Ruthless C Shows WWE Velocity 11/15/2003 & WWE Heat 11/16/2003 (Survivor Series edition)

                                                     

                   Check out the podcast with a humorous look at the week's Raw and Smackdown!                            

                                                                                Velocity!

Match #1

World's Greatest Tag Team (Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas) vs Ultimo Dragon & Funaki

Funaki teams with Kidman last week on Velocity to take on WGTT.  Kidman was injured during the match.

Haas and Funaki start out.  Haas gets a knee to the face, but Funaki battles back.  All four men enter the ring.  Dragon gets a head scissors to Shelton Benjamin. WGTT bail to the outside.  Funaki hits a baseball slide while Dragon hits a plancha.  Back in the ring, Haas blocks a top rope tornado DDT attempt from Funaki.  Benjamin sneaks in and sweeps Funaki's leg.  Haas removes Funaki's knee pad.  World's Greatest Tag Team tags in and out quickly while working over Funaki's knees.  Benjamin hooks in a single leg crab.  Benjamin has Funaki up for a Samoan drop but Funaki counters into a reverse DDT.  Funaki gets the hot tag to Dragon, who gets a leg sweep, quick kicks, tilt-a-whirl head scissors. An assai DDT attempt by Dragon, kicks Haas and transitions into a backslide of Benjamin.  Haas sets Dragon up on the top rope for Benjamin to leapfrog splash him, but Funaki intercepts him with a drop kick.  Springboard moonsault by Dragon for 2.  Funaki gets caught and chucked over the top.  Benjamin sneaks in for a super kick which Dragon sells like he is unconscious.  Haas locks in the Haas of Pain for the submission in 5:07. (***)

Match #2

Rhyno vs Kanyon

Rhyno back Kanyon into the corner and strikes are exchanged.  Crossbody by Kanyon followed by a Russian leg sweep, give him the advantage.  Kanyon heads to the top only to met with a kick to the stomach on the way down.  Rhyno hits a swinging diamond cutter.  He chokes Kanyon in the ropes until hitting a short arm clothesline and locking in a neck vise.  Kanyon fights out and gets a swinging neck breaker, drop kick, and a few clotheslines.  He follows that up with a mounted corner bulldog for a 2 count.  He tries a school boy for 2, but Rhyno beats him to his feet and crushes Kanyon with a clothesline.  He sets up in the corner and GORES Kanyon into oblivion for the win in 4:50.  (*3/4)

Match #3

Spanky & Paul London vs Bryan Danielson & John Walters

Bryan Danielson starts with Spanky.  They try to gain the advantage in a collar and elbow tie up both standing and on the mat.  Spanky gets an armbar roll through and Danielson sweeps the leg.  Spanky tries a rollup.  Danielson quickly turns a hammerlock into a forearm to the face.  He tags in John Walters.  Hammerlock by Walters until Spanky runs him into the turnbuckles.  Spanky gets the tag to London, who takes out both opponents with clotheslines, spinning heel kicks. A German suplex by Walters is thwarted as London lands on his feet.  Dropsault to John Walters.  Danielson breaks up the pinfall.  Walters and Danielson try a double suplex but Spanky pulls London to safety.  London and Walters both try some rollup attempts.  London and Spanky hit Get Well Soon (reverse STO and jumping Enzuigiri combo on Walters to get the win in 3:03 (**)

Match #4

Scotty 2 Hotty, Rikishi, and Orlando Jordan vs The Full Blooded Italians (Nunzio, Chuck Palumbo, and Johnny The Bull Stamboli)

