Bugs Bunny kiss on Val's cheek.  We get our first move of the  match and is in an armbar.  Rico used all of his mind games to finally get an arm bar, which is immediately countered into his armbar.  Rico somersaults out of it and continues to somersault n circles around Val.  Rico preens for the crowd and then takes a fist right to mush.  Val nails a back elbow and elbow drop for 2.  Val lands an uranage for another two count.  Rico locks in a sleeper and Vals immediately reverses it into his own.  Rico gets out with a back suplex.  Val Venis kicks out at 2.  Val hits a spinning sit down powerbomb for his own 2 count.  Rico grabs the ref which lets Jackie trip up Val. When Val goes after Jackie, Rico sneaks in from behind and rolls him up for the win after 3:31. (*1/2)

Tune in tomorrow night on RAW for Jericho vs Shawn Michaels, Kane vs RVD, and CEO Linda McMahon will announce the plans for RAW leadership, is Austin out of power?  

Match #4

See you next week!

RuthlessCee Show Aggressive (WWE Velocity 7/12/03 Heat 7/13/03)

 

Velocity July 12, 2003

Announcers: Josh Mathews and Ernest "The Cat" Miller

Match #1

Sean O'Haire vs Bobby Rude

This Bobby Rude character sure looks VERY similar to Bobby Roode who would come to WWE years later.  Josh mentions that Rude is a Canadian trained by Val Venis, just like Roode.  Uncanny.  We start out with some slow chain wrestling.  O'Haire sends Rude to the outside and lands some hard kicks to the back.  Rude gets brought back in and chucked across the ring.  After some taunting, O'Haire lands more really hard kicks to the kidneys.  Rude tries to get the crowd behind him to get out of a headlock but they politely decline.  Whipped hard into the corner and O'Haire hits the widowmaker for the win at 5:06.  O'Haire looked like a killer in this match.  He towered over Rude which shows how the industry has changed over the years as Roode did not look undersized during his run in WWE much later. (*1/2) 

Kanyon vs Orlando Jordan

We begin with headlocks, arm drags, hip tosses being exchanged.  A failed top rope move attempt by Jordan leads to a top rope Russian leg sweep from the top by Kanyon.  Kayon hits a Lethal Leg Drop in the other corner and locks in a headlock.  Jordan tries to fire out but eats a huge neckbreaker.  Orlando turn the tide with a powerbomb out of the corner and we get a standing 10 count.  Jordan nails a flying foreman and three pretty dropkicks.  Jordan hits Rocky Johnson shuffle punches in an ode to his mentor.  Jordan recerses a Flatliner attempt into a reverse neck breaker for the win in 7:15.  This match had some athletic and innovative moves.  Told a good story of the veteran dominating the rookie until the rookie unleashed his athletism.  Good stuff.   (** 3/4)

Match #3

A-Train vs Funaki

A-Train chases Josh around the ring.  Ernest gives Josh crap for being a wimp when he returns.  Funaki dodges some moves and then bows to A-Train.  Train chases Funaki around the ring in anger. As A-Train tries to follow him in Funaki lands a kick and then a dive to the outside.  Funaki tries some more fast attacks once back in the ring and eats a big boot followed up by a body slam.  Funaki punches out of a powerbomb, hits a bulldog, and then a dropkick to the face of a downed A-Train.  Train catches Funaki on a dive from the second rope and hits the trainwreck for the win in 2:25 (*).  After the bout Train heads over to intimidate Mathews again.  

Match #4 Nunzio vs Spanky

The rest of the FBI will be stuck in the back with a case of the mud butt, from their tainted by Spanky earlier in the night. Spanky starts out with a standing switch.  Nunzio hits a shoulder block but gets tripped by Spanky.  Spanky runs up the ropes to maintain headlock control in a nice spot.  Test of strength which is broken up by a Nunzio slap.  Spanky hits a fast paced hurricanrana,  and heads to the top but Nunzio yanks him to the mat.  Nunzio tries to ground Spanky with a reverse chin lock. Kendrick fights out and eats the turnbuckle via drop toe hold.  Nunzio hits a top rope dropkick and gets a near fall.  Kendrick skins the cat and hits a flying forearm.  He runs the corner into flip onto Nunzio.  Spanky tries for the sliced bread #2 but Nunzio reverses it to the Arrivederci which is a 2nd rope spring board DDT for the win in 6:00  Quickly paced and Spanky bumped like crazy.  (**1/2)

Sunday Night Heat 

July 13th, 2003

Announcers: Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow

Triple H pulls up in a limo talking to the Nature Boy on his flip phone.  He wants the Nature Boy to have the ladies hot and the champagne cold because it's not going to take long.