Chuck Palumbo and Orlando Jordon start.  OJ gets some hip tosses and locks in an armbar, Palumbo clotheslines out.  He backs into the corner, for the tag to Johnny The Bull.  OJ out quicks the Bull and hits a sky high drop kick til a clothesline ends his run.  Nunzio and Scotty 2 Hotty in.  Nunzio runs into the face corner for some cheap shots, but gets punched by OJ instead and then cowers to avoid a Rikishi punch.  He turns around into a flap jack.  Nunzio tries to get to the corner, but Scotty 2 Hotty takes out all 3 of the FBI, and gets a back body drop on Nunzio.  Palumbo gets a cheap shot, and all three FBI tag in and out for corner based strikes.  Chuck Palumbo eventually gets a Samoan drop and Jordon breaks up the fall.  Palumbo sends Scotty into the corner on a hard irish whip.  While the ref is distracted, the FBI wishbones, Scotty on the ring post while Palumbo stomps him.  Scotty wiggles out of a second Samoan drop attempt from Palumbo.  Palumbo misses a corner charge and slams his shoulder into the ring post.  Hot tag to Rikishi.  He clears out The Bull with strikes, chokeslam to Nunzio, super kick to Palumbo, and DDT to the Bull for 2.  Nunzio gets an eye rake.  Palumbo misses the Whack kick has to eat an Samoan drop from an actual Samoan.  Jordan gets a top rope crossbody to the 2 larger FBI members, goes on a flurry of drop kicks, flying forearms, and Johnson shuffle to Johnny the Bull.  Nunzio breaks up the fall gets caught by Scotty 2 Hotty a bulldog.  W-O-R-M! Johnny the Bull chucks Scotty 2 Hotty out of the ring, but gets squashed in the corner by Rikishi.  During the stink face attempt, the Bull gets a low blow.  In the chaos, Chuck Palumbo gets Jordan with the Whack kick, and the Bull covers for the win in 9:27 (**3/4).  Post match, the FBI threatens a 3 on 1 beating on Scotty.  Rikishi takes out Stamboli and Palumbo.  Nunzio continues to run his mouth to Scotty until he backs into Rikishi.  Nunzio gets crushed and gets stink faced in the corner.  Palumbo pulls Nunzio to safety.  The faces hug, Mathews and Demott sell on us on Survivor Series tomorrow.  

Match #1

Only footage of this match bumped from the PPV card was poor quality so everything looked blocky like it was made in Minecraft. 

Cruiserweight Championship

Tajiri vs Jamie Noble

Noble attacks Tajiri in the aisle.  Once in the ring, Tajiri lays in strikes.  Tajiri misses a hand spring elbow but gets him in the ribs with a kick followed by a series of muy thai knees and top rope gut buster.  He locks in an abdominal stretch.  Noble escapes with a hip toss but another devastating kick brings Noble down until he gets a swinging neck breaker.  Noble unloads with quick strikes, running knee, a back elbow, and short powerslam.  Akio & Sakoda try to get involved but Noble quickly sends them out.  Tajiri attempts to mist Noble but Jamie blocks it by covering his face.  He gets a Tiger Driver power bomb for a near fall.  Noble thwarts a tarantula attempt.   He goes for a top rope tornado DDT which is spoiled by Tajiri, but Noble is able to turn it into his own tarantula.  Tajiri's minions attack again as Noble is on the top rope, delaying his dive which gives Tajiri time to strike with a mid air kick to the stomach, and immediately hit the kill kick to the head to pick up the win.  Tajiri retains his title. 

 

2025 HTPB Season Wrap up

 

Another season is in the books and someone who has never tasted glory before finally got a sip.  After a decade of wandering the desert or a quarter Moses, the Missiles have finally hit pay dirt.  This makes fellow wolf Tinker Stinkers (9 years) longest tenured current member of the league without hoisting the Big Cat.  

In other getting the monkey off the back news, Eh Big Dude snapped a decade long streak without a playoff victory and Bay-Bay's got their first ever playoff win.  The longest streak without winning when it was all on the line now belongs to ODS, who hasn't picked up a win since 2017.  The longest streak without making money from the league belongs to Tinker Stinkers who have donated to the general good every year in their franchises existence.  

QB Josh Allen

WR Puka Nacua

WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba

RB Christian McCaffery

TE Trey McBride

RB Johnathan Taylor

RB Bijan Robinson

K Josh Myers

Def Seattle

RM with a impressive 4 position leaders.

Start scouting your opponent now as here are your week 1 games and your double up opponent. 

BG vs TC

IS vs BL

BNE vs $$

SMBR vs TS

ODS vs HC

BB vs LZ

RM vs EBD

See you at my house in August!

2025/26 Bowl Beverage Boogaloo: College Bowl Game Preview Silliness

                                                                 

Sat Dec 13 8pm ABC

It's the fifth and FINAL Bucked Up La Bowl hosted by Gronk features the Mountain West Champions Boise State Broncos 9-4 (6-2)in their final season in the conference before heading to the Pac next season.  Everything is ending! What's the point anymore!! Why even bother?  We continue to strive forward because the gol derned Washington Huskies went 8-4 (5-4) in the stupid bloated Big Ten and some supplement company for douche bags called Bucked Up paid for it.  Their website has tons of asterisk next to every claim for their products which mean they are good because stars are good.  Washington is favored by 10.

Tuesday Dec 16 9:00 ESPN 

It's the 12th IS4S Salute to Veterans Bowl! Formerly the Camellia Bowl which didn't give a shit about Stewart and his service.  It's the Southern Based Runner Up Conferences Bowl as the Sun Belt's Troy Trojans 8-5 (6-2) battle Conference USA Jacksonville State Gamecocks 8-5 (7-1).  IS4S is a company that sells military grade tech to anybody with the money but don't worry, their slogan is Ethics Over Profit.  It gives off the vibes of somebody saying there is nothing to worry about so now that makes you worry, because why are they saying that shit.  Troy are -2.5 favorites.  

Wednesday Dec 17 5:00 PM ESPN

It's the 11th Staff DNA Cure Bowl!  The South Florida Bulls 9-3 (6-2, 4th American) battle the Old Dominion Monarchs 9-3 (6-2, 2nd Sun Belt West) Staff DNA is a company that helps other companies hire medical professionals, so keep this in mind Jason, for your in home nursing needs after your third pork based coronary.  So let's watch the Cure Bowl and stomp out cancer and gamble.  Two things I'm passionate about.  Cancer bad, betting good.  South Florida is a -3.5 favorite and next year's head coach, Canton's own Brian Hartline will probably be shown at least one time.

Wednesday Dec 17 8:30 ESPN

It's the 27th 68 Ventures Bowl, the Delaware Fightin' Blue Hens are in their first bowl game ever after being granted bowl eligibility their first year because there were not enough 6-6 teams, after a 4-4 7th place finish in Conference USA.  They will battle 6-6 (5-3, 3rd Sun Belt West) Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns whoa are 3 point favorites.  I've 68 problems but the 68 Ventures Bowl ain't one.  68 Ventures appears to be an investment company of some kind but they invest in your Gulf of Mexico coast area business not the other way around.  Their website makes them feel like they would be a shadowy company that was playing God in some weird 2007 Tom Cruise movie.  Go ahead google it. 

Thursday December 18 9:00 ESPN2

It's the first ever Xbox Bowl!  That's history my friends.  Tell your kids that got to see the Arkansas State Red Wolves (6-6, 5-3 4th in the Sun Belt West) are favored by 1.5 over the Missouri State Bears (7-5, 5-3 4th in Conference USA) It's also the first bowl game for Missouri State.  More first times than a prom night! I personally have never owned an Xbox, heck I think I've only played one a handful of times.  I've been a PlayStation guy.  It's played in the Dallas Cowboys practice field so I can't wait to see the crowd shots of a row of bleachers.  

Friday December 19th 11:00 AM ESPN

It's the 6th Myrtle Beach Bowl powered by Engine!  The Kennesaw State Owls who were runners up in Conference USA 10-3 (7-1) will battle the MAC champion Western Michigan Broncos 9-4 (7-1) on the blue turf.  This game has it all, blue turf, MACtion, a conference champion, a company that reimagines corporate travel, and Sidney Applebaum!  The Broncos are a 3.5 favorite.

Friday December 19th 2:30 ESPN

It's the 17th Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl, the longest running pirate based bowl in the Western Florida area!   The Memphis Tigers finished 6th in the American conference 8-4 (4-4) will battle the North Carolina State Wolfpack 7-5 (4-4).  NC State is favored by 4.5 for this ancient rivalry between cats and dogs.  Gaspiralla is a mythical pirate of the Gulf of Mexico and not a very real burro pirate of South of Canton like Big E.  

Don't care about this game, it's not even named anything.  It's an SEC battle between a team somehow ranked #8 in the country while finishing 6th in their conference, the Oklahoma Sooners 10-3 (6-2) will host the #9 Alabama Crimson Tide who went 10-2 (7-1).  Alabama is a -1.5 favorite. 