Match #1 

Scott Steiner with Stacy Keibler vs Ruffy Silverstein

During Steiner's entrance with Stacy, a fan's sign is shown "Got Legs?"  Hey Zach Gowen is on Smackdown and that isn't very nice anyway.  I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice.  Silverstein is wearing khaki shorts with a belt so I assume he is business casual John Cena.

Scott starts off with a shoulder block and a few running kicks to the face.  Ruffy Silverstein rakes the eyes starts landing blows on Steiner in the corner.  Ruffy tries a leapfrog but is caught by Steiner for a powerslam.  Now it's Steiner's turn to land some strikes in the corner.  Ruffy tries to the propel off the turnbuckles and get behind your charging opponent thing but goes too hard and flip head first over the turnbuckles to the floor in a scary moment. Steiner heads out and chucks him into the stairs before bringing him into the ring and tying him into the tree of woe. Steiner lets him down and hits a vicious clothesline.  Elbow drop and some pushups.  Steiner plants him with a belly to belly.  Steiner hits some kind of a facebuster, I really have no idea, I'm not a move guy for the win in 3:17. (1/2 *)

Steven Richards heads over to join the commentary team.  

Match #2

La Resistance vs Tyson Dux and Bobby Rude

On the way to the ring Rene Dupree lets the French Canadians know that they don't think the French Canadians are French.  They suck like Americans.  Stevie is acting like he is general manager of Stevie Night Heat and he signs the two young jobbers.  La Res attacks before the bell.  Stevie announces that he has suspended Goldust from Stevie Night Heat, with pay because he has a family to feed.  La Resistance tags in and out with beating on Tyson Dux with punches and kicks.  They hit a double hip toss for two.  Dux hits a kick and makes it to Rude for the hot tag.  Rude clears house a bit and causes Rene to accidently clothesline Sylvan.  Dupree makes the save on the pin.  They dispose of Dux and then hit the Bonsoir Double Spinebuster on Rude for the win in 3:20 (1/2*) 

Stevie enters the ring to celebrate and gives double cheek kisses to both members of La Resistance who are confused.  

Teri Runnels interviews Maven backstage about the biggest match of his career.  Maven says how along every step of the way that people told him he was crazy.  He's going to go out their prove himself tonight. Coach and Snow promote Gail Kim vs Molly Holly for the title tomorrow night.  Triple H enters Maven's lockerroom and says that he thinks the kid has a heck of a future. He wants Maven to enjoy his big night and savor it because they isn't any shame in getting beaten by the Game.  

Match #3 Triple H vs Maven

Since I'm watching this match not on Peacock when get the Tough Enough theme for Maven, which is better than the bootleg version.  Triple H dominates with some limb control moves.  A sequence of shoulder block, lay down, hip toss, and couple of drop kicks gives Maven his first advantage in the bout.  Triple H rolls to the outside to regroup.  Triple reenters and suckers Maven in to take the advantage and chucks Maven outside.  Maven reverses a head slam to stairs and delivers one of his own. We head to commercial.  A rarity here in C show land.  A two segment match!  

Back after the commercial, Maven hits a neck breaker for a two count.  Triple H hits a spinebuster to reset the match.  They exchange fists until HHH can hit his patented lifting knee strike for a two count. Triple H chokes him on the middle rope and starts slapping Maven around disrespectfully. Maven gets a flash rollup attempt off a suplex setup for 2. Al Snow says that Maven is definitely the dark horse in this match and he isn't just talking about skin color.......

Maven catches Triple H with a forearm and then a backdrop.  He mounts HHH in the corner and starts landing fists to the head, Triple H walks him out and Maven blocks the atomic drop and hits a clothesline to maintain the advantage.  HHH yanks the tights to send Maven to the outside.  The Game has had enough and heads to get his title belt.  He misses the belt shot on Maven.  HHH heads back into the ring shoves referee Charles Robinson out of the way.  While the ref isn't looking, Maven hits HHH with the belt for a false finish 2 count.  Triple H's sleeper is quickly reversed into Maven's own sleeper.  Triple H fights for the ropes but quickly fades to the ground.  Triple H gets his foot on the rope as his arm falls a third time to break the hold.  

Maven heads to the top and HHH pushes Robinson into the ropes to cause Maven to crotch himself.  He goes to attack but Maven fends him off.  He lands a top rope bulldog to the champ.  He goes back up this time for a cross body that Triple rolls through for  a pin attempt.  Triple H sets up the pedigree but Maven breaks free and sends Triple H off the ropes.  Maven lowers his head for back body drop and in a cool moment, Snow says, "No, too early kid!"  Triple H catches him and plants him with a pedigree for the win in 10:09.  This match told a great story, had some fun nearfalls that you could bite on because it was non title, and made Maven look good and didn't make Triple H look bad.  (*** 1/2)

We head off the air and get ready for another week of Ruthlessly Aggressive action.