Then on Saturday at noon on ABC it's the Miami Hurricanes (10-2) giving 3 points at the Texas AM Aggies

Also the Tulane Green Wave are a 17.5 point underdog to the Ole Miss Rebels on Saturday at 3:30 on TNT

James Madison Dukes have to overcome a 21 point spread when they travel to the Oregon Ducks.

Honestly who cares about any of this.  

Monday December 22nd 2:00 ESPN

It's the 29th Famous Idaho Potato Bowl! Finally enough of those stupid playoff games.  This is what we want, a battle of 6-6 Washington State Cougars who won the Pac-12 by winning the only game the league has over Oregon State against the third best team in Utah, the Utah State Aggies 6-6 (4-4) who finished 6th in the Mountain West before jumping to the PAC-12 next season.  Got all that?  Well this game is played on blue turf usually in snow and whipping winds.  Utah State is favorite by 1.5 points.  What's your favorite baked potato topping?  Probably going to have to go with butter slightly over sour cream.  

Tuesday December 23rd 2:00 ESPN

It's the 12th Boca Raton Bowl but the first "of Beans" edition!  We've got the Toledo Rockets 8-4 (6-2) good for 4th place in the MAC going head to head with the Louisville Cardinals 8-4 (4-4) 7th in the ACC.  I have never made baked beans myself, I have always used canned, but I think I might for this game, I'm off this day and what better way to enjoy a game on the campus of Florida Atlantic.  Louisville are -6.5 favorites. 

Tuesday December 23rd 5:30 ESPN

It's the 25th New Orleans Bowl! We are going to have a super time in the New Orleans Super Dome.  The Western Kentucky Hilltoppers are favored by -2.5, 8-4 (6-2) good for third in Conference USA will face the Southern Miss Golden Miss 7-5 (5-3) #2 in the Sun Belt West.  Maybe we can get some beads because despite having lots of member of BBB having breasts, it's all dudes. 

Tuesday December 23rd 9:00 ESPN

It's the 8th Frisco Bowl!  The University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels went 10-3 (6-2) were 2nd in the Mountain West are -6.5 favorites battle the Ohio Bobcats 8-4 (6-2) 3rd place in MAC.  Ohio just fired their coach, Brian Smith,  for being drunk at team functions and having a bit of the in out in out with a student.  Luckily interim coach John Hauser, the Frisco Bowl is sponsored by Scooter's Coffee and not Scooter's Bourbon and student banging.  Enjoy the only bowl game ever won by Kent State!

   Wednesday Dec 24 8:00 ESPN

It's the 22nd Sheraton Hawaii Bowl! The Christmas tradition of putting the game on while trying to assemble a toy on Christmas Eve or being disappointed in what a lazy turd lives in your basement continues. Max knows what I'm taking about.  You can stay at the Honolulu Sheraton for as little as $311 on Christmas Eve if you want a viewless room with a queen bed.  And who needs a view when your eyes will be glued to the TV. This year features the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors 8-4 (5-3) 6th in the Mountain West taking on the California Golden Bears 7-5 (4-4) 10th in the ACC.  So put the gifts under the tree and grab an adult beverage and enjoy the show.  Can Hawaii cover the -1.5 spread?  Will you be just as surprised as the kids when the gifts are opened? 

Friday December 26th 1:00 ESPN

It's the 11th GameAbove Sports Bowl! We have our second mysterious Tom Cruise mid-00's sketchy company sponsor.  This one is about charity in sports or something but please go to their website with the weird ominous fog.  Central Michigan Chippewas went 7-5 (6-3) finished 5th in the MAC and will try to cover a 10.5 spread against the Northwestern Wildcats 6-6 (4-5) 11th in the Big Ten.  So after getting to spend their Christmas in lovely Detroit, you know this teams will be playing angry.  

Friday December 26th 4:30 ESPN

It's the 36th Rate Bowl!  The New Mexico Lobos went 9-3 (6-2), they were in a four way tie for first in the Mountain West (4th via tie breaker).  It's their first bowl game in 9 years!  Despite all this, they are 1.5 point dogs to the Minnesota Golden Gophers 7-5 (5-4), who finished 9th in the Big Ten.  The Rate Bowl is a good time as it's the always crowd pleasing converted baseball stadium, being played in Chase Field home of the Arizona Diamondbacks.  So refinance your mortgage and enjoy the first ever meeting between these schools.  

Friday December 26th 8:00 ESPN

I know I'll be one of the First Responders to the 16th Servpro F1rst Responder Bowl!  The Florida International Panthers 7-5 (5-3) 5th in conference USA, tangle firehoses with the University of Texas San Antonio Roadrunners 6-6 (4-4) 8th in Conference USA.  When the villagers come to Big E's house with pitch forks and torches to burn his house down, because of his Frankesteinesque melon, he can call the professionals down at Servpro to take care of the fire damage.  Can the Roadrunners out pace the Panthers by the -6 points they are favored by?  Doubtful as a coyote's top speed is faster than a roadrunner, so bite it, Mel Blanc.

 Saturday December 27th 11:00 ESPN

It's the 16th Go Bowling Military Bowl!  The Go Bowling Military Bowl is played at Navy's stadium, but isn't featuring one of the service academy teams and only has 3 times and never Air Force.  Have you ever wondered why the Air Force team is usually not as good as Army or Navy?  I have.  The Pittsburgh Panthers 8-4(6-2) placed 6th in the ACC are tangling with the East Carolina Pirates 8-4 (6-2) who finished 5th in the American. The Panthers are a 10 point favorite.  Go Bowling appears to be a network where you can look up your nearest bowling alley if you are afraid of google.  Bowling: still a fun, inexpensive night out for the family.  

Saturday December 27th 12:00 ABC

It's the 15th Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl!  According to Luis Fernandez of the ground crew at Yankee Stadium, it takes about 2.5 hours to mow the outfield with the patterns at Yankee Stadium.  It will take about 3.5 hours for the Penn State Nittany Lions 6-6 (3-6) 13th in the Big Ten to face the Clemson Tigers 7-5 (4-4) 11th in the ACC in that very outfield.  The Clemson Tigers are a 3 point favorite, but the real favorite is getting to watch a game at Yankee Stadium without having to watch the stupid Yankees.  It is the first time you can rock the double screen action this bowl season!

Saturday December 27th 2:15 ESPN

It's the 4th Fenway Bowl!  In true Yankees/Red Sox fashion the two bowl games being played in the opposing stadiums go head to head.  The UConn Huskies lost their coach after a 9-3 season (Ind) and will try to take a win from the Army Black Knights, 6-6 (4-4) who finished 7th in the American.  Wasabi is a actually a cloud service storage and not a Japanese style of cooking.  But that doesn't mean you can't store your wasabi recipes on Wasabi cloud services.  Army are 9.5 favorites.

Saturday December 27th 3:30 ABC

It's the 36th Pop-Tarts Bowl!  It's the most fun you can have with your pants on!  The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (9-3 6-2) 4th in the ACC take on the 11-2 (8-1) BYU Cougars who finished 2nd in the Big 12.  This game has it all, edible mascots, a trophy that has a working toaster in it, and last year they brought back the zombie corpse of the previous year's mascot! BYU are -3.5 point favorites but this game should be yours.  Mormons can eat pop tarts but eating one would violate the Word of Wisdom as they are not healthy so turn the other way Mr. Young!

Saturday, December 27th 4:30 CW

It's the 10th Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl presented by Gin & Juice. It's our first game on a network not owned by Disney.  Suck it Mickey, this game belongs to Michigan J Frog.  The Fresno State Bulldogs 8-4 (5-3) 5th in the Mountain West look to drop it like it's hot against the Miami Redhawks 7-6 (6-2) runners up in the MAC.  With a payout of $350,000 per team, both squads will have their mind on their money and their money on their mind.  The dogs are fittingly -5.5 favorites.   

Saturday December 27th 5:45 ESPN

It's the 20th Isleta New Mexico Bowl!  The 11-2 (7-1) North Texas Mean Green runners up in the American take on the San Diego State Aztecs (9-3) 6-2 good for 3rd in the Mountain West.  The Aztecs are led by Sean Lewis former Kent State coach who I go full Wolverine holding the picture meme on.   Isleta is a New Mexican Native American Casino, which does have a sports book run by MGM.  The line for this game is North Texas by 6.5.

Saturday December 27th 7:30 abc

It's the 81st Taxslayer Gator Bowl!  The ACC runner ups the Virginia Cavaliers (10-3 7-1) will duel the Missouri Tigers 8-4 (4-4) good for 8th in the SEC.  The income tax was used during the Civil War and then was introduced in the 1890's.  It was deemed unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in Pollock vs Farmer's Loan & Trust.  The income tax was then reinstated with the 16th amendment in 1913.  So place a huge bet on the line of Missouri -4 because your income tax return in right around the corner.  

Saturday December 27th 9:15 ESPN 

It's the 19th Kinder's Texas Bowl!  The Houston Cougars 9-3 (6-3) 4th in the Big 12,  take on the Louisiana State Tigers 7-5 (3-5) 10th in the SEC.  Kinder's is a brand of barbeque sauce which Jason might enjoy using, and has nothing to do with Kindergarten which was the last year of school that Jason enjoyed before they added all that pesky reading.  So cap off a lovely jam packed day of sponsored college football and see if Houston can cover the 1.5 spread. 

Monday December 29th  ESPN 2:00

It's the 19th JLab Birmingham Bowl!  JLab is not a white rapper, but in fact a wireless ear bud.  Seems affordable, as they are all below $100.  The Appalachian State Moutaineers got invited to a bowl despite a 5-7 record (2-6) 6th in the Sun Belt East, thanks to their high graduation rate.  Good job getting degrees and not just putting off adulthood for a few years in exchange for CTE.  They will tussle with the Georgia Southern Eagles 6-6 (4-4) who finished 4th in the Sun Belt East.  It's a good old fashioned Sun Belt East rematch, now that's sexy.  Georgia Southern won 25-23 on November 6th at App State.  That lack of home field advance has App State dropping down to a 7.5 underdog.  

Tuesday December 30th 2:00 ESPN

It's the 49th Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl!  Radiance Technologies legitimately sells spy stuff to "intelligence communities".  Why the heck does this company need to advertise?  I assume the CIA knows about them.  If not are they trying to get Dan to notice in Canada?  That way he can spy on America?  Or the Ruskies?  I feel like the average person just enjoying a game between the 7-5 (5-3) Louisiana Tech Bulldogs 6th in Conference USA battle the 6-6 (5-3) Coastal Carolina Chanticleers 3rd in the Sun Belt East, and maybe has a little cheddar on the Bulldogs to cover as 6.5 point favorites should not have access to this technology.  

Tuesday December 30th 5:30 ESPN

It's the 27th Liberty Mutual Music City Bowl!  The bachelorette parties will be loving this matchup between the Tennessee Volunteers 8-4 (4-4) 8th in the SEC against the Illinois Fighting Illini 8-4 (5-4) 8th in the Big Ten.  They can also get wedding insurance in case the groom bails on their ass, for only $160 through certain independent Liberty agents. You can either spend that $160 to get back your flower money when your man runs off with his secretary, or you can bet the Volunteers to cover the -2.5 point spread.  The choice is yours ladies.  

Tuesday December 30th 9:00 ESPN

It's the 33rd Valero Alamo Bowl!  This one feels like it's be around longer or is it just me?  The University of Southern California Trojans 9-3 (7-2) 4th in the Big Ten, will square off against the Texas Christian Horned Frogs  8-4 (5-4) 8th in the Big 12.  Somehow USC are 6.5 favorites when oil based lubricants shouldn't be used with Trojans as it can break down the lubricants.  So tread lightly as imagine Valero will have oil all over the Alamodome. 

Wednesday December 31st 12:00 ESPN

It's the 40th Reliaquest Bowl!  You no longer get a free bloomin onion with ReliaQuest sponsoring this bowl now.  You don't even get free cybersecurity so click those Ukrainian brides links carefully, Jason.  The Vanderbilt Commandores 10-2 (6-2) 7th in the SEC hope to take the victory to the Brick House as a 5.5 favorite over the Iowa Hawkeyes 8-4 (6-3) 6th in the Big Ten. Iowa is tied with Michigan with 7 for the most appearances in this game's history and hopes to break the tie with South Carolina (4) for most wins. 

Wednesday December 31st 2:00 CBS

It's the 92nd Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl!  This game is old but not as old as the oldest cereal based trademarked mascot, Larry the Quaker Oats man, from the 1870s.  The oldest cartoon based cereal mascots are Snap, Crackle, and Pop created in 1933.  For a good time look up Sunny Jim on Force Wheat Flakes gracing your boxes starting in 1902.  The Sun Bowl, which is a beautiful stadium built into a desert mountain, will host devil on devil hot action, which don't google at work, as the Arizona State Sun Devils 8-4 (6-3) 6th in the Big 12 take on the Duke Blue Devils 8-5 (6-2) the champions of the ACC.  The Beelzebub's in blue are 3 point favorites.  

Wednesday December 31st 3:00 abc

It's the 80th Cheez-It Bowl! As the Michigan Wolverines 9-3 (7-2) 5th in the Big Ten and interim coach Biff Poggi which is a real name, will face off with the Texas Longhorns 9-3 (6-2) 5th in the SEC.  Had Michigan coach Sherrone Moore spent more time eating delicious baked cheese crackers, he would still be on the sidelines.  But don't worry Coach Moore, because Texas Coach Steve Sarkisian got fired from USC for being a drunk so maybe you can survive trying to put your penis all over the place.  Texas are 7 point favorites, no word on when or if Cheese Nips will get into the bowl business but we wait with cheese baited breath.  

Wednesday December 31st 3:30 ESPN

It's the 33rd SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl! The Nebraska Cornhuskers 7-5 (4-5) 10th in the Big Ten will roll the dice against the Utah Utes 10-2 (7-2) 3rd in the Big 12.  SRS Distribution sells building supplies. A brand new home on average costs about 300k to build in Lincoln, Nebraska, while a new home in Salt Lake City will run you about 590k.  So if you want to build a brand new house using SRS Distribution you better bet big on the spread of Utah -14.  

Wednesday December 31st 7:30 ESPN

It's the 90th Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic!  Finally the playoff gets real, not because Ohio State is playing you homer ass bitches.  Because this game has a sponsor so you know it matters. Goodyear's logo is the winged foot of Mercury.  He is the god of boundaries, commerce, communication (including divination), eloquence, financial gain, languages, luck, thieves, travelers, and trickery; he is also the guide of souls to the underworld.  That's a lot of stuff to be the god of. What have you done today?  Just going to sit around and root for a school you didn't even do to? Think they'll cover the 10 point spread?  The Ohio State Buckeyes 12-1 (9-0) Big Ten runners up face of against the Miami Hurricanes now 11-2, scroll up if you want to see the rest. 

Thursday January 1st 12:00 ESPN

It's the 92nd Capital One Orange Bowl!  The CFP continues with Oregon Ducks 12-1 (8-1), 3rd in the Big Ten takes on the Texas Tech Red Raiders 12-1 (8-1) champions of the Big 12.  What's in your wallet?  Not as much as these squads as they each make 4 million just for showing up.  Maybe you can get close if you bet the spread of Oregon -2.5.

Thursday January 1st 4:00 ESPN

It's the 112th Rose Bowl Game presented my Prudential Insurance.  Fun fact about Prudential as they are my first memory of a sponsored sporting event as the Sunday NBA on NBC was presented by Prudentual, The Rock and our hosts Bob Costas and Pat Riley.  I lived for that game every week.  This game you say?  It's the Alabama Crimson Tide 11-3 will battle Indiana Hoosiers 13-0 (9-0) Big Ten champions.  In a line that would break the brains of any time traveler, the Hoosiers are favored by 7.

Thursday January 1st 8:00 ESPN

It's the 92nd Allstate Sugar Bowl You're in good hands with All-State which protects you from mayhem, like filling your hands with sugar.  The average human can hold about 1 cup of loose granulated sugar in their hands.  But good luck not making a mess with that, am I right?  Maybe the Georgia Bulldogs 12-1 (7-1) SEC champs will make a mess of the Ole Miss Running Rebels, since they beat them in the regular season are favored by 6. 

Friday January 2nd 1:00 ESPN

It's the 23rd Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl!  For the second time this bowl season, we have a bowl games named after the our troops that doesn't have one of the service academies playing in it but being played on the same day as one of the service academies bowl games.  Got all that?  This one features the Texas State Bobcats 6-6 (3-5) 5th in the Sun Belt West take on the good graduation rate having Rice Owls 5-7 (2-6) 11th in the American. Since 2014, I have complained about Lockheed Martin sponsoring this bowl.  Lockheed Martin makes weapons of war.  Their only customer is the United States, all of their revenue comes from our taxes.  Some of that tax revenue is being spent to sponsor this bowl, to advertise to their only customer who knows they exist, the United States government.  Either way Texas State by -14 is the line.

Friday January 2nd 4:30 ESPN

It's the 67th AutoZone Liberty Bowl!  The Cincinnati Bearcats 7-5 (5-4) 9th in the Big 12 are getting into the zone against the Navy Midshipmen 10-2 (7-1) in the American.  This bowl benefits St. Jude research hospital so get ready to have your heart strings tugged at with kids with hair loss who need medical help not kids with hair loss who need help in fantasy football.  Navy are -7 point favorites, just like Blue Gatorade is the favorite to win toiletries again.  Cue Max talking about how he does well in a bunch of JV leagues that nobody gives a shit about and don't have a professional journalist covering weekly. So give be the AutoZone Liberty Bowl or give me death!

Friday January 2nd 8:00 Fox

It's the Trust & Will 46th Holiday Bowl!  The  9-3 (6-3) Arizona Wildcats, 5th in the Big 12 will take on the Southern Methodist University Mustangs 8-4 (6-2), 5th in the ACC.  If you thought about killing yourself after spending some much time with your family during the holidays but don't want to leave them destitute.  Then you should contact The Trust & Will Company and gets your affairs in order.  Maybe you want your extended family have to spend the night in a murder house in order to inherit your meat smoker, maybe you want to leave your syrup your little mountie.  Whatever your needs, Trust & Will Company have you covered.  Anyhoo, moving on from the reality that all of time on Earth is finite to the fact that the Wildcats are favored by 3. 

Friday January 2nd 8:00 ESPN

It's the 24th Duke's Mayo Bowl! The mayonnaise packets are in Charlotte, North Carolina, sir.  Why choose Duke's Mayo above all other mayo's  you ask? Duke's Mayo uses more egg yolks and apple cider vinegar. Duke also doesn't use sugar in his signature condiment.   Also kudos to 

the Wake Forest Demon Deacons 8-4 (4-4) 8th in the ACC and Mississippi State Bulldogs 5-7 (1-7) 15th in the 

SEC.  That's right a team with one conference win is going bowling!  But who cares, it's all about the post game Mayo 

bath for the winning coach, anyhow. Mississippi State coach Jeff Lebby is a 3 point favorite to swimming in mayo.  

Thursday January 8th 7:30 ESPN

It's the 55th VRBO Fiesta Bowl! VRBO is a home/room rental service.  How much are places in Glendale the night of the Fiesta Bowl?  There isn't single one. There are some in nearby Pheonix, but you can't get anything Glendale.  So if you want to stagger home intoxicated after watching the semifinal game between the Miami Hurricanes and the Ole Miss Rebels, well best get an UBER but UBER didn't sponsor any bowls games so they can go straight to hell.  I'll have to drunk and probably kill someone, all thanks to your lack of availability VRBO.  I'm sure I could have gotten a Tostito within walking distance.  Miami are 3 point favorites.  

Friday January 9th 7:30 ESPN

It's the 58th Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl!  There is a full Chick-Fil-A restaurant in the Mercedes Benz Stadium, home of the Atlanta Falcons.  Problem is, Chick-Fil-A are closed on Sundays, the day the Falcons most frequently play.  So the Chick-Fil-A in the stadium was open for 2 Falcons Monday night home games, 6 FIFA cup games it hosted, 14 MLS Atlanta United non Sunday home games, the SEC championship, Georgia vs Georgia Tech, an AC/DC concert, and an Ed Sherran concert.  That's not a lot of dates to run a restaurant.  So enjoy getting your in stadium Chick-Fil-A while Indiana and Oregon battle in a rematch won by Indiana.  The Hoosiers are favored by 4 to win again.  

How is this game not sponsored?  You know the teams in it, It's Monday, Jason already won.  But we here at BBB, finish the job.  

